Thursday, 7:53am.
The morning is starting slow. Your alarm has gone off four or five times, dreading you out of a bleary comfort your pillows and duvet have afforded you. You have to get up, you have to put your feet on the floor and stand. You have thirty minutes to get presentable and leave before you're late for work. You have the same routine every morning, yet somehow you forget to take your meds three times before you finally remember. The aching dread that comes at the end of the week has begun to settle over you; you're less focused, drawn to scrolling on your phone while you bluster through your morning routine hazardously. You stayed up too late last night, you're regretting your decision. You don't want to go to work today, but you can't call in. Typical Thursday.
8:37am
You're running a little behind, but if you're lucky and don't hit too much traffic, you should be able to make it to work on time. You managed to make yourself a coffee and microwave breakfast burrito to eat on the way in. Your stomach growls and saliva pools under your tongue. You didn't eat quickly enough after taking your meds, the nausea starts to kick in. You cough a few times, swallow your spit down and pray. You force yourself to take a few large sips of your coffee, hoping that the calories from the creamer will be enough to settle your stomach. You start your car and take a bite of the burrito. It's the end bit, so it's mostly tortilla and a bit of egg. You try not to be disappointed as you back out of your parking spot and begin off to work.
8:58am
You're just in time for work. You won't have time to make it to your computer before 9:00, but you're on company property so you can clock in on your phone. You let yourself sit for a second before going inside. You're feeling restless; it's just anxiety about being late, your boss has been in a bad mood lately and you don't want to upset him. Your music on the way in was too loud, but the silence was even worse. Your breakfast burrito didn't actually heat through all the way and turned you off from the idea of eating entirely. Your coffee is too sweet, you poured too much creamer into it this morning, but you'll survive. You feel off, but you convince yourself that's just because you're tired.
12:23pm
You're exhausted, and you blame it on the stupid burrito. Your boring office job is exactly that, boring, but spending the day at a computer answering emails and redirecting phone calls was better than physical labor on days like today. Your stomach has been grumbling all day, but you're not really hungry, nothing sounds particularly good. You had a sleeve of graham crackers in your drawer at work, you've had a few this morning. They're good dipped in coffee, but both are rather dehydrating. Your favorite coworker came in with a big gulp full of nugget ice and gave you half. The cold water has been nice, but it's done little to solve how dry your mouth has been. You've made a cup of ramen for lunch, you're hoping that the warm and the salt will help you get through. Cup noodles aren't exactly your ideal lunch, but it's the least amount of effort and the least amount of chewing you can do, so you settle for it. You manage about half before your lunch break is over and you bin the remains.
2:00pm
You hate this meeting. You hate this meeting so much. This is the most this could have been an email meeting you've ever attended in your entire life. It's virtual, which is good you suppose because that restlessness from this morning is back. You can look composed on camera, but your feet are tapping and you're not sure what exactly is wrong. You're thankful that you don't have to do much talking in this meeting, but the ramen did little to fix the dry mouth situation. If anything all the sodium bloated you. You've been to the bathroom three times trying to get rid of some of it, but all the liquid remains sloshing around in your stomach. You stifle a burp behind your fist and try to concentrate.
4:45pm
Your boss left fifteen minutes ago, so you're going to leave fifteen minutes early. The sloshing in your stomach hasn't gone away, and you're too embarrassed to ask a coworker for antacid. You want to get out of here early, try to get home before the traffic gets too horrible. You just want to go lie down.
5:20pm
You toe your shoes off as you lean against your door because you know that if you bent over right now you might be sick. The last ten minutes of your drive have been stressful, your stomach hasn't been enjoying the stop and go of traffic. You've been trying to keep it settled with breathing and small sips of your cold water, but your burps have been getting wetter and wetter. The three flights of stairs up to your apartment have done little to settle your stomach, and you are so thankful that you've made it home before getting any worse. You make your way to your bedroom and get out of your uncomfortable work clothes in exchange for your largest and most comfortable pajamas. You feel another burp ripple up through your chest, but your hand springs to your mouth when your stomach heaves. The back of your throat is cold, water unsettled from the drive home. You know things aren't going to get better, you make your way to the bathroom.
You settle onto the bathroom floor, a shiver running up your spine as you lift the toilet seat lid up. You run your hand over your bloated stomach and the groan that leaves your mouth is involuntary. You burp once, twice, three times. They're wet, but have no power. Your stomach gurgles under your hand, that shiver returns. You burp again, deeper this time. You're nearly sick, but nothing more than some spit comes out. You wonder how long it will be before your stomach finally gives way. The restlessness has not left you all afternoon, you know you need to stay planted but you're itching to move. Your hands run along your stomach as you hover in front of the toilet bowl, trying your best to relieve your aching stomach of the gas that's been building. It hurts, you moan. You burp once more, wetter, and the liquid in your throat doesn't choke off or leave. You can't cough, so you heave, and a torrent of cold water splashes down into the toilet below you. You try to catch your breath, but a bubble of air has rolled from your belly button and up through your esophagus. You burp, and more liquid erupts and splashes below you as your stomach heaves twice.
You try to catch your breath, but the contents of your stomach have shifted. The pressure in your chest is trying to keep your throat closed. There is a pressure growing in your stomach, your hand along its side can feel the way the liquids don't seen to slosh anymore, but stand ready for expulsion. You gulp down a breath of air, you burp. There is silence where you're waiting for a breath, but the pressure in your stomach has grown and it has won. You heave once, then twice. There's noodles in this one.
You have a moment to catch your breath. You're able to fill your lungs for the price of a belch, but a harmless one. Dry, forceful, and short, you hope they help regain balance in your stomach, but after only two or three belches liquid found their way up. You burp up a mouthful, your tongue dangling with drool. You think you've cured your dry mouth from all this morning before your stomach retches and forces out more than you knew had been inside of it. You struggle to catch your breath and force up a few smaller waves as you try and clear your throat. Your stomach aches, and you try to settle. You haven't eaten much today, there is no way you can have any more in your stomach to vomit up. Still, you're not confident enough to leave your position in the bathroom yet.
You feel weak, hot and cold at the same time, and you know that even though it made no sense, more was to come. You burp, and your stomach retches some more liquid up. You wonder when this was from, how it got here. It's warm and a little bitter, but it doesn't hurt your throat in the way coffee or bile would. You breathe heavy and your stomach gurgles again. You put your hand on your stomach and feel how unsettled it is. You begin to burp, and you can not stop. One after the other, you're choking on them and then another torrent of vomit, followed by a second so powerful your face is halfway down the toilet bowl. You breathe, you heave, you spit into the bowl. You're a little bit dizzy, but as you breathe and steady yourself, you feel as though the worst of it might be over.
You spend several more minutes on the floor of your bathroom making sure your stomach was truly finished, and you begin to feel much better. You wonder what had kept it so upset in the first place.
2:36am
The ripple that tears its way through your gut is both an auditory warning of what's to come and a pain that sends you curled into yourself. Your body feels heavy, as does your stomach. You took it easy last night, you ate soft foods-mashed potatoes and some pasta. You drank water, you took it slow. You were feeling fine tonight. Throwing up earlier had really helped, but now you're not so certain that assessment was accurate. Your stomach feels hard, and it flinches when you run your fingers along it. Your feet spring to action, you know you don't have much time and you'd rather not get sick in your bed or on your floor. You feel your throat trying to open up, prepare itself for the sick that will be making its way up momentarily. You try not to think about it too much, you settle onto the bathroom floor again.
Things are quiet. For several seconds things are quiet as you hover in the darkness over the bowl of your toilet. Your stomach hangs heavy, though it continues to twitch, trying to heave itself higher. Your mouth hangs open and you let out a little whine. Your stomach contracts, and several waves of sick force themselves out of you. You settle, but only momentarily. Your stomach heaves again, and more sick spews out of you without you having much say in the matter. You hope it will be over soon, you hope it will make you feel better.
You heave two more times. Your stomach hurts. You throw up again, but it's forced, a mouthful of half digested mush forcing its way upwards. A deep burp forces its way up, and with it a thick stream of carb heavy sick. You burp again, you retch some more, you try and catch your breath. Your stomach heaves and forces more spit up. Your brow is sweaty, your legs are weak. You lie down on the floor, you appreciate how cold it is. You think perhaps spending the night here would be a good idea.
Cool so I literally hate myself for this fucking stupid kink thing. My roommate went out to dinner with their partner and came back feeling sick, they went to take a shower and I swear I heard something but they had the water runningā¦ fast forward a bit, they knock on my door asking for zofran bc they threw up.
and I fucking missed it
and I hate that Iām upset about it
And Iām imagining what it would have looked like and sounded like, how it felt coming up from their POV, how it smelled, the consistencyā¦ idek what they had for dinner. Or how much they puked. But of course now my imagination is running wild bc all I got was a few āI feel really sick. I think I ate too much.ā And then later āI threw up :( and I still feel sickā
So now I canāt sleep bc Iām not sure if theyāre still feeling sick hours later after zofran and sleeping. But if they vomit I donāt want to miss it again, which is fucking insane and it makes ME feel sick to even think about how badly I want to watch them throw up or at least hear it. Like Iām sitting here hoping they have food poisoning or are pregnant (or, please god, a stomach bug, oh my goodness thatās a literal dream) because that means vomiting. Iām moving out soon. I am running out of time and I fucking MISSED IT
So yeah I guess Iām just awake all night now bc I canāt stop thinking abt it and I am hoping they get sick again and if pisses me off that Iām even saying that bc why the heck would I want my friend to feel sick. They have a partner.
Itās not even a sexual thing toward them itās a physical intenseā¦ sensation? Arousal? Idk what to call it but it almost hurts unless I touch myself while thinking abt puke scenarios with them. I genuinely cannot stop thinking about it or get it out of my head. Every tiny noise I hear makes me hyper aware again.
fuck my fucking chungus life I literally hate it here WHY do I have to have this stupid kink it is actually impeding on my life and my sleep and I am filled with such strong emotions and physical feelings and itās disgusting. Iām disgusting. This kink is disgusting and Iām ashamed to even have this blog and act the way I do. But thereās not a single soul I can talk about it with that I trust wonāt make it weird.
only bc im talking about myself. Idgaf what you guys do, donāt be ashamed of urself, Iām the exception becauseā¦ well, just because.
On another note, Iām starting to suspect my roommate has some sort of feeding kink bc they get this weird look in their eye when they are trying to get their partner to eat smtn. And they keep joking about fattening their partner up.
I was on the sofa yesterday studying for an exam while my roommate was doing their thing and moving around the house. I was super nauseous and apparently it showed bc they asked if I was ok, I told them not rly and they offered to go upstairs to get my nausea medication. so they brought it to me, I put one in my mouth to dissolve and the taste made me feel infinitely worse. They were taking out the trash and I was sitting there with my eyes closed taking deep breaths and they said āI feel so bad for you right now, dude, you look miserableā and I just gave them a thumbs up bc I didnāt trust opening my mouth.
my roommate had come back inside and gone into the kitchen. and I was trying to give the medicine a chance to work but I was salivating so much and swallowing trying to keep the meds down. But I gagged and moved all my stuff out of the way so I could get up. I proceeded to trip over a blanket and the sudden movement of catching myself made me vomit and I slapped my hand over my mouth to contain the mess as I quickly walked to the bathroom, struggled to open the door while holding more in, and had barely flicked the light on before I whipped around and was vomiting profusely into the toilet.
The bathroom is right next to the kitchen so my roommate heard all of the movement and I didnāt have time to close the door fully. Iām pretty quiet when I get sick, itās just the noises of a deep breath, slight gag, the actual liquid moving up and out of me and hitting the toilet, and then spitting. I said quietly āfuckā because I didnāt expect to actually puke.
They called out from the kitchen asking if I was alright, but I was actively being sick and took a moment to reply that āyeah im doing so good rnā. they said āwell it doesnāt sound like itā before walking over and opening the door fully to see me crouched in front of the toilet trying to get my hair out of the way and glasses off while one hand was still covered in puke.
They sighed and said āpoor emā before saying āhang on a secā (as if Iām going anywhere) before coming back and handing me a glass of water with the instruction to rinse my mouth. I did, and was kneeling there on the ground breathing deeply while they stood behind me. I gagged again and leaned forward, but my hair fell into my face and I was trying to get it out of the wayā¦ they said āitās ok let meā and gently started gathering my hair into a bun. I said thanks before pitching forward again, my hair still in their hands, and bringing up a big wave. They moved with me and finished tying my hair back with a rubber band while I was vomiting, and then I felt their hand rub my back for a few seconds until the wave was done.
They asked what had me feeling so sick, and I tried to explain it was probably smtn I ate and/or my cycle. They nodded and kept rubbing my back while leaning over to flush the toilet, I was still spitting into the water feeling awful. I sat down fully, done for the moment, and they handed me the water again, saying āat least the worst seems to be overā. I shrugged and they went to get me an ice pack. after a minute I gagged harshly again, and heard a soft āoh dearā as they rushed back in and helped me onto my knees again and they positioned my face over the toilet bowl just in time to catch most of the next big heave. unfortunately I still got vomit on their shirt, the floor, and myself. It was very embarrassing but I was so intensely sick I barely noticed in the moment. They placed the icepack on the back of my neck and held it there until the vomiting slowed down and I could grab it myself.
That wave passed and I flushed, opened my eyes, and felt awful about the mess Iād made. There was vomit on the floor, the toilet, my clothes, their clothes, and some had dripped on the ground along the path from when I was first rushing to the bathroom. My roommate reassured me that it was ok and not my fault, and they werenāt mad at me for puking on them. They were more concerned about getting me standing so I could get cleaned up.
I told them Iām ok, I can take care of the mess in a minute, thank you for helping me Iām sorry this happened. So they handed me my glasses, water, and toilet paper before going to get themselves cleaned up too. I washed up in the sink and cleaned up the bathroom, and then they opened the door again to hand me a change of clothes and a plastic bag. They helped me put my messy clothes in the bag so they could throw it in the wash. I felt super dizzy and still nauseous but grateful for them.
I went to sit on the sofa again and they went back to what they were doing. I saw I had puked on their whiteboard that I was using, so I went back to the bathroom to grab Clorox wipes. When they heard me going in they thought I was going to be sick again and came to check, saw what I was doing, and left again.
I still felt nauseous and I ended up going to the bathroom one more time to grab an emesis bag so I didnāt make another mess. I am glad I did, because I went back to my studying and after 45 minutes, puked again. it came out of nowhere this time but I managed to grab the bag and fill it halfway with one big gush. I didnāt even eat that much so Iām not sure where it came from. They were sitting on the other side of the room but saw this, winced and said āyou poor thing, whatās got you so sick? Wait I already asked thatā as they came over and patted my back again, tied my hair back once more, handed me a tissue, and took the bag to tie it off and throw it away in the outdoor trash once it was over. I laid down and they handed me another bag and refilled my water before going up to their room for a while. They said theyād leave the door open in case I need help again.
I canāt believe Iām moving out soon, theyāve never been this kind before they usually just leave me alone when Iām sick and then sometimes check on me later.
I feel bad bc their partner got super drunk and was loudly puking their guts out the night before, we had talked about it that morning. They were saying their partner pulled away from their hand and needed space while they were being sick, and I mentioned I donāt mind being touched when Iām sick it doesnāt really matter to me. They said they also didnāt mind. Fast forward a couple hours and now Iām puking my guts out.
If only it would go 3/3 and they get sick next so I can be the one taking care of themā¦ Iāve been dreaming about it since we moved in a year ago, and it hasnāt happened at all. The closest itās been was they got home from class and said they had been salivating for the past 30min trying not to puke, and then came home and went upstairs to take nausea medication. They did not end up puking. Iām glad they felt better but god I wish it would happen just onceā¦
started a glp-1 medication and now I canāt eat anything without pain and intense nausea. I put a dissolving zofran under my tongue to try and help but the taste made me gag and vomit uncontrollably. I hadnāt eaten much, just some coffee, a granola bar, and a bit of pizza, but somehow I puked enough to fill an emesis bag and needed a second one. It got in my hair so I had to shower, which made me feel even worse and I puked again in the shower but at least it was all liquid this time. Ended up projectile vomiting later in the day. pink protein shake, water, and bile. Not a great combo. But it was kind of exciting I felt like a firehose hehe
anxiety making me so sick rn. vomiting bile and pedialyte is not a good combo. having gastroparesis makes it harder for me to physically vomit, and it typically takes longer and more effort to actually empty my stomach. Little waves over and over again. I wish I could just let it out in a big gush or at least some bigger waves, because this is fucking exhausting. Gagging repeatedly and getting little relief sucks
I canāt even enjoy it cuz my stomach is hurting so so bad and Iām trying to be quiet so my roommate doesnāt hear
update, roomie told me that they do in fact hear me every time I vomit because the walls are insanely thin and every sound carries. They said it doesnāt bother them at all and they donāt want me to be self conscious or panic about vomiting just because itās audible. sigh.
anxiety making me so sick rn. vomiting bile and pedialyte is not a good combo. having gastroparesis makes it harder for me to physically vomit, and it typically takes longer and more effort to actually empty my stomach. Little waves over and over again. I wish I could just let it out in a big gush or at least some bigger waves, because this is fucking exhausting. Gagging repeatedly and getting little relief sucks
I canāt even enjoy it cuz my stomach is hurting so so bad and Iām trying to be quiet so my roommate doesnāt hear
Ordered the emetic nut powder and some empty capsules to put it in. Iām home alone tonight, trying to decide if I want to try the powder or if I want to just drink until Iām sick. I also am deciding what to eat; if I do the powder, Iāll have a big meal, but if Iām going to be drinking I donāt want to eat much first.
So it took like 3-4 hours to do anything, probably bc I put it into capsules and I have gastroparesis so it takes a while to dissolve, but it made me super nauseous and crampy and I threw up quite a few times. I was nauseous and my stomach was hurting and sour all day. Vomit was forceful and I was seeing stars.
Ordered the emetic nut powder and some empty capsules to put it in. Iām home alone tonight, trying to decide if I want to try the powder or if I want to just drink until Iām sick. I also am deciding what to eat; if I do the powder, Iāll have a big meal, but if Iām going to be drinking I donāt want to eat much first.
Ordered the emetic nut powder and some empty capsules to put it in. Iām home alone tonight, trying to decide if I want to try the powder or if I want to just drink until Iām sick. I also am deciding what to eat; if I do the powder, Iāll have a big meal, but if Iām going to be drinking I donāt want to eat much first.
Ordered the emetic nut powder and some empty capsules to put it in. Iām home alone tonight, trying to decide if I want to try the powder or if I want to just drink until Iām sick. I also am deciding what to eat; if I do the powder, Iāll have a big meal, but if Iām going to be drinking I donāt want to eat much first.
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