Lord Of The Flies Shitposts

Icon art by @popsicle-stick ! I like to monologue about Lord Of The Flies. Especially Ralph.

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

“Fuck you, my protagonist is completely fine.”

Your protagonist is softly looking at Piggy without seeing him, and telling himself that Jack will come back when the sun comes down.

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

“I cannot for the life of me understand why small children take so long to grow up. I think they do it deliberately, just to annoy me.”

- Jack Merridew

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

Okay, but like

We unanimously agree Ralph’s dad is probably hot, no?

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

Jack: I hate you.

Ralph: Fine! I hate y-

Ralph: I hate-

Ralph: …

Ralph: Fine!

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

YOU’RE BACK!

I was passing by, remembered this place existed; stopped for a milkshake.

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

I am gonna read lord of the files for the first time today! no spoliers.

How was it? Do you feel fundamentally changed within your very person?

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

Ralph: You just killed my best friend!

Roger: And your worst enemy.

Ralph: Same difference!

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

Ralph: I wish I could’ve been a little stronger.

Ralph: I wish that we’d had Simon here for longer.

Ralph: I wish I’d understood

Ralph: Sometimes humans aren’t so good.

Ralph: I wish we’d been rescued before

Ralph: This whole island turned to war.

Ralph: I wish we could be friends-

Jack: I WISH THIS SPEAR WERE SHARP

BOTH ENDS!

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

OMG HI ITS BEEN SO LONG 😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️ I MISSED U!!!!

So I have the craziest story! I was on this island…

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

Ralph loves ‘Heathers: The Musical’.

Jack scorns this, claiming it’s not ‘proper’ theatre.

He’d rather die than admit that it’s grown on him.

Ralph knows.

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

Ralph: If Roger and I were both drowning, who would you save?

Simon: I don’t know, both of you.

Ralph: No, if you could only save one of us.

Simon: Well I would probably save Roger because he can’t swim and I happen to know you’re an excellent swimmer.

Ralph: Suppose I was holding an anchor? Who would you save then?

Simon: Well why don’t you let go of the anchor?

Ralph:…It’s a family heirloom.

Simon: I’m leaving.

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

Lord Of The Flies Characters as My Piercings (past and present):

Ralph - septum. Probably my favourite of my piercings, the septum is definitely a very noticeable piercing, due to being in the centre of the face (kinda like how Ralph is the centre of the novel.) Really pretty jewellery available, and definitely worth the pain. (And loving Ralph can be painful at times.)

Simon - Rook. The rook piercing was definitely one of my more painful ones (which is fitting, given how much Simon’s death hurt us all.) However, all in all, the rook is so out of the way (like Simon) that you can wear headphones and masks with it, without them getting caught! A very well behaved piercing!

Sam and Eric - Earlobes. The most youthful piercing, for sure, just like how youthful and free-spirited the twins are. You can also either have matching earlobe piercings or mix it up - just like some of the differing headcanons that some people have for each twin. (Mine did, however, get infected due to being pierced with a gun at Claire’s, just like how the twins can also be loveable little shits at times.)

Jack - Tongue: One of my most problematic piercings. You use your tongue daily for things like eating and speaking, so this one can be an utter nightmare to heal, and (like the helix) gets caught on everything. Tongue piercings (like Jack) really make their presence felt. However, it looks so cool that I’d miss it if I ever took it out.

Maurice - Smiley: Honestly, not all that painful. My smiley was one of the more problematic ones, but more annoying than truly painful or uncomfortable. Sound familiar? Much as it got in the way, my smiley piercing did always manage to look cool, and like Maurice, it’s one that always gives you a reason to smile!

Roger - Helix: The rook’s evil twin. Where the rook sits nicely tucked away without causing problems, my helix got caught on EVERYTHING. Hair, earbuds, masks, you name it. About as bad as the tongue for getting painfully caught, except just hidden enough to hit you when you least expect it. Roger-vibes through and through.

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

A glance at Ralph’s Instagram. 💕

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

Lord Of The Flies Characters as Quality Street Chocolates

Ralph - The Purple One (Popular; enjoys the finer things in life; little bit nuts deep inside.)

Simon - The Green Triangle (Sweet all the way through; a fandom favourite; no unexpected surprises at his core.)

Jack - Toffee Finger (You either love him or hate him. Kinda tough; the chocolate/toffee combination makes things exciting.)

Roger - Toffee Penny (Again, love him or hate him; also little tough; more consistency than the toffee finger - what you see is what you get. Even if it’s just…Aggression.)

Sam & Eric - Caramel Swirl (Fairly standard chocolate/caramel combo, but always enjoyable; never the last one at the bottom of the tub.)

Piggy - Coconut Eclair (Frequently left at the bottom of the tub; not a super common favourite but those who like him will defend him to the death.)

Percival - Milk choc block (Not a ton going on, but very sweet; not particularly exciting but nothing unpleasant going on. Just a straightforward, pleasant chocolate).

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

Lord Of The Flies Characters and their favourite Christmas Movies! 🎄

Jack - Miracle on 34th Street. I headcanon Jack as a law student in a present day setting, and I feel like he’d be into the whole theme of a lawyer saving the day. He pretends that that’s the only reason, and that he doesn’t care about the sentimental aspect. (He’s lying.)

Bonus: However, if there’s one Christmas movie that Jack is incredibly over, it’s The Nightmare Before Christmas. A lifetime of being called Jack the Pumpkin King will do that to you.

Roger - White Christmas (the Black Mirror episode). And “No, it is NOT Love Actually, fuck OFF, Maurice.” White Christmas is dark, existential, and straight-up terrifying. Which is exactly why Roger would love it.

Ralph - How The Grinch Stole Christmas. (2000 version.)

This festive classic,

filled with warm Christmas cheer

Ralph insists upon watching

when Christmas grows near.

Despite his Who-like upbeatness,

within his soul, there’s a pinch

of cynicism and chaos

not unlike our dear Grinch.

It’s a movie night Must Watch,

yet without fail, every time,

Ralph resorts, for hours after,

to speaking in rhyme.

Sam - Nativity! I love the idea that both of the twins’ favourite Christmas films are ones that they watched together as kids, and Nativity! has those classic nostalgic British primary school vibes that I think Sam would love.

Eric - Elf For similar reasons to Sam’s. Much as the twins love watching Christmas films with the whole group, they always have to watch Nativity! and Elf together the first time around. Also, Eric has Irritating Younger Sibling energy, and totally references Elf ALL through December.

Maurice - Christmas With The Kranks I’m sorry but this movie is fucking hilarious. And Maurice’s commentary can only make it even funnier. I was initially so torn between so many films for Maurice, but Christmas With The Kranks has so many endless gems, and Maurice 100% has everyone in stitches watching it.

Simon - The Snowman So what if there’s no speaking? It’s a beautiful short film that I could see Simon appreciating greatly. Everything from the Walking In The Air soundtrack to the gorgeous artwork to the general sentiment of the film just says Simon, to me.

Percival - The Polar Express God knows why, because this movie is creepy as shit. Even Roger and his Black Mirror Christmas favourite will begrudgingly admit that this film is disconcerting. That said, Percival adores it, and demands blankets and hot chocolate to make for a perfect viewing.

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

Lord Of The Flies Ships as Things That Are Not Ships:

Jalph: A rocket 🚀- It’s not rocket science (ha) to see how Jalph is like a rocket. It’s not always practical, but it’s powerful, and like rocket science, it can be complicated. But when it works, it’s out of this world.

Rogermon: A steam engine 🚂 - It’s not the fastest, and it can take a while to reach your destination, but much like Rogermon, steam engines are for people who like to sit back and appreciate the journey.

Ralmon: A bus 🚌 - Like the school-like nature of a bus, there’s a sort of youthful innocence to this pairing. It’s not the grandest or the most powerful, but there’s a comforting familiarity to it, just like the friends-to-lovers essence of Ralmon.

Rogice: An airplane ✈️ - It’s a pairing f that goes over some people’s heads (ha) and it’s not always the most down to earth pairing, but it’s a little daring; it’s adventurous and exciting. Like an airplane, once you’re on board, Rogice will get you seeing things from a whole new perspective.

Jager: A motorcycle 🏍 - It’s one of the most dangerous ways to travel, and maybe to get on board, you have to be a little reckless. Like Jager, motorcycles can be unpredictable, and while exciting, there’s danger at every turn.

Ralric: A speedboat 🚤 - It’s not a pairing you see every day, nor is a speedboat an everyday means of travel. In fact, often, it’s not about travelling anywhere at all - it’s about having fun. And while speedboats, like Ralric, rarely have many people on board, both make for a hell of a ride.

[emotionally-ralphunctioning]

@askthesatanchild suggested a dark academia Jack aesthetic, so I combined it with my Lawyer-Jack headcanon and viola.