life in serenity

Her name is Joleth | 25 | PH  She is demure, but a bit loud to those she is comfortable with. She wants to drift away from this reality and loves being put into test. She graduated Accountancy and is now working as an outsourced accountant.

[endearedmess]

2022 in a nutshell.

2022 was definitely a rollercoaster ride. I was emotionally, physically and mentally challenged. I’m giving myself a pat on the back for surviving one crazy ride.

Losing my dad was undoubtedly the most heartbreaking and painful part of my entire existence. It has been 10 months, but silent tears still flows. I guess that I just need to learn how to live with the pain, and numb myself through the pain but I needed to be strong — not only for myself but also for my family especially my mom (who is definitely hurting more than I am).  What hurts the most are the small and big wins that we celebrated and we are to celebrate in the days, months and years to come, all to celebrate without my dad, it just hurts. Words cannot fathom the sadness, pain that we are going through into thinking that my dad won’t be here anymore to witness all those wins & occasions.

“Tay, I can’t seem to list all the wins that we had for 2022, idk how to celebrate those wins, but I know or I do hope that you are very very proud of me. I promise to go above and beyond for our family and give them the life you've always dreamed of. I just want to say in silence how much it would mean to have you here as we accomplish all of our dreams. Please know that I can always feel your presence and that you always have a special place in me.”

[endearedmess]

random bubble

I can’t believe that December is coming to an end. It feels like it was just yesterday when I first updated this blog and here we are closing another chapter of our year. 

Some things just made me realize that I should be appreciating things and give it all the credit to God.  For years, I’ve been blinded by the things I can do and made myself believe that it was all my doing that I’ve been achieving things.  I've been doubting myself for most of my adult life; what I don't realize is that God is preparing me for something bigger. It was a good thing that I didn’t settle for less. It was a good thing I didn’t live in the notion of “Why me?” but instead “Try me”. If not, I wouldn’t be able to experience, buy things and seize the life that I’m living this year.

My boyfriend and I recently purchased a parcel of land, which we intend to use as an investment or as a residential property in the near future. I can’t believe it!  I’ve been lowkey of everything that I’ve been doing. I was done on the social media fantasies. I’ve been living the real world but I just can’t keep it to myself this big milestone. Well at the very least, share it to few people here who reads this (if there is one lol)

Stay Guarded, Stay Motivated. Have faith in yourself even if no one else does. In time, We will eventually be able to accomplish whatever we have wished for. A small step forward is still a step forward :)

[endearedmess]

There is no closest word to describe this week as a whirlwind of events - closing week, a cousin got married, deadlines to meet, team bonding and old friends catching up, plus a big decision came up (trying not to burst my own bubble)

Just like any other month, busy weeks always come during the 1st to 2nd week where we need to send reports at a certain day, to make matters worse is some clients’ report all fall on the same day. Luckily and as it should be, I was able to meet all the deadlines, silently hoping everything is fine.

We’ve been preparing for my cousin’s wedding for almost half a year - party favors, invitations, gowns and whatnots. Can you imagine planning for something for a long period just to have it happen in the blink of an eye? It was exhilarating, but at the same time ‘twas exhausting!

Something I've had my eye on for over a year! I finally got to meet my beautiful team!!! To be honest, it was my first time meeting most of them, yet it seemed like I'd known them for a long time. You know how when you meet someone, you get a warm sensation inside and want to talk to them without feeling embarrassed - that's it! lol Idk if you get why I mean.

Idk how to wrap this week, i've added a story to close this entry, and it wasn't saved. But, have a great week ahead! im vv sleepy and I have work tomorrow, xoxo.

[endearedmess]

Outside the Spectrum

Life hasn’t been like a bed of roses. When I was a kid, i thought when you are an achiever and a jack of all trades whatever you want to dream as child, it will all come to you naturally. However, here’s the thing: Things in life are never just black and white, there are a shades of colors hidden within. People have a defensive mechanism that allows them to project a personality in order to disguise what is truly going on inside of them. I remember i read one passage before and here is the gist. You may view her as an outgoing girl with a bright smile on her face, but you will never see the lady whose surrounds are distorted into light and shadows, and she has the dreadful sensation of falling over the cliff. Yes, you can never understand that feeling, but just let her know that you can be with her. 

We have our own battles to fight but what’s worse are the silent battles we need to face, alone.

[endearedmess]

I'm proud of you always. And I hope we (well I) get to see your entries again - just like in the old days 😉. I'm a bit flabbergasted (WOW) that I found your profile and your post on my dash (wow that's so old school.) Well, one thing is for sure - you know who I am. And yes, your secret is safe with me, always. 🐼

Is it you I'm thinking of? with that 🐼 emoji? if it's you, siz, you know I don't have to be shy around you and i'm fine with you knowing this. 🙊

[z-ndjenja]

what if everything you are going through is preparing you for what you’ve asked for?

[starei]

the concept of growing into love is so much more intriguing than falling in love. it’s like, on all our good days and bad days, I will choose to love you, I will learn with you, I will live my life with you and we will grow into and with each other through the passage of time

[endearedmess]

4th Day of December

It's Saturday, and the year 2021 has flown by in the blink of an eye, and we're nearing the end of another chapter of the new normal. I was one of those many who got their luck this 2021. I landed a new job where they pay a pretty good amount, great environment and here I am gradually achieving my dreams. Pre-pandemic, I was in “almost quarter” life crisis. I’ve been questioning my purpose, success and worst is comparing myself with my others. To be honest, my race started a bit late. Why? Let’s just say I was put in to a slightly different line of work, and I just realized it just recently.

Pandemic was a blessing in disguise (no, I wasn't fantasizing about it; it just came to me in a different way, more like an opportunity). Life has been so good to me lately, and I am hoping it will always be. Yes I am ready for small bumps, but still preparing for some rough roads that life has to offer (but still not emotionally prepared). Going back, I feel like everything is going right where they are supposed to be. Finally landing a job that fits right with what I studied for 5 long years + review, providing the needs of my family, and financially stable -- I’m slowly getting there. 

I’m still in the verge of self-love, rediscovering my purpose and life goals. Why do these things do not have a manual or instructions, just so we know how to be in control and what steps to follow lol.  Talk to me, if ever you feel the same way (even if you don’t hehe)

[endearedmess]

Life Lately

Hi Tumblr,

I haven't updated my blog in years. Trends, life, and the world have all changed drastically! Isn't change the only constant in the world? I'll be back for personal journals because I believe this is the most handy thing on the world! Despite the fact that I am hoping that I still know how to navigate the website, I am praying that nothing has changed. *crossed fingers* Skip the part on html, bear with me on the current layout.

So, I am now a graduate student working as an outsourced accountant for a BPO firm. I've been enjoying my workplace; the atmosphere is so welcoming, and my coworkers are all so pleasant and helpful, which makes work so enjoyable and stress-free, and insert the fact that we presently work from home. This is, I suppose, one of the perks of the new normal. But, even if the world returns to new normal, I am hopeful that we will be able to work from home. Consider the money you'll save on rent, meals, and a spontaneous day out with coworkers. That's a lot of money saved working from home whereas our company already pays for internet and power! I mean, I appreciate working in the office with my coworkers because I haven't worked with them since I was employed, but let's face it- working from home is more convenient. *gags silently*

Fun Fact: I am still in love with KPOP, imagine the loyalty! and yes, i am still in love with my boys, EXO. They are currently on hiatus -- members in the military, achieving their dreams as a soloist, and Chen living the life as a father/husband. Yes, our boys did that!  Idols also have a life to live :) Don’t come at me, again they have a life to live.

Side note: If you know me personally, please don't approach me and say, "I read your blog." lol I appreciate you reading and coming across this platform. But i appreciate the feeling of being able to freely express myself without fear of being judged because I am shy or I know that someone I know personally reads my blog (hehe)

[endearedmess]

This semester has been so cruel to us for not letting us sleep, relax and sometimes not letting us eat. So, we need a break for this kind of cruelty haha

Went to Hungry Neighbors and Barney’s Burger with my girls

We’ve been craving for it since school days

my friends are such a sucker for Starbucks

I want green tea :(( 

But i wanted to try cotton candy so, that is the pink one

Marco and I went to Bluebees, I’ve been craving for Jack Daniel’s Burger

Thanks to my boyfriend and friends for satisfying my cravings

So what is diet? Basically we are pigging out. Calories. I don’t care about you anymore. HAHAHA

[endearedmess]

These photos were taken when our family went to a vacation in Bagac, Bataan, my mom invited Marco to come with us but he was too shy and said that It is a family bonding. We stayed in Bagac for 3 days, and we tried cliff diving, island hopping, and snorkeling. You don’t know how much I love sea and beaches. I find peace in sea. Omg I have the silliest mom, I love her forever!!!

[thelovewhisperer]

I’m not looking to fall in love. I’m not even necessarily looking for a boyfriend right now. All I really want is to find a nice, good guy I can text late at night, joke around with, and be stupid with. Someone who likes the same music as me, someone I can easily talk to, someone I can be my total self around and not mind at all. A guy I can waste Friday nights with, laugh with, and have fun with. Someone who’s not perfect, but understands me, you know? Is that really too much to ask for?

Quotes about love and relatioship (via thelovewhisperer)

Guess I found mine already *hearts emoji*

[endearedmess]

Cheers for Semestral Break

So, this semester already ended!!!! *throws confetti, chairs, test questionnaires* Today ended this semester i know said it again but I am just too happy cause I can catch up sleep that I was deprived this week. I literally pulled an all nighter just to finish this hella exams. 

Seriously speaking, to be an accountancy student is no joke. It is not easy as black and white!!! You need to deal with a lot of numbers and to your professors and the quizzes that you don’t know where on earth you’ll find the answers of their out of this world questions, like literally!!!! 

BUT I am proud that I am 3rd year, Accountancy Student! I passed our university’s hardest professor, qualifying exam, and its quizzes. I already finished 5 semesters and 3 to go to finish Accounting Tech and another 2 semesters for Accountancy. 

(delete the fact that i was disappointed today, my stress reliever became my stress *sobs* why is my boyfriend so hot tempered it makes me sad!) 

 I am really happy that it is sembreak! I will really sleep a lot!!!!! Happy day everyone!!!

[balerieshares]

[endearedmess]

A little throwback on what my boyfriend did in my birthday.

I was still at Angeles last August 21 to treat my friends. Marco and I have plans after I treated my friends, and that is to eat outside. While my friends and I were eating, he texted me that we cannot eat outside because of their thesis. So we decided not to go out and he will just send me home. 

At 3;00, I’m asking them to go home already cause my body’s dead tired. My bestfriend kept on telling me to stay at their house to eat cheesecake, who can resist it? but I still said no. When we were on our way at 4:30pm, I kept on ranting to my bestfriend about what I was expecting that I think will never happen and she was agreeing.

At home. I was shocked when my cousin, who seldom go out their house was in our house. And then Ate Criselle came, and was asking for a cardigan and I said I don’t have cause I am too lazy to find for it. But she keeps on nagging me to find it for her in my room, and when I entered my room I was so surprised!!!!! My room was decorated with a lot of balloons and letter papers, audio visual presentation, disco light and my cousins and siblings were there taking videos of me. I nearly wanted to cry tried to hold it up. But I can’t, I wanted to express what I exactly felt during that day but idk how. And then I blew my candle which Marco prepared, he gave me gifts, one of those was foods with “cheesy lines” on it. Is it weird if I’ll say it was my first time to experience to be surprised. I mean I’m not kidding!!!!

After all those time, I found out that my bestfriend knew everything what Marco was planning. And she explained why she is aloof for 2 months, yes they are preparing for it for 2 months. Even my parents and siblings knew about it, and I am glad and very happy. I swear!!!! 

[endearedmess]

if you like me i’ll literally never realize it until you tell me, “I like you” and even then I’m still not sure

[endearedmess]

What i say: I have anxiety

What most people think i said: I am awkward but cute awkward and shy.

What people assume: I am imagining illnesses to justify my lifestyle and personality.

What i actually mean: I live in a constant fear. I worry about the past, current or future situations, i have stomach and head pains all the time, tachycardia and awful panic attacks that include heart palpitations, and breathing problems. I suffer everyday and not only in "stressful situations". I think so much before i do something and eventually i don't do it at all, so people think i am lazy. I suffer from insomnia. I sweat to the idea of having to interact with people. I don't use the word anxiety to justify anything or to make myself look cool. It's a mental disorder, i have to live with it and find ways to control the symptoms. It is not a trend. Many people around the world actually suffer from this disorder. Accept those who have it and help them, don't judge them, don't joke about it. NEVER.