Already, I’m so lonesome I could die…
Disturbed? Disturbing. Kaidan is an awfully disturbing place. No sir, I don’t dig it. I don’t dig it at all.
The funny thing is, first Gozen, then Inbeda–they both spell my name wrong, they both spell my name the same (wrong) way, and they both have mistaken me for Illuminati. Inbeda went so far as to pass along a list of tenderly uttered “sweet nothings” intended for one of the Illuminati handlers, naturally via the long-suffering Kan’ami:
“The Master also wishes to convey to you, Mister ‘Ayscough’, a message for your superior,” he told me–in perfect Faroese, to boot!
“Oh?” I perked. At the time, I actually believed that Sonnac was attempting to knot up some friendly ties with the House-in-Exile. Could Kan’ami be the face of the New Templars?
“Yes. And it would behoove you to convey this with expediency, or at least something resembling it.”
“Please let Miss Geary know that in addition to his previously expressed desire of…” Inbeda moistened his brow with a veiny swath of oily pink tongue. With terrible relish. “…hurdling her girdle, my master would also like to let her know that he would like to do slam dunks in her swimming trunks.”
Yes. I know. But A 7′-8′ demon from Actual Hell wearing a tiger-print bathrobe and solid gold headphones isn’t the sort of chap you correct. I merely nodded politely and reassured him that KG would receive her message with the requisite gusto.
And she did, as verbatim as I could manage while keeping my sanity intact.
A fortnight later, I received the following postcard in my own postbox:
…but I decided to end my role as the go-between for this postal imbroglio. It was getting a little too disturbing, even for me.