i’d love to take a moment of your time to talk about heidi’s thought process throughout her relationship with eric, from start to end. opinions expressed in this aren’t mine, but just what i believe is going through heidi’s mind.
- beginning: heidi is socially isolated, cut off from social media, and unable to get in touch with her friends. eric is the only one in the same situation as her, she knows how it feels, and thus reaches out to him. he gives her the support and words of motivation she needs to get her out of her depressive and lonely state in order to do something with herself. she does what she can to stop trolling and sees eric as her safe space, as she can tell him anything and eric seems to tell her everything as well.
- post s20: heidi notices eric beginning to shove her away and gets annoyed with her easily, so she does her best to appease him. though, she ends up frustrated with his actions which ends up in her acting somewhat aggressively towards him. at this point, heidi believes it’s her fault he’s acting this way. she must be doing something wrong and thus she must do what she can to fix it.
- doubling down: this is where blame starts being pushed towards eric, yes of course she still feels bad and partially blames herself for not being good enough. though, she recognizes his manipulative and harmful behavior towards him and this starts their breakup/makeup stages. eventually, kyle steps in and gives her the courage she needs to break out of it. she’s scared she can’t appease eric, and something potentially bad may happen as a result of breaking up with him. not to mention all the ridicule from her friends has been getting to her. kyle finds heidi in a similar place she was pre-eric, and helps her through it. here’s where eric comes in and tells her it isn’t her fault. she’s been putting so much stress on herself, and when she has someone to blame she feels if she can get rid of that person, take all the guilt off her, she may feel better. thus, she dumps kyle.
- post doubling down: now heidi has taken eric’s mentality to heart. her friends are ignoring her, talking behind her back, disapproving her relationship? well she hasn’t done anything wrong because SHE is the victim. thus, letting her rage out on others is justified. eric isn’t supporting her, asking her to calm down? well he’s the one who’s been harassing her. she’s being shot down yet again! she’s the victim. she can snap at him. this cycle continues and both eric and heidi believe they’re the victims. they blame their behavior on everyone else so they can take out all their aggression, sadness, and any other emotions they may be feeling out on others instead of walking through them and learning to cope. they become abusers because they believe they are justified enough from what they’ve been through to be able to act this way.
- splatty tomato: this is heidi’s wake up call. up until now, heidi honestly doesn’t believe she’s changed all too much. she believes the people around her have changed and are targeting her. when kyle mentions that he’d “never have the hots for who she is now” that’s a snap to reality. she thinks it over and realizes she’s changed, and tries to walk herself through it. when the kids go on their journey, they visit key places in her and eric’s relationship. i’ll analyze each of these individually:
bridge: this is where heidi made social suicide. she remembers being scared, but she was better back then. hopeful and naive as she puts it. back then she was unaware of her future victimization. she was hopeful for a new start and a better life. as heidi recalls this, she realizes her wishes never came true. and thus she begins lashing out and the image of her past self. calling her a bitch because she used to have it better. she’s jealous.
woods: this is where heidi realizes the true damage eric has caused, not to her specifically but to her mindset. she realizes he tried to kill her, and when eric tries to justify it with a “bad mood” she snaps at him. because that’s an awful excuse. she doesn’t see him as any sort of victim. she is still the victim.
shack: heidi remembers eric’s experience, the one he shared with her. she remembers how kind he once was to her, how understanding. and now she grows even more upset because those moments seem to mean nothing to him anymore. the moments they both spilled their hearts out to each other, the moments they were able to just talk and half a good time. she’s angry she can’t have that anymore. eric took that away. she’s the victim.
- episode end: heidi pulls the gun on eric, having to take out her aggression on him. he took everything from her, she’s the victim, he’s abusive, she’s trapped in an abusive relationship. her boyfriend is making her crazy she doesn’t know what else to do— and then she realizes something. that sounds exactly like him. she remembers what kyle said about eric always finding some way to be the victim, and realizes that she’s been doing the same thing. she breaks up with him for good. not because it’s his fault, but because she allowed herself to be manipulated by him. it’s her fault she’s like this. she has control over her actions, that’s clear. she was avoiding the truth, but now she doesn’t want to anymore. she wants to be nice again. she wants to be healthy, caring, and all around a better person from what she’s made herself become. eric threatens to kill himself, and for once she’s not worried for him. because now she knows what it’s like to play victim. she knows he’s blaming her for all his issues, and she knows she’s not to blame for them. she’s to blame for her own actions and vise versa. and so she walks away. she’s not playing his game anymore.
prguitarman
snowghoul
pixelskylines
titsay