Encyclopedia of Advice

The A-Z of Advice Here to give you some real advice, no question too big or too small.

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How would I know if a guy likes me

Past responses.

The only way to really know is by having him tell you but here are some common clues. Don’t be afraid, just go for it!

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The guy I'm seeing is talking to his ex and other girls, it makes me super uncomfortable, what do I do?

Let him know! I mean its totally normal for him to have girl friends and maybe his ex falls exclusively into that category now too but you have to let him know how this is making you feel. Honest communication is always the best approach… He may not realise his actions are upsetting you or you may let him know and his response will show you that it really is harmless friendships.

A relationship should never be suffocating. I’m sure you wouldn’t like to be controlled in who you talk to either so make sure you are both being honest and reasonable xx

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how can i get over my ex boyf..he cheated on me and i just want to get him out of my head. Also, how can i stop myself from feeling physically sick every time i see the girl he cheated on me with.. thanks xx

I’m sorry this happened to you, cheating is terrible and you don’t deserve that. It also sucks that you have to see the girl he cheated with around - that sure doesn’t help making things get easier.

Know that what he did is his fault and has nothing to do with you. It was entirely his choice to make that shitty decision and nothing you could have done or did do would alter that. This whole process will take time but just keep strong knowing you are so much better than what he did to you.

If it hurts too much to see that girl, try to limit the contact you will have with her but know that time heals all wounds and someday you will be so much stronger than before xx

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Hey. I'm not sure what I want my career to be. I'm not passionate about anything, really. I don't know what to do. I used to be so sure of myself and I had a perfect plan of what I wanted my future to be, even down to the schools I'd be sending my kids to. It all fell through when I changed my mind about my career. Now, I don't want to do either. I'm not sure of what I should do now.

There is no need to have such a future planned out. In fact it will most likely give you a lot of unnecessary stress when life inevitably does its own thing and that doesn’t fit with your pre-planned path.

Focus on what you enjoy, what you could see yourself doing for 50+ years in the future. If going to university is a plan for you then your first year can be really general anyway, you can get a taster of a few things before working out what you want to specialise. If you feel completely blind however, there is no need to rush into university or any other course of study. Give yourself time to figure it out. That may mean taking a year of full/part time work or going travelling. Allow yourself to figure out what is important to you. Personally, through my studies the best way I have found out what I am interested in is by trying a bunch of things I thought could have appealed and realising some are really not for me.

Don’t stress please. There is no time pressure. Do your thing, keep motivated and it will come xx

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Hi, i added a new guy thats a year older than me in my school 2 days ago at around 10pm, so i didnt expect him to accept me right away. But a day later he still wouldnt accept, so. I Asked my friend to add him and then i checked today morning and he accepted... Its been about a couple days snce this happened and e still haven't accepwted me. I jever talked to him, only eye contact so idk why he wouldnt accept me??

Maybe he doesn’t like to accept/add people that he’s never talked to irl, completely reasonable. You don’t need validation from social media. Go out and actually meet people if that’s what you want to do!

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My friend booked a holiday for summer (July '16) however the company who I had completed work experience with last year emailed (after the holiday's been booked) saying I have a month's placement, so now I am unable to go on the holiday. The friend who booked the holiday has asked for me to pay the money (which I would pay if I was going) or find a replacement to pay the amount. I don't want to pay as I'm not going + still need to find a replacement...what should I do? Thank you, JM

You have to find the replacement or pay the money for the holiday if you can’t find someone, simple as! Unfortunate for you that you can’t make it know but that shouldn’t mean your friend is stuck paying for a trip you backed out of!

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I have a friend who I really like -- and I'm too nervous right now to ask if he likes me; what are some signs that a guy likes you?

Hey hey check out the frequently asked responses to this here and here. I know it can be really tricky and daunting when it’s a close friend but if you feel a connection and want to see if he feel it to then there’s only one way to find out - tell him how you feel and ask if he feels the same!

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I am seeing someone and by the looks of it we may be official and monogamous soon but I don't feel comfortable doing that until she knows about my mental health problems. I have previously suffered from depression and currently have severe anxiety which I take an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety, an anti-psychotic, and a stimulant for. How do I go about telling her this information? How do I know she can handle it? What do I do if she can't?

Be as open as you can. It’s a tricky situation because you don’t know how she is going to respond. Have faith in her - you obviously appreciate her enough as a person to want to be with her and talk with her about your mental health so go into this with a positive attitude. Explain how your mental health problems affect your day-to-day life and also how they don’t. Breaking down stereotypes and negative associations will help her to be more at ease at the situation. Explain your medication and how it helps. Discuss what triggers things for you.

This is providing she takes it all well… Give her as much information as you feel comfortable with and that you feel like she can handle at this early stage. In terms of knowing whether she can handle it: ask her questions and gauge her responses to you. Tell her you know its a lot to take in at once. Give her time to process what you’ve said and then come back and see what she says. Most people will want to help, or be there for you (even though they may not know how). If she’s completely negative about the situation then you know you’ve dodged a bullet but mental health affects so many people and we almost all know someone affected so I hope that is not the case with her.

Giving someone so much information about yourself on something that is for some reason considered ‘taboo’ is frightening. And because a lot of mental health stuff is kept private, it is a lot for a new person to take on in one go. Give her time and try to start a discussion rather than a one way conversation. Best of luck xx

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Hello. I need to study. But i always pocrastinate and finals comingbup. What should i do?

Get off your devices! Seems simple but it is an essential (and sometimes difficult) first step. Set yourself goals for each day of what you are going to achieve. Break down the hours of study in those days so that you can get achieve your big goal. Have regular breaks but make sure they are deserved - work hard when you are supposed to be working. DISCIPLINE IS KEY. I 100% know that all this is easier said than done but think about the big picture of what you want to achieve. When it comes down to it, its just a few weeks of hard work that will make or break your results. You can do this x

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Hi! I've been having my period for a few years now and I want to start using tampons. I've tried many times now to insert one in but every time it kind of hurts and I must be doing something wrong. I don't know if I'm finding the place where you're supposed to put it in. I'm going swimming on Friday and I'd really like to know how to do it by then but then idk if I'd even dare to go into the pool, even with a tampon in. Thank you in advance!

Tampons can seem pretty scary and it’s not a great feeling when you can tell that it’s not in properly. If inserted correctly you really shouldn’t be able to feel it at all. They kind of have to go in on a pretty funny angle. Look at the little diagram that they provide in the information sheet that comes with your box of tampons. It recommends standing with one foot raised on the toilet seat so that your legs are far enough apart. Also, try using a mirror so that you can really see what you’re doing. It does take a bit of practice, but make sure you only do it when you’re actually on your period. You should be totally fine in the pool if your tampon is in correctly. Once you think you’ve got it right I would recommend testing it a few times before jumping in! If you’re worried about leakage then wear a pad as a safety barrier for the first time (obviously not in the pool :P).

And if you’re still struggling and feel comfortable to do so, then try to get some advice from your Mum xx

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Hi this is kinda scary for me because your the first person I have ever told but I think there is a chance I might be bi or gay. I'm only young but I'm just so confused right now. With friends and family I will talk about boys and I convince others that I like boys but I feel like I'm lying to myself and suppressing my attraction for women :/

I am so proud of you, you have managed to tell someone something that’s obviously been playing on your mind massively. That’s so important, suppression is never healthy. Honestly as humans we all just feel what we feel. You mentioned that you’re young so give yourself a chance to explore this within yourself. If you have a friend or family member that you feel comfortable sharing this with already then great, go ahead and do that. Explore who you are as a person, it’s amazing if you can do this from a young age. Always stay honest to yourself, it will help you live a much happier life.

And remember, labels only hold the importance that you personally chose to give them. You may feel a particular need to define yourself as gay or bisexual (because this can definitely help to establish a sense of community), or you may really not care and just think of it as loving who you love. There is no right answer, no “this is when I have to come out” and please, do not let there be any suppression of feelings. Do whatever feels right for you when you feel comfortable to do it xo

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I just want to cry..being ignored?

Hi, I spent a weekend with my penpal recently, he came down to my area(we live in the same country, but he’s on the other side to me) Since he’s been home, we’ve only talked to each other once. I sent him a long message 7 days ago on the site I met him on four months ago and even though he’s been online every night,no reply. I feel so pathetic but I can’t stop checking if he messaged me.  I can’t shake the feeling that he’s ignoring me. I don’t know what to do..I’m so so scared because this has happened before with people I thought were my friends cutting off all contact with me. I’ve been trying to think of something I might have done that could have upset him but I can’t think of anything. Maybe I’m just being paranoid and I should just wait it out. We had a good weekend together and I treated him really well..the last message he sent me was telling me he enjoyed the weekend so I don’t know I’m not getting a reply.  I have his number and have him on facebook but honestly, I don’t think I should message him again..I don’t want to be clingy but I do like him a lot and I want to know him more. This evening my mother said something that worried me..she asked me had I heard from him since and I explained to her. Then she said “Hmm..you must have done something to spook him. Don’t you think that’s strange you haven’t talked much?” He’s an Asian guy so I thought about our cultural differences..we had talked about hugging(he said he likes hugs depending on the person and when he’d meet me he’d hug me) and every time I touched him(his arm, back) I asked if it was okay to do so and he said it was and he hugged me back when I hugged him but my mother said “even though he said it was okay to you, deep in his heart he may have thought differently/been uncomfortable” I feel like I may have appeared too full on without meaning to :’/   He’s going home in six months so maybe he doesn’t want to get too close but even so, I’m hoping to visit him before the end of summer. I don’t want to lose him.. I could say more to you but this ask is getting too long already ;;

Do you think he’s ignoring me? What would you do if you were me?

I end up giving this advice so much because people truly do get very caught up in their own scenarios. We look at everything that’s happened and try to find some meaning when really, it’s way to hard to determine by ourselves. There’s not one factor we can look at and say “this is why everything else that has happened since has happened this way”/”this is why everything is playing out as it is”. Sometimes it’s just too tricky to determine. 

Really you have to talk to the person and find out what’s going on. I say it all the time and I’ll say it again to you now :) I truly believe this is the best was to deal with these kinds of situations. Give it a go and see what he says. In the end, if he can’t be honest with you or doesn’t bother replying then as much as it might suck right now, he really isn’t someone worth wasting your time over. We know a good friend or a good person for us to be with based on how they treat us and sometimes if we’ve tried everything else to no avail, we have to know when to let them go.

xx

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Hey there, I have a problem. I like my teacher, he's young, handsome and very confident and I am afraid that this will hurt my notes and it also doesn't help that he gives me a bit of extra atention as he's been told that I am one of the best students and he's also always giving me compliments on the way I do things. As a result of all this I am afraid to look him in the eyes and I get very nervous when speaking to him cause I like him SO MUCH HELPP

I think most people would say that they’ve experienced having to work with an attractive teacher at one point or another. You’ve just got to remember that all you have is a school girl/boy crush and that your teacher is there for a specific purpose. It’s okay to be nervous around people and your teacher probably won’t even notice the way you are acting (to him you could just be a naturally shy student). The most important thing of all is to make sure that although you find him attractive, you’re not too distracted by him. Make sure to work hard and still produce a good quality of work. It’s just like finding any other boy in class cute; you can’t let it distract you from the reason that you’re at school… to learn and to work to the best of your ability!

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so theres this guy, we were friends for like 2 years or something and then this spring we got super close, idk why but we were talking 24/7 no joke. anyway so we kinda drifted and then back but over all we were okay and it was good, but lately we're idk and then this week summer started and we haven't talked since we hugged goodbye at school. idk what to do and i really dont want to "just talk to him" like i dont want to lose him but i dont feel like he loves me or idk please help :((

Even though you don’t want to hear it, you’ve really just give yourself the advice that you didn’t want to hear. It’s summer, who knows when you will next see him. The only way that you can guarantee that you guys will continue to communicate is if he talks to you (but feeling like you’re waiting round is no fun at all) OR TALK TO HIM! Honestly, nothing will progress if you don’t and deep down I think you know that too. It really seems like you think you’ve got pretty intense feelings for this guy so you need to make the effort to find out he feels too.

I definitely get that it can be scary to make the first move but in a scenario like this, what other good choice do you have? x

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Hi I think I finally realized that I don't have feelings for by ex I'm just still feeling deprived of our realtionship he put more effort into his ex & my best friend then he did with me. I don't know how to lose that feeling & move on please help ?

The most important thing you need to keep reminding yourself is that the way he acted does not determine who you are, or probably even how you behaved in the relationship. Even if something was missing for him, it doesn’t mean that you were failing to give him something… More just that there was an incompatibility there between the two of you.

All I can say is that one relationship - or any relationship for that matter - does not define you. This one didn’t work out the greatest and you don’t feel like he put enough effort into the relationship. Now you just have to look forward and know that the next time you find yourself in a relationship, you will make sure you’re with someone who you think puts in the effort that you deserve x

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*i think this is quite urgent bc my crush n i go 2 the same church but we've never talked! i started liking him when i noticed him glancing or staring at me. i would glance back and he would turn away. and if i was in a certain area he'd come by and immediately turn back. so i added him on fb and started a convo asking him if we could be friends/know each other better but he hasn't replied. i'm scared, did i do something wrong? was i delusional and misunderstood his glances? plshelpsundayisnear

You haven’t done anything wrong! From what you’ve said to me you’ve been friendly but not pushy. Perhaps he’s shy too. Also the fact that your message to him didn’t mention liking him but just that you’d like to be friends is good because it comes off as less intimidating and forceful. There’s nothing you can do that will make him reply to you before Sunday obviously. But try to catch his eye and if you see him looking at you then just give him a friendly smile :) If you’re feeling super confident you could go up and start talking to him however if you don’t feel ready for that then this is a good starting point.

Best of luck!x