riki is still devastated knowing that you already moved on from him and the unforgettable moments you both shared within the past three years. his heart bleeds from the memories you two had, that’s still engraved on his head. his mind is a mess that he can’t hold you the same as before. not to mention, you and heeseung are best friends which riki is aware of but he never expected the revelation he will be witnessing before his very eyes. ୨ৎ catalogue
NOTE/S: hi, thank you for 400 friends :p (it took me long to finish this fic oml, my bad.) i got so busy with work and i feel unwell rn. like damn, give me a break. also, happy pride month!
“riki, can you stop acting like this?”
heeseung asked the younger, it pains him to see the younger like this every time he visits riki. it’s been three years and he’s still not over you. he even suggested to riki that they should go to the club to have some fun and maybe, he can find someone better than you.
“like what, hyung?” riki scoffed. “being sad from the fact that the love of my life left me that easily? am i that replaceable? tell me.”
the elder rolled his eyes, frustrated. he did everything he can do to force the younger to move on and live freely yet he’s still can’t keep your name out of his mouth. the boys were asking for riki since he’s been missing out the fun. heeseung may be annoyed from the younger’s behavior, nevertheless, he felt bad seeing him act this way.
he went to the kitchen to prepare a breakfast for the both of them, like what he usually do. evan began making the honey soy garlic chicken, with his phone playing in the background since watching a tutorial might be a big help so he can make it as perfect as possible.
just as he finished setting up everything on the table, riki came downstairs to see what’s the ruckus happening in his kitchen. he snickered when he saw his hyung wearing an apron, he could choose a plain one but knowing his “one-of-a-kind dear hyung” he picked the one who has a deer on it.
“what’s funny?” heeseung raised an eyebrow. “anyway, here. you should eat up, yeah? i can’t bear to see my brother starving himself to death.”
“you’re so sweet, hyung. how come you never act like this with the other guys? mhm…” he rubbed his chin, mockingly as he makes fun of his hyung who’s now staring at him like he’s disgusted with what he just said.
the latter guy scoffed, trying to be unbothered as he can. “to answer that question, it’s because… you’re still a baby to me, riki-ya.”
heeseung masked it as a joke, despite the fact that it’s true. he never want to see the younger guy to be miserable and isolates himself from everyone, again. there was a time when riki shuts his friends out, he even blocked them so he can have the peace he was asking for.
obviously, they were disappointed but eventually, they understood that he just needed some space, considering that riki came to apologize to them.
he remembered it clearly how the youngest cried his heart out because he just got out from a heartbreak. he never told anyone the reason of their break-up and being heeseung, the eager to know everything about riki or about anyone he considered as a family in particular.
there’s still no answers to his questions up-to this day.
“hyung… i know you’re old but quit calling me a baby.” he whined, as he went to the counter and took a seat. heeseung throw his head back, laughing, thinking that riki’s reactions to his teasing remarks are adorable.
the both of them dig in on their meals while talking about random stuff that happened few years ago.
riki was known to be timid, he also loves playing basketball but he never once played it on their school because (1) he doesn’t have the courage to play it with people watching or passing by. (2) he’s still lack of skills and (3) he just doesn’t want to.
and then, heeseung approached him, asking him to be part of the team because they are in need of a new member. he was about to refuse but the elder is staring at him with his doe eyes, with certainty, he obliged. that’s when he saw you at the gymnasium, watching the basketball players as you cheered for them when they scored. he noticed that you’re a huge fan of basketball.
it was a bitter-sweet feeling reminiscing those days.
the way your face lit up with a grin when the topic is about your interests, your energy shifted from being the loudest one to feeling drained when it’s crowded. you also bring a strawberry smoothie anywhere you go. the prettiest girl he has ever seen in his entire life, no one can come close to your beauty.
besides that, he got to know that you are in the same class as lee heeseung and you’re also best friends. from then on, he always sees you at one of the benches, having a blast and enjoying your time alone. so what he did is, he approached you and asked if you like someone from the basketball team.
you looked up at him and shakes your head, emitting a chuckle. “i just love to watch basketball. the adrenaline rush, cheering on to your favored team and if they win the game, you’ll leave the place with so much warmth in your heart. that’s all.”
he blinked rapidly, he didn’t expect you to answer him seriously with your eyes sparkling. he was technically joking. right.
“woah, so… when did you start liking bball?” riki laughs awkwardly. meanwhile, his presence confused you since he popped out of nowhere and then, asking you questions like he’s interested to know you.
“since, i was like… seven? well, my dad is a fan of ‘bball’ and he watches it all the time. if you were to ask who’s my favorite player, it’s kevin durant. like dude, he’s such a good player and an excellent leader. i wish i could play basketball as well.” you heaved out a sigh.
ni-ki leaned his back on the wall, a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “i’m here, i can teach you anytime. if you want to, that is.”
“no, thank you.” you rejected his offer, because he’s not the person you want to teach you your favorite sport.
“you still need to work on your shooting skills, dude.” you added, before waving him off as someone from the basketball team called for him and he looked back at you for the last time, pouting.
—
[back to present]
you received a message from one of your batch mates that there will be a reunion for next week and you are hesitant to agree, knowing your ex will be there. the relationship ended on bad terms, and the reason is you fell out of love. there was confessing about your real intentions, feelings and riki didn’t want to accept the reality of losing you.
he was bawling his eyes out as he gripped onto your hand, pleading to death that he can’t bear to let you leave him. that sight broke you, seeing him frantically called out your name while sobbing tore your heart apart.
it was for the better, rather than lying to your own-self that you still love him even though your heart and mind is thinking about someone else. the guilt was eating you up; hence, you ended things with him. riki deserves someone who will never treat him like you did.
you [10:09 AM]: see you next week :)
the boys are hanging out at riki’s house and the younger is regretting inviting them over. they were making too much noise and they found the snacks he hid on the hidden compartment. he grunted out of frustration since he can’t possibly tell them to get out of his house when he’s been making excuses all the time not to hang out with them.
“how have you been, riki? got something to share with us?” one of his friends asked.
riki thought for half a second, uncertain on how he truly feels at the moment. is he really okay? did he finally move on from you? absolutely not. you still haunt him everyday from that specific night you left him. how could you walk away that easily?
did you regret making his life miserable, even a bit? he still have no idea, you’re always unpredictable. he can’t forget the time where you exposed yourself and everything became clear to him.
you’re so evil, [name], but why does riki still longed for you?
“i’ve been good, guys. heeseung hyung knows it.” he took a glance at his older friend, heeseung just grimaced at his poor act. “and there’s nothing to share at all… i mean, i’m trying really hard to feel better.”
“you still love her, do you?”
that’s where it stops—no noise can be heard, his body stayed frozen and he doesn’t know what to respond to his friends’ question, like, it was tough to open his mouth and tell the truth.
heeseung noticed the awkward silence, so he butted in by clearing his throat. ni-ki is glad that heeseung is here or else he would have lost it.
“okay… let’s stop this unnecessary interrogation. he didn’t invite you guys to pester him about what happened from the past, alright? we’re here to chill and bond.” heeseung tittered, getting up from his seat and walking towards riki.
“chill and bond…? pfft, right. aren’t you being two-faced right now, lee heeseung?” ni-ki turned his head to stare at his friends and mostly to heeseung, who’s now looking troubled. “you didn’t tell riki that you’ve been talking to [name]? ha, of course, you wouldn’t tell that the two of you are going out.”
what…? you and heeseung hyung…? they are lying, right? whatever i’m thinking right now isn’t possible, right? they will not be doing this behind my back.
“cat got your tongue? come on, hee. don’t play dirty and act like you’re a saint… because you’re not. i saw her name on your phone.” heeseung swallowed hard and glance at his side where riki is sitting. “[name] is coming at our reunion. i didn’t see what she said, but i swear, i saw her name on heeseung’s phone.”
riki gripped the pillow he’s been holding, like he wants to ripped it. “is that true, heeseung hyung?”
“riks… it’s not what you think it is—“
“just answer my goddamn question!”
the younger couldn’t hold it anymore, he yelled at heeseung who he treat like his older brother. someone precious to him, adores him and he got the guts to betray him. there’s so much “why’s” question running through his head. he closed his eyes and prayed that it was all just a nightmare.
a true friend will never do you dirty like that.
“y—yes, yes. we’re seeing each other but i swear to god, we’re not dating. [name] has been my best friend and i don’t want to make her feel like i abandoned her. you guys are important to me and i know, fuck, i know how much i want you to move on from her because you deserve more. i can’t tell you what she said to me but please, riks, do it for you—not for her, or anyone. i can never betray you, believe me.” heeseung explained with a teary eye as riki listened closely and carefully with everything he just said.
riki only hummed, still quiet. “do you know she likes you, heeseung hyung?”
heeseung clenched his fist, he feels like he’s been put on the hot seat. he opened his mouth and closing it like he’s unable to answer the younger. ni-ki laughed lowly, he’s not stupid enough not to know that reaction. clearly, heeseung knows you have feelings for him since forever, yet, you chose to be with riki because you thought you have no chance with him.
he assumed that the two of you are dating in secret. it shouldn’t hurt him this much, however, the pain on his chest said other wise.
“when did the both of you start dating? is it fun to see how pathetic i look while you’re here dating my ex, hyung? shit, i should have known. she told me that she likes you so much, she even cried in my arms that night because of you. why couldn’t it be me? you’re always in the way. she felt guilty being in a relationship with me while thinking of you… it sucks so bad. so tell me, how can i fucking move on now knowing you and [name] are dating?”
“i’m sorry… i—we dated behind your back. it just happened. i did like her but after i got the news you’re dating her, i stopped liking [name]. and then, after the two of you split up… she called me… she said she needs company. she was drinking in her apartment, she kept blaming herself because she did love you, riks.”
it doesn’t compare to the love she has for you, though.
“…she confessed that she still have feelings for me. we thought hiding our relationship is for the better because i literally considered you as my little brother and i fucking dated your ex. i know you won’t forgive me, but please, don’t think that you’re not worthy of love.”
was he supposed to give him a standing ovation that heeseung owned up to it. if he didn’t speak up and notice his deceptive act, the older guy will continue lying to him. as if their friendship didn’t matter to him and breaking the bro-code effortlessly.
the urge to punch his hyung in the face is intensifying but he withheld. this is unbearable than knowing you cheated.
ni-ki restrained himself from letting the tears fall and accepting the reality that you’ll never come back. it’s evident that heeseung genuinely loves you, he can see it in his eyes.
should he show up at the reunion and suffer by seeing his own friend being lovey-dovey with his ex? he cannot stomach the thoughts of you falling in love after the breakup. perhaps, it’s time to move forward and let go of the things that was once he hold dearly.
“i need time, hyung. i trusted you. if you considered me as your little brother, you wouldn’t do this shit to me. i hope she’s happy with you, and congrats. i don’t want to see your face ever again.” riki towered over him and then, stepping away to create a distance between him and heeseung. “you all can get the fuck out of my house, don’t ever contact me again.”
—
the reunion is happening today. the days went by so fast that you almost forgot you’ll be attending with him and you might see your ex there, riki. heeseung told you what occurred last week between them and you don’t know how to react because up until now, you feel disgusting about yourself for breaking the bond they both had.
but the thing is, you didn’t regret following what your heart wants. yes, you hurt ni-ki’s feelings but you didn’t want to stay with him while you were thinking about someone else. in spite of everything, you admit that you did love the guy, however, there isn’t a measure in this world that could express your love for lee heeseung.
he was your first love.
heeseung is now driving while you’re sitting calmly in the passenger seat, as if you weren’t battling with your thoughts awhile ago because of your ex partner being in the same place with you.
“hey, you okay?” heeseung cuts you off mid-thought, squeezing your hand to reassure you that everything will be fine.
you deliberately nodded, “i’m fine, hee.”
he did not buy the lie. clearly, you’re still anxious from the fact that riki might be there. god knows, what will happen when the two of you arrived at the location.
when you finally reached the destination, you greeted everyone you knew and heeseung excused himself to the restroom. you told him to hurry up so he wouldn’t miss out the fun. as he left, you’re too busy with your friends, yapping about the past events with them. the embarrassing, remarkable and infuriating moments during senior high.
you noticed that the loud whispers around you turned out quiet and still. your friends took a glimpse at you and then, behind you like they saw a ghost. baffled by their strange expression, you looked over your shoulder to see what the commotion was about.
nishimura riki is here. you could feel your throat is closing up, unable to process that it is happening. the plan to talk it out with him is about to happen and you don’t want to waste it any longer. after the words you throw at him, how you deeply hurt him by saying you’re still in love with your best friend, lee heeseung.
he didn’t see you approaching him as he went inside to find a seat to chill. when riki sensed that someone is following him, he turned his body to fully face the person and which is you. he froze on the spot, as if your presence made him unable to move.
“it’s been awhile, ki.” your mouth curved into a smile that he hasn’t seen for a long time, he missed it. he missed you so fucking much. “how… how have you been?”
riki wants to scream at you, really wish he could do the same way as you tear him apart. yet, here he is, still acting like he is fine without you.
“fine, you?” he responded, too casual. in an attempt to conceal his anger, the lingering love that he still holds and how unfair you are.
you can’t lie but his cold tone gives you goosebumps. “same. i don’t want to take more of your time, ki. i just need to tell you that i was serious with our relationship… you can think all you want, and say that i’m lying to you but i’m not. yes, i told you that i kept thinking about hee, it’s true. that doesn’t mean, i didn’t love you then. i’m really really really sorry for not being there while you were, maybe, thinking that you weren’t enough—no—i’m just not the right person for you to have poured your love into.” you took a deep breath before you continue.
“also, i never cheated on you, i never did. i tried so hard to stop thinking about heeseung but i can’t, i don’t know how to. i don’t know, if you’ll be able to forgive me, but please, i swear to you that my intention wasn’t to make you doubt yourself—your worth.”
he tutted, tongue poking the inner side of his cheeks. “you already did make me feel unworthy, [name]. why did you just say it now? after three goddamn years and you’re here explaining that i deserve better? because yes, i really do. i was hoping it’ll be you until the end, but you toyed with my feelings. i loved you, fuck—i still love you.” no other words can describe how surprise you are from his sudden outburst.
as he was about to grab your hand, heeseung slithered his hand on your waist. possessively, making it known to the public you are his.
“what are you guys talking about? it seems… intense.” heeseung stared at you and then, at the younger guy who’s silently hoping he can vanish.
“it’s nothing, i’ll go now. thanks for the chit-chat, [name].” and he’s gone, you finally can breathe.
meanwhile, heeseung dragged you across the hallway. “what was that..? did you and riki finally made up?”
“chill, hee. i just apologized and he told me… that he still loves me.” you bit on your lower lip, head hung low. you can imagine how heeseung would react.
“ah, well clearly, he still do.” he agreed. “i’m just hoping he’ll find someone soon or better yet, he will love himself more, rather than pouring out all of his love. i’m not making you feel bad about what you did to him, baby. it already happened, yeah? and we cannot change our past. so please, don’t overthink too much, hm? i love you.”
you looked up at him, mouth trembling. “i love you, hee. thank you for staying with me.” he pressed your head against his chest to calm you down and kissing the top of your head while whispering sweet nothings to your ear.
after two years of being in a relationship with lee heeseung, you realized that you found comfort in him—plus, a person who truly understands you. when your lover asked you to go at the place where you first dated, it’s unbelievable how unexpected it’d be to see a banner where it says “will you be my wife, [full name]? let’s spend the rest of our lives together.”
a heavy sob tore out of your chest before you collided your body against him to give him a tight hug, “yesyesyes, i’d love to.”
it felt like you were in a fairytale from the moment you think you won’t find someone that can love you more as much as you do love them. and now, you’re happily married. moreover, you adopted seven kittens and one dog. you look at them lovingly, oh how lucky and happy you are to have such a beautiful life you’re living at the moment.
in the meantime, riki has finally moved forward from you—from everything, leaving all of it behind with an aching heart. therefore, he’s focus on his career where he is known as a famous model from a popular brand. he is happy and content with his life right now.
riki is still devastated knowing that you already moved on from him and the unforgettable moments you both shared within the past three years. his heart bleeds from the memories you two had, that’s still engraved on his head. his mind is a mess that he can’t hold you the same as before. not to mention, you and heeseung are best friends which riki is aware of but he never expected the revelation he will be witnessing before his very eyes. ୨ৎ catalogue
NOTE/S: hi, thank you for 400 friends :p (it took me long to finish this fic oml, my bad.) i got so busy with work and i feel unwell rn. like damn, give me a break. also, happy pride month!
“riki, can you stop acting like this?”
heeseung asked the younger, it pains him to see the younger like this every time he visits riki. it’s been three years and he’s still not over you. he even suggested to riki that they should go to the club to have some fun and maybe, he can find someone better than you.
“like what, hyung?” riki scoffed. “being sad from the fact that the love of my life left me that easily? am i that replaceable? tell me.”
the elder rolled his eyes, frustrated. he did everything he can do to force the younger to move on and live freely yet he’s still can’t keep your name out of his mouth. the boys were asking for riki since he’s been missing out the fun. heeseung may be annoyed from the younger’s behavior, nevertheless, he felt bad seeing him act this way.
he went to the kitchen to prepare a breakfast for the both of them, like what he usually do. evan began making the honey soy garlic chicken, with his phone playing in the background since watching a tutorial might be a big help so he can make it as perfect as possible.
just as he finished setting up everything on the table, riki came downstairs to see what’s the ruckus happening in his kitchen. he snickered when he saw his hyung wearing an apron, he could choose a plain one but knowing his “one-of-a-kind dear hyung” he picked the one who has a deer on it.
“what’s funny?” heeseung raised an eyebrow. “anyway, here. you should eat up, yeah? i can’t bear to see my brother starving himself to death.”
“you’re so sweet, hyung. how come you never act like this with the other guys? mhm…” he rubbed his chin, mockingly as he makes fun of his hyung who’s now staring at him like he’s disgusted with what he just said.
the latter guy scoffed, trying to be unbothered as he can. “to answer that question, it’s because… you’re still a baby to me, riki-ya.”
heeseung masked it as a joke, despite the fact that it’s true. he never want to see the younger guy to be miserable and isolates himself from everyone, again. there was a time when riki shuts his friends out, he even blocked them so he can have the peace he was asking for.
obviously, they were disappointed but eventually, they understood that he just needed some space, considering that riki came to apologize to them.
he remembered it clearly how the youngest cried his heart out because he just got out from a heartbreak. he never told anyone the reason of their break-up and being heeseung, the eager to know everything about riki or about anyone he considered as a family in particular.
there’s still no answers to his questions up-to this day.
“hyung… i know you’re old but quit calling me a baby.” he whined, as he went to the counter and took a seat. heeseung throw his head back, laughing, thinking that riki’s reactions to his teasing remarks are adorable.
the both of them dig in on their meals while talking about random stuff that happened few years ago.
riki was known to be timid, he also loves playing basketball but he never once played it on their school because (1) he doesn’t have the courage to play it with people watching or passing by. (2) he’s still lack of skills and (3) he just doesn’t want to.
and then, heeseung approached him, asking him to be part of the team because they are in need of a new member. he was about to refuse but the elder is staring at him with his doe eyes, with certainty, he obliged. that’s when he saw you at the gymnasium, watching the basketball players as you cheered for them when they scored. he noticed that you’re a huge fan of basketball.
it was a bitter-sweet feeling reminiscing those days.
the way your face lit up with a grin when the topic is about your interests, your energy shifted from being the loudest one to feeling drained when it’s crowded. you also bring a strawberry smoothie anywhere you go. the prettiest girl he has ever seen in his entire life, no one can come close to your beauty.
besides that, he got to know that you are in the same class as lee heeseung and you’re also best friends. from then on, he always sees you at one of the benches, having a blast and enjoying your time alone. so what he did is, he approached you and asked if you like someone from the basketball team.
you looked up at him and shakes your head, emitting a chuckle. “i just love to watch basketball. the adrenaline rush, cheering on to your favored team and if they win the game, you’ll leave the place with so much warmth in your heart. that’s all.”
he blinked rapidly, he didn’t expect you to answer him seriously with your eyes sparkling. he was technically joking. right.
“woah, so… when did you start liking bball?” riki laughs awkwardly. meanwhile, his presence confused you since he popped out of nowhere and then, asking you questions like he’s interested to know you.
“since, i was like… seven? well, my dad is a fan of ‘bball’ and he watches it all the time. if you were to ask who’s my favorite player, it’s kevin durant. like dude, he’s such a good player and an excellent leader. i wish i could play basketball as well.” you heaved out a sigh.
ni-ki leaned his back on the wall, a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “i’m here, i can teach you anytime. if you want to, that is.”
“no, thank you.” you rejected his offer, because he’s not the person you want to teach you your favorite sport.
“you still need to work on your shooting skills, dude.” you added, before waving him off as someone from the basketball team called for him and he looked back at you for the last time, pouting.
—
[back to present]
you received a message from one of your batch mates that there will be a reunion for next week and you are hesitant to agree, knowing your ex will be there. the relationship ended on bad terms, and the reason is you fell out of love. there was confessing about your real intentions, feelings and riki didn’t want to accept the reality of losing you.
he was bawling his eyes out as he gripped onto your hand, pleading to death that he can’t bear to let you leave him. that sight broke you, seeing him frantically called out your name while sobbing tore your heart apart.
it was for the better, rather than lying to your own-self that you still love him even though your heart and mind is thinking about someone else. the guilt was eating you up; hence, you ended things with him. riki deserves someone who will never treat him like you did.
you [10:09 AM]: see you next week :)
the boys are hanging out at riki’s house and the younger is regretting inviting them over. they were making too much noise and they found the snacks he hid on the hidden compartment. he grunted out of frustration since he can’t possibly tell them to get out of his house when he’s been making excuses all the time not to hang out with them.
“how have you been, riki? got something to share with us?” one of his friends asked.
riki thought for half a second, uncertain on how he truly feels at the moment. is he really okay? did he finally move on from you? absolutely not. you still haunt him everyday from that specific night you left him. how could you walk away that easily?
did you regret making his life miserable, even a bit? he still have no idea, you’re always unpredictable. he can’t forget the time where you exposed yourself and everything became clear to him.
you’re so evil, [name], but why does riki still longed for you?
“i’ve been good, guys. heeseung hyung knows it.” he took a glance at his older friend, heeseung just grimaced at his poor act. “and there’s nothing to share at all… i mean, i’m trying really hard to feel better.”
“you still love her, do you?”
that’s where it stops—no noise can be heard, his body stayed frozen and he doesn’t know what to respond to his friends’ question, like, it was tough to open his mouth and tell the truth.
heeseung noticed the awkward silence, so he butted in by clearing his throat. ni-ki is glad that heeseung is here or else he would have lost it.
“okay… let’s stop this unnecessary interrogation. he didn’t invite you guys to pester him about what happened from the past, alright? we’re here to chill and bond.” heeseung tittered, getting up from his seat and walking towards riki.
“chill and bond…? pfft, right. aren’t you being two-faced right now, lee heeseung?” ni-ki turned his head to stare at his friends and mostly to heeseung, who’s now looking troubled. “you didn’t tell riki that you’ve been talking to [name]? ha, of course, you wouldn’t tell that the two of you are going out.”
what…? you and heeseung hyung…? they are lying, right? whatever i’m thinking right now isn’t possible, right? they will not be doing this behind my back.
“cat got your tongue? come on, hee. don’t play dirty and act like you’re a saint… because you’re not. i saw her name on your phone.” heeseung swallowed hard and glance at his side where riki is sitting. “[name] is coming at our reunion. i didn’t see what she said, but i swear, i saw her name on heeseung’s phone.”
riki gripped the pillow he’s been holding, like he wants to ripped it. “is that true, heeseung hyung?”
“riks… it’s not what you think it is—“
“just answer my goddamn question!”
the younger couldn’t hold it anymore, he yelled at heeseung who he treat like his older brother. someone precious to him, adores him and he got the guts to betray him. there’s so much “why’s” question running through his head. he closed his eyes and prayed that it was all just a nightmare.
a true friend will never do you dirty like that.
“y—yes, yes. we’re seeing each other but i swear to god, we’re not dating. [name] has been my best friend and i don’t want to make her feel like i abandoned her. you guys are important to me and i know, fuck, i know how much i want you to move on from her because you deserve more. i can’t tell you what she said to me but please, riks, do it for you—not for her, or anyone. i can never betray you, believe me.” heeseung explained with a teary eye as riki listened closely and carefully with everything he just said.
riki only hummed, still quiet. “do you know she likes you, heeseung hyung?”
heeseung clenched his fist, he feels like he’s been put on the hot seat. he opened his mouth and closing it like he’s unable to answer the younger. ni-ki laughed lowly, he’s not stupid enough not to know that reaction. clearly, heeseung knows you have feelings for him since forever, yet, you chose to be with riki because you thought you have no chance with him.
he assumed that the two of you are dating in secret. it shouldn’t hurt him this much, however, the pain on his chest said other wise.
“when did the both of you start dating? is it fun to see how pathetic i look while you’re here dating my ex, hyung? shit, i should have known. she told me that she likes you so much, she even cried in my arms that night because of you. why couldn’t it be me? you’re always in the way. she felt guilty being in a relationship with me while thinking of you… it sucks so bad. so tell me, how can i fucking move on now knowing you and [name] are dating?”
“i’m sorry… i—we dated behind your back. it just happened. i did like her but after i got the news you’re dating her, i stopped liking [name]. and then, after the two of you split up… she called me… she said she needs company. she was drinking in her apartment, she kept blaming herself because she did love you, riks.”
it doesn’t compare to the love she has for you, though.
“…she confessed that she still have feelings for me. we thought hiding our relationship is for the better because i literally considered you as my little brother and i fucking dated your ex. i know you won’t forgive me, but please, don’t think that you’re not worthy of love.”
was he supposed to give him a standing ovation that heeseung owned up to it. if he didn’t speak up and notice his deceptive act, the older guy will continue lying to him. as if their friendship didn’t matter to him and breaking the bro-code effortlessly.
the urge to punch his hyung in the face is intensifying but he withheld. this is unbearable than knowing you cheated.
ni-ki restrained himself from letting the tears fall and accepting the reality that you’ll never come back. it’s evident that heeseung genuinely loves you, he can see it in his eyes.
should he show up at the reunion and suffer by seeing his own friend being lovey-dovey with his ex? he cannot stomach the thoughts of you falling in love after the breakup. perhaps, it’s time to move forward and let go of the things that was once he hold dearly.
“i need time, hyung. i trusted you. if you considered me as your little brother, you wouldn’t do this shit to me. i hope she’s happy with you, and congrats. i don’t want to see your face ever again.” riki towered over him and then, stepping away to create a distance between him and heeseung. “you all can get the fuck out of my house, don’t ever contact me again.”
—
the reunion is happening today. the days went by so fast that you almost forgot you’ll be attending with him and you might see your ex there, riki. heeseung told you what occurred last week between them and you don’t know how to react because up until now, you feel disgusting about yourself for breaking the bond they both had.
but the thing is, you didn’t regret following what your heart wants. yes, you hurt ni-ki’s feelings but you didn’t want to stay with him while you were thinking about someone else. in spite of everything, you admit that you did love the guy, however, there isn’t a measure in this world that could express your love for lee heeseung.
he was your first love.
heeseung is now driving while you’re sitting calmly in the passenger seat, as if you weren’t battling with your thoughts awhile ago because of your ex partner being in the same place with you.
“hey, you okay?” heeseung cuts you off mid-thought, squeezing your hand to reassure you that everything will be fine.
you deliberately nodded, “i’m fine, hee.”
he did not buy the lie. clearly, you’re still anxious from the fact that riki might be there. god knows, what will happen when the two of you arrived at the location.
when you finally reached the destination, you greeted everyone you knew and heeseung excused himself to the restroom. you told him to hurry up so he wouldn’t miss out the fun. as he left, you’re too busy with your friends, yapping about the past events with them. the embarrassing, remarkable and infuriating moments during senior high.
you noticed that the loud whispers around you turned out quiet and still. your friends took a glimpse at you and then, behind you like they saw a ghost. baffled by their strange expression, you looked over your shoulder to see what the commotion was about.
nishimura riki is here. you could feel your throat is closing up, unable to process that it is happening. the plan to talk it out with him is about to happen and you don’t want to waste it any longer. after the words you throw at him, how you deeply hurt him by saying you’re still in love with your best friend, lee heeseung.
he didn’t see you approaching him as he went inside to find a seat to chill. when riki sensed that someone is following him, he turned his body to fully face the person and which is you. he froze on the spot, as if your presence made him unable to move.
“it’s been awhile, ki.” your mouth curved into a smile that he hasn’t seen for a long time, he missed it. he missed you so fucking much. “how… how have you been?”
riki wants to scream at you, really wish he could do the same way as you tear him apart. yet, here he is, still acting like he is fine without you.
“fine, you?” he responded, too casual. in an attempt to conceal his anger, the lingering love that he still holds and how unfair you are.
you can’t lie but his cold tone gives you goosebumps. “same. i don’t want to take more of your time, ki. i just need to tell you that i was serious with our relationship… you can think all you want, and say that i’m lying to you but i’m not. yes, i told you that i kept thinking about hee, it’s true. that doesn’t mean, i didn’t love you then. i’m really really really sorry for not being there while you were, maybe, thinking that you weren’t enough—no—i’m just not the right person for you to have poured your love into.” you took a deep breath before you continue.
“also, i never cheated on you, i never did. i tried so hard to stop thinking about heeseung but i can’t, i don’t know how to. i don’t know, if you’ll be able to forgive me, but please, i swear to you that my intention wasn’t to make you doubt yourself—your worth.”
he tutted, tongue poking the inner side of his cheeks. “you already did make me feel unworthy, [name]. why did you just say it now? after three goddamn years and you’re here explaining that i deserve better? because yes, i really do. i was hoping it’ll be you until the end, but you toyed with my feelings. i loved you, fuck—i still love you.” no other words can describe how surprise you are from his sudden outburst.
as he was about to grab your hand, heeseung slithered his hand on your waist. possessively, making it known to the public you are his.
“what are you guys talking about? it seems… intense.” heeseung stared at you and then, at the younger guy who’s silently hoping he can vanish.
“it’s nothing, i’ll go now. thanks for the chit-chat, [name].” and he’s gone, you finally can breathe.
meanwhile, heeseung dragged you across the hallway. “what was that..? did you and riki finally made up?”
“chill, hee. i just apologized and he told me… that he still loves me.” you bit on your lower lip, head hung low. you can imagine how heeseung would react.
“ah, well clearly, he still do.” he agreed. “i’m just hoping he’ll find someone soon or better yet, he will love himself more, rather than pouring out all of his love. i’m not making you feel bad about what you did to him, baby. it already happened, yeah? and we cannot change our past. so please, don’t overthink too much, hm? i love you.”
you looked up at him, mouth trembling. “i love you, hee. thank you for staying with me.” he pressed your head against his chest to calm you down and kissing the top of your head while whispering sweet nothings to your ear.
after two years of being in a relationship with lee heeseung, you realized that you found comfort in him—plus, a person who truly understands you. when your lover asked you to go at the place where you first dated, it’s unbelievable how unexpected it’d be to see a banner where it says “will you be my wife, [full name]? let’s spend the rest of our lives together.”
a heavy sob tore out of your chest before you collided your body against him to give him a tight hug, “yesyesyes, i’d love to.”
it felt like you were in a fairytale from the moment you think you won’t find someone that can love you more as much as you do love them. and now, you’re happily married. moreover, you adopted seven kittens and one dog. you look at them lovingly, oh how lucky and happy you are to have such a beautiful life you’re living at the moment.
in the meantime, riki has finally moved forward from you—from everything, leaving all of it behind with an aching heart. therefore, he’s focus on his career where he is known as a famous model from a popular brand. he is happy and content with his life right now.
riki is still devastated knowing that you already moved on from him and the unforgettable moments you both shared within the past three years. his heart bleeds from the memories you two had, that’s still engraved on his head. his mind is a mess that he can’t hold you the same as before. not to mention, you and heeseung are best friends which riki is aware of but he never expected the revelation he will be witnessing before his very eyes. ୨ৎ catalogue
NOTE/S: hi, thank you for 400 friends :p (it took me long to finish this fic oml, my bad.) i got so busy with work and i feel unwell rn. like damn, give me a break. also, happy pride month!
“riki, can you stop acting like this?”
heeseung asked the younger, it pains him to see the younger like this every time he visits riki. it’s been three years and he’s still not over you. he even suggested to riki that they should go to the club to have some fun and maybe, he can find someone better than you.
“like what, hyung?” riki scoffed. “being sad from the fact that the love of my life left me that easily? am i that replaceable? tell me.”
the elder rolled his eyes, frustrated. he did everything he can do to force the younger to move on and live freely yet he’s still can’t keep your name out of his mouth. the boys were asking for riki since he’s been missing out the fun. heeseung may be annoyed from the younger’s behavior, nevertheless, he felt bad seeing him act this way.
he went to the kitchen to prepare a breakfast for the both of them, like what he usually do. evan began making the honey soy garlic chicken, with his phone playing in the background since watching a tutorial might be a big help so he can make it as perfect as possible.
just as he finished setting up everything on the table, riki came downstairs to see what’s the ruckus happening in his kitchen. he snickered when he saw his hyung wearing an apron, he could choose a plain one but knowing his “one-of-a-kind dear hyung” he picked the one who has a deer on it.
“what’s funny?” heeseung raised an eyebrow. “anyway, here. you should eat up, yeah? i can’t bear to see my brother starving himself to death.”
“you’re so sweet, hyung. how come you never act like this with the other guys? mhm…” he rubbed his chin, mockingly as he makes fun of his hyung who’s now staring at him like he’s disgusted with what he just said.
the latter guy scoffed, trying to be unbothered as he can. “to answer that question, it’s because… you’re still a baby to me, riki-ya.”
heeseung masked it as a joke, despite the fact that it’s true. he never want to see the younger guy to be miserable and isolates himself from everyone, again. there was a time when riki shuts his friends out, he even blocked them so he can have the peace he was asking for.
obviously, they were disappointed but eventually, they understood that he just needed some space, considering that riki came to apologize to them.
he remembered it clearly how the youngest cried his heart out because he just got out from a heartbreak. he never told anyone the reason of their break-up and being heeseung, the eager to know everything about riki or about anyone he considered as a family in particular.
there’s still no answers to his questions up-to this day.
“hyung… i know you’re old but quit calling me a baby.” he whined, as he went to the counter and took a seat. heeseung throw his head back, laughing, thinking that riki’s reactions to his teasing remarks are adorable.
the both of them dig in on their meals while talking about random stuff that happened few years ago.
riki was known to be timid, he also loves playing basketball but he never once played it on their school because (1) he doesn’t have the courage to play it with people watching or passing by. (2) he’s still lack of skills and (3) he just doesn’t want to.
and then, heeseung approached him, asking him to be part of the team because they are in need of a new member. he was about to refuse but the elder is staring at him with his doe eyes, with certainty, he obliged. that’s when he saw you at the gymnasium, watching the basketball players as you cheered for them when they scored. he noticed that you’re a huge fan of basketball.
it was a bitter-sweet feeling reminiscing those days.
the way your face lit up with a grin when the topic is about your interests, your energy shifted from being the loudest one to feeling drained when it’s crowded. you also bring a strawberry smoothie anywhere you go. the prettiest girl he has ever seen in his entire life, no one can come close to your beauty.
besides that, he got to know that you are in the same class as lee heeseung and you’re also best friends. from then on, he always sees you at one of the benches, having a blast and enjoying your time alone. so what he did is, he approached you and asked if you like someone from the basketball team.
you looked up at him and shakes your head, emitting a chuckle. “i just love to watch basketball. the adrenaline rush, cheering on to your favored team and if they win the game, you’ll leave the place with so much warmth in your heart. that’s all.”
he blinked rapidly, he didn’t expect you to answer him seriously with your eyes sparkling. he was technically joking. right.
“woah, so… when did you start liking bball?” riki laughs awkwardly. meanwhile, his presence confused you since he popped out of nowhere and then, asking you questions like he’s interested to know you.
“since, i was like… seven? well, my dad is a fan of ‘bball’ and he watches it all the time. if you were to ask who’s my favorite player, it’s kevin durant. like dude, he’s such a good player and an excellent leader. i wish i could play basketball as well.” you heaved out a sigh.
ni-ki leaned his back on the wall, a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “i’m here, i can teach you anytime. if you want to, that is.”
“no, thank you.” you rejected his offer, because he’s not the person you want to teach you your favorite sport.
“you still need to work on your shooting skills, dude.” you added, before waving him off as someone from the basketball team called for him and he looked back at you for the last time, pouting.
—
[back to present]
you received a message from one of your batch mates that there will be a reunion for next week and you are hesitant to agree, knowing your ex will be there. the relationship ended on bad terms, and the reason is you fell out of love. there was confessing about your real intentions, feelings and riki didn’t want to accept the reality of losing you.
he was bawling his eyes out as he gripped onto your hand, pleading to death that he can’t bear to let you leave him. that sight broke you, seeing him frantically called out your name while sobbing tore your heart apart.
it was for the better, rather than lying to your own-self that you still love him even though your heart and mind is thinking about someone else. the guilt was eating you up; hence, you ended things with him. riki deserves someone who will never treat him like you did.
you [10:09 AM]: see you next week :)
the boys are hanging out at riki’s house and the younger is regretting inviting them over. they were making too much noise and they found the snacks he hid on the hidden compartment. he grunted out of frustration since he can’t possibly tell them to get out of his house when he’s been making excuses all the time not to hang out with them.
“how have you been, riki? got something to share with us?” one of his friends asked.
riki thought for half a second, uncertain on how he truly feels at the moment. is he really okay? did he finally move on from you? absolutely not. you still haunt him everyday from that specific night you left him. how could you walk away that easily?
did you regret making his life miserable, even a bit? he still have no idea, you’re always unpredictable. he can’t forget the time where you exposed yourself and everything became clear to him.
you’re so evil, [name], but why does riki still longed for you?
“i’ve been good, guys. heeseung hyung knows it.” he took a glance at his older friend, heeseung just grimaced at his poor act. “and there’s nothing to share at all… i mean, i’m trying really hard to feel better.”
“you still love her, do you?”
that’s where it stops—no noise can be heard, his body stayed frozen and he doesn’t know what to respond to his friends’ question, like, it was tough to open his mouth and tell the truth.
heeseung noticed the awkward silence, so he butted in by clearing his throat. ni-ki is glad that heeseung is here or else he would have lost it.
“okay… let’s stop this unnecessary interrogation. he didn’t invite you guys to pester him about what happened from the past, alright? we’re here to chill and bond.” heeseung tittered, getting up from his seat and walking towards riki.
“chill and bond…? pfft, right. aren’t you being two-faced right now, lee heeseung?” ni-ki turned his head to stare at his friends and mostly to heeseung, who’s now looking troubled. “you didn’t tell riki that you’ve been talking to [name]? ha, of course, you wouldn’t tell that the two of you are going out.”
what…? you and heeseung hyung…? they are lying, right? whatever i’m thinking right now isn’t possible, right? they will not be doing this behind my back.
“cat got your tongue? come on, hee. don’t play dirty and act like you’re a saint… because you’re not. i saw her name on your phone.” heeseung swallowed hard and glance at his side where riki is sitting. “[name] is coming at our reunion. i didn’t see what she said, but i swear, i saw her name on heeseung’s phone.”
riki gripped the pillow he’s been holding, like he wants to ripped it. “is that true, heeseung hyung?”
“riks… it’s not what you think it is—“
“just answer my goddamn question!”
the younger couldn’t hold it anymore, he yelled at heeseung who he treat like his older brother. someone precious to him, adores him and he got the guts to betray him. there’s so much “why’s” question running through his head. he closed his eyes and prayed that it was all just a nightmare.
a true friend will never do you dirty like that.
“y—yes, yes. we’re seeing each other but i swear to god, we’re not dating. [name] has been my best friend and i don’t want to make her feel like i abandoned her. you guys are important to me and i know, fuck, i know how much i want you to move on from her because you deserve more. i can’t tell you what she said to me but please, riks, do it for you—not for her, or anyone. i can never betray you, believe me.” heeseung explained with a teary eye as riki listened closely and carefully with everything he just said.
riki only hummed, still quiet. “do you know she likes you, heeseung hyung?”
heeseung clenched his fist, he feels like he’s been put on the hot seat. he opened his mouth and closing it like he’s unable to answer the younger. ni-ki laughed lowly, he’s not stupid enough not to know that reaction. clearly, heeseung knows you have feelings for him since forever, yet, you chose to be with riki because you thought you have no chance with him.
he assumed that the two of you are dating in secret. it shouldn’t hurt him this much, however, the pain on his chest said other wise.
“when did the both of you start dating? is it fun to see how pathetic i look while you’re here dating my ex, hyung? shit, i should have known. she told me that she likes you so much, she even cried in my arms that night because of you. why couldn’t it be me? you’re always in the way. she felt guilty being in a relationship with me while thinking of you… it sucks so bad. so tell me, how can i fucking move on now knowing you and [name] are dating?”
“i’m sorry… i—we dated behind your back. it just happened. i did like her but after i got the news you’re dating her, i stopped liking [name]. and then, after the two of you split up… she called me… she said she needs company. she was drinking in her apartment, she kept blaming herself because she did love you, riks.”
it doesn’t compare to the love she has for you, though.
“…she confessed that she still have feelings for me. we thought hiding our relationship is for the better because i literally considered you as my little brother and i fucking dated your ex. i know you won’t forgive me, but please, don’t think that you’re not worthy of love.”
was he supposed to give him a standing ovation that heeseung owned up to it. if he didn’t speak up and notice his deceptive act, the older guy will continue lying to him. as if their friendship didn’t matter to him and breaking the bro-code effortlessly.
the urge to punch his hyung in the face is intensifying but he withheld. this is unbearable than knowing you cheated.
ni-ki restrained himself from letting the tears fall and accepting the reality that you’ll never come back. it’s evident that heeseung genuinely loves you, he can see it in his eyes.
should he show up at the reunion and suffer by seeing his own friend being lovey-dovey with his ex? he cannot stomach the thoughts of you falling in love after the breakup. perhaps, it’s time to move forward and let go of the things that was once he hold dearly.
“i need time, hyung. i trusted you. if you considered me as your little brother, you wouldn’t do this shit to me. i hope she’s happy with you, and congrats. i don’t want to see your face ever again.” riki towered over him and then, stepping away to create a distance between him and heeseung. “you all can get the fuck out of my house, don’t ever contact me again.”
—
the reunion is happening today. the days went by so fast that you almost forgot you’ll be attending with him and you might see your ex there, riki. heeseung told you what occurred last week between them and you don’t know how to react because up until now, you feel disgusting about yourself for breaking the bond they both had.
but the thing is, you didn’t regret following what your heart wants. yes, you hurt ni-ki’s feelings but you didn’t want to stay with him while you were thinking about someone else. in spite of everything, you admit that you did love the guy, however, there isn’t a measure in this world that could express your love for lee heeseung.
he was your first love.
heeseung is now driving while you’re sitting calmly in the passenger seat, as if you weren’t battling with your thoughts awhile ago because of your ex partner being in the same place with you.
“hey, you okay?” heeseung cuts you off mid-thought, squeezing your hand to reassure you that everything will be fine.
you deliberately nodded, “i’m fine, hee.”
he did not buy the lie. clearly, you’re still anxious from the fact that riki might be there. god knows, what will happen when the two of you arrived at the location.
when you finally reached the destination, you greeted everyone you knew and heeseung excused himself to the restroom. you told him to hurry up so he wouldn’t miss out the fun. as he left, you’re too busy with your friends, yapping about the past events with them. the embarrassing, remarkable and infuriating moments during senior high.
you noticed that the loud whispers around you turned out quiet and still. your friends took a glimpse at you and then, behind you like they saw a ghost. baffled by their strange expression, you looked over your shoulder to see what the commotion was about.
nishimura riki is here. you could feel your throat is closing up, unable to process that it is happening. the plan to talk it out with him is about to happen and you don’t want to waste it any longer. after the words you throw at him, how you deeply hurt him by saying you’re still in love with your best friend, lee heeseung.
he didn’t see you approaching him as he went inside to find a seat to chill. when riki sensed that someone is following him, he turned his body to fully face the person and which is you. he froze on the spot, as if your presence made him unable to move.
“it’s been awhile, ki.” your mouth curved into a smile that he hasn’t seen for a long time, he missed it. he missed you so fucking much. “how… how have you been?”
riki wants to scream at you, really wish he could do the same way as you tear him apart. yet, here he is, still acting like he is fine without you.
“fine, you?” he responded, too casual. in an attempt to conceal his anger, the lingering love that he still holds and how unfair you are.
you can’t lie but his cold tone gives you goosebumps. “same. i don’t want to take more of your time, ki. i just need to tell you that i was serious with our relationship… you can think all you want, and say that i’m lying to you but i’m not. yes, i told you that i kept thinking about hee, it’s true. that doesn’t mean, i didn’t love you then. i’m really really really sorry for not being there while you were, maybe, thinking that you weren’t enough—no—i’m just not the right person for you to have poured your love into.” you took a deep breath before you continue.
“also, i never cheated on you, i never did. i tried so hard to stop thinking about heeseung but i can’t, i don’t know how to. i don’t know, if you’ll be able to forgive me, but please, i swear to you that my intention wasn’t to make you doubt yourself—your worth.”
he tutted, tongue poking the inner side of his cheeks. “you already did make me feel unworthy, [name]. why did you just say it now? after three goddamn years and you’re here explaining that i deserve better? because yes, i really do. i was hoping it’ll be you until the end, but you toyed with my feelings. i loved you, fuck—i still love you.” no other words can describe how surprise you are from his sudden outburst.
as he was about to grab your hand, heeseung slithered his hand on your waist. possessively, making it known to the public you are his.
“what are you guys talking about? it seems… intense.” heeseung stared at you and then, at the younger guy who’s silently hoping he can vanish.
“it’s nothing, i’ll go now. thanks for the chit-chat, [name].” and he’s gone, you finally can breathe.
meanwhile, heeseung dragged you across the hallway. “what was that..? did you and riki finally made up?”
“chill, hee. i just apologized and he told me… that he still loves me.” you bit on your lower lip, head hung low. you can imagine how heeseung would react.
“ah, well clearly, he still do.” he agreed. “i’m just hoping he’ll find someone soon or better yet, he will love himself more, rather than pouring out all of his love. i’m not making you feel bad about what you did to him, baby. it already happened, yeah? and we cannot change our past. so please, don’t overthink too much, hm? i love you.”
you looked up at him, mouth trembling. “i love you, hee. thank you for staying with me.” he pressed your head against his chest to calm you down and kissing the top of your head while whispering sweet nothings to your ear.
after two years of being in a relationship with lee heeseung, you realized that you found comfort in him—plus, a person who truly understands you. when your lover asked you to go at the place where you first dated, it’s unbelievable how unexpected it’d be to see a banner where it says “will you be my wife, [full name]? let’s spend the rest of our lives together.”
a heavy sob tore out of your chest before you collided your body against him to give him a tight hug, “yesyesyes, i’d love to.”
it felt like you were in a fairytale from the moment you think you won’t find someone that can love you more as much as you do love them. and now, you’re happily married. moreover, you adopted seven kittens and one dog. you look at them lovingly, oh how lucky and happy you are to have such a beautiful life you’re living at the moment.
in the meantime, riki has finally moved forward from you—from everything, leaving all of it behind with an aching heart. therefore, he’s focus on his career where he is known as a famous model from a popular brand. he is happy and content with his life right now.
riki is still devastated knowing that you already moved on from him and the unforgettable moments you both shared within the past three years. his heart bleeds from the memories you two had, that’s still engraved on his head. his mind is a mess that he can’t hold you the same as before. not to mention, you and heeseung are best friends which riki is aware of but he never expected the revelation he will be witnessing before his very eyes. ୨ৎ catalogue
NOTE/S: hi, thank you for 400 friends :p (it took me long to finish this fic oml, my bad.) i got so busy with work and i feel unwell rn. like damn, give me a break. also, happy pride month!
“riki, can you stop acting like this?”
heeseung asked the younger, it pains him to see the younger like this every time he visits riki. it’s been three years and he’s still not over you. he even suggested to riki that they should go to the club to have some fun and maybe, he can find someone better than you.
“like what, hyung?” riki scoffed. “being sad from the fact that the love of my life left me that easily? am i that replaceable? tell me.”
the elder rolled his eyes, frustrated. he did everything he can do to force the younger to move on and live freely yet he’s still can’t keep your name out of his mouth. the boys were asking for riki since he’s been missing out the fun. heeseung may be annoyed from the younger’s behavior, nevertheless, he felt bad seeing him act this way.
he went to the kitchen to prepare a breakfast for the both of them, like what he usually do. evan began making the honey soy garlic chicken, with his phone playing in the background since watching a tutorial might be a big help so he can make it as perfect as possible.
just as he finished setting up everything on the table, riki came downstairs to see what’s the ruckus happening in his kitchen. he snickered when he saw his hyung wearing an apron, he could choose a plain one but knowing his “one-of-a-kind dear hyung” he picked the one who has a deer on it.
“what’s funny?” heeseung raised an eyebrow. “anyway, here. you should eat up, yeah? i can’t bear to see my brother starving himself to death.”
“you’re so sweet, hyung. how come you never act like this with the other guys? mhm…” he rubbed his chin, mockingly as he makes fun of his hyung who’s now staring at him like he’s disgusted with what he just said.
the latter guy scoffed, trying to be unbothered as he can. “to answer that question, it’s because… you’re still a baby to me, riki-ya.”
heeseung masked it as a joke, despite the fact that it’s true. he never want to see the younger guy to be miserable and isolates himself from everyone, again. there was a time when riki shuts his friends out, he even blocked them so he can have the peace he was asking for.
obviously, they were disappointed but eventually, they understood that he just needed some space, considering that riki came to apologize to them.
he remembered it clearly how the youngest cried his heart out because he just got out from a heartbreak. he never told anyone the reason of their break-up and being heeseung, the eager to know everything about riki or about anyone he considered as a family in particular.
there’s still no answers to his questions up-to this day.
“hyung… i know you’re old but quit calling me a baby.” he whined, as he went to the counter and took a seat. heeseung throw his head back, laughing, thinking that riki’s reactions to his teasing remarks are adorable.
the both of them dig in on their meals while talking about random stuff that happened few years ago.
riki was known to be timid, he also loves playing basketball but he never once played it on their school because (1) he doesn’t have the courage to play it with people watching or passing by. (2) he’s still lack of skills and (3) he just doesn’t want to.
and then, heeseung approached him, asking him to be part of the team because they are in need of a new member. he was about to refuse but the elder is staring at him with his doe eyes, with certainty, he obliged. that’s when he saw you at the gymnasium, watching the basketball players as you cheered for them when they scored. he noticed that you’re a huge fan of basketball.
it was a bitter-sweet feeling reminiscing those days.
the way your face lit up with a grin when the topic is about your interests, your energy shifted from being the loudest one to feeling drained when it’s crowded. you also bring a strawberry smoothie anywhere you go. the prettiest girl he has ever seen in his entire life, no one can come close to your beauty.
besides that, he got to know that you are in the same class as lee heeseung and you’re also best friends. from then on, he always sees you at one of the benches, having a blast and enjoying your time alone. so what he did is, he approached you and asked if you like someone from the basketball team.
you looked up at him and shakes your head, emitting a chuckle. “i just love to watch basketball. the adrenaline rush, cheering on to your favored team and if they win the game, you’ll leave the place with so much warmth in your heart. that’s all.”
he blinked rapidly, he didn’t expect you to answer him seriously with your eyes sparkling. he was technically joking. right.
“woah, so… when did you start liking bball?” riki laughs awkwardly. meanwhile, his presence confused you since he popped out of nowhere and then, asking you questions like he’s interested to know you.
“since, i was like… seven? well, my dad is a fan of ‘bball’ and he watches it all the time. if you were to ask who’s my favorite player, it’s kevin durant. like dude, he’s such a good player and an excellent leader. i wish i could play basketball as well.” you heaved out a sigh.
ni-ki leaned his back on the wall, a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “i’m here, i can teach you anytime. if you want to, that is.”
“no, thank you.” you rejected his offer, because he’s not the person you want to teach you your favorite sport.
“you still need to work on your shooting skills, dude.” you added, before waving him off as someone from the basketball team called for him and he looked back at you for the last time, pouting.
—
[back to present]
you received a message from one of your batch mates that there will be a reunion for next week and you are hesitant to agree, knowing your ex will be there. the relationship ended on bad terms, and the reason is you fell out of love. there was confessing about your real intentions, feelings and riki didn’t want to accept the reality of losing you.
he was bawling his eyes out as he gripped onto your hand, pleading to death that he can’t bear to let you leave him. that sight broke you, seeing him frantically called out your name while sobbing tore your heart apart.
it was for the better, rather than lying to your own-self that you still love him even though your heart and mind is thinking about someone else. the guilt was eating you up; hence, you ended things with him. riki deserves someone who will never treat him like you did.
you [10:09 AM]: see you next week :)
the boys are hanging out at riki’s house and the younger is regretting inviting them over. they were making too much noise and they found the snacks he hid on the hidden compartment. he grunted out of frustration since he can’t possibly tell them to get out of his house when he’s been making excuses all the time not to hang out with them.
“how have you been, riki? got something to share with us?” one of his friends asked.
riki thought for half a second, uncertain on how he truly feels at the moment. is he really okay? did he finally move on from you? absolutely not. you still haunt him everyday from that specific night you left him. how could you walk away that easily?
did you regret making his life miserable, even a bit? he still have no idea, you’re always unpredictable. he can’t forget the time where you exposed yourself and everything became clear to him.
you’re so evil, [name], but why does riki still longed for you?
“i’ve been good, guys. heeseung hyung knows it.” he took a glance at his older friend, heeseung just grimaced at his poor act. “and there’s nothing to share at all… i mean, i’m trying really hard to feel better.”
“you still love her, do you?”
that’s where it stops—no noise can be heard, his body stayed frozen and he doesn’t know what to respond to his friends’ question, like, it was tough to open his mouth and tell the truth.
heeseung noticed the awkward silence, so he butted in by clearing his throat. ni-ki is glad that heeseung is here or else he would have lost it.
“okay… let’s stop this unnecessary interrogation. he didn’t invite you guys to pester him about what happened from the past, alright? we’re here to chill and bond.” heeseung tittered, getting up from his seat and walking towards riki.
“chill and bond…? pfft, right. aren’t you being two-faced right now, lee heeseung?” ni-ki turned his head to stare at his friends and mostly to heeseung, who’s now looking troubled. “you didn’t tell riki that you’ve been talking to [name]? ha, of course, you wouldn’t tell that the two of you are going out.”
what…? you and heeseung hyung…? they are lying, right? whatever i’m thinking right now isn’t possible, right? they will not be doing this behind my back.
“cat got your tongue? come on, hee. don’t play dirty and act like you’re a saint… because you’re not. i saw her name on your phone.” heeseung swallowed hard and glance at his side where riki is sitting. “[name] is coming at our reunion. i didn’t see what she said, but i swear, i saw her name on heeseung’s phone.”
riki gripped the pillow he’s been holding, like he wants to ripped it. “is that true, heeseung hyung?”
“riks… it’s not what you think it is—“
“just answer my goddamn question!”
the younger couldn’t hold it anymore, he yelled at heeseung who he treat like his older brother. someone precious to him, adores him and he got the guts to betray him. there’s so much “why’s” question running through his head. he closed his eyes and prayed that it was all just a nightmare.
a true friend will never do you dirty like that.
“y—yes, yes. we’re seeing each other but i swear to god, we’re not dating. [name] has been my best friend and i don’t want to make her feel like i abandoned her. you guys are important to me and i know, fuck, i know how much i want you to move on from her because you deserve more. i can’t tell you what she said to me but please, riks, do it for you—not for her, or anyone. i can never betray you, believe me.” heeseung explained with a teary eye as riki listened closely and carefully with everything he just said.
riki only hummed, still quiet. “do you know she likes you, heeseung hyung?”
heeseung clenched his fist, he feels like he’s been put on the hot seat. he opened his mouth and closing it like he’s unable to answer the younger. ni-ki laughed lowly, he’s not stupid enough not to know that reaction. clearly, heeseung knows you have feelings for him since forever, yet, you chose to be with riki because you thought you have no chance with him.
he assumed that the two of you are dating in secret. it shouldn’t hurt him this much, however, the pain on his chest said other wise.
“when did the both of you start dating? is it fun to see how pathetic i look while you’re here dating my ex, hyung? shit, i should have known. she told me that she likes you so much, she even cried in my arms that night because of you. why couldn’t it be me? you’re always in the way. she felt guilty being in a relationship with me while thinking of you… it sucks so bad. so tell me, how can i fucking move on now knowing you and [name] are dating?”
“i’m sorry… i—we dated behind your back. it just happened. i did like her but after i got the news you’re dating her, i stopped liking [name]. and then, after the two of you split up… she called me… she said she needs company. she was drinking in her apartment, she kept blaming herself because she did love you, riks.”
it doesn’t compare to the love she has for you, though.
“…she confessed that she still have feelings for me. we thought hiding our relationship is for the better because i literally considered you as my little brother and i fucking dated your ex. i know you won’t forgive me, but please, don’t think that you’re not worthy of love.”
was he supposed to give him a standing ovation that heeseung owned up to it. if he didn’t speak up and notice his deceptive act, the older guy will continue lying to him. as if their friendship didn’t matter to him and breaking the bro-code effortlessly.
the urge to punch his hyung in the face is intensifying but he withheld. this is unbearable than knowing you cheated.
ni-ki restrained himself from letting the tears fall and accepting the reality that you’ll never come back. it’s evident that heeseung genuinely loves you, he can see it in his eyes.
should he show up at the reunion and suffer by seeing his own friend being lovey-dovey with his ex? he cannot stomach the thoughts of you falling in love after the breakup. perhaps, it’s time to move forward and let go of the things that was once he hold dearly.
“i need time, hyung. i trusted you. if you considered me as your little brother, you wouldn’t do this shit to me. i hope she’s happy with you, and congrats. i don’t want to see your face ever again.” riki towered over him and then, stepping away to create a distance between him and heeseung. “you all can get the fuck out of my house, don’t ever contact me again.”
—
the reunion is happening today. the days went by so fast that you almost forgot you’ll be attending with him and you might see your ex there, riki. heeseung told you what occurred last week between them and you don’t know how to react because up until now, you feel disgusting about yourself for breaking the bond they both had.
but the thing is, you didn’t regret following what your heart wants. yes, you hurt ni-ki’s feelings but you didn’t want to stay with him while you were thinking about someone else. in spite of everything, you admit that you did love the guy, however, there isn’t a measure in this world that could express your love for lee heeseung.
he was your first love.
heeseung is now driving while you’re sitting calmly in the passenger seat, as if you weren’t battling with your thoughts awhile ago because of your ex partner being in the same place with you.
“hey, you okay?” heeseung cuts you off mid-thought, squeezing your hand to reassure you that everything will be fine.
you deliberately nodded, “i’m fine, hee.”
he did not buy the lie. clearly, you’re still anxious from the fact that riki might be there. god knows, what will happen when the two of you arrived at the location.
when you finally reached the destination, you greeted everyone you knew and heeseung excused himself to the restroom. you told him to hurry up so he wouldn’t miss out the fun. as he left, you’re too busy with your friends, yapping about the past events with them. the embarrassing, remarkable and infuriating moments during senior high.
you noticed that the loud whispers around you turned out quiet and still. your friends took a glimpse at you and then, behind you like they saw a ghost. baffled by their strange expression, you looked over your shoulder to see what the commotion was about.
nishimura riki is here. you could feel your throat is closing up, unable to process that it is happening. the plan to talk it out with him is about to happen and you don’t want to waste it any longer. after the words you throw at him, how you deeply hurt him by saying you’re still in love with your best friend, lee heeseung.
he didn’t see you approaching him as he went inside to find a seat to chill. when riki sensed that someone is following him, he turned his body to fully face the person and which is you. he froze on the spot, as if your presence made him unable to move.
“it’s been awhile, ki.” your mouth curved into a smile that he hasn’t seen for a long time, he missed it. he missed you so fucking much. “how… how have you been?”
riki wants to scream at you, really wish he could do the same way as you tear him apart. yet, here he is, still acting like he is fine without you.
“fine, you?” he responded, too casual. in an attempt to conceal his anger, the lingering love that he still holds and how unfair you are.
you can’t lie but his cold tone gives you goosebumps. “same. i don’t want to take more of your time, ki. i just need to tell you that i was serious with our relationship… you can think all you want, and say that i’m lying to you but i’m not. yes, i told you that i kept thinking about hee, it’s true. that doesn’t mean, i didn’t love you then. i’m really really really sorry for not being there while you were, maybe, thinking that you weren’t enough—no—i’m just not the right person for you to have poured your love into.” you took a deep breath before you continue.
“also, i never cheated on you, i never did. i tried so hard to stop thinking about heeseung but i can’t, i don’t know how to. i don’t know, if you’ll be able to forgive me, but please, i swear to you that my intention wasn’t to make you doubt yourself—your worth.”
he tutted, tongue poking the inner side of his cheeks. “you already did make me feel unworthy, [name]. why did you just say it now? after three goddamn years and you’re here explaining that i deserve better? because yes, i really do. i was hoping it’ll be you until the end, but you toyed with my feelings. i loved you, fuck—i still love you.” no other words can describe how surprise you are from his sudden outburst.
as he was about to grab your hand, heeseung slithered his hand on your waist. possessively, making it known to the public you are his.
“what are you guys talking about? it seems… intense.” heeseung stared at you and then, at the younger guy who’s silently hoping he can vanish.
“it’s nothing, i’ll go now. thanks for the chit-chat, [name].” and he’s gone, you finally can breathe.
meanwhile, heeseung dragged you across the hallway. “what was that..? did you and riki finally made up?”
“chill, hee. i just apologized and he told me… that he still loves me.” you bit on your lower lip, head hung low. you can imagine how heeseung would react.
“ah, well clearly, he still do.” he agreed. “i’m just hoping he’ll find someone soon or better yet, he will love himself more, rather than pouring out all of his love. i’m not making you feel bad about what you did to him, baby. it already happened, yeah? and we cannot change our past. so please, don’t overthink too much, hm? i love you.”
you looked up at him, mouth trembling. “i love you, hee. thank you for staying with me.” he pressed your head against his chest to calm you down and kissing the top of your head while whispering sweet nothings to your ear.
after two years of being in a relationship with lee heeseung, you realized that you found comfort in him—plus, a person who truly understands you. when your lover asked you to go at the place where you first dated, it’s unbelievable how unexpected it’d be to see a banner where it says “will you be my wife, [full name]? let’s spend the rest of our lives together.”
a heavy sob tore out of your chest before you collided your body against him to give him a tight hug, “yesyesyes, i’d love to.”
it felt like you were in a fairytale from the moment you think you won’t find someone that can love you more as much as you do love them. and now, you’re happily married. moreover, you adopted seven kittens and one dog. you look at them lovingly, oh how lucky and happy you are to have such a beautiful life you’re living at the moment.
in the meantime, riki has finally moved forward from you—from everything, leaving all of it behind with an aching heart. therefore, he’s focus on his career where he is known as a famous model from a popular brand. he is happy and content with his life right now.
bsf!jungwon × fem!reader.⠀⠀⠀ ⋆✴︎˚｡⋆⠀⠀⠀you're jungwon's favorite headache—a fact that he can't bring himself to admit, and you can't bring your dense self to realize.
MASTERLIST. ┆ CONTAINS ➤ SMAU. college!au. to be loved is to be known type shi. ACTS-OF-SERVICE!WON!!!!! he's a lil dry and nonchalant but still pathetic and down BADDDD. reader's a bit oblivious and dumb. fluff. profanity. comedy, maybe. petnames (princess, baby, etc.) ignore timestamps & typos. ✮ cameos from enhypen's ni-ki, riize's anton, &team's maki, illit, and other idols.
FROM YAN 🐰 ➤ posted part one and on a whim decided to make this into a mini-smau instead (yes, it's going to have more than 3 parts.) because i have so much love for bestfriend!jungwon. Don't Even Play, Lad.
i just finished watching “Nothing Much Prepared” and all i could say is that jungwon deserves the biggest hug right now. the fact that he felt more comfortable with the members and consider them as his safe space. like, you can see how much he adores his members as he talks about them (he’s so adorable, istg.) argh, i love him so effing much. i wish he knows he’s doing so good leading the team. i’m always so proud of him and my boys.
“it’s fun to watch other engenes being jealous, you know?” hello? 🤨 AND mind you, he’s giggling… erm…. OKAY….????? he thinks he’s funny 😹😹😹 jake, when i catch you with these hands.. this man, istg.
nervous!sunghoon who is unable to speak and move when you’re around that he can feel his throat closing up from how hard he tried to control himself from doing anything that he might regret later on.
nervous!sunghoon who listens to you whenever you talk about your interests. he would always nods his head, not listening fully to you as he diverted his attention to your plump lips. he licked his own before clearing his throat to stop thinking unnecessary thoughts about you.
nervous!sunghoon who glared at your back while you talk to some guy who isn’t him, that all he could think is to bury the guy somewhere else so the only person you can be in physical contact with is him. he couldn’t bear to see you with someone else that’s for sure.
nervous!sunghoon who froze at the spot when you finally confessed that you like him. his heart rapidly pounding in his chest, as he can feel the butterflies in his stomach. he wanted to grab you and kiss you desperately right there and then.
nervous!sunghoon who pulled you by your waist and kisses you passionately after a long time of resisting the urge to claim you as his. the both of you panting and gasping from each other’s mouth. the desperation to be touch diminishing as he got a taste of your mouth wrapped around his own.
nervous!sunghoon who carried you to his room, making you sit on his lap, straddling him as his boner kept poking through your entrance so you didn’t hesitate to grind on him to feel him more in your soaking core.
nervous!sunghoon who thrust up as he grabbed your waist to press you harder on him. he wanted more of you so without warning, he ripped your panties in half as he dragged down his pants and kicking the fabric after. he spits on his cock, stroking it while staring up at you, lowly groaning.
nervous!sunghoon who slipped the tip in on your sopping pussy. “fuckkk, you’re so big, h-hoon.” he shoved everything in as you feel the burning sensation in your lower area but the pain turned into pleasure as sunghoon rammed his thick cock into you, hitting your sensitive spot over and over again.
nervous!sunghoon who prefers to have you this close to him so he can see your fucked out expression as he fuck you in a way you didn’t expect him to do. his thrusts became brutal, still keeping up the fast pace. your moans turns him on even more so he squeezes your bottom and slapping it afterwards, leaving a hand print on your round bum.
nervous!sunghoon who gripped your neck as he pulled you closer to his face to kiss you and swallow your pretty moans. “you’re so pretty when you’re like this, baby. can’t wait to see how would you look when i knock you up.”
nervous!sunghoon who will whisper sweet nothings in your ear as you cried out from his thick length deep inside you while he caressed the obvious bulge through your soft tummy. “don’t stop, hoonie. hng, w-want more…” you bounced fervently above him as he leaned back his body, hands gripping the edge of the bed as he watch you move up and down through his dick.
nervous!sunghoon who flattened his feet on the ground meeting your leisurely pace while his rhythm is undeniably fast that you can’t keep up so your body fell onto his chest, nails digging into his back. “tired, already? we just started, baby. fuckkk—yeah, keep clenching onto me like that and i’ll fucking cum inside you.”
nervous!sunghoon whose breath hitched from how tight you’re gripping onto his cock as he bit his lips, head tipped back and his legs trembling trying to stop himself from coming too fast. “i’m coming, hoonie. can’t… no more.” you whined, as your breathing became ragged and sunghoon who whispered into your ear with his raspy tone. “come for me, doll. just like that… you’re doing good for me already, my good girl.”
nervous!sunghoon who drives his cock upwards as it keep pulsing inside you. it didn’t help how the heat of your gummy walls wrapped around him as his hard cock never eases down. his stomach churning in. “i’m so close, baby. mhm… shit.”
nervous!sunghoon who gutturally moans as he released his thick load deep inside your womb, throbbing and leaking with loads of cum as you cramped his cock between you to plug all his seeds in and not waste any drop. “that’s it… ahh. take all of it and keep it in you. i told you, didn’t i? i’ll be knocking you up, breed you with my cum.”
nervous!sunghoon who takes care of you after the impassioned sex, cleaning every mess he made upon your body. then, hugging you from behind, kissing every inch of your body, worshipping you like a goddess that’s made only for him. “i love you, y/n. i’ve been in love with you when i first saw you. how could i not? when you’re so fucking pretty that you made me so nervous to even get a courage to make a first move to someone like you. i’ll love you, till death do us apart.”
jake is a lonely nerd meanwhile you’re the popular girl that men seek for your attention yet the aussie guy isn’t fully aware that you only have your eyes on him, but the question is—would he still want you once he knows your dark past?
featuring: jang wonyoung, yoon jiyoon & kim sunoo.
note/s: this fic took me long to finish lolz because i can’t add anything to it 😭 sawry. no spoilers on the tags 🤫 hehe, enjoy! (that part made me sad bruh, i hate it here.) and if you see any grammatical errors, ignore it. NOT PROOFREAD.
READ MORE .ᐟ
sim jaeyun has been a fan of books since he was young. he reads a lot of book genres. he just never gets tired of reading.
people called him nerd and boring. although, they were always teasing him—he doesn’t care. he just occupied himself with books, too immersed from the sharp taglines and absorbing the masterpiece.
he is known as the teacher’s pet from what he have heard and his classmates make fun of him by exclaiming “did you fuck our professor?” or “you’re such a show-off, you look stupid.” of course, it hurt him even though he acted like he’s indifferent.
the lone guy spent his entire life living alone and yes, he doesn’t have friends. they were few people that talked to him but eventually they would leave him and backstab him so he stopped letting people in his life.
not until the popular girl named [name] appeared in his life out of nowhere, you are known as the girl who’s intimidating yet cheerful. jake also has a secret crush on you but you’ll never know, yet.
you want to be friends with him.
“jakey… what ‘ya doing?” you asked and your face fell, he is reading again. “aren’t you getting bored from reading… that? loosen up a bit and come with us. let’s go to café with my friends after class, pretty please?”
you sound so pretty when you beg for him like that.
he blinked profusely as he opened his mouth and then closing it, swallowing the lump in his throat. “s-sure, only for today.”
“nice,” your grin widens. “see ya later, pretty boy.”
—
once the class is dismissed, you searched for the nerdy boy and he’s nowhere to be found. you thought he already left and run away from you but then, you saw him coming out of the restroom. you did not think twice before you come running towards his direction.
he didn’t notice you at first but when he felt a gentle tap on his arm, he turned around and saw you standing there, smiling at him so prettily.
you heaved out a breath before opening your mouth, “god, i thought you already left. i almost thought you hate me that much but i’m glad you’re still here, yunie.”
yunie. no one ever gave him a nickname or even called him another name, other than jake or jaeyun. he couldn’t believe that such a pretty girl like you is talking to him like he wasn’t known as a weirdo.
“i could never do that to you… and i never hated you, [name]. i—i honestly find you so cool.” he bit his lips to force himself to not say anything anymore that might creep you out.
does he know how adorable he sounds right now? you thought. “and i find you cute, jakey.” your friends called out for you as you dragged jake by his wrist, soft and gentle. the nerdy guy sucked in his cheeks to prevent himself from smiling too hard.
when you, jake and your friends made it outside of the university, your hand is still wrapped around his wrist like it belongs there. it took you long enough to release your hold onto him as you cleared your throat to shake it off the embarrassment.
you apologize to him while your face heat up. meanwhile, your friends are observing the commotion behind the two of you. they snickered from the cute scene, since it looks like a new couple doing a public display of affection. “aw, look at you guys, we feel like a proud parent here.”
jake’s cheeks couldn’t get any warmer when he heard your friends’ teasing remarks. he pinched his side to act normal and as he follows the girls silently like nothing happened.
the four of you finally made it to the café, sitting at the vacant seats. jake sits beside you while your two friends are sitting in front of the two of you. as you scan the menu, you suddenly froze. that familiar tone of voice, you thought. you were about to turn around when your friend, jiyoon tapped on the table to get your attention.
“have you decided what to order from the menu, [name]? they have your favorites.”
you’re still in shock because you are absolutely certain you are in the same location with someone from your past and you didn’t know how to face them, aware of your bad history with that person.
“… [name]? hey, are you okay?” your other friend, wonyoung asked you, her face was etched with concern. the server waited patiently for you to list down your orders, who’s been standing there for a minute.
“y—yeah, of course. i’m sorry about that… uh, i want pesto pasta and matcha. thank you.” you let out an awkward smile before looking at the guy beside you. he’s staring at you like he’s reading you and you’re nervous that he might know the reason behind it.
jake only lightly pat your shoulder and scroll through his phone. you heaved out a sigh as you zoned out while your friends talks about their lovers for the hundredth time. the dishes are served carefully at the table. all of you thanked the server and began devouring the meal.
and no, wonyoung and jiyoon have no idea who’s your ex was. you feel like there’s no reason for them to know, yet, here you are being paranoid as usual. i moved on. i moved on from them is what always you tell to yourself. have you? you want to convince yourself that you did move on from your ex lover because you don’t want to keep mourning for someone who had hurt you and disrespected you over and over.
once you’re all completely done with your meals, jaeyun volunteered to pay for everything and you were about to argue with the nerdy guy but he totally ignores you and just proceeded on paying with his card.
“that’s not cool, jake.” you rolled your eyes because you feel a little bit guilty for making him pay for the three of you.
he laughed, playfully because it doesn’t bother him to pay for you and your friends after all. it feels like he made a friend, fortunately. “it’s totally fine, [name], and i’m just grateful that you guys are talking to me like i’m not some weirdo.”
“you’re not a weirdo, jakey, you never were. to be honest with you, i find you attractive. so so pretty, you should be the face of the university rather than that guy.” you bluntly confessed and your friends agreed with your statement.
jaeyun shyly bit his lips and shakes his head from the sudden compliment. hearing those words from someone as unreal like you, makes his heart race.
“really? you’re just saying that to make me feel better about myself.” he retorted, disbelief written on his face as well as from the way his tone changed.
“nope, i’m serious. have you seen yourself? the first thing that came to my mind was you’re taken because with that face of yours, there’s no way you’re single.”
taken? who would have thought that there’s someone who thinks he’s taken. you don’t know what you’re doing to him. he feels dizzy when you’re around him, perhaps, it’s your voice that makes him so obsessed with you as well as your presence.
“i’m very much single, [name], and stop saying things like that…”
“like what?” you’re baffled, it’s not that you’re playing dumb but what does he mean by that?
is he embarrassed?
“like… you’re into m—“ before he can continue what he’s going to say, wonyoung cuts him off by telling all of you that she needs to be home since she has cats and they are always—always starving.
the three of you remains, jake, jiyoon and you. you were about to ask the guy to repeat himself but jiyoon changed the topic. she was talking about how perfect her partner is, not again. meanwhile, jake is paying attention to what your friend is yapping about. he looks so cute when he’s focused with that glasses on.
“—yeah. what about you, jake? are you interested in someone right now? oh sorry, i’m being too nosy.” jiyoon quickly apologize but jake waved her off, saying that it’s totally fine.
“am i interested with anyone? actually, i’ve never blurted this out to just anyone but yes, i do like someone right now.” he said with admiration before adding, “though, i’m not quite sure if they will like me back. they are well-known and she’s the epitome of beauty, so… she’s out of my league.” he shrug it off, but somehow he hopes you’ll see him as someone who looks forward to see you everyday.
epitome of beauty. well-known. she’s out of his league. who might that be? that person is lucky to have someone like sim jaeyun. imagine someone as smart, handsome, visuals like a prince charming, cute and—what the fuck am i thinking? do i even like him? no, we literally just interacted. i still need to resolve something from my past.
i can’t catch feelings for him or to anyone, he’s too innocent and pure. i’m just going to end up hurting him, right? jake is too good for someone like me.
—
you’re laying on your bed when your phone buzzed on the side table. you saw from the notification their name as well as the message. it was jake, he was asking if you’re feeling okay since, he noticed that you weren’t talking much at the café a while ago.
your heart skipped a beat. stop playing my heart, you whispered to yourself before wriggling on the spot like a madman. you quickly took your phone and press the device against your chest, nervously. eventually, you start typing.
you [08:50 PM]: oh, that? well, i just thought that i forgot to turn the TV off in my room, haha 😆 don’t worry, jakey, it’s nothing serious at all!
was it convincing? ha, it should be. i’m a pathological liar ever since. (just messing around.) totally.
jakey [08:52 PM]: are you sure? i was about to ask you while we were having a meal but i thought, maybe, you’d feel uneasy to open up in a public space, so i texted you instead.
jakey [08:54 PM]: if you need to talk to someone, i’m only one call away.
you left him on read, not because you don’t want to reply but, you feel seen by someone who you just known for a short time. you appreciate his effort and compassion to be someone who you can lean on when you’re feeling low.
but would you let him in? you haven’t got a clue.
you [09:02 PM]: thank you, jakey. but seriously, i’m fine. you got nothing to worry about and if ever i need your help on something, i’ll be calling you asap. :p
you [09:03 PM]: let’s chit-chat tom! good nighty~ <3
jake let out a small smile reading your replies and it feels good to know that you need his viewpoint even if it’s a minor issue, he couldn’t care less. as long as it’s you, he will do anything for you to trust him.
jakey [09:05 PM]: good night, [name]. sleep tight 💛
it is another sunny day, you are with your friends at the university’s garden where every students awaits for the school bell to signal everyone that their class has begun. you tried to look around the area to see if jaeyun has arrived but you never see someone who has a fluffy bouncy brown hair. you instinctively pouted.
wonyoung saw it and decided to tease you. “are you looking for puppy jake?”
jiyoon slapped her and ends up laughing together with wonyoung. you tutted and ignored the both of them as you waited for jake, because seeing him first thing in the morning is like an energy boost for you or maybe, you’re exaggerating but whatever.
“stop moving or i’ll beat your asses up. don’t test me.” you annoyingly said, they leaned over your shoulder and whispered, “jake has been staring at you, bitch. look over there...”
you whipped your head immediately, and there, you saw him smiling broadly. he waved at you and you waved back at him while your hand is shaking. he runs towards you. the way his hair bounced so perfectly, his hands clenched as he runs with that smile—that fucking smile is going to destroy you.
he leans forward with his hands resting on his knees to catch his breath. jaeyun abruptly fix his posture.
“hi… morning.” he breathlessly said.
you almost forgot that your friends are behind your back, without knowing that they have been recording the two of you. like what they said, you and jake look lovingly even if you try to deny it.
“hello, jake! how was your sleep? ah, you know [name] here was searching for you since we got here and she looks so cute.” you’re shooting daggers at wonyoung and she acts like she didn’t say anything humiliating.
“do you want to die?” you threatened as wonyoung tries to run away from you but you were fast enough. you have her in headlock while she keep trying to escape from your strong grip.
jiyoon told the both of you to stop playing around, meanwhile jake only giggles cutely because your friendship is honestly so wholesome and chaotic.
“sorry about that, so… did you sleep well, jakey?” you asked in curiosity.
he nods, “yeah, i slept well. what about you, [name]? you look…”
“i look… what? and yes, i always sleep well. honestly, i had a dream about a guy with a white horse. he’s so charming, i swear.” you said, daydreaming about your dream.
“you look pretty as always, haha. oh wow… that dream was interesting…” he forced out a laugh but you didn’t ask him about it and just act like you did not notice.
you thanked him for thinking you’re pretty. well, you are but you need to act humble. the school bell rang and everyone lined up in front of the entrance. once every students are in their respective classroom, and signed their attendance—the class has started.
(if you’re wondering, you and jake are not in the same class. although, you are in the same year as him.)
—
[ twenty five minutes later ] ꣑ৎ
the professor announced that class is dismissed, so you didn’t waste any more time to pack your things up and stuff it in your bag, before leaving the classroom. wonyoung and jiyoon are in the restroom, while you are waiting for them outside, you saw something that made your smile dropped instantly.
kia, the girl who thinks everyone is in love with her is talki—flirting with sim jaeyun like she found another target. she is batting her eyelashes at him, oh so innocently, while jaeyun is moving away from her yet still having that little smile to show how uncomfortable he is right now.
you can’t handle it anymore. “hey, kia. don’t you have something to do, other than bother my friend here? get lost and you better stay the fuck away from him.”
she rolled her eyes but she looked up at jake with her eyes wide that made you cringe and then, she left with her hips swaying as she walk towards her friend group who’s been eyeing the whole scene.
“who’s that…?” he asked, cluelessly.
“it’s kia, better known as the girl who loves targeting innocent boys—no—scratch that, everyone specifically. don’t fall for her bait, alright?” you replied with concern in your tone, while jake hummed in response.
“thank you for saving me, my hero. she was all over me and i don’t know what to do…” you gently rubbed his back and told him to drink some water to help him with his breathing.
you dragged the guy away from the hallway and went towards the fountain to calm his nerves down.
“we should stay here for a while… i told the girls that i already left. i don’t want to leave you here with this state. i’m sorry, i should have called you or texted you… i didn’t know this will happen. don’t worry, i’ll tell the principal tomorrow morning, okay?” you explained wholeheartedly.
(professors, principal, counselors and other staff except for security guard, they clocked out at 3PM.)
“don’t blame yourself, [name]. i will feel better soon, yeah? and all i could say is thank you for not leaving my side. you don’t know how much it means to me.” he said, expressing his deep gratitude to you. he doesn’t know what he will do if you weren’t there to help him.
he feels vulnerable—weak when you’re around him. jaeyun’s feelings towards you is getting stronger and he is terrified because what will you react, once he confessed to you? are you going to run away and abandoned him like everyone else? he doesn’t know.
sim jaeyun disregarded those thoughts away as he stared at your figure. you’re fidgeting with your hands. he restraint himself back from holding them.
“i was once like you. my old classmates would bully me verbally, make fun of me because i’m too quiet, they tried to manipulate even the teachers to hate me. i didn’t do anything. there was one time where i don’t feel like going to school because of that, i was such a coward. i can’t even stand up for myself.” you suddenly shared your tear-jerking past.
he’s glad that you’re opening up to him little by little, but, he couldn’t help but feel sad? mad? because there’s still people who will literally bother anyone even though you’re not talking or doing anything for them to act like an asshole.
you chuckled, “hey, it’s okay now. i’m okay. i just wanted to share something that’s similar to your situation because i can’t let anyone harm you. you don’t deserve that.”
“i never thought someone as cheerful and loving as you are experienced that… traumatizing scenario. is that the reason why you asked me to go with you and your friends for a coffee?” he asked curiously like he needs to hear it from you, a confirmation.
“that’s my reaction when i saw you.” you said with a teasing grin, “and it’s because i want to be friends with you, jaeyun. you seem nice and you look cute.”
he scoffed, “‘m not cute at all, have you seen yourself in the mirror? it’s you.”
you scratched the nape of your neck and laughed quite forcefully. “shut up, sim.”
“nope, cutie.” he emphasized the latter as he keep poking your side while you slapped his hand away since you feel embarrassed.
have some mercy on me, you said as you grip the edge of the stone bench.
—
jyoon [05:16 PM]: girl
jyoon [05:16 PM]: why did you leave us? argh. i was with wonyoung and her boyfriend 🙄 they kept being touchy WHILE i’m there! ew
jyoon [05:17 PM]: can you let me know in advance, so i won’t be traumatize seeing this? i wanted to gouge my eyes out so bad… euck
wony [05:20 PM]: are you okay..? 🥺 i hope you are… jiyoon and i bought something for you to eat through online. eat up, oki? i love u <333
you smiled seeing their messages. how transparent and different they are. they are your happy pill, and when you first met these two lovely girls, your life changed for the better. you love them so dearly.
now that you’re thinking about it, you were a troublemaker at your senior days—not bullying, but, being that person who laughs loudly at the back and even gossips with your seat mate during class discussion.
and then, you met jiyoon and wonyoung. they transformed you in changing your fashion, helps you in doing your make-up and as you spent your time with them—the realization hits you, that you finally found your own people. you found peace and happiness with them.
there was a ringing sound through the front door which alerts you that the food your friends ordered for you has arrived at last. you twist the door open and was about to thank the delivery guy when you saw their face. it’s him.
kim sunoo. your toxic ex. the person you never want to see is here, at your front door, staring at you with those fucking eyes. you hate him so much.
“what the fuck are you doing here? you know what…? give me my food and leave.” you harshly grabbed the plastic bag from his grip and he lets you.
you slammed the door in front of his face.
fuck. you knew it. it was him the other day at the café, you heard him. he’s fucking back to ruin my peace, my life, everything that i tried to forget and throw away. why is he back? there’s so much questions running through your head and you need answers.
[ flashback ] 4 years ago.
it was raining heavily and you forgot to bring your umbrella with you due to waking up late. you let out a frustrated sigh and waited for the rain to stop pouring.
the deafening yet gentle “pitter-patter” sound of the raindrop and your foot tapping against the tiled floor are the only thing can be heard outside of the entrance door. everyone is leaving one-by-one, yet, here you are, still remain standing.
you jolted out of shock when someone nudge your shoulders. you turned around to see a beautiful man, staring intensely at you. his hypnotic hazel eyes that can lure you to do anything he wants. you mentally slap your face from thinking inappropriately.
“i’ve been watching you from the hallway—i mean—i noticed that you don’t have an umbrella. i can lend you mine, if you want to?” he offered his umbrella like it’s not a big deal. “you don’t need to give it back, just take it. we don’t want you to get sick.”
“uh… thanks?” you’re really thankful because you will lose your mind if you wait for more hours here.
“kim sunoo, you should go home now. the weather is getting bad. take care.” he smiled before he turned to leave, running his way towards the parking area with a plastic envelope covering his head.
kim sunoo, what a pretty name just like his face.
your legs is soaking wet from the rain, so you went to the bathroom and took a cold shower. once you’re done, you sprayed perfume all over your body and wore a comfortable clothes. your mind went back to the pretty man you met a while ago. lending his umbrella, that sounds so romantic and he shows up exactly in the middle of a bad weather.
you keep asking if he’s the one but you have no idea who is the real kim sunoo during junior high. you thought he’s a prince charming, everyone’s dream man but he’s far from what you imagined.
“kim sunoo, what did you do to lori? your classmates told me you rip her notes just because she won’t let you copy her homework? detention after class.”
“sunoo, you were talking back at your professors? don’t you listen, huh? do you want your dad to know what you’ve been doing here in the class? another detention for you, kim.”
the troublesome guy went to the rooftop, alone, just to punch the wall out of rage. he keeps swearing at everyone, including himself. if his dad get to know about this, he will be locked up in the basement for weeks. the tears are forming through his eyes but he doesn’t let them fall.
the door behind him creaked open, he didn’t turn around to see who it was. sunoo tried to wipe his teary eyes as if something got into his eye.
“why are you here? if you’re going to make fun of me, you better leave now or i’ll beat you up..” when he said that, he looked over his shoulder and his eyes widened when he saw you.
“oh… sorry, i just wanted some fresh air so i went up here and i didn’t know you’re here as well.” you apologized, as you were about to leave. he called for you.
“what’s your name? i’m sorry for being an asshole, i was just frustrated about something. i’m sorry.” he feels guilty for taking it out on you.
you smiled. “[full name], it’s totally fine. we’re all assholes at times and i hope you’ll feel better.”
he didn’t mean to stare at you longer than what he expected, but he can’t believe how nice you are at him. will you hate him when you get to know him?
[ five months later ]
you and sunoo have been dating for months now. he’s been gentle to you, still there are times that there’s an argument but the two of you will make up by hugging each other and cooking your favorite meals.
the relationship you have with him is going well not until he asked for something that made you speechless and uneasy.
“sex? i—i don’t know, sunoo… i’m not comfortable yet.” you retorted, your nervous because you know how this will end up.
he tutted, tongue poking into his cheeks. “you’re not comfortable yet? what do you mean by that?” sunoo pinch the bridge of his nose to calm himself down. “forget it, i’ll be going out with my friends tonight. do not wait for me.”
when he left the house, you cried your eyes out until there’s no more to cry because this isn’t what you wanted to happen. you love him but he’s always asking for sex and you honestly don’t know what to do. you want to leave him so bad, yet you can’t.
i’m so stupid for trusting him.
you also got to know what he is at school and you thought, they were bluffing not until they showed you evidences. it was awful. how can he do that to innocent people? he’s fucked up.
even his father was disappointed. he didn’t tell you that his own father locked him again in their basement for weeks. sunoo’s father told him that if he get a girlfriend, he will let him do his own thing and sunoo have no choice but to ask you to be his girlfriend.
he is only using you, taking advantage of your kindness and naivety.
—
“let’s stop this, sunoo. i don’t want to be trapped with you anymore. i’m tired and sick of feeling that you only talk to me when you need something.” you took a deep breath and continue confronting him with how badly he has been treating you.
“i know you were using me all this time because of your father, right? you never love me, sunoo and i hate myself for loving you, for trusting you. i feel betrayed. i hope you’ll meet someone like you in the future, so you can feel how i felt when you were treating me like i was nothing but a fucking toy.”
he only nods his head like he is acknowledging every words you’re throwing at him. it’s a punch in the gut. losing someone as precious as you is better than making you stay with someone flawed and unworthy of your love.
“okay, i’m letting you go. and yeah, i wasted your time on someone like me. just… please, take care. i’ll be leaving you alone from now on. you can stay here and i will search for a place to stay in.” he said while his head hung low.
you have no idea if he’s guilt tripping you but you can’t let him damage your self-worth anymore and staying with him is too much chaos. this is the final act of love, letting go and setting yourself free from the person you once loved.
“goodbye, kim sunoo.”
“goodbye, my l— [name].”
[ end of flashback ]
he is your first heartbreak. your first love, and it breaks you because of what happened between the two of you when you were young, dumb and naive in love. you built your own closure since the day you both decided to split up.
you were doing so well already and then, he showed up all of a sudden. you didn’t think that he’s just around the corner and thought that he moved from another country.
preoccupied with your thoughts that you didn’t hear your phone ringing beside you. picking up the device, jake’s name popped up on the screen. he’s calling you, and you answered the call right away.
“you didn’t come to school today, what’s up?” he worriedly asked.
you keep waking up in the middle of the night and you can’t stop thinking that your ex is back. you didn’t even notice that it’s already morning so you planned to just stay in bed to process everything.
you’ve moved on but you can’t lie to yourself that what he did to you is tragic and isn’t easy to be forgotten.
“uh… i forgot to turn on my alarm last night, so i slept the whole day. i’ll be attending class on monday, jakey.” you made up an excuse and hope he bought the lies.
he heave a sigh, he’s not stupid. he knew something is wrong and jake wants you to tell him—be open with him. he wants to be there for you. he hates it when he feels that you’re keeping everything to yourself and dealing it on your own.
“where are you? let me see you, please?”
sim jaeyun is now sitting on your bed while you, who’s been quiet since the time he showed up to your house. the silence should kill you but when you’re with him, it’s peaceful and you felt safe around him.
you got trust issue. are you willing to let everything go? forget how much you despised being in love? that men will always be men. “jake seems different though..”
is he? how could i forget that my ex was once the person who i thought is kind, lovely and dreamy, yet, he ends up like someone i hated the most.
“you didn’t need to see me, jaeyun. see? i’m fine.”
“you’re not, stop lying to me, please? mhm? i told you, remember? if you need someone, you can always call me. tell me, what happened? you look like you haven’t gotten any sleep, [name].” he plead, as he gently grabbed your hands, wrapping his own to yours like it belongs there.
you didn’t budge, and just stared at how good your hand fits perfectly together with your eyes burning.
“i promise, i’ll listen and try to give some advice, if you want me to. just stop… stop hurting yourself by thinking you’re alone. you have me, jiyoon and wonyoung. we’re here for you, [name]… always.”
always.
the tears start flowing. you cried it out and you didn’t stop as jake pulled you against his chest.
“let it all out, peach.” his lips moved against the top of your head as he whispered those words you’ve never heard from anyone. “i’m here, i’m here…”
you swallowed hard, sniffing, before you start pouring your heart out to him. you never expect that jake is the first person you’ll be opening up to, expressing your frustration and grief because of someone you no longer want to face.
“he is back… my ex. he—he treated me like shit, jake. i barely get any sleep because of him. always asking me to have sex with him, but, i refused and he doesn’t like it. so, he will always go out with his friends to get drunk and god knows, what he was doing at the club except drinking.”
jaeyun gritted his teeth. he wants to curse at the guy and maybe, give him bruises all over his body but he controlled himself because he doesn’t want to lose his composure while you’re venting onto him.
“do you remember when we went out to get some coffee? he was there, jake. i heard him and i thought, i was hallucinating but then he showed up at my door last night. he delivered the food that wonyoung and jiyoon ordered for me. he was just standing there. i was so scared. i—i thought i’d be okay once i saw him but i kept thinking about my horrible past with him.” you looked up at jaeyun, still holding hands to relieve that pain throbbing against your chest.
“it still hurts. do you think i can face him once i’m fully healed? i shouldn’t have stop going to my therapist.” you let out a laugh. “can you stay by my side during the therapy? i’ll treat you something to eat or anything, just come with me.”
he smiled, “i’ll stay as long as you want me to, [name].”
—
three months have passed since you decided to get daily check-ups for psychotherapy and yes, jake is always there with you. also, wonyoung and jiyoon knows the whole story, finally. they kept swearing while you were talking about your past.
you feel better gradually. you have people who never dared to turn their backs on you and is there to support and cheer you on. people who genuinely cares for you and love you.
you’ve been seeing the progress as each day passes by. you feel proud of yourself for having the courage to face your fears and also glad that jaeyun didn’t leave your side like what he promised.
it’s cloudy outside, you’re holding a cup of ice coffee while jake is sipping on his bottle of soda. he asked you if you’re free and how could you say no when a man as handsome as him, asked you out of nowhere? you still have no idea what was he going to confess that made his legs trembling.
you reached a hand and puts it on his thighs to tell him it’s fine. you are kind of nervous as well because it can be two things: a bad or a good news.
“i…” he started off, it’s inaudible and you even leaned forward to hear him better. “i like you, [name].”
the smile that was painted onto your mouth is now gone. it’s not because you can’t reciprocate his feelings back but you’re unable to process what he just said. sim jaeyun, the nerdy guy confessed that he likes you. your heart is thumping against your chest, and the ringing sound of imagination bells piercing through your ears—this isn’t a dream.
he likes me.
oh.
oh fuck it.
you grabbed both of his cheeks and smashed your lips against his own plump ones. his eyes gaped open, startled but slowly he moved his mouth matching the same movement of yours. the sound of lip smacking echoes off around the area. you do not want this to end. you need to relish every moment with him, someone who never second-guessing yourself—your worth.
because for him, you are worthy of it all.
the two of you pulled away from the intense and passionate kiss. he swiped his thumb on your lower lips and removed the excess saliva clinging onto your mouth. you smiled cheekily at him as jaeyun bit his lip to contain himself from screaming his heart out.
that the girl he adores and admired for a long time just kissed him in the public. he couldn’t believe this is happening.
“i like you too, sim jaeyun. i’ve been liking you since the first time i laid my eyes on you.” as if your own confession is going to help him calm down. the urge to kiss you again is intensifying. “that was lame, what i meant is, i started liking you during the academic quiz. you’re so hot when you’re frowning.”
he’s blushing. cute.
“it’s not lame, though.” he grin. “i like you since i saw you defending those students who’s getting bullied. i think you were so cool and you still are.”
you playfully bump your shoulders at him with a wide smile. you realized that being with jake makes you the happiest person alive. you are you when you’re with him, never try to be someone else and you appreciate everything about him. the things he did to remind you that you are always loved, that you deserve more than bare minimum and you have people who will be there through your ups-and downs.
maybe, this is love.
the love you’ve never received before.
the two of you stayed for a while, your head leaning onto his shoulders as his head rested on your own—relishing this exact moment that you will never ever forget. you love him, you’re deeply in love with him.
jaeyun fixed his posture and you stared at him, confused. his composure became serious and you can’t help but feel concerned.
“you’re scaring me, jaey—“
“i want to make you mine, [name]. would you let me? you make me go insane when you’re sad, when you feel like it’s all your fault but for me, you’re perfect just the way you are. i love you, i want to spend the rest of my life with you. even if we get old and crusty, i don’t care as long as i’m with you.”
“did you have to add old and crusty in the middle of confessing your love to me..? and yes, i would like to be yours. i love you, jakey.” you uttered before you went in to hug him.
the guy wrapped his arms around you instinctively, and kissing the top of your head, he feels the warmth spreading across his body, bringing a sense of contentment.
“i love you way more, my coolest girl.” jaeyun mumbled.
weeks, months and years went by as you and jake’s relationship solidified. there’s still arguments but somehow the both of you would talk it out immediately. when wonyoung and jiyoon got the news about you and jaeyun dating, they didn’t get shock because it was obvious how the two of you like each other. from the sneaky glances, playful banter and being touchy with one another made it clear.
you couldn’t get any more happier to have a gentleman, smart and a hottie boyfriend. even jake, the one who was known to be the bullies’ victim got a beautiful girlfriend. the popular girl is finally his and every guy at the university were jealous of him, still they congratulated him and wished him all the best. he couldn’t help but be smug because who wouldn’t be? when he has a girlfriend, a best friend and a life-time partner by his side, forever and always.
OMG HIIII thank you and i missed you? (your name is len, right…? i’ve been dying to know your name because i can’t keep calling you heeyunlv in my head lolz.) 😔
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