I dont even know how to write anymore. I dont know how to express how I am feeling. How to let it all out. I feel like I have been choking my own self down for years and shes finally reached the bottom. I dont know who she is. I dont know who she was. But i miss her. Oh god, do I miss her. You see, I used to be able to push, and persevere. I used to be able to get what was needed done. I had drive, I had will power. I was strong. But at some point, I got so damn tired of being strong and I gave up. I quit trying. I took it is what it is and stopped. The last 6 years have been an absolute fog. I really thought id have it together by now and I really just fucking let it all go. I have no one close, and everyone I have loved is gone. They say it's not me, but they all say the same things. So, that should only mean its me, right? I lose track of my days, and never sleep at night. When I do sleep its for more than half the day, sometimes two. I dont know how to interact with people anymore. My trust for anyone and anything has been completely severed and I dont know how to let my walls down. I dont want to meet new people, I want my people back. Its this stupid annual loss of everyone in my life that is ripping me to shreds and forcing me to believe that I am just not really worth being around. I just want a friend, I want a lover. I want happiness and I want comfort. Im worried something is wrong, so tired of being strong. I cancel every single appointment I have because my stupid anxiety is getting that bad. I dont trust the doctors and what they say, they dont know whats going on in my brain. Im crippled by fear and filled with doubt. I worry I will never find my way out. Please forgive me and my distance please, just a breather is what I need.Â
origamiaround
romaincrisis
tangentwithtanner
kianamaiart
prguitarman
2087
