Every sales job Iâve worked has that one item. The white whale. The biggest ticket you can sell. The sale you brag about when youâre chatting with other industry people.
When I sold mattresses it was a split king adjustable base. Thatâs two twin extra long mattresses next to each other to make a king, but each side can move independently. Theyâre insanely expensive and honestly kindâve impractical but it was the biggest ticket thing to sell.
When I sold sex toys though our white whale was the 20lb ass. It was a female pelvis, a cut out from the waist to the tops of the thighs. It was hyper realistic material and cost about $500. I definitely had bigger tickets but not in one item typically.
In my time at the sex shop, I sold three. Each time was completely different in terms of how the guy acted about buying it. The first man was a little embarrassed and shy about it. I was professional and supportive as I rang it up. Once I handed him the receipt he looked at the box. Then he looked at me.
If youâve ever wondered how big a box has to be to fit a 20lb ass let me just tell you: itâs pretty damn big. Itâs an uncomfortably large armful of box and every side has a picture of the sex toy inside on it. Itâs not subtle.
âCould I get a bagâŠ.?â
There was no bag that existed that could possibly contain all that ass. âHang on,â I told him.
I got scissors and tape and covered the box in cut up black bags. Looking relieved he picked up his purchase and left.
The next man to buy one carried it proudly to the counter; self assured and not embarrassed in the least. When I said I didnât have a bag, but I could wrap it for him he gave a hearty shrug and hefted it into his arms, marching out the door with the butt on full display.
The last man to get one was just kindâve an odd guy. Not creepy, but eccentric. We got along great, and as I rang him up I said, âWell one guy wanted his taped over, and one guy carried it out. What would you prefer?â
âNo store bags. I think our jumbo trash bags in the back might fit itâŠ.?â It seemed rude to suggest putting a $500 item into a trash bag, but he wasnât bothered.
He considered this then said, âBring me the trash bag.â
When I delivered it to him he still managed to surprise me. Instead of shoving the huge box into it he opened the box. He took out his new $500 sex toy, and all the little things it came with, tipping them unceremoniously into the trash bag.
âThere! Now I donât have to deal with the box later!â
I was slightly stunned but agreed that I could easily deal with the trash. Then in a move I still think about with delight he flung the trash bag over his shoulder like a Santa with a sack full of ass and sauntered out the door.
If this or my other escapades made you laugh you could pop a tip into my Ko-fi! For more like this check my tag "ffs foibles".
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