Desert Mother

writer. photographer. mother.

[olearypoetry]

[sulfur]

[vesselsofmercy]

The thin skimmed milk of early morning turns opal, blue rose.

Virginia Woolf, “The Waves” (via echymosis)

[motivatemycollegelife]

[basdos]

[meanwhilepoetry]

1. Every second of every minute you were with him, you thought of him as God, when he should have been seeing a Goddess in you too. But instead he just saw a girl and that is why it hurts this much. You need to love each other for the humanity within you, or you should love each other like Gods, there is no middle path. 2. The darkest version of this kind of damage is how little you think of yourself right now. And it is because he didn’t want you. But think of all the people who do want you, who think you are special, who think the world of you. They may not be him, but the trouble is, you let him become the sun when you should have let him be human instead. Humans are flawed. No one deserves that pedestal in your head but you. 3. There will always be another boy. But what you should be looking for is a man. 4. The strongest thing about you was the thing he had forgotten to appreciate. And you deserve someone who looks at that very thing about you and respects and admires you greatly for it. 5. He didn’t understand, nor appreciate everything you had given up just to see him smile that day. And who wants to be with someone that doesn’t appreciate you? 6. Even when you said you needed him the most, even when you had given him that third, fourth, fifth chance to make amends, he did not apologise the way he should have to you. and you deserve more than that any day. 7. There is enough kindness and strength in your heart that you will want to give him a third, fourth, fifth chance. Don’t. Not today, not tomorrow, not day after. No one is worth the time and effort, no one other than you for yourself. 8. Start thinking of three things that made you smile today and every day. And remember that without him, there are still things in the world that make you smile. Hold onto that. 9. Do everything you enjoyed when he thought was annoying or simply not good enough, even the smallest things. Feel the freedom of no one telling you what you should and shouldn’t do. 10. Remember the girl you were before you met him. Remember her, with the smiles and the grace and the funny stories that didn’t involve him. Remember her with the strength to get over anything. Channel her. Bring her back. She deserves resurrection.

Nikita Gill, 10 Things to Remember After You Break Up With Him (via meanwhilepoetry)

[emilybourne]

had good coffee w a good friend and basically just talked about life for a while which was exactly what I needed. but also I'm hyper aware of everything I say nowadays so I'm like ???? am I saying this stuff over and over again to convince myself that I'm ok and happy or am I genuinely ok and happy?

[emilybourne]

I had a tiny binge tonight and I feel crippled by the thought that ill never ever escape the person I was a few years ago and it’s so scary and frustrating and discouraging, and I just feel depression swooping back in and taking over. but at the same time I feel like absolutely none of my problems are real. 

[coolselfie]

it’s 2014 and I still can’t add pictures to posts on mobile

[coolselfie]

it’s 2017 and I still can’t add pictures to posts on mobile

[emilybourne]

I went blonde to try and look like the girls I get jealous of. I went blonde and tried to diet so I could look like the people everyone else falls in love with. Now I have brown hair again because God keeps reminding me that yes, normal sized, regular-haired Emily has a reason to be on this planet, and my too-loud voice and my knack for falling in love with everyone has a reason to be here, and the exhaustion I can’t sleep away has a reason to be here, and right now all I can focus on is how much I missed my hair, and how much more I understand what it means to feel like myself again.

[balancedhuman]

You’re afraid of hunger, and you’re afraid to eat. You inhale food as though you’re searching for a satiation that will never come. You are eternally hungry, and it’s a hunger that food cannot dissolve. Hunger for the deepest truths, the unlocking of your heart, and the unending desire to wake up from the illusion of pain, suffering, separation, loneliness, and lack. -Diary of a Binge Eater

.CC. | @balancedhuman (via balancedhuman)

[emilybourne]

I have an eating disorder and I can't tell anyone because I barely believe it myself.

late night confessions to no one in particular.

[emilybourne]

I'm ready to pack my bags and move. Honestly. I'm in love with a different city and I'm in love with the idea of no one knowing me and I'm in love with the romanticism of it all. I want to leave everything behind and just live a quiet life somewhere far away from everything here. I feel like everywhere I look I’m weighed down by my childhood. And no, it wasn’t traumatic. but it’s just too much to handle. There are too many people that I feel I have to keep up with, and it’s overwhelming. I don’t want to talk to anyone and I don’t want to keep being the person who plans everything. I want someone, anyone, to pursue me. I’m just so tired of being forced to live this fast-paced lifestyle. I don’t like it and I feel like I’m not living a life that I truly can love. I’m ready to get that one-way ticket and follow the dreams I’ve half-heartedly entertained. I am exhausted. Not just because I’m lacking sleep, but I’m tired deep down in my bones, and it soaks through my soul. No matter how much sleep I get, there’s always something to do when I wake up. I want time to myself, where I don’t have to worry about anyone or anything. There is no capacity for emotion left in me, I can barely hold myself together. My heart is tearing at the seams because I’m so full of emotion but some days I feel so damn empty. I’m ready to leave this place, I have to get out.

[luthienne]

I have done nothing all summer but wait for myself to be myself again —

Georgia O’Keeffe, in a letter to Russel Vernon Hunter, from Georgia O’Keeffe: Art and Letters (via luthienne)

[s]

someone: *driving next to me in the other lane at the exact same speed*

me: don’t make it weird

[emilybourne]

me sitting at the bus stop for 30 seconds: where the bus

[galacticpasta]

is she… you know… [makes sword swinging motion] a lesbian…???