Taking a break from my "healing and positivity" arc to take a brief detour down "bitter divorced man who tried everything he could to make it work" lane. Please hold.
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@endlesslyupwards
Taking a break from my "healing and positivity" arc to take a brief detour down "bitter divorced man who tried everything he could to make it work" lane. Please hold.
"I promise I'll do better, I promise I'll learn for you" and you promised the last dozen fucking times and nothing has changed. Nothing has changed. "Please just trust me this time" I have trusted you every time. You have shown me no reason why I should keep doing it. I hope and pray that you're able to stick to your promises this time time around but you need to make them to yourself, not to me. It's not my responsibility to keep waiting on you to change when you never have before. Fuck.
*through gritted teeth* the world is GOOD. people are kind. Humans are NOT inheritly selfish. you will make it through this year. recovery is possible. people you don't know yet will love you. You are going to do things you can't even imagine right now. You are going to read a rlly good book. You are going to eat some rlly good food. You are going to experience joy again. Things can get better. Situations can change. You can choose to be kinder. The world can change for the better.
It is the way it is but it doesn't have to be.
me when my disability disables me
shoutout to all high school dropouts, students who didn’t get accepted into college, students who used to be on honor roll but became overwhelmed, students who study for hours but still fail tests, or student who don’t study at all due to depression/anxiety, you are all stars and I’m wishing y'all the best luck possible to get back on your feet
This year asked a lot of you, and you met it. You navigated big change, loss, instability, emotional upheaval, and moments where the ground kept shifting under your feet. You kept showing up anyway. You adapted. You endured. You did enough. More than enough.
I want to be wanted. I want to be cared about. I want people to help me. I want people to make accommodations for me. I want people to ask me what's wrong and listen when I tell them.
Taking care of yourself is a fucking SLOG. It's never ending and slow going and it never takes less effort and you always have to keep Working On It. I wish I could be like "yeah guys I promise it gets easier! You won't even have to think about it a year from now!" but I'm not going to sugarcoat it, it fucking sucks.
BUT. A year from now your head's not going to hurt every single morning when you wake up. Your skin will be softer. Your muscles will be more used to moving. Your teeth won't feel grimy. You'll be able to read a page of text and understand it without getting distracted. The gratification isn't immediate, but you'll feel it. You will feel it. I promise that much.
Everything is going to be okay. Everything is going to work out.
autumn/winter affirmations:
7 p.m. is not late
your day is not over at 7 p.m.
you are allowed to leave your house after it gets dark
7 p.m. is so early
What are you proud of yourself for today?
Meal prep for the week
Breakfast:
Egg + veggie muffins (VERY good)
Smoothie packs: (just add sweetener, almond milk, and greek yogurt)
Peanut butter, banana, chocolate protein
Blueberry, spinach, banana
Strawberry, banana, chia seeds
Lunch:
Cottage cheese (I know, I know), sunflower seeds, peaches/pineapple alternating
Dinners planned:
Venison stroganoff
Quinoa pepper skillet
Garlic butter chicken and potatoes
Parmesan crusted chicken and zucchini fritters
Chicken curry
Cheeseburger mac
Venison steaks, asparagus, and stuffed mushrooms
I'll let y'all know how this one goes, but I'm optimistic! Breakfasts and lunches are all in the fridge at work so I don't have to remember to bring them in every morning 💫
So my life kinda spiraled out of control after starting this blog. But we're back, bay-bee! And thid time with 💫more realistic expectations💫
I wish someone would see how hard I am trying to hold everything together! I am trying! It is hard! Everything is very much not together!