honestly i dont need therapy i need a machine to go into my body and manually stretch all my muscles and crack all my joints and then i need the machine to go into my brain and deep clean it with soapy hot water

if i look back, i am lost
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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@embubbles
honestly i dont need therapy i need a machine to go into my body and manually stretch all my muscles and crack all my joints and then i need the machine to go into my brain and deep clean it with soapy hot water
tumblr is like a group therapy with no therapist.
Here y'all go pitting two bad bitches against each other for no reason.
no more brother wars
why would you hide this in the tags
In the mood to make out
i just want some soft sweet tender gentle smut rn ): i don't wanna be called a whore and a dirty bitch. i wanna be called cute!!! pretty!!!! sweet!!!!!! i wanna be adored!!!!!!! not degraded!!!!!!!!! why can't i find any im clawing at the dirt i need it so bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
literally though if you feel like your life is slipping through your fingers and every day goes too fast⊠try doing hard things, not just taking the easy route, like reading and making art and exercising and cooking a meal from scratch and journaling, doing these things without distraction, without being absorbed on a screen⊠the time will stretch and youâll be reminded that life is long and beautiful if you make it so.
"Being a guest actor is like crashing on someone else's show's couch for a couple weeks. Sometimes literally. I ate a sandwich from the fridge that had Pedro written on it. " - Murray Bartlett
PEDRO PASCAL at the 75th Creative Arts Emmy Awards
flower dance year 1 trauma.
Nicolas Party (Swiss, 1980), Clouds, 2022. Soft pastel on linen, 210 x 150 cm.
đč a flower for everyone not feeling their best today
reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to âviolating one or more of Tumblrâs Community Guidelinesâ, but since my wish came true the first time, Iâm putting it back. :)
OH MY FUCKING GOD, ITâS BACK ON MY DASH.
THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.
The last time I saw this on my dash, I didnât think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.
AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.
THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.
YOOOOOOO
I SAW THIS ON MY DASH THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT âITS WORTH A TRYâ SO I WISHED I COULD GET A 3DS
LITERALLY LIKE 4 DAYS LATER MY DAD SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE 3DS XL HE BOUGHT FOR ME WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL
IM STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS
holy fuck, I didnât expect this to work, I was like psh, whatever itâs just a quick reblog, but I wished my Dad would actually respond back to me AND HE FUCKING DID A FEW DAYS LATER, I GOT A FUCKING TEXT FROM MY DAD TODAY WHO HASNâT SPOKEN OR RESPONDED TO ME IN MONTHS HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS MAGIC IT WORKS.Â
I WANTED TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND AND I DIDNâT THINK IâD GET DAYS OFF BUT THIS WEEKEND IâM HEADING UP THERE??? THIS IS CRAZY SHITÂ
SO LIKE I JOKINGLY WISHED FOR MY OWN LEN KAGAMINE AND THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER I GOT A LEN NENDOROID??? H ELP
WTF OKAY SO THIS SHOT ACTUALLY WORKS BECAUSE WHEN I WISHED, I HAD WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD LIKE ME BACK AND GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. WHAT THE HELLLLL?????
ok Iâve said this before but IM DOING IT AGAIN THE FIRST TIME I SAW THIS, MY WISH DID COME TRUE SO I REBLOGED AGAIN AND SAID IT IN THE TAGS BUT THEN I WISHED FOR SMTH ELSE AND IT LITERALLY LITERALLY HAPPENED LIKE A COUPLE DAYS LATER WHAT THE HELL SO NOW IM WRITING THIS HERE FOR YOU BC I DONT BELIEVE IN THIS CRAP BUT STILL ITâS AN AWFULLY BIG COINCIDENCE
THE BOY I FELL I LOVE WITH LEFT TO TRAVEL THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD AND HAS BEEN GONE NOW FOR 3 MONTHS. WE HAVENT SPOKEN SINCE BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE HIM FEEL TRAPPED TO ME AND NOT ENJOY HIS TIME SO I WAITED FOR HIM TO CONTACT ME FIRST. I SAW THIS ON A PARTICULARLY LOW DAY WHEN I WAS MISSING HIM SO MUCH I CRIED FROM THE PAIN, GUYS I REALLY LOVE HIM, SO I THOUGHT MEH WHAT THE FUCK, AND WISHED HE WOULD JUST LET ME KNOW HE WAS OKAY.
GUYS.
HE FUCKING CALLED ME 20 MINUTES LATER
20 FUCKNG. MINUTES. LATER.
GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN. AND ITS IN THIS POST.
I wish for someone to leave something in my ask.
OKAY SO I ASKED FOR A HEDGEHOG AND NOW GUESS WHO HAS A PET HEDGEHOG
worth a shot huh
Rip this wonât work
im so ready to be in a relationship so whenever the universe is ready hmu with a keeper
i posted this yesterday then today this cute boy held my hand and now he is sending me memes
Reblog for love
i reblogged this yesterday and my crush kissed me today
Iâve been dating my boy for 2 years and today he sneezed directly on my face and got a booger on me :â) Love is just so beautiful
John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner
THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE
GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY
This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.
[Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal Iâve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt & Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jonesâs Whatâs New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited.Â
Hereâs the thing about when, uh, Whatâs New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not âhey someoneâs playing Whatâs New Pussycat again.â Itâs âhey, Whatâs New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays youâre thinking maybe someoneâs playing Whatâs New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays youâre either thinking âwhoa someone just played Whatâs New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and itâs a really long song.â So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?Â
Now, John and I weâre watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to whatâs going on. And weâre staring at this one guy and heâs sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and heâs like staring at his coffee cup like this, and heâs been onto us since the beginning. And heâs sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And heâs staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. Itâs dead quiet. Then, I donât know if you know this, but the song begins very quietlyâŠ
BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHATâS NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and Iâm punching in the Whatâs New Pussycats alright? Iâve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me âhey hey hey before you punch in another Whatâs New Pussycat letâs drop in one Itâs Not Unusual.â
Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven Whatâs New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, ITâS NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jonesâs Itâs Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven Whatâs New Pussycats. Itâs true. Dead honest.
And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. Itâs Not Unusual fade out. Itâs dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHATâS NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like âyup some crap as always.âÂ
They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.]
reblogging again coz this time it has audio transcription (bless you) and itâs still forever hilarious omg
Iâm doing this next time i go to a bar with one of those electric jukebox type things