up at 1 AM inventing new ways to want and want and want and want and

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@ephemeral-beavty
up at 1 AM inventing new ways to want and want and want and want and
Why would you love someone like me
How to fill the void no glue no borax
I trusted him I trusted him I trusted him I trusted him I trusted him I trusted him I trusted him I FUCKING TRUSTED HIM
being raised by adults who were always angry at you means becoming an adult who’s always angry at yourself
Just once, I want my absence to be felt.
“your trauma doesn’t define you” no actually it does. it dictates every aspect of my shitty life.
unfortunately i actually AM impossible to love and its not just all in my head
Being with me is like torture I think
The fear of abandonment isn’t just about people leaving, it’s the gut-wrenching belief that you aren’t worth staying for.
when the "i don’t need anyone anyway“ act wears off and all i want is for someone to hold me in their arms and tell me their biggest fear is losing me.
as my final act of love, I will swallow every "please stay" and turn it into silence so you don't feel trapped by my ache
Me: Eats
My brain: NO NO STOP IT IF YOU EAT THAT WE ARE GOING TO DIEEEEEEE PUT THE FOOD DOWN AHHHHH
I love harsh motivation so much like yes please make me even more mentally unstable then i already am and make me feel terrible about myself
Baggy clothes till I reach my ugw so no one sees how ugly, disgusting and repulsive my body is ever again… It’s a disservice to the world