Sins of Puke

I'm Est and this is my Sickfic blog. Mainly emeto, but also angst and other illness. I predominantly write with OC's, but if I get a really good fandom request I'll try it. I take requests!

[emetoandotherthings]

are you still around? i hope you’re doing okay !

This message hit my heart ❤️

I'm around, I lurk, but things are pretty tough rn so this message just reminded me that at least there's someone out there in the world that thought of me today, so thank you ❤️

[emetoandotherthings]

I honestly never understood how people could want to take opiates until I experienced chronic pain... They may be addictive, but if I can bloody function for more than 20 minutes I'll take it

[emetoandotherthings]

Antibiotics are hell

I'm so ill it's ridiculous 🤢🤒😵‍💫

[emetoandotherthings]

I fucking hate this time of year

[emetoandotherthings]

I got sent home from work today because apparently when I'm ill I just can't stop crying...

Feeling utterly miserable 🤒🤢

[emetoandotherthings]

Do you have an AO3 or something where all your stories are compiled? That way we can reread them and also kinda maybe read in order? Relative order anyway lol. Of Jude and Eden from the past until present. I know it probably wasn't written necessarily in order, but yknow.

I do have an AO3, however I'm not sure if it's all in order there, but you'd certainly be able to find fics easier.

I've got a masterlist on here too, but I think the only things in relative orders are the sagas!

[emetoandotherthings]

Jude's accident!

A/N: I had to dive deeeeeeeep into the messages to find this one, but it's been playing on my mind for a long time. This one is freaking long... but the whole backstory of Jude's cliff accident.

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         “Are you sure it’s definitely waterproofed?” Eden asked for the umpteenth time, running his hands around the edge of his rucksack.

         “Very sure,” Jude answered confidently, adjusting the straps of his own bag. “You’ve done it before, it’ll be fine this time too.” Eden ran his hand over the bag again, he was biting his lip. He could feel his heart banging against his ribcage and his knees felt wobbly underneath him. They were leaving the tents here, as they’d be returning after their trek – so Jude had driven a tent hook deep into the ground and was currently padlocking his and Eden’s full rucksack to it. Eden fiddled with his bag, he was beginning to feel a bit light-headed, his pulse now throbbing in his throat. “I wonder if Jack’s learned from last time?” Jude had straightened up, but his head still didn’t graze the top of the tent, unlike Eden who had to stoop. “Eden?” Eden hadn’t realised how badly his hands were shaking, until warm hands clasped them and held on tight.

         “I-” Eden choked, his throat closing up on him and his breath catching.

         “Eden, breathe…” Jude intoned slowly, squeezing at his fingers to try and bring Eden’s attention back to him. “Come on, in…” Jude modelled, he’d known Eden for long enough to recognise the warning signs of a panic attack, “and out…” Eden let go of the breath, it came out in spurts as his chest was still constricting. “In…” Jude kept going, squeezing Eden’s hand again. “And out…” Jude continued until Eden’s breathing had evened out. His head still felt fuzzy and the back of his top was damp with sweat.

         “I don’t think I can do this,” Eden muttered eventually.

         “Yes you can,” Jude spoke calmly and assuredly. “Remember when we first tried out kayaking?” Eden did, and he hadn’t thought he was going to be able to do that either.

         “This is different!” He insisted, still trying to maintain that slow breathing which Jude had helped him implement, but the air was beginning to catch in his throat again.

         “It’s not that different,” Jude shrugged, “we were nervous, but once we got going – it was fine! This is just the same!” Eden shook his head resolutely; black spots were floating at the edge of his vision and they seemed to be growing and joining together. He tried to breathe in through his nose, sucking in air, but that triggered something at the back of his throat.

         The heave caught him by surprise, and he clamped his hand over his mouth, realising that he was trembling all over.

         “Right, okay,” Jude seized Eden’s wrist and began to drag him out of the tent, which was more challenging as Eden was a head and shoulders taller than him. “Deep breaths…” Jude repeated, unzipping the edge of the tent with one hand and pulling him out into the cool, misty morning air. Eden’s knees were wobbling so much that they felt ready to give out underneath him. He retched again, a grating sound coming from the back of his throat. He didn’t bring anything up, his belly wasn’t revolting just yet, instead it was his brain was causing this.

         “Come on Ede – take deep breaths in through your nose, out your mouth,” Jude told him, reverting back to calming tactics. Eden tried, but once the panic had gripped him, it was very tricky to get back to calm.

         “Hmmmmlll!” The last heave was more visceral, Eden felt his stomach lurch and his eyes stung with hot tears as the back of his throat tightened.

         “Come on,” Jude was gripping his arm, squeezing so tight that his fingers might leave marks. “Breathe Eden – it’s all going to be fine. You control your body, it doesn’t control you.” This was a new technique Eden’s therapist had suggested, reminding him of his brain’s autonomy. He took a slow breath in, only just staving off another heave. Then he managed another, then another – slowly, the black blobs at the edges of his vision dissipated and his legs felt more sturdy underneath him.

         “That’s it,” he became conscious that Jude was right next to him, waiting patiently, no trace of annoyance or irritation on his face.

         When he finally managed to gain full control of himself, the embarrassment crept in. “Oh God…”

         “Don’t,” Jude said instantly; the other thing he knew was to nip this in the bud before it became a spiral. “I’m going to grab our bags, then we’re going to get Blake and Jack.” Jude disappeared back into the tent, then reappeared with both rucksacks. “Here, put it on.” Eden did as he was told and followed Jude through the long grass, staying silent as he tried to ignore the errant panicked thoughts that were still floating in his brain.

         “Hey,” Jude banged on the canvas side of the tent, which was only partially effective. “You guys ready?” Blake’s head popped out of the entrance.

         “Nearly,” Blake said, “just trying to get Jack to properly waterproof his bag.” He sounded derisive at the last part.

         “Who cares if they get wet?” Jack’s voice came, then he exited the tent with a rather untidily wrapped bag.

         “Please don’t tell me you’re using cling film?” Jude stared at Jack’s bag as he shrugged it onto his back.

         “Yeah – and?” Jack said nonchalantly; Jude shook his head incredulously and exchanged a glance with Eden. He couldn’t help but grin – Jack was incorrigible.

         “I’ve already told him that I’ll not be sympathetic when all his stuff is soaking,” Blake replied to Jude. “Are we the last ones?”

         “I don’t know,” Jude answered honestly. “We came straight for you guys.” Jude glanced at Eden, he didn’t want to let them know about Eden’s panic attack. “What time was meet up?”

         “10,” Blake said, peeling back the sleeve of his jacket. “And it’s five past.” He started striding off into the mist, towards the stile where they were to start. “We’re always late!’

         “But worth the wait!” Jack called back, grinning at Jude and Eden. “Come on – before he blows a gasket.”

         The rest of the group were already there; Lindsay was clutching a laminated map and scowling: “Finally!” She thrust the map out for them to see. “We’re meant to be charting our route – planning stops and that.”

         This was a bit of a redundant exercise, as the map indicated that there was only one real route that was practical. The one that would lead them through the national park forest, down into the gorge, along the river, then the steep upward climb onto the cliffs, culminating in their cliff jump into the loch. This would be where they would meet the other Scout leaders, who would transport them back to the campsite. There were 14 of them altogether, including Archie and Jay, who were using this expedition as part of their Adult Leadership qualification. Lindsay saw Jack’s cling filmed bag and rolled her eyes.

         Eden was still lingering towards the back of the group, he still felt a little wobbly but was trying his best not to think about the tricky bits still to come. Luckily Jack was oblivious to his panic, and began to chat inanely about how high they would have to climb, and how much he hated outdoor activities.

         “You’re kind of in the wrong hobby if you hate the outdoors stuff,” Eden pointed out.

         “No,” Jack answered firmly, “I hate the outdoors, I don’t hate the people I’m outdoors with.”

         “Aw, Jack,” Lindsay commented, “that’s possibly the nicest thing you’ve ever said about us!” Lindsay punched Jack’s shoulder mock affectionately.

         “Shut up,” Jack replied quickly, rolling his eyes, but his cheeks went a little pink all the same. “I tolerate you all.” He was trying to make it sound witty, but the rest of them knew him well enough to know that he actually meant it.

         The rest of the expedition group had taken the lead, they had Ewan – who was always eager to be at the front. Jude, Blake, Jack, Lindsay and Eden just followed in their wake. Very slowly, the major panic that Eden had been fighting ebbed away – as they crossed the moor and headed into the woods which heralded the entrance to the national park that they would be traversing through. They fell into conversation about school, about the teachers who were the worst, and about the exams that were creeping up on them. Soon enough they were all warm and sticky – their waterproofs would be necessary for the gorge walk, but right now, on dry land, they were causing them all to be swelteringly hot.

         “I’ll be glad when we can get these off,” Jude tugged at the sleeve of his jacket; his face was flushed from the heat.

         “You’ll be glad of them when we get in the water,” Lindsay laughed. They were getting deeper into the thick of the woods, where the canopy almost shaded out all light, and every step produced a crunch or crackle from foliage underfoot.

         “I’m sure,” Jude muttered, wiping away a sheen of sweat that was sticking to his face.

         They trekked on; stopping about an hour later in a small clearing to have a snack and hydrate. Jack found an interesting clump of mushrooms that were growing out of the side of a tree. Eventually Lindsay had to drag him away so they wouldn’t fall too far behind from the rest of the group.

         “I’m sure I can hear water,” Jack announced for the umpteenth time.

         “Maybe you’re imagining it,” Lindsay suggested, sounding exasperated. “Like all the other times.”

         “Nope, I definitely hear it,” Jack raced off ahead, showing a burst of speed that was rather unexpected.

         “If it keeps him going,” Blake laughed. They could see Jack off in the distance leaning against a large tree. As they got closer, they could hear the steady rushing of water.

         “Seems he was right this time,” Lindsay admitted as they approached him.

         “Told you!” Jack grinned, throwing his arm out to indicate the source of the water. Jack was on the edge of a precipice which fell down to reveal a fast moving river.

         “Jack! Move back from the edge, you idiot!” Blake called, as Jack used the tree to lean down towards the edge.

         “It’s fine!” Jack intoned, kicking a twig over the edge and watching as it fell down towards the water. For a second he appeared to overbalance and Blake gasped as Jack teetered on the edge; then he straightened up and laughed. “Got you!’

         “One day I’m gonna kill you!” Blake said angrily, grabbing one of Jack’s arms and dragging him away. “If you don’t manage it yourself!”

         “Chill…” Jack motioned taking a deep breath in through his nose; Blake punched his arm in response. “Ow!” Jack clutched his arm.

         “You deserved it,” Blake stated firmly.

         “So we’ve located the gorge,” Jude brought the conversation back to the matter at hand, “but how do we get to it?”

         “Along there,” Lindsay pointed over to the right, “I can see the others – there must be a way down.”

         The water had seemed fast moving from up at their vantage point, but it was even faster when they were on the bank next to it. The rest of the group were already there, waiting for them to catch up; their map out so they could double check their progress and the intended route.

         “We’re at this point here,” Carys pointed to the spot on the map, “so if we enter the river here we’ve got about a mile and a half to go upstream before we reach the exit point ahead of the loch.”

         “A mile and a half?” Jude asked, looking at his own copy of the map. “That’s a long way to go in the water…”

         “Isn’t there a point further upstream that we can enter at?” Lindsay questioned, running her finger along the blue line on the map. “It’d be easier to walk more on foot rather than on the water.”

         “There’s no other suitable access points to the water,” AJ explained. “It’s this, or we don’t finish.”

         “Great…” Lindsay sighed, resigned.

         “We were thinking we should stop here and eat before we go into the water,” Carys suggested. “It’s not like we’ll be able to stop once we’re in the water.”

         “You don’t say,” Jack murmured and received a swift slap to his arm from Lindsay.

         Eden was picking at the edge of his sandwich, pulling the crust away from the rest of the bread. His mouth felt dry, and he struggled to swallow down even the smallest mouthful. He was beginning to feel anxious again – that sensation rising up in his chest. He likened it to being submerged into water, which he soon would be.

         “You okay?” Jude asked, he’d been watching Eden pick apart his food for the past five minutes.

         “Yeah,” Eden lied, “just not looking forward to the cold.” He nodded to the water, a relentless reminder of what was to come. He dropped a piece of the sandwich into the dirt at his feet.

         “I know,” Jude said, “but you’d be better eating that than disassembling it.” Eden looked down at the crumbs and bits that had fallen to the ground. “You might need it to weigh you down!” Eden might be taller than Jude, but Jude’s frame might give him an advantage when facing fast flowing water.

         As soon as they finished eating, the checking began – making sure that the water wouldn’t make it through their clothing and into their bags. Once they’d checked and double checked, they all stood staring at the water- as though waiting for it to rear up and swallow them. None of them wanted to be the first in the water.

         “Fuck it,” Jack eventually said and, without any warning, he launched himself forwards into the water. It came midway up his thighs; and he wobbled as he tried to find a secure footing. “Come on, it’s not that bad.” Jack called as he took a few steps, the water moving further up his body.

         “If he can do it…” Lindsay muttered, then jumped in; she shrieked. “It’s bloody Baltic!”

         “Well, if I’d led with that, you’d never come in,” Jack told her.

         “You bastard!’ Lindsay called, but Jack simply grinned.

         “I know, but you love me for it!”

         Wading through the water was tough. It felt like for every ten steps forwards they took, the current was pushing them back five. And while their waterproof clothing kept the water from seeping in through their clothes, they could still feel the cold and the pressure of the water around them. Before long, they were all quiet, speaking mainly to tell each other of an unstable area underfoot, as the concentration needed to stay upright and moving forward took all of their effort.

         “We have to be nearly there now,” AJ called back, after what had felt like an age.

         “Is that the climb to the cliffs up there?” Lindsay pointed; now they were looking at it, it did look like the sloping rise which led towards higher ground – away from the water.

         “It better be!” Jack grumbled; he hadn’t anticipated how tough gorge walking would be.

         “We’re nearly there, then,” Jude encouraged. Eden was so cold that he felt certain his feet would be blue, but he kept them moving forward. Only a bit further.

         Jack flopped down onto the stone dramatically, his chest rising and falling rapidly. It turned out getting out of the river was more tricky than getting into it, especially as the smooth grey rock became slippy with the water dripping from each person. The forest had thinned considerably, and uneven, rocky ground replaced it; ahead was a winding area which led up to the cliffs.

         “I propose we have a chill here for a bit,” Jack suggested, sticking his hand directly up into the air.

         “Seconded!” Blake and Lindsay spoke simultaneously; everyone laughed.

         “We’re in good time,” Archie told them, consulting his watch. “I think it’s time to break out the mint cake.” This was somewhat of another tradition on expeditions – the high sugar snack would give them another energy boost.

         They all sat, leaving damp splodges from their waterproofs, munching into the sweet mint bar. Lindsay had her laminated map out again, tracing the line of what was left of their route.

         “It’s a bit treacherous,” she was telling Jack, “but mainly because of the valleys and ditches until we make it to the cliffs.”

         Lindsay had used the correct word – treacherous. As they began to pick their way along and up, to their goal. The surrounding landscape contained rocky scrambles, where they needed to use their hands to help them; there were areas of sheer drops which led into deep valleys. They had to be continuously aware of where they were putting their feet, some of the rocks wobbled and before too long they were dripping with sweat again.

         “This is worse than the water!” Jack groaned, and Eden privately agreed with him; his heart was pounding at the effort and he could feel the sweat running down his back.

         “Some of these are pretty steep drops,” Jude commented, as they passed yet another grooved valley that cut along through the stone. “How d’you think they were made?”

         “Water,” Blake replied promptly; they all stared at him. “I thought the geography was unusual – so I did a bit of research. It’s all about water and pressure.”

         “Huh…” Jude hadn’t expected that.

         They were all beginning to feel tired again, the sugar boost beginning to dip, and more and more they found themselves trudging along in silence. They were on the final stretch; Lindsay said they should be finished in about an hour. Eden couldn’t wait. His feet were aching, and he was fairly sure he’d have a whean of new blisters; his back felt tight and stiff from carrying the rucksack. What felt better was his brain – he didn’t feel anxious anymore, and he almost felt ridiculous for panicking. It was always the way – Jude had been right. Eden should probably tell him that; he had been the one to help him regulate out of it.

         “That part is wobbly, watch out!” AJ called back to the group at the back. That was enough for Jack, he raced up to the place where AJ had warned them about.

         “Jack – don’t be an idiot!” Lindsay intoned as he stood precariously, leaning back and forth to test it out.

         ‘That’s like asking a fish not to swim,” Blake sighed. “One of these days he’s gonna do some real damage.”

         “Nah,” Jude laughed, catching up to where Jack was jumping now, “what’s the harm in being interested in things? Curiosity is a good thing!”

         “As long as it doesn’t kill the cat,” Lindsay commented, shaking her head.

         “Come on,” Blake said, “we’d better catch up.”

         “Fine,” Jack said, jumping quite spectacularly off the wobbly rock just as Jude went to step forward.

         Jude’s foot didn’t make solid connection with the rock that Jack had leapt from and he slipped. Instead of going straight down, he went sideways – his foot turning as he slid down to the edge of the rock and into the deep crevice. Jack was the only one who seemed able to react, he lunged forward, trying to grab at Jude’s arm but missed. Eden’s heart stopped as he heard Jude’s nails scratch on the rock, then there was a thump. It couldn’t have been more than a second, but the world seemed to stand still.

         “Archie!” Jack’s voice broke the moment. “Jay!” He was loud and panicked.

         “Jude!” Eden’s heart was thudding in his mouth; he ran forwards and Jack seized Eden’s upper arm.

         “Don’t you fall too!” Jack gripped tighter as Eden leant forwards to try and see where Jude had ended up.

         “We need to get down to him!” Eden shouted; he could only see part of the way down – it was a drop of more than fifteen feet to the bottom. “Jude?”

         “Archie!” Jack cried again, trying to attract the attention of the leaders who had continued on.

         “Jack, Lindsay – you go, catch up with the rest,” Blake ordered, “get them back here – get them ready to call for help.”

         “But-” Lindsay began, but Blake held his hand up.

         “Lindsay, you’re faster; Jack, you’re louder,” he justified. “Eden and I will try to find a way down to Jude.”

         “Okay,” she agreed. Eden had already started going back the way they had come, following along the edge of the crevice.

         “Jude?” Eden shouted, “Jude – if you can hear us, please shout!” Eden’s voice wobbled, the lack of response was making this even worse.

         “There has to be a way down,” Blake was racing alongside Eden.

         “If I have to abseil down, then I will,” Eden said quickly.

         “It won’t come to that,” Blake answered firmly.

         “Jude!” Eden called. “Jude! Jude – fucking answer me!” They scrambled along, trying to locate an area which might allow them access down towards the valley. Blake was the one who spotted a slope, he grabbed Eden and pointed.

         “If we go down as though we’re sledging, that might be a way down,” he suggested, but he’d barely got the words out before Eden was scrambling down onto the slope. It was steep, and they found themselves sliding down a bit at a time. Their waterproofs were catching on twigs and foliage, garnering mud as they progressed downwards. Eden felt sick; Jude had to be alright – he had to be. The bottom of the ditch was damp and squelchy underfoot as they reached the base. The sides of the crevice were uneven: there were moments when Eden could have laid down flat and not touched either side of the rocks; and other sections where his shoulders could brush both walls at the same time. Several times he stumbled, the ground was covered in rocks, sticks and branches.

         “Jude?” Every few steps Eden called out, hoping that he’d hear Jude’s voice calling back, and every time nothing came back the fear gripped tighter. “Jude!”

         “Eden,” Blake grasped at Eden’s shoulders. “Breathe…”

         “I’ll breathe when we’ve got him!” Eden yelled fiercely.

         “Eden?” The voice was quiet but distinct.

         “Jude?!” Eden thundered forward and Jude came into view. He was lying awkwardly on the slope and Eden crashed to the ground next to him. “Jude…”

         Jude’s face was white, except from the stream of blood running down from his left temple. His teeth were chattering as though he was freezing cold.

         “Jude, you’re bleeding,” Eden gently brushed Jude’s fringe away from his eyes, some of the strands were sticky with blood.

         “Eden…” Blake’s voice was strangled, Eden glanced up at him. Blake’s eyes were wide and Eden followed his gaze; the intake of breath was involuntary. Eden’s stomach lurched as he saw the large stain of blood that was spreading across Jude’s waterproof trousers; and he could see white poking through the tear in the fabric. “Is that… bone?” Blake muttered queasily.

         “Oh shit,” Eden breathed, it was the bone from Jude’s thigh, visible as it had broken through his skin and trousers.

         “It hurts,” Jude’s teeth were gritted and tears were leaking from his eyes. “It really fucking hurts.”

         “It’ll be okay,” Eden ripped the waterproof covering from his bag. “We need to find something to stop the bleeding.”

         “Applying pressure?” Blake suggested, trying to recall the first aid training they had received at Scouts – somehow the scenarios and practices they had done in the church hall felt woefully inept now.

         “Not with an open fracture,” Eden shook his head, “we need something to tie around his leg to slow down the bleeding.”

         “Here,” Blake rummaged through his bag and produced a belt, “will this work?”

         “Absolutely,” Eden grabbed it, “help me slip it under.” Eden quickly found Jude’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “It’s gonna be okay Jude, we sent Jack and Lindsay to get help, but we need to tighten this around your leg.”

         “How bad is it?” Jude’s voice was weak; there was sweat dripping from his face.

         “It’s-” Eden paused, he didn’t know how much to tell Jude – it was pretty gnarly. “Your leg’s definitely broken.”

         “Thought so…” Jude’s hand fumbled, trying to run it towards his wound, but Blake reached out and caught his hand.

         “Don’t,” he warned, “you’re bleeding – best not to stick your hand in it.”

         “Is there anywhere else that hurts?” Eden asked, trying to wedge the belt underneath Jude’s leg.

         “My – my head,” Jude mumbled, “and my side a bit.” Eden looked up at Blake as he slotted the strap of the belt through the buckle.

         “Deep breath, Jude,” Blake said, gripping on to Jude’s hand as he gave a small nod to Eden. Eden pulled the belt tight in one swift movement.

         “Aaargh!” Jude yelped, the small bit of colour drained from his face and he panted heavily. “Fuck!”

         “I know, sorry!” Eden apologised as he secured the end of the belt.

         “Eden? Blake?” Jay’s voice called from somewhere above them.

         “We’re down here!” Blake shouted back; they all looked up but couldn’t spot where they were.

         “How is Jude?”

         “Not great!” Blake replied, he glanced at Eden before continuing. “He’s broken his leg – we’ve tied a belt round it to slow down the bleeding, and he’s cut his head.”

         “Archie’s trying to find a way down to you – he’s got the first aid kit,” Jay told them. “Is he conscious?”

         “Yes,” Eden answered, “but we’re gonna need an ambulance!”

         “Keep him talking,” Jay said, “I’m already on the phone for help.”

         “Great, thanks,” Blake yelled. Jude was still breathing heavily and his teeth were chattering.

         “Jude,” Eden moved another sticky strand of blood away from his face. “You’re gonna be alright – help is coming.”

         “Ede, I think – you were right…” He forced out, but Eden shook his head.

         “No, Jude,” Eden muttered, “it’ll be fine – just… just…”

         “It really – really hurts,” Jude repeated, closing his eyes as more tears leaked out.

         “I think you’re going in to shock…” Eden began to unzip his jacket. “We need to keep you warm.” Blake followed Eden’s lead, pulling his arms out.

         “No – I-” Jude made a choking noise, and there was a gurgling sound before a spurt of liquid sprayed from Jude’s lips.

         “Shit!” Eden exclaimed. “Blake, help me roll him!”

         “But-” Blake started.

         “He’s throwing up!” Eden explained, putting his hand at Jude’s neck to support him. Blake grabbed Jude’s side, and the two of them tried to roll him as smoothly as they could.

         “Aaagghh-hhuuurrrllkkh!” Jude screamed out as pain ripped through him as he was rolled onto his side; a spray of liquid poured onto the ground and Jude coughed raggedly. “H’kgguuurrgllle!” Eden could feel Jude’s body tensing as another wave of sick poured from Jude’s mouth.

         “Okay, you’re okay,” Eden gently rubbed at the portion of Jude’s back that he could reach.

         “H’kgguuurrrkkkk!” Jude spat out the excess spit from his mouth, precipitating another wave of sick.

         “Jay!’ Eden shouted. “Jay – he’s being sick!”

         “Turn him so he doesn’t choke!” Jay called back.

         “Yeah, we have,” Eden replied, wincing as Jude continued to retch and heave.

         “They’re sending a helicopter!” Jay yelled. “They’re on their way!”

         “You hear that Jude?” Eden told him. “You’re gonna get a helicopter ride.” Jude was still coughing, the puddle of sick had grown and Blake was looking nervous. “It’s gonna be okay…” Eden wasn’t sure whether he was trying to reassure Jude or himself.

         “Blake? Eden?” Archie’s voice came from behind them. “I’ve got the first aid kit. How is he?” His eyes ranged over them as they still propped Jude on his side. “Shit.”

         “Yeah,” Blake agreed.

         “D’you think we can roll you back now Jude?” Eden asked; Jude was breathing hard but he hadn’t been sick for a few minutes.

         “Yeah,” Jude’s voice was thin and he groaned pitifully as Blake and Eden slowly lowered him back down.

         “Here,” Archie was pulling a reflective blanket from the first aid kit; the three of them gently laid it on top of Jude. “Help’s on the way. You’ve done a super job.” He looked at Eden and Blake seriously.

         “What else could we do?” Eden said; he had found Jude’s hand again and was holding tight.

         From somewhere overhead, the sound of a helicopter became audible, and Eden felt a wave of relief to know that help was definitely coming – and soon.

         “Hear that?” Eden said to Jude, squeezing his hand again. Eden felt shaky, even as he reassured Jude; at least the sound of the helicopter meant help was nearly there. Jude’s face had drained of even more colour, he was ashen and trembling all over. Archie was slowly trying to feed Jude some of the sugar sachets from the first aid kit; attempting to stave off full blown shock from the blood loss.

         “Eden?” Jude’s voice was faint and it was tricky to make out his words because of the way his teeth were chattering.

         “Yeah?” Eden moved closer in so he could hear better.

         “I need you to,” he paused; the noise of the whirring helicopter blades becoming much louder, “to tell my folks…”

         “Jude, stop,” Eden commanded sharply, “you’re going to be just fine – listen, they’re nearly here to get you.”

         “Look!” Blake called out at that moment, Eden followed where Blake was pointing and saw the helicopter directly above them. From its side, there was a red suited person descending on a rope; they came down slowly, using the sides of the crevice to abseil down. The moment he touched down at the bottom, he unhooked the caribeener and the rope drew up again.

         “I’m Will,” he spoke loudly, to be heard over the helicopter, he knelt next to Jude, deftly avoiding the puddle of sick. “What’s your name?”

         “Jude?” Jude struggled.

         “What’s happened here then?” Will asked, surveying the full length of Jude.

         “Slipped…” Jude muttered.

         “We were up there,” Eden explained, pointing to the top of the crevice. “He slipped and fell down.”

         “I’m just going to move this blanket to get a better look at you,” Will pulled the reflective blanket aside, inspecting the bloody break at Jude’s thigh. “You’ve banged yourself up real good Jude – let’s get some painkillers into you, make you feel a bit better.” He began to pull things out of his bag; then pressed a button on his radio. “Ethan, bring the board and leg splint with you.” He searched for a vein on Jude’s hand before warning him. “Sharp scratch Jude.” Jude barely flinched as the needle entered his skin. “You should feel a bit better very soon. I have to say, your friends have done a great job of looking after you.”

         “We don’t know if he lost consciousness,” Eden blurted, “it took us a while to get to him.”

         “When did he vomit?” Will questioned; another paramedic was descending, bringing a board down with him.

         “Not long after we got down,” Blake explained, “we rolled him, Eden supported his head, I did his legs.”

         “Excellent,” Will nodded, “you did the right thing.” The other paramedic was detaching the board from the rope. “Right Jude – are you feeling a bit more comfortable now?” Jude nodded, his teeth had stopped chattering. “We’re going to secure your leg and load you on to the board so we can get you onto the chopper.”

         “Can – can Eden come?” Jude asked, as the paramedic called Ethan began to prepare the leg splint.

         “Sorry mate – only room for you I’m afraid,” Will explained.

         “We’ll get to you,” Eden told him. “We’ll get straight to the van and come. Which hospital are you taking him to?”

         “Sick kids in Edinburgh,” Ethan said, “I think Jude will probably need an operation on that leg. Okay, Jude, you might feel some discomfort as this inflate, but it’ll keep it secure.”

         “Okay,” Jude said; the splint took up his whole left leg. Eden was still gripping Jude’s hand and gave it an extra tight squeeze.

         “It’ll be alright,” Eden promised. “I’ll – I’ll call your mum.”

         “No!” Jude spoke emphatically.

         “Would you rather the hospital phoned them?” Eden asked. “Or me?”

         “You,” Jude whispered.

         “Then I will,” Eden promised.

         “Right Jude, you’re going to have to let Eden go so we can load you onto the board,” Will said; Eden gave a final squeeze and let Jude’s hand go. Blake took hold of Eden’s shoulders and gently pulled him back; he didn’t let go as they loaded Jude onto the board and began to secure the clips to lift him up to the helicopter.

         “I’m going to come up with you, get you in and secured,” Ethan was telling Jude.

         “I’ll see you at the hospital!” Eden called to Jude as they began to be hoisted up.

         “You’d better!” Jude’s voice came back.

         As the hoist took Jude and Ethan upwards, Will turned to Eden, Blake and Archie:

         “Now, you all be careful getting out of here,” he warned. “We don’t want to be coming back for another of you.”

         “We will,” Archie answered solemnly.

         “And I’d advise you all to have something sweet,” he continued. “You’ve all had a shock too.”

         “Thank you,” Eden said; the rope had descended again and Will was attaching himself up to it.

         “We’ll look after him,” Will answered, before pressing a button on his radio and he, too, was hoisted upwards. The three boys watched as he reached the helicopter and after he disappeared inside, the helicopter started to move away.

         They waited as the sound of the helicopter faded away. Eden suddenly felt rather cold without his jacket and he felt as though all of the energy that had surged through him was draining out of his feet into the damp ground. He hadn’t realised how much his knees were trembling and he put his hand out to steady himself against the rock of the crevice.

         “We should get back up,” Archie broke the silence, “we need to get to the van.”

         “I need to phone Jude’s mum…” Eden muttered, feeling a little numb.

         “I think Jay might have already done that,” Archie told him. “but we can find out when we get up.” He’d started to make his way to the slope that they’d come down. Eden didn’t move – or couldn’t. Everything that had happened swirling around him.

         “Eden?” Blake put his hand on Eden’s shoulder; but Eden barely noticed. His chest was feeling tight again and he’d leant further into the rock.

         “Hmmmmbbbllleeuuuchh!!” Eden hadn’t even realised his stomach had revolted until it had burst from his mouth. He coughed harshly, heaving over and over until there was nothing left inside him.

         “Eden – Eden,” Blake’s voice was repeating his name, then he held a bottle close to his lips. “Take a drink.” It took Eden a few moments to be able to respond; eventually he managed to clasp a shaking hand around the bottle and forced a sip down. “It’ll be okay. Jude’s going to be okay.” Eden looked up at Blake, who was peering anxiously at him.

         “I-” Eden couldn’t get any words out.

         “You did the right thing, you helped Jude, and he’s gonna be alright,” Blake reassured. “Take a deep breath.” Eden managed to take some deep breaths and felt slightly less shaky.

         “I just-“ Eden whispered, then shook his head.

         “I know,” Blake nodded. “All we can do now is get to the van and go see him.”

         “Yeah,” Eden agreed.

         “You just – take your time,” he assured, “and we’ll go when you’re ready.”

         “I just want to get out of here,” Eden mumbled.

         “Okay, come on,” Blake wrapped his hand around Eden’s wrist and gently led him towards the slope to get out of the crevice.

         “We’re going straight to Jude, yeah?” Eden asked Archie as they had to use their hands to get out of the steep slope.

         “Yes, as soon as we get to the van, we’ll head to the hospital,” Archie said.

         “Good,” Eden said. “He better bloody be alright.”

[emetoandotherthings]

Medic's Ball

A/N: This fic partially came from this post and partially from @its-a-goddamn-heartbreak who wanted me to write something about Murray. It's taken a bloody long time due to life, but I hope it's enjoyable!

______________________________________________________________

         “Murray? Come on, we have to get going,” Aleks called, knocking gently on his own bedroom door.

         “I’m nearly ready,” Murray answered back, “just another minute!” Aleks checked his watch, they weren’t late yet, but Aleks didn’t want to risk it. The medic’s ball was a big deal, a networking opportunity that could open up potential options for his career. All of the medics were going to be there.

         Aleks tugged at the bow tie around his neck; then compulsively straightened it in the mirror. He still wasn’t sure about it, but he did know that a normal tie always seemed to look odd with his long hair. Murray had picked this one out for him, a deep plum colour that he had to admit suited him. He checked his watch again, his nerves jangling inside him.

         “Mur-” He started to shout again, but his bedroom door squeaked open and he turned to look at his boyfriend. His mouth stayed half open as he stared at him. Murray was in a crisp navy suit, the jacket tailored perfectly and he was grinning sheepishly as he tightened his own necktie. Aleks took a breath in, aware that he was staring but unable to stop. “Murray… you look fantastic!” Pink spots appeared high up on Murray’s cheeks as he stepped towards Aleks.

         “Well, I have to look the part if I’m going to be on the dashing doctor’s arm, don’t I?” Murray said, thrusting his hands in his pockets and subtly showing off the muscles straining through his shirt.

         “I just…” Aleks breathed quietly.

         “Shut up and kiss me,” Murray mumbled, reaching his hand to the back of Aleks’ neck, and pulling him towards him. Aleks’ heart tumbled over inside his chest as he kissed Murray, he wrapped his arms around Murray’s chest and pulled him closer. “We should get going… Don’t want to be late.” Murray spoke when they broke apart, and Aleks was glad to hear that Murray was as breathless as he felt.

         “One condition,” Aleks caught Murray’s hand to prevent him from moving away.

         “What?” Murray asked.

         “You let me take that suit off you when we get home,” Aleks answered; Murray’s face lit up.

         “Naughty…” he grinned, “but yes, of course… Now, come on, we’re going to be late.”

         The night air was balmy and the sky darkening to a dusky blue as night fell. The boys walked in comfortable silence as they approached the university, but Murray could tell just from the pressure of Aleks’ hand that he was nervous.

         “You’re going to smash it Aleks,” Murray told him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze; they could see the lights of the grand hall and hear the chatter of voices. Aleks was tugging at his bow tie again with his free hand. “Come on – just be you. You’re enough.” Aleks looked down at Murray and he felt calmer just by being next to him.

         “Thank you,” Aleks replied; he took a deep breath in and he seemed to grow taller right in front of Murray’s eyes as they stepped forward and entered the hall.

         It was incredibly busy. Trainee medics were decked out in dresses and suits, and dotted around were clearly qualified and experienced doctors. Most were surrounded by eager students, hoping that this would be the night they were noticed/ In among the throngs were waiters, some carrying champagne, wine and fruit juices; others carrying canapes.

         Almost immediately, a waited with champagne stopped by them and they accepted a glass with thanks. Aleks had forewarned Murray that he was going to have one alcoholic drink before switching to fruit juice, he didn’t want to risk triggering an episode. They stood at the edge of the room, Aleks’ height giving him an advantage to be able to see who all was there. Murray felt Aleks stiffen next to him and followed his gaze to see a slightly scruffy looking man with a bright yellow bow tie.

         “He’s here,” Aleks muttered to Murray, taking a rather large gulp of his drink. “Dr. Langston.”

         “The neurologist?” Murray questioned and Aleks nodded. Aleks had been talking about him for ages; he’d been keen on following in his footsteps. “You need to talk to him Aleks.”

         “Yeah,” Aleks agreed, “just, let me work up to it.”

         “All in your time,” Murray said, finishing his own champagne.

         Aleks slowly began to get into the swing of the whole networking thing; he stood on the fringes of conversations, listening in and then somehow managing to become included in them. Instead of the medics being purely self serving, they were all working in tandem, including those nearby with welcome rather than suspicion. Murray watched Aleks out of the corner of his eye; this was the place that Aleks belonged – all of his nervousness and doubt fell away as he discussed medicine.

         “Are you the partner on the arm too?” A girl who was hovering on the edge of the room addressed Murray.

         “Guilty as charged,” Murray laughed, “is it that obvious?”

         “Only if you’re in the same position,” she said, “I’m Elissa.”

         “Murray,” he replied, taking a glass of orange juice from a passing waiter; the room was definitely becoming more warm and stuffy. “At least we get free food and drink!”          “True,” she agreed, “I think that’s what sealed it for me, otherwise who would want to spend an evening being a spare part?”

         “Speak for yourself,” Murray stated, his free hand was tugging at the tie around his neck. The warmth in the room was becoming rather cloying; his cheeks were flushed from it and he could feel sweat beading on his brow and catching the back of his neck. Aleks had floated away into the main body of the crowd, and with a jolt Murray saw that Aleks had somehow managed to engage Dr. Langston in conversation. He could see the doctor’s hands gesticulating as he spoke to Aleks. “I’m gonna get some fresh air.” He told Elissa, turning away from the crowd, towards the doors and the night air.

         Aleks could feel his palms sweating as he hovered around the peripheries of Dr. Langston, who seemed to always be being engaged by a trainee medic. Aleks wished he had the confidence of some of these medics – he couldn’t seem to bring himself to simply launch into a conversation. But the longer he stood, the more he felt that time was slipping past him without any gain. He was trying to think how he could begin a conversation but it seemed he’d been spotted as a voice broke over his thoughts.

         “I must say, that is a particularly fetching bow tie,” it said and Aleks looked up to see Dr. Langston was watching him; he felt his cheeks flush. “It’s almost as nice as my own.”

         “Thanks,” Aleks replied, tugging anxiously at it to straighten it; his mouth had suddenly gone very dry. “I’ve always been incredibly impressed by your work.” Aleks blurted, then felt his face burn from embarrassment.

         “Really?” The doctor’s bushy eyebrows went up. “Is neurology an interest for you?”

         “Very much,” Aleks nodded, glad that his eagerness was not being mocked. “My – my mother died from MND.”

         “I am very sorry to hear that,” he sounded so genuinely sincere that Aleks felt some of the tenseness in his chest relax.

         “And – and, well, I’ve got CVS and I’ve always been intrigued by the reasons why,” Aleks said, then again had a stab of fear – had he just overshared?

         “Really?” He repeated, sounding interested and Aleks noted that he seemed to be surveying him. “What’s your name?”

         “Aleksander Wójcik,” Aleks replied; Dr. Langston stuck his hand out and Aleks shook it, hoping his hands weren’t too sweaty.

         “Well Aleksander,” he smiled, “when you become Dr. Wójcik, I’d be really interested to hear from you.” Aleks could barely believe what he was hearing; his breath caught in his chest. Dr. Langston patted his pockets and produced a business card with his details on it. “Here,” he handed it across, “once you’re an F1, get in touch.”

         “Thank you, I will!” Aleks gripped the card tightly, his heart racing inside his chest. “It was lovely to meet you.”

         “And you,” Dr. Langston nodded and turned away. Aleks slipped the card into the breast pocket of his jacket, feeling like he might just float away onto the ceiling. He made his way to the edge of the room, looking around for Murray. He couldn’t wait to tell him about what had just happened.

         Aleks only felt a little deflated when he had circled the edge of the room and not yet found Murray. He stood at one of the corners, peering over the heads of others in an attempt to find Murray, yet he still couldn’t find him. Maybe he’d gone to the toilet? Aleks grabbed some fruit juice from a passing waiter, drinking it as he circled the room again. When there was still no sign, he rooted around for his phone, looking to see if Murray had sent him a message, but there was nothing. Maybe Murray had found Damian and was in deep conversation with him? Aleks wandered towards the doors that led into the hallway, with the double doors allowing cool night air to flow in. Aleks had taken a good look around, before he spotted a suited figure, there was Murray – leaning against the grey brick of the building.

         “Murray!” Aleks crossed to him in a matter of seconds. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” He could feel his excitement, from the conversation with Dr. Langston, bubbling up inside him.

         “Oh, sorry,” Murray turned towards Aleks, one shoulder still leaning against the wall. “I just wanted to get some air, it was so warm in there!” Murray could tell from the grin affixed on Aleks’ face that it must have gone well. “So…?”

         “What?” Aleks asked non-plussed.

         “How did it go with Dr. Langston? I saw you talking to him,” Murray asked.

         “Murray, he wants me to contact him when I’ve qualified!” Aleks ran his hands through his hair, leaving it tousled.

         “Aleks – that’s amazing!” Murray replied.

         “Oh – he liked the bowtie,” Aleks chuckled, “so I’ve got to give you credit for that!”

         “It does go very well with your eyes,” Murray told him sardonically, but Aleks didn’t seem to notice. Murray felt a wave of heat rushing over him again, and he was surprised the sweat wasn’t dripping from his face.

         “It couldn’t have gone better! He gave me his card, I need to put it somewhere safe so I don’t lose it,” he fingered with the card in his top pocket.

         “I’m so glad,” Murray was desperately trying to inject some enthusiasm into his voice to hide the fact that he definitely knew something was wrong.

         “It was definitely worth standing in that ticket queue for hours,” Aleks agreed, tucking the card deeper into his pocket. “And now, I’ve achieved what I wanted, we can just have some fun! Heck, I might have another glass of champagne!” Aleks laughed; this was him throwing caution to the wind. “Shall we go back in?” Aleks asked, turning away from Murray to look back to the foyer, where other were mingling too.

         “Yeah,” Murray agreed, he was just going to have to suck it up; he moved away from the wall, but almost as soon as his shoulder had left the wall he felt the world around him pitch and white stars began to flash in front of his eyes. Instinctively he put one hand out and pressed it against the wall, but even this didn’t stop the sudden headrush. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with the fingers of his free hand. He tried to take some deep breaths in, as the warmth flooded his body, and he became uncomfortably aware of his knees shaking and his abdomen cramping.

         “Murray?” Aleks’ hand clasped onto Murray’s shoulder, which grounded Murray slightly. “What’s going on?” Aleks sounded concerned, but Murray kept his eyes tight shut, as then he couldn’t see the world swaying.

         “I-” Murray tried to speak, but he felt as though the connection between his brain and mouth had been severed. “Don’t feel – too good.” He managed to get out, though his lips felt like rubber. He leaned harder into the wall, using it to stay upright.

         “D’you feel dizzy?” Aleks asked quickly, and Murray nodded, though this didn’t help. “Hey – you, excuse me?” Murray daren’t open his eyes, but he could hear the movement of people, and Aleks’ hand had moved from his shoulder to his upper arm, almost holding him upright.

         “Here, d’you need a hand?” Murray heard voices he didn’t recognise, before another set of hands clasped around his upper arm and he felt himself being manhandled into a seated position on a chair. Without opening his eyes, he felt a waft of air and then the flapping sounds of something being fanned in his direction.

         “Here’s some water,” another voice came from nearby; Murray suddenly felt a cold shiver pass through his whole body, and even though he was sitting down he felt wobbly all over.

         “Murray?” Aleks’ voice was close to his right side; slowly he opened his eyes, Aleks was kneeling next to him. Nearby he could see some vague figures, one still wafting him with cool air. “What’s going on?” Aleks asked lowly. “Is it a migraine?” Murray shook his head slightly. He still felt fuzzy and was alternating between hot flashes and cold shivers. His midriff felt tight now he was sitting down, as though it was being clamped in a vice.

         “I feel weird,” he mumbled, still not able to get his lips to properly move.

         “Here,” Aleks had taken the glass from someone behind him and he held it up towards Murray’s face, “take a wee sip.” Murray obliged, the cold liquid felt even wetter than it should.

         “S-sorry,” Murray managed to force out after he had swallowed the water.

         “No, it’s okay,” Aleks rested his hand on his leg and squeezed gently. “You’re as white as a ghost!” At least his outside seemed to be mirroring how he felt inside.

         “At least you’ve got all these medics around you to help,” one of the nearby voices laughed.

         “Yeah, thank you all,” Aleks glanced behind him, “I think we’ll be alright from now.”

         “Well, if you need a hand, yell,” the voice assured.

         “Sorry,” Murray repeated; Aleks’ hand gently squeezed Murray’s knee again to reassured him, but Murray kept his head down.

         “How’re you feeling?” Aleks asked quietly, and he gently pressed his fingers into Murray’s cheek. “You’re a bit warm.”

         “It was so hot in there,” Murray muttered, he felt so embarrassed and wished the ground underneath him would open up and swallow him whole.

         “Did you just get a bit light-headed?” Aleks asked; Murray nodded. He couldn’t quite explain why he felt so wobbly, even as he sat on the chair he felt like he might fall off at any moment. He wanted to say yes, but a flash of hot and cold chased through his body, and his midriff cramped tightly. He shrugged eventually. “D’you want some more water?” Murray didn’t really, but he didn’t want to say no, so he held out his hand to accept the water. He took a few sips, but his throat didn’t want to let it down and it felt painful as he forced it. It didn’t help, almost as soon as he’d forced the water down, he felt a lurch in his belly and a sharp jolt shot through him. He straightened up, almost involuntarily, breathing in through his nose as he attempted to quell the sudden wave of nausea. He swallowed quickly, his mouth feeling very wet and the sharp cramping pain in his belly becoming increasingly violent lurches. He was very aware of Aleks kneeling down in front of him and the danger this posed as the pain in his stomach peaked.

         “Move,” Murray found it hard to speak, his mouth filling with saliva that he struggled to swallow. He could have attempted to get somewhere else, somewhere private, but he wasn’t sure his legs would hold him.

         “What?” Aleks seemed confused at this sudden order, but Murray put his hand out and tried to shove Aleks off balance, anything to get him out of the way. “Hey!”

         “Move!” He managed more urgently, his free hand clamping to his stomach as a jerk caused a heave to ripple up. “Brrrhlll!” A thin string of liquidy saliva spilled out of Murray’s lips and onto the ground.

         “Oh…” He heard the recognition in Aleks’ voice. Murray was gulping, hoping that he might be able to stop at that, but more saliva was flooding his mouth.

         “Hic-kurp!” Murray fought down a hybrid hiccup-burp, but he leaned slightly to his side; he didn’t want to throw up on his lap. He’d forgotten how unsteady he was, and as he leaned to his side, he almost overbalanced and fell off the chair. He would have done, if Aleks’ hands hadn’t gripped his shoulders.

         “Whoa!” Aleks held on tight; Murray was still trying to swallow excessively, pushing everything back down into his stomach. “It’s okay – you’re okay.” Aleks could feel him shaking. “God – Murs?”

         “ ‘m sorr – heeulkk!” Another wet hiccup gripped Murray, as the pressure rose in his chest. “Brruuuaaalllp!” The belch reverberated from Murray’s lips and he clamped both hands to his belly, feeling it jerking. “Don’ wanna throw up,” he forced, strained as he gulped down the start of an aborted heave.

         “I don’t think you’ve got much of a choice Murs,” Aleks was moving one hand very gently at the base of his neck.

         “Brrrruuaaarrrrlllpp!” Murray burped gutturally, then his mouth filled with bitter liquid. Before he could even think, his body had reacted. “Brrruuurruuuaaalllchhh!” Murray kept his head bent to the side, and a thick splattering of sick poured onto the ground.

         “Okay,” Aleks rubbed Murray’s back properly. “Get it out Murray.”

         “Bruuarrp!” Murray burped again, his belly lurching and another splash of puke joined the small puddle on the ground. Then, he felt his entire body tense and the charge of liquid that barrelled up his throat, splashing messily and hitting his shoes and trouser legs. “Oh god – huuuarrrk!” Murray barely managed to get the words out before his belly revolted again. His head was swimming as more puke forced out his mouth.

         “You’re okay,” Aleks soothed as Murray breathed raggedly, spitting out the bitter taste from his mouth. “You’re okay…”

         “I feel like crap,” Murray finally managed to get some real words out.

         “Yeah, I realised that,” Aleks said quietly. “Would you like some water to wash your mouth out?”

         “Uuhh…” Murray mumbled, “okay.” He tried to straighten himself on the chair, his hand shaking as he accepted some water and swilled his mouth out. The coolness of the water nearly precipitated the start of a new heave, and Murray closed his eyes and swallowed hard. It paid off for a few seconds, then his chest heaved and the water forced its way out of his mouth and nose. He failed to lean over in time, and sick coated the legs of his trousers.

         “Oh Murray,” Aleks sighed, digging in his pocket to find something to clean Murray up with. He managed to find a tissue to help clean his face, dabbing gently. “We need to get you home.” Murray nodded slightly; he felt miserable. “I’ll call Cain – he might be able to give us a lift.”

         “Sorry…” Murray repeated, he felt very tired and worn out like a deflated balloon. “For ruining-”

         “You didn’t ruin anything!” Aleks stopped him before he could finish. “I spoke to Dr. Langston – that was my goal.” Murray looked up at Aleks, he could see that he meant what he said. “Now my goal is to get you home safe.”

         “Sorry,” Murray couldn’t help it, he just felt so awful. He looked down at his trousers, the splash of sick staining the dark fabric. He groaned, putting his hand up to his face again, and trying not to gag further. “This suit is dry clean only…” He groaned.

         “We can sort that later,” Aleks said. “I’m gonna go phone Cain – see if he can come and get us.”

         “With a – hicculp! – bucket,” Murray commented, one hand reaching back to his upset belly; he didn’t trust that he was entirely empty.

         “I’ll make sure of it,” Aleks put his hand on Murray’s shoulder and squeezed. “It’ll be fine.”

         “Okay,” he sighed. “Not quite how you expected – getting this suit off me.”

         “That can wait,” Aleks gently kissed Murray’s forehead. “Right now, I just need to look after you.”

[emetoandotherthings]

It seems I'm practically incapable of writing a fic without including a heck of a lot of plot too...

On an unrelated note, I'm now currently teaching: an Eden, a Jude, a Ceara, a Silas, a Zara, an Aaliyah and a Xander...

[emetoandotherthings]

Your account just may be the best thing I've stumbled across recently. I'm in love with your work

This message absolutely made my day week!

Thank you so much! I do hope you enjoy, because this gives me joy - and it's so lovely that people still like it after I've been away for so long! 💙

[emetoandotherthings]

Why do I do this to myself?

[emetoandotherthings]

I want need to write angst

[emetoandotherthings]

Sailing Soc

A/N: @its-a-goddamn-heartbreak you wanted Cain... here's Cain! ❤️

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         “Sailing?” Cain put his mug down on the counter and stared at Damian as though he’d grown an extra head. “Are you serious?”

         “Yeah,” Damian said; Cain searched his face as though he was waiting for him to say ‘only joking’.

         When he didn’t, Cain repeated: “Sailing?”

         “Well, yeah,” Damian was nodding. “I saw some sign up sheets for trials with the sailing soc, I thought – why not?” At the table beside them, Jesse snorted so hard he nearly choked on his cereal.

         “Sailing soc?” Jesse spluttered, wiping his mouth. “Oh my god, it’s finally happened.”

         “What?” Damian looked non-plussed as Cain and Jesse exchanging a glance.

         “All those toffs rubbing off on you,” Cain chuckled, then put on a posh accent. “Oh yah, we’re going on the yacht for a jaunt!”

         “Oh shut up!” Damian shoved Cain’s shoulder playfully. “No, I just thought it’d be something different, something outside! God knows you’ve had your head stuck in a book these past few weeks.”

         “You’re one to talk!” It was Cain’s turn to snort this time.

         “Come on,” Damian implored, staring pointedly at Cain. “It’s one afternoon, one taster session – some fresh air, the water, it’ll be fun!”

         “Oh alright,” Cain conceded. “Seeing as you’ve already signed me up!” Damian grinned.

         Cain still didn’t quite know why he agreed to this as he stood on the boardwalk with Damian and 5 others. He was doing it for Damian, who looked buoyantly excited. One of the guys, Isaac, from the sailing soc was handing them each a lifejacket as the other two guys and one girl from sailing soc had already clambered aboard the boat and were preparing it to sail.

         “Sailing is just – it’s everything!” Isaac was proclaiming enthusiastically; much to Damian’s chagrin Isaac did have exactly the posh English accent and attitude that Cain had imitated. “Hopefully this afternoon’ll let you see how joyous it is!”

         Joyous was not the word Cain would have used – he’d tried to hide the fact that his knees were shaking as he climbed aboard the boat, especially as Damian was grinning like an overly excited Labrador.

         “If you all sit there,” Isaac pointed to two indented benches on either side of the front of the boat, “we’re going to do all the work and you can get an idea of what it’s like to sail – we might even let you have a go when we’re properly out on the loch.”

         Cain wedged himself in between Damian and the edge of the white bench, almost immediately he felt wobbly and was glad for the metal railing which lined the edge of it. The boat had backed out of its berth in the marina and was beginning to slowly motor its way out towards the entrance of the loch.

         “Yah, I’ve already done my competent crew qualification,” the girl on the other side of Damian was telling him. “Daddy insisted I did it when I turned 16.”

         “Really?” Damian didn’t sound surprised. “This is my first time on a sail boat – me and Cain, thought we’d try something different.”

         “It’s not as hard as it looks,” she carried on, her voice loud against the wind that was whipping past them. “Not once you get the hang of it!”

         Cain refixed his grip on the railing and tried to take some deep breaths; it was only now that they’d pulled away that he realised how much he absolutely hated this. The boat rocked slightly from side to side, bobbing up and down as the waves and wind moved along. He hadn’t realised quite how aware of his own stomach he was until it seemed to move along with each movement of the boat. He pressed his jaw together, so hard that his back teeth hurt – this was just a taster session, surely it couldn’t last all that long.

         “It’s so fresh, isn’t it?” Damian’s head swivelled round towards Cain.

         “Yeah,” Cain heard himself say, and to his surprise his voice was steady. Damian’s curls were being whipped around by the wind, his cheeks turning pink from the cool air. “It’s lovely.”

         As soon as they were clear of the marina, the girl on Damian’s other side bounded up from the bench to help the society members tack the sail out so they could catch the wind. With more people moving around, the boat rocked and bobbed in the water, and Cain gripped on so tightly on the railing that his knuckles went white.

         “You can come up and see what we’re doing if you like,” Isaac offered; he was standing behind the large wheel looking totally at ease.

         “Cain?” Damian asked, standing up.

         “You go,” Cain said, “I’m still finding my sea legs.” Damian raised his eyebrows, but seemed to accept this at face value. He wobbled a bit as he picked his way over to where Isaac and the girl were having an animated conversation about where they had sailed previously. Cain tried to take deep breaths in through his nose, and inwardly repeated to himself that it wasn’t all bad; ignoring the way his stomach was roiling inside him, sloshing up and down with every wave of the water. He fixed his eyes on the hills in the distance and told himself that he wasn’t moving that much.

         “Isaac says it’s a perfect day for sailing,” Damian dropped back down on the bench next to him.

         “Really?” Cain tried to sound interested.

         “Yeah, just enough wind to catch the sails, and the water being pretty calm,” he was watching the white sail which was affixed out and the wind was pushing against it, giving the boat traction.

         If this was calm, Cain thought, he would hate to see it when it was choppy. With every passing second he was feeling worse, he could feel sweat pooling at the nape of his neck and he found himself swallowing much more frequently.

         “It’s a beautiful part of the country,” Damian seemed lost in the moment, “so peaceful.” Cain remembered that Damian had signed them both up to give them a break from their studies.

         “Mmhmm,” Cain assented, momentarily releasing his grip from the railing before grasping hold of it again – letting go made him feel even more wobbly. They sat in silence for a few long moments, Damian’s eyes were unfocused as he stared out across the water and Cain could hear his long, slow breathing. For some reason, that made Cain feel even worse; he felt his stomach lurching up inside him and he gritted his teeth together again.

         “So,” Damian muttered, “I think this might be something I want to do more…”

         “That’s good,” Cain forced, simultaneously thinking ‘as long as you don’t make me come too’. Damian turned his head to Cain and saw him take a visible double take.

         “Cain?” His hand found Cain’s knee and squeezed. “Are you okay?” There was a split second where Cain was about to lie, but he found himself shaking his head, which he stopped quickly as that movement made him feel worse.

         “Nope,” he forced the word out. “I’m nauseous as hell.” Letting the words out seemed to break the tightness he was holding himself together with.

         “Oh…” Damian breathed. “You look grey…”

         “Yup,” Cain wrapped his arm not gripping on the railing round his stomach. “Feel it…”

         “Do you want some water?” Damian fumbled in his bag to find a bottle. “Try looking at the horizon.”

         “Been doing that,” Cain answered, sucking in air through his teeth.

         “Here,” Damian unscrewed the water bottle and held it out for Cain, “take a few sips.” Cain’s hand was trembling as he took the water and had a tentative sip. “Give me a sec…” Damian pushed himself off the bench; Cain wanted to beg him to stay, that somehow having Damian next to him made this feel less awful. He took another sip, but the water seemed to be staying in his mouth, his throat not wanting to accept anything down it. “Right…” Damian returned and sat back next to Cain. “Honestly – really honestly, are you feeling sick?”

         “Yep,” Cain said, trying not to move his lips too much.

         “Okay, well – if you think you’re going to be sick,” Damian carried on.

         “Don’t say that word,” Cain pleaded, his chest felt tight and his stomach gave an uncomfortable squeeze.

         “Okay, well if…” Damian paused, “you’ve got two options.” Cain didn’t like the sound of that, his stomach gave another squeezing lurch and he swallowed hard. “First option – you lean over the side of the boat.” Cain groaned.

         “Not an option,” Cain muttered, even the thought of being that close to the swirling, churning water made him feel any worse.

         “Okay,” Damian didn’t argue, there was no point in it, especially with how grey and clammy Cain was looking. “Option two, a bag.” Cain groaned again, he’d wished option two had been getting off the boat. “Look,” Damian put his hand on Cain’s shoulder and gently pushed him back a little, “just lean back, take some deep breaths and try to relax a bit.” Cain allowed himself to be eased back, he hadn’t even realised how hunched forward he’d been sitting. He tried to do what Damian advised; he closed his eyes, taking slow deep breaths in through his nose. He’d realised how tightly clenched all of his muscles had been as he consciously tried to relax back into the hard back of the bench. His head was swimming, every part of him being buoyed along as the waves bore the boat onwards; the cold air was whipping past his face as the boat moved through the water. The boat made a short sharp move to one side and Cain felt a burbling sensation rising from deep inside his belly.

         “Bruuualllp!” Cain’s eyes snapped open as the belch escaped past his lips, a lingering bitter acidity swirling in his mouth and his free hand shot up to his mouth as he attempted to swallow.

         “Cain?” Damian squeezed his knee again.

         “Bag…” Cain muttered thickly, his eyes wide as he looked up at Damian. “I need – a bag…”

         “Right,” Damian released his hand from Cain’s knee and began scrabbling in his pocket. “Isaac gave me these…” He unfurled some plastic bags. Cain hadn’t realised he’d let go of the railing until he was snatching a bag from Damian, his chest hurting from the effort of holding down a heave. He shook out one of the bags roughly and brought it up to his face, holding it close to avoid missing it.

         “H’kkkuuuulllk!” Cain’s eyes forced closed at the heave, and he felt the splash of liquid hit the bottom of the bag and he tightened his grip. He knew that was barely a warning shot, and with the way his stomach was lurching that there was more to come. He tried to spit the tendrils of saliva that were clinging to his lips away, but they felt fast to his mouth. “Uggh…”

         “It’s alright,” Cain could hear Damian’s voice, but it felt like it was far away as the sound of his ragged breathing was loud in his ears. He wanted to pull the bag away, cause the bitter tang of the acid was stinging at his nose, but he couldn’t – he couldn’t risk making a mess. His throat tightened and he coughed, harsh and wet, sticking at the back of his mouth and saliva dripped from his lips into the bag.

         “H’kkuuuuuuurrrrggggllleee!” The force with which the wave of vomit poured from his mouth took him by surprise, as did the bag feeling instantly heavy in his hands. From somewhere nearby he could hear cheering and faintly realised that it was because of him, but he didn’t have more than a split second to think about it. “Kk’hhhuuuurrrrggg!” Cain gasped, struggling to take a breath in.

         “God Cain…” Damian’s hand touched the back of Cain’s neck, almost holding him steady as he gulped and gasped.

         “Sorr- heeeuuurrrgggggl!” The word was cut off as another fierce wave of sick forced up his throat and out into the bag which was rapidly filling.

         “No, no,” Damian replied, “just breathe…” Cain’s breath was hitching in his chest, every deep breath seemed to illicit another wave of puke.

         “H’rrrrrgglllluuurrgh!” The bag in Cain’s hands was becoming precariously heavy now; he forced his eyes open, they were watering badly and making it difficult for him to focus. “Need – a new – bag…” He spluttered, feeling his stomach still lurching and clenching.

         “Okay, right,” Damian sounded so calm – how could he be this calm? “Let me tie this one off, I’ll get you a new one…” Damian’s hands grasped near Cain’s wrists and Cain felt the weight of the bag being taken off him.

         “Hurry – hrkk!” Cain heaved wetly, clamping his now free hand across his mouth.

         “Just take deep breaths,” Damian intoned, but he sounded a little more panicked now. “Deep breaths!” Damian was shaking out a new bag, Cain grabbed it from him, pulling it up to his mouth as another heave produced a further wave of sick.

         “Hheeuuuurrgggh!” Cain couldn’t stop it, it was like being on a rollercoaster ride that he couldn’t get off – his stomach dropping then lurching up inside him.

         “Jesus Christ!” Someone nearby cursed, but Cain was still gasping, just waiting for more.

         “Hrrrrgguulll!” There was less liquid this time; Cain had nearly emptied himself out. “Gggrruuurrgggllleee…”

         “Mate, lie him down…” A voice from above Cain’s head was saying. “Lie him on the bench – it can help.”

         “Cain? Did you hear?” Damian’s voice was low and close to Cain’s ear. “If we lie you down, it might help.”

         “Mm, no,” Cain shook his head slightly, a dry heave following and he coughed wetly. “ ‘ll make a mess…”

         “Nah mate,” the voice was coming from Isaac, “you’re empty as a gutted fish.”

         “Hrrk!” Cain retched dryly again at the mention of fish; his stomach was aching and his head felt light.

         “Cain, come on…” Damian fastened his hands around Cain’s wrists as he tried to take the bag away, but Cain redoubled his grip, shaking his head. “Trust me…” Then the tears came, he could feel them burning in his closed eyes; but he allowed Damian to take the bag from his hands. Damian’s hand gripped Cain’s shoulder and very gently lowered him down so he was lying on the bench.

         Being horizontal did help, so did the coolness of the bench against his cheek – the ache in his belly was still there, but the clenching, churning seemed to loosen. Cain realised that he was fully concentrating on breathing in and out, that was all he could focus on. It was only after a few long moments that Cain realised Damian’s fingers were carefully moving his fringe away from his face and gently stroking his cheek. It was so simple, but it meant so much.

         Before he knew it, Damian’s hand was on Cain’s arm: “Cain, come on, we’re getting off…”

         “Can’t move…” Cain mumbled.

         “Let us help,” Damian said; Cain couldn’t protest even if he wanted to. Cain felt hands gripping both of his arms, pulling him gently upright; his legs nearly gave out underneath him and if he hadn’t been supported he would have buckled. “It’s okay,” Damian intoned, half carrying Cain. “Just take little steps.”

         Cain’s legs wobbled all the way along the boardwalk, he still felt as though he was swaying, the world not solid under his feet. His stomach gave a lurch as he missed a step and he gulped in air. When he reached the solid ground of the marina, Cain leant against the wall, his knees trembling under his own weight.

         “I’ve got him from here,” Damian was telling Isaac, who Cain noted had lost the arrogance he’d first displayed and was watching Cain warily. “Thank you.” Isaac nodded, and briefly grasped Damian’s shoulder.

         Cain’s knees gave way and he crumpled, sliding down the wall into a seated position; he was taking long, slow breaths in. Damian sat next to him, placing his hand on Cain’s knee and squeezing gently. They sat for a time, and Damian didn’t remove his hand.

         “How are you feeling now?” He asked eventually.

         “Better,” Cain mumbled, then swallowed. “Embarrassed…”

         “Don’t be,” Damian’s voice was light.

         “I…” Cain’s voice was thin, his throat felt like it’d been burned. “I ruined it – for you…”

         “Cain…” Damian sighed and shook his head. “No you didn’t…” Cain swallowed again, staring intently at his own knees. “Here, have a drink.” Damian pulled a water bottle from his bag, unscrewed it and handed it across; Cain’s hand was still trembling as he took it and drunk, the cool liquid soothing on his throat. “I thought it’d get us out of the flat, just some time.”

         “Sorry…” Cain muttered again.

         “No,” Damian found Cain’s arm and gripped it tight. “I’d never have signed us up if I thought you’d get so…”

         “Seasick?” Cain offered.

         “Yeah,” Damian nodded. “I’m sorry. For putting you through that.”

         “You didn’t know!” Cain refuted. “Heck, I didn’t know…” Cain wrapped his free arm around his stomach.

         “Is your stomach still hurting?” Damian noticed the gesture.

         “Much less now I’m on solid ground,” Cain answered honestly.

         “Good,” Damian said, he looked out towards those still on the boat, tying it up and ensuring it was all secure. “I think you frightened Isaac.” Cain snorted. “Seriously, I think he thought you were going to do yourself an injury. I didn’t think you were ever gonna stop…”

         “Neither did I….” Cain mumbled; with the water he’d drunk he felt slightly better, his aching belly seemed to be calming. “I know, you just wanted something… A break.”

         “Yeah, well…” Damian shrugged.

         “You can do this if you want,” Cain told him, “I saw you enjoying it.”

         “Nah,” Damian shook his head, “I don’t think I’ve got the stomach for it.” He smiled crookedly at Cain.

         “Don’t,” Cain nudged him, but he couldn’t help but smile back.

         “As long as you’re alright,” Damian said.

         “Next time you need a break,” Cain spoke slowly. “Can we maybe just go for a pint?”

         Damian laughed: “Yeah, let’s do that.”

[emetoandotherthings]

I’m in college to become a grade school music teacher right now, & I’m scared my employers will find my emeto blog somehow 😭 Are you scared of this too? And do you have any advice?

Thank you for the ask! I have to admit, I have been concerned that people will find this blog in the past, however I'm old enough to have grown up in the days of the internet in which secret keeping was required. So for example:

this blog has no links to any other types of social media which may be taken as a "personal" account

I use a diminutive of my real name on this account

the only pictures of myself (i.e. my face) on this account are not anywhere else online, so a reverse image search couldn't be used to find them

As someone who previously recruited through a large employer in the UK, when most employers Google someone (though there are technical laws against this to do with privacy and discrimination), they are unlikely to deep dive - they'll look superficially at the first 4 , maybe 5 links and take their understanding from what they see there.

I use a separate email account for this blog and it has no links to any other accounts/platforms I use, it is for this and this alone.

These are my best pieces of advice. The other thing to remember is that most people aren't searching for deep dark secrets when they look at things online. They're looking for outright scandals and indications of anything that might influence safeguarding.

Just keep doing you 💙

[emetoandotherthings]

I got a fucking job! I mean it's supply but it's something

It's in a secondary school and I'm teaching English

Fucking prayers answered

[emetoandotherthings]

I'm being referred to neurosurgery... Shit just got real

[emetoandotherthings]

Does anyone else feel like when they're writing it's like your very blood is pouring out through the pen onto the page and if you write enough then it'll all be drained out of you and it'll be done?