Am I Vegetarian?
Nope! I am not a vegetarian at all. I just borrowed this term to simplify my eating habit, which actually falls under this category, especially vegetarian lactovo. How come? Simple! I do not eat meat, chicken, and fish. However, I still eat some products of dairy and egg, though I canāt stand to drink fresh milk and egg directly. I never have the intention (at least till now) to be a vegetarian; either to have a healthy life or to save animals. Yet, I would not deny if my eating habit has a (small) contribution to saving animalās life and shaping my healthy life (or so I wish).
I have a selfish reason for my choice of diet. I am just so picky about eating, and I only have small variant menu till now. I can name the food I like and I eat because mostly I will eat the same menu from day to another day. If I have to build arguments why I become so picky, here I elaborate some reasons and how it starts, though some of them might not make sense at all.
I lived in a small village and my family own gardens and some farms (lands) that provided me with a bunch of vegetables I needed for surviving my days. It did not have many varieties, but as I said earlier, I really did not mind to eat the same menu for many days. I would not get bored. We grew rice by ourselves and we had vegetables and fruits in our backyard. Some of them were cassava, spinach, coconuts, papaya, sweet potatoes, nuts, corns, green beans, and many more. It was also easy for me to find the perfect seasoning for the vegetables. Therefore, I filled most of my days eating those vegetables available close to my house. Then, I got used to eating the same menu days by days and my tongue did not get chances to taste a lot of variety food. I felt enough with what I had.
I was raised in an ordinary family (not a rich one, with just-enough earnings). I did not wish too much for the foods, as long as my stomach was filled with something, I was already grateful for that. Chicken and meat were something luxuries to eat. So, mostly I had tempeh and tofu for my protein. And again, I ate that every day. Tempeh and tofu were so cheap in my country. I did not mind to eat only with tempeh without vegetable, or rice with vegetable only, or rice with noodle, or even worse when we had nothing, I was really ok to eat rice with sambal and cracker. Sometimes, I also ate rice with cooked spicy coconut milk. I did not complain because it was still tasty and cast my hunger away. I would complain if I got meat for my meals.
My family raised chicken as well actually along with other livestock. Somehow, I treated them as my pets, like I brought my rabbit to my bedroom. I talked to them when I was lonely or when I had an abstract imagination of fairy tale. I remembered that the animals in the tv could talk, so sometimes I checked if they really could talk. When I was in elementary school, my father sold most of the livestock because he could no longer manage his time to take care of them and the farms. So, only chicken stayed because we needed them (read: cooked them and served as part of cultural ceremony/rituals). When I was so so young, I saw my uncle slaughtered the rooster because we needed that to be cooked. I did not like to see an animal being slaughtered and at that time I happened to witness it. It was disgusting and I felt sad and wanted to cry a lot. I did not like to see the rooster was flying like a crazy one while his neck was bleeding then eventually it was dead. It was a nightmare, really. Every time I saw my animal dead, I cried (or sometimes pretended to be tough but crying inside). I also remembered the time when my duck was dead because he was trapped on the fence. I realise I was a bit mad when I was a child to think that animals were my friends; playing with them, talking to them, eating side by side, and always buried them when they are dead. My unconscious mind might influence me not to eat meat or chicken because I felt the trauma (maybe).
Another crazy reason. Whenever I saw a butcher cut the meat into some pieces using their big knife, I felt goosebumps and started imagining the worst scenario. I always thought how if those meats were not animal but human. How could they cut it so easily? It made my body so painful, thinking my arms and legs being cut. Therefore, till now I tried to avoid seeing butchers or even seeing other people cut meats/chicken. I could not handle not to think about āhuman fleshā. Well, it is just my imagination. I should control my mind better. (have you watched anime named Silver Spoon? I need to control my mind like Hachiken did)
Then, here is the most logical reason. I do not like the smell and the taste of meat, chicken, fish, and egg. I could tell in any food if there are those ingredients and I will vomit whenever I eat it. The egg is different somehow. I still can eat it when it no longer has the smell, taste, and form of meat. I mean, I could not eat fried rice with egg, or any snacks with egg-filling. However, I could eat cake even though it uses eggs. Yet, the smell and the taste are no longer there due to the other ingredients. See! I am just a super picky eater.
Well, for now, those are the reasons I could come up with. I do not know how long I could stand like this. Actually, now I am thinking to train myself to eat fish. I tried to find a way to cheat my mind and tongue to be able to eat that. I am working on it. However, there might be a possibility that I will continue my journey to be real vegetarian or even vegan when I find the perfect reason.
I am grateful that I live in this country because I can easily eat the foods I like with cheap price, though sometimes I feel a little frustrated since not every restaurant has a vegetarian menu. Worse case, some of them do not know what vegetarian mean.
I also had a year living in Scotland and I had the privilege to experience how to be vegetarian in a modern country. At first, I thought it would be difficult because mostly they served meat as a main meal, and obviously they did not have tempeh like in Indonesia. However, things turned out different than I imagined. Vegetarian menu was almost everywhere, even when there was none, I could easily ask to get a vegetarian menu (a special one). They did understand the customer needs.
The negative point was that being vegetarian cost more compared to the normal person. I meant the price of a vegetarian burger was higher than a normal burger with meat. So, I felt a little bit upset that I could not save money like I did back home. I guessed it happened because being vegetarian is a lifestyle there, so the price is also worth for the food. Again, I was grateful to label myself as vegetarian because I did not need to think too much whether the food was halal/haram because I did not eat meat. And when I asked for vegan one, it would not contain any animal ingredients. Though, I still needed to be careful just in case they put wine on my meal (LOL). The people there were friendly and respected the customers. Therefore, when they knew I am Moslem (due to my hijab), they would tell me if the food was haram and suggested another choice available to me. How kind they were. Now, I do miss Scotland so much.
