not very many of the people who follow me now know me at all. i haven't posted to (or been on) this blog in over a year. i started out blogging about my eating disorder, my recovery, and then the struggles in my recovery. i regret some of the posts i made that have the highest level of notes; in retrospect, they almost romanticize, glorify, or excuse eating disordered behavior.
i have two and a half years of recovery under my belt. not "recovery," where my eating disorder is still hanging around but i'm functioning, but almost entirely behavior-free recovery. i have gone through some of the best times of my life and some of the worst in the past two years. when i chose to leave school to go to treatment, i had no idea what kind of journey lay ahead of me.
recovery is something that genuinely happens and that is entirely worth it. do not settle for a life that is half-living because you are too afraid to fully give up your eating disorder. do not settle for only using behaviors x times this week, so it's okay. do not settle for a half-assed recovery. being in those places is normal and okay at some point in your recovery - i just hope that you all find a way to move past it and continue to grow and change. staying stagnant is just a way to backslide.
i was more depressed than i have been in my entire life the past six or seven months (mostly due to medication and some personal circumstances), and i never once thought i would be better off if i were thinner, if i were exercising, if i were eating less, if i were doing any of the shit i used to do. my eating disorder literally has no hold over me anymore. and for anyone out there that is struggling, i want you to know that this happens. if you make the decision to let go, it eventually will leave you alone for the most part.
i'm not going to post on this blog again. i won't log in to this blog, check its messages, anything. i don't involve myself in the eating disorder world anymore. it isn't where i belong. it isn't where you belong either. please don't reblog the posts i've made that are almost glorifying or excusing of eating disorder behaviors. please love yourself and surround yourself with positive things, healthy people, and a safe environment. most importantly, please learn to love yourself. there is a life after your eating disorder; don't waste any more time holding onto your illness when your future is waiting for you.
