the ‘When You Grow Up’ Question, as I like to call it, might seem like an innocent way to get kids talking about their interests, but it has several major drawbacks:
frames a child’s interests (and their value as a person) as valuable in the far-off future (when they are an adult), not the here-and-now…
…and valuable because of profitability, not because of the joy it brings
is overused, too generic to convey genuine interest, inflicts anxiety, becomes damaging & exhausting over time,
puts unnecessary pressure on kids. sets up the (stressful, unrealistic) expectation that career goals should be part of childhood identity, and children should be planning their adult lives (instead of just being children while they can).
a lot of adults don’t understand how to respond in an appropriate manner! they will respond with “that’s not a real job” or “you won’t make much money doing that,” which is not a helpful reaction when a 4-year-old tells you they want to be a polar bear or a baker. (It’s also not a helpful reaction when a teenager tells you they want to be an artist or musician, btw.)
the notes of this very post are full of adults & teens sharing unhappy childhood memories. no matter what the intention, we can see from firsthand testimony that this question is causing real and lasting harm.
“How else am I supposed to talk to children?” ASK THEM about their INTERESTS!!! Kids have like a MILLION hobbies and interests, they are so gash darn INTERESTED in the world! Ask them about those!!! Ask them:
What books/movies/music do you like?
What’s your favorite animal?
What’s your favorite weird animal?
What’s the worst animal? Name 3 terrible animals. Yes Scar from the Lion King counts.
What’s your favorite type of toy/pet/plant/rock? Yes I would love to see your Rock Collection
What’s the funniest word you can think of?
If you lived in the ocean would you have flippers or a tail?
What 3 superpowers would you choose and what would be your Secret Hero Weakness?
What do you want to talk about?
Most kids love to talk about their interests—if they think you might genuinely be interested. But too many children are used to having their interests dismissed or shut down by adults, and have learned to distrust the ‘When You Grow Up’ Question for precisely that reason. So ask different, more thoughtful questions—and be careful to respond positively. Kids (of all ages) deserve positivity: they deserve to be excited about the world, and to have their excitement reflected back at them. Do Not Drain Their Joy!!!
theartofmadeline
amandla
turnnoffyourmind
titsay
yousharknotpass
