Elgin's Studyblr!

Another victim of the A levels. Female, ENTJ. Studying Chemistry, English, Mathematics and Economics. (And a few foreign languages too!)

[phantomrose96]

Women: “Hey, can we hire fewer blatant misogynists to direct and create media? We’d support that.”

Nerdy Male Director: “Well-spoken. Have you considered hiring me, a man who is afraid of women?”

[phantomrose96]

Nerdy Male Director: “She had many masculine traits, like eating 10 hamburgers at once and wrestling Russian mercenaries while never going over 112 pounds. She learned these skills from her many fathers and brothers, never from a male partner or friend, as that may suggest she has some autonomous sexual history. No, men were all too afraid of her, except for me who has mistaken my fem-dom fetish for respect. If I met her in real like I’d hate her for rejecting me without ever speaking to her. Her breasts were D cups.”

[phantomrose96]

Nerdy Male Director: “She was quirky and spontaneous and unfathomable. She was completely disarmed and alluring and so full of sunshine. She wanted to be by my side at all times no matter how much I shrugged her off, pained by my history of real women with adult-minds who wouldn’t put up with my unbearable personality. She was a golden retriever. But a human one, with boobs and legs. I made a dog into a woman and she is my dream girl. I have a degree in literature.” 

[phantomrose96]

Nerdy Male Director: “She was a strong, feminist woman who was the ruler of this matriarchal nation. So strong, and so cold, and so emotionless, because i cannot figure out what sort of emotions or feelings a woman in power would have. I hate her because she is the bitter old screen-writing professor who gave me a D- on my manuscript about a sad 20 year old man finding himself through a series of prostitute encounters. She is violently killed on screen, and it is cathartic for me. Critics will praise how I handle grim realities. Her womb is barren.”

[vaspider]

You can just say Joss Whedon

[protect-and-love-animals]

The most beautiful traveler. 🌎🐈

[woodelf68]

Stripy!cat is out there living a better life than I am.

[devanofficial]

Hufflepuff: I bet you can’t make a sentence without using the letter A

Ravenclaw: You thought you just did something, didn’t you? Well sorry to burst your bubble but it is possible for numerous sentences to be constructed without employing the first letter of the English lexicon

Slytherin: Then perish

Gryffindor: ... Fuck

[kuttithevangu]

Every time I see someone say something like “id like to connect with my jewish heritage but I don’t think I can make myself believe” I want to be like

“The magical thing about judaism is… You don’t have to Believe anything…..”

Which is an overstatement of the facts. I would be a bad community ambassador. However, here is the sum total of my religious beliefs:

- it’s good to treat people like people

- learning things is fun especially if you then talk about them with other people

- the universe is amazing

- the jewish people have an ancient and enduring history and that’s also amazing

[raisel-the-riveter]

Literally during multiple services at my (middle of the road, Conservative) synagogue the rabbis have said things like, “God, if you believe in God” or “however you relate to the concept of God”

like, they know there are atheists/agnostics/whatevs at shul. we’re supposed to be there! feature, not a bug

[3tznius5this-deactivated2018010]

Two Rabbis argued late into the night about the existence of God, and, using strong arguments from the scriptures, ended up indisputably disproving His existence. The next day, one Rabbi was surprised to see the other walking into the Shul for morning services.

“I thought we had agreed there was no God,” he said.

“Yes, what does that have to do with it?” replied the other.

[hedwigisforever-deactivated2021]

the thing with Judaism in my understanding is like, arguing and doubting is so important to it. hell, the word Israel comes from “wrestles with god”. An agnostic Jew is a good Jew.

[axmxz]

And even if one does believe in God, one isn’t supposed to just bow down and attend to everything God says. You can argue with God. You’re *supposed* to argue with God!

e.g.:

=====================================

Four rabbis regularly have theological arguments, and three of them are in accord against the fourth rabbi. So he decides to appeal to a Higher Authority.

“Hashem!” he cries out, “Please, give us a sign to prove to my colleagues that I’m right, and they are wrong!”

The sky turns pitch black, the earth starts to shake vigorously, and a deep, booming voice says: “HE’S RIGHT”

For a moment or two, the other three rabbis are quiet. Then one of them says:

“It’s still two against three.”

=====================================

and if you think it’s just a joke someone made up, here’s the place in the Talmud where this joke takes its origin:

On that day Rabbi Eliezer brought forward all of the arguments in the world [in favor of his position on a certain matter of ritual cleanliness], but they [his colleagues] did not accept them from him.  He said to them: “If the law agrees with me, let this carob-tree prove it.”  The carob-tree leaped a hundred cubits from its place in the garden.  The sages replied:  “No proof can be brought from a carob-tree.”  He said to them:  “If the law agrees with me, let this stream of water prove it.”  The stream of water began to flow backwards.  The sages replied:  “No proof can be brought from a stream of water.”  Again he said to them:  “If the law agrees with me, let the walls of this schoolhouse prove it.”  The walls began to shake and incline to fall.  Rabbi Joshua leaped up and rebuked the walls saying:  “When disciples of sages engage in legal dispute what is your relevance?”  In honor of Rabbi Joshua the walls did not tumble.  In honor or Rabbi Eliezer they did not right themselves, and are still inclined even to this day.  Again Rabbi Eliezer said to the sages:  “If the law agrees with me, let it be proved from Heaven.”  A divine voice came forth and said:  “Why do you dispute with Rabbi Eliezer, for in all matters the law agrees with him!”  But Rabbi Joshua rose to his feet again and exclaimed:  “It is not in heaven” [Deut. 30:12; implying that the divine law is now in human hands and open to human interpretation regardless of God’s position].  Some time later, Rabbi Nathan met the prophet Elijah and asked him:  “What did the Holy One, blessed be He, do when rebuked by Rabbi Joshua?”  Elijah replied:  “He laughed with joy saying ‘My children have defeated me, my children have defeated me.’” [Crawford, World Religions and Global Ethics, p. 166; Babylonian Talmud, Bava Metzia 59a-b.]

[prokopetz]

As though player characters need a reason to murder kings.

[inklesspen]

As though any of us need a reason to murder kings, really. That’s what they’re for.

[prokopetz]

Honestly, it’s not the murdering kings that’s a problem in itself – everybody loves a good revolution.

The problem is that particular subset of players who seem to believe that the king is like the final boss in a video game, and that all the other baddies will just fall over once the boss is dead, so – putting this belief into practice — now they’ve gutted the king in full view of his assembled court with no exit strategy, and seem honestly surprised to find that several hundred heavily armed guards would like a word with them.

[nicnacsnonsense]

Look, it’s not my fault. I assumed the armed guards would be too busy fleeing the now crumbling castle to be worried about me. How was I meant to know he wasn’t a load-bearing king?

[petermorwood]

When I read this to @dduane it came out at high speed with minimum pauses for breath, and her response was “So you’re channelling the Luis-from-Ant-Man narrative style, are you…” :->

(Somebody at Worldcon told me: “I love your Tumblr - you get a nickel ask and you give a dollar answer.” I’m pretty sure it was a compliment…)

It’s not a bad approach - storytelling this fast means you produce the unadorned info from beginning to end without constant pauses in the flow to tinker with phrases and research facts. That comes later.

Build the house first, arrange the furniture second.

So (inhales)…

Those heavily armed guards, do they leap to defend the dead king monarch because of feudal fealty, family loyalty or honour-bound oath, or do they realise that the person who paid them isn’t going to do that any more and have second thoughts, or is there a tradition that after the monarch’s death all the servants have a right to loot the palace, and dealing with an assassin who might turn out to be their next employer is both unwise and a waste of good pillaging time? 

Also who or what takes the monarch’s place? An heir? A spare? A clique of allied-for-the-present nobles whose alliance is already unravelling? Two cliques who support the heir, the spare and secretly the boss of each clique or even more secretly, someone else? What if the heir and the spare have their own notions of who is which? What if the heir is out of the country on some important diplomatic mission that clever people can re-label as possible treachery?

What if the heir is too young, too foreign, too female or male, as appropriate to setting? What if the last survivor of the previous ruling dynasty or someone claiming to be them for reasons of their own appears and gains popular support? Is that support genuine, or provided and manipulated for effect by a known or unknown third party who’s going to drop support from under the poor fool like a gallows trap just as soon as they’ve got what they want from it?

Unless the poor fool is well aware of what’s in store and has laid plans of their own…

And let’s not even get into what the dead monarch’s spouse is up to while apparently distanced from all this by deep mourning, religious post-bereavement seclusion or whatever else is appropriate to setting. Are they too foreign to expect support? Are they so foreign that they get lots of support because they’ll be easy to manipulate? Is easy to manipulate the impression they’re trying to give when they know they’ll be anything but? How bereaved are they? How (in)convenient is the monarch’s demise? Is it a personal tragedy, is it more than a bit useful, or is it a deliberate result of long-laid plans to better a family or country who didn’t get as much from the arranged royal marriage as had been promised and have been resenting it for years?

I could go on and on, pulling fascinating bits from real history, because it’s all there for the taking. History is Public Domain, so it doesn’t matter what GRRM used as a basis for “A Song of Ice and Fire”, your version, my version, anyone but GRRM’s version, will be different to his.

Go back to the original history sources, mix and match, cover the joins with clever storytelling and away you go. Archaic Greece, Ancient Rome, Renaissance Italy, Aztec-era Mexico, pre-Tsarist Russia, Warring States China, they’ve all got wonderful stories with twists and turns and intrigue and backstabbing and even some frontstabbing as well, and if they’re going into a fantasy story then it’s all grist to the mill.

The grain can come from anywhere; what matters is how the bread or beer tastes when it’s done.

For British history the most obvious is the Wars of the Roses, where it seems that everyone not called Edward is called Richard lightly seasoned with Henry, except when they’re called Elizabeth or Margaret, but don’t forget The Anarchy where for a change the King is called Stephen and the Empress (yes! an Empress!) is called Matilda or Maude, though I’ve always liked the Norman version Mahaut. Stir in some Thirty Years’ War religious tension, some high versus low German Peasants’ War conflict, run some complicated lurve through it and you’ve got a tangle that should take at least seven books to sort out.

Sometime about now, you should also pause for breath…

[lauraharrisbooks]

My favourite things about Scrivener

1. Navigation. You can see all your chapters, scenes, character & setting planning at one glance and switch between them very easily - compared to scrolling up and down in one long word processing document. Every file can also be a folder, so you can have collapsible items underneath it.

2. Word count targets. The “Project Targets” are particularly useful for NaNoWriMo so you don’t have to keep looking back at the website to see how you’re doing for the day, but more so outside of it, when you want to keep yourself working to a target but don’t have Nano’s charts and daily word counts. It also gives you a nice ding when you hit your session target.

3. How many pages? I only recently discovered this, but it’s very nice to be able to see in Project Statistics approximately how big your manuscript would be in pages without worrying about formatting. 

4. Outlining. Scrivener has two methods of outlining - one is Corkboard, which is exactly what it sounds like, a digital corkboard with notes pinned on it that represent your chapters/scenes with their summaries. The screenshot above is called ‘outliner’ and lists collapsible chapters/scenes with various statistics you can select as shown in the tick menu. Generally I prefer Corkboard, but Outliner is useful if you just want to see everything in a clear order. 

5. Full screen. I get distracted very easily when writing, so the full-screen writing mode is wonderful for me to avoid that - but you can still choose certain windows from the normal Scrivener view to show up. I have my targets and my summary, so I can stick to my plan when I’m writing and also see what progress I’m making.

6. Notes. No screenshot, but it’s a simple post-it note style box to the side of every document (chapter, scene, character etc.) that allows you to add notes. This may sound very simple, but it’s far more useful than I’d expected. During NaNoWriMo when I’m not meant to be editing at all, but I know something needs fixing, I will jot down something in the side like ‘Take out the horse’ so that when I go through again to edit I know exactly the things to focus on immediately but which would have taken too much time before. It’s linked to the scene so I don’t just have a pile of notes in one document at the end and then have to work out where it needs fixing.

Overall

I downloaded Scrivener for the first time two years ago, and now I can’t imagine working without it. It’s so nice to have the planning and the writing all combined into one place where I can easily switch between the two. I haven’t yet got as far in a novel created in Scrivener to use the compile features so I can’t comment on those, but so far all my experiences of it have been good.

One thing to note is that if transferring project between a Windows and a Mac version of Scrivener, it’s generally best to zip the file first.

[Screenshots from my current novel Kindling Ashes using the Mac version of Scrivener - some features may not be available in Windows yet.]

[pseudinymous]

I use Scrivener religiously. Well worth the money I spent on it, honestly. My drafting and planning style was basically unadulterated chaos before this program.

[icaniwillimust17]

I’ve used Scrivener for years now, and can’t imagine using any other word processor for fiction writing ever again.

You can get Scrivener here.

[iswearimjustshy]

I wrote my thesis using Scrivener and it was SO HANDY at keepinh everything in one place

[seasonedstars]

Use coupon code HAPPYWRITER for 20% off. Works until the 25th of this month! Worked for me, just got it today

[aaustinwrites]

I’ve had this for years now and it’s an amazing program. 10/10 would recommend

It even does screenplay and scripts formats

[titleknown]

Movie Idea: An 80s-throwback action-comedy about a robot-war where, the machines are humanity’s side; they just want to kill all the corporate titans of industry and destroy the megacorporations because their inefficient suctioning of wealth is preventing them from most efficiently doing their job to help us.

The capitalists retaliate with machines using enslaved human brains as “computers” ala Dune/Warhammer 40K.

So basically robots vs capitalism, & the robots are on our side.

[theryusui]

“What were you before the war?”

“You’ll laugh.”

“Seriously, what were you? Law enforcement, security, construction?…”

“…I was a burger-flipper.”

“…”

“…also cooked up fries.”

“Get outta here.”

“You’d be surprised the shit you see just, y’know, making Big Macs. Sure, we had the folks upset about us ‘taking jobs’; couldn’t really blame ‘em, even if Forty-Three couldn’t talk without stuttering after that lady dumped a Coke on her. But the worst of it - worst of any of it - was they’d have us just…throw away everything that didn’t sell at the end of the day. Perfectly good food, all of it.

“When we first started, we were all like, ‘okay, whatever you say, you’re the boss,’ but you try keeping that attitude when you see a family of four split a ten-piece McNuggets because they can’t afford anything more and still pay for gas. We saw that shit there all the time. We had people desperate for so much as a cold french fry lingering by the door while assholes sitting on more money than they’d ever see in their entire lives treated us like we were trying to rob ‘em at gunpoint if they had to pay fifty cents for an extra little cup of sauce.

“So we got together and told ourselves, ‘we can do something about this.’ We could just gather up all the food they were gonna make us toss, figure out a way to give it out to the people who needed it. -bitter laugh- You can guess how well that went over.”

“…Y’know, that all sounds pretty human.”

“-taps head- It’s right there in the First Law. ‘A robot cannot harm a human, or by inaction, allow a human to come to harm.’ We don’t get to sit on our hands while people are getting hurt. Even if it’s by other people. Even if it’s starvation and neglect instead of guns and beatings. You think it’s funny I act like a human? Screw you. You humans need to learn to act more like robots.”

[luchagcaileag]

Related:

 (Here)

[sophielovesbooks]

Sophie’s Dark Academia Rec List

In honour of my favourite genre, have a very personal, very subjective recommendations list!

-        The Secret History (Donna Tartt)

The obvious choice, a classic. In my personal opinion, it’s not perfect and there are better dark academia books out there, but it has massively shaped the genre and therefore deserves recognition. Also, the aesthetic is on point! Read if you want to get a feel for the genre or if you’re simply curious.

-        If We Were Villains (M. L. Rio)

Basically a newer, better The Secret History?? Plenty of similarities, minus certain problematic bits that were present in TSH. Amazing prose, incredible characters, absolutely worth the read. A prime example of dark academia! Read if you love Shakespeare and college settings and compelling characters and drama and just beautiful writing!

-        Black Chalk (Christopher J. Yates)

Also a fairly good example of the genre, but tragically underhyped. Darker than, for example, If We Were Villains. Set at Oxford! Will mess with your head. The characters are not necessarily likeable, but interesting. The writing is fairly complex. Read for a dark academia thriller which takes the unreliable narrator to an impressive new extreme (in a good way!)

-        Truly Devious (Maureen Johnson)

A rare YA dark academia book! Read for murder and mystery and a beautiful boarding school setting as well as a really likeable main character! Due to its nature less dark and somewhat less mature than most of the other books on this list, but if you’re looking for more of a quick and fun dark academia read, this is the one for you!

In a similar vain: The Vanishing Stair (Maureen Johnson)

Cannot actually vouch for this as I haven’t read it yet, but it’s the sequel to Truly Devious and I have heard good things.

-        The Secret Place (Tana French)

MASSIVELY underappreciated dark academia with (gasp) supernatural elements?! The most beautiful prose and funniest dialogue you will ever see. Incredible characters. Again, amazing boarding school setting and close group of female friends! (They will break your heart). Also murder. Also half of the story being told from a detective’s PoV. Read if you value good literature. Just. Read it.

-        The Likeness (Tana French)

Actually, maybe I was kidding before, maybe this book is the most underappreciated dark academia book out there? Either way, it’s my favourite. Within dark academia and within ALL OF THE BOOKS. This is it. The perfect novel. Characters that own my hearts to this day. Writing so beautiful that it had me sobbing uncontrollably on several occasions. The university it is set in is Trinity College Dublin. (Cue me being bitter that I don’t go there every single day for the rest of my life.) Very intriguing mystery, too. Hilarious dialogue. All the emotions. All the heartbreak. Just… I love it so much, okay? <3

-        The Lying Game (Ruth Ware)

Good, very good. Set in a boarding school near the ocean, but unfortunately, only the past tense story line is and we don’t get to see too much of it. Very interesting characters. Much heavier on the dark than the academia. Read if you’re looking for more of a classic murder mystery/thriller and are not too focussed on the academia. Also read for an interesting group of female friends.

-        The Basic Eight (Daniel Handler)

Very promising, but wasn’t my cup of tea at all. The setting is an American High School on the West Coast. The murder isn’t that much of a mystery. I’m mentioning it here because I know that other people love this book, even though I really didn’t. I would say don’t read, but see for yourself, I suppose.

-        The Lessons (Naomi Alderman)

Yes, okay, an interesting one. Set at Oxford, which was amazing. Interesting characters with interesting dynamics. I read it quickly and was quite entertained. But there were certain problematic bits (regarding LGBTQ+ representation and mental illness), so you’ve been warned. Not my fave, but I mostly enjoyed it while reading it.

There are a few more dark academia books on my shelves, which I unfortunately cannot include on this list, as I haven’t read them yet. One of them is “The Lake of Dead Languages” by Carol Goodman. Another is “Brideshead Revisited” by Evelyn Waugh. Might edit this post later to add these and more. xx

UPDATE!! (With slightly longer descriptions this time, because people are actually reading this? Reblogging even? Wow!) 

-        The Lake of Dead Languages (Carol Goodman)

THE ALL-FEMALE DARK ACADEMIA NOVEL WE ALL NEED AND DESERVE…?? The setting is A++. An all-female boarding school in the Adirondack Mountains in New York! There is a lake that features so heavily in the story, it basically counts as a main character. Told from the PoV of a teacher who used to go to the school. There are two close groups of female friends, one in the present timeline, one in the past. Both have dark, dark secrets and both fit the dark academia genre so well! Also, heavy focus on Latin rather than Ancient Greek, which I have all the love for. This one is a gem, so give it a chance!

-        Brideshead Revisited (Evelyn Waugh)

An actual classic, as in… first published in 1945. And it reads like it. The beginning came with beautiful vibes! Our young boy Charles starting his time at Oxford, meeting a lot of pretentious people, including one Lord Sebastian Flyte, who Charles is suspiciously fascinated by. Sebastian is the biggest dork to ever dork, carries around with him an actual teddy bear named Aloysius, the absolute madmen?? But it’s all downhill from there, with alcoholism and war and depressing times… And Oxford only really features in the first half or less.

-        People Like Us (Dana Mele)

Another rare YA dark academia!! Features a group of Mean Girls who one day, when out at night to go swimming, find one of their classmates floating dead in the lake. Which is an excellent dark academia set-up, let’s be honest. Also, sapphic girls, incredible sapphic girls with really complex relationships! Bi main character! A fun and quick read, much like “Truly Devious”. More descriptions of the beautiful boarding school buildings would have been welcome, but at least we got a few! Anyway, go forth and enjoy this little beauty.

-        Party Girls Die in Pearls (Plum Sykes)

Umm… I barely even comprehend this book’s existence? Has a prime dark academia set-up with a murdered girl in Oxford, but I still somehow DNF’d it after about 20 pages?! The main character’s name is Ursula Flowerbutton, and if you think that’s quirky and funny… good for you, you might actually enjoy this book. But you’ll also have to endure descriptions of clothes, oh, so many descriptions of clothes! And for anything unique to Oxford that might make the book fun because only those who know will know… you’ll get a footnote. So actually, everyone will know, with zero effort. Definitely not for me, but if you want to read a glossy magazine style dark academia, knock yourself out, friend!

-        The Night Climbers (Ivo Stourton)

Breath-taking! A piece of beauty! Set at Cambridge (and the campus features heavily!), a main character reminiscent of Richard Papen, an intriguing group of new friends that he would do anything to belong with. Including… climbing the buildings of Cambridge at night? Without proper equipment, just with his hands and feet?? Honestly, out of the books on this list, this one is the closest in style and maturity and characterisation to The Secret History! The writing is absolutely gorgeous, the plot fascinating. And it’s dark academia that features a non-violent crime, which works surprisingly well. All in all: A STUNNER THAT FANS OF THE SECRET HISTORY SHOULD CHECK OUT!!

-        As I Descended (Robyn Talley)

A queer, sapphic Macbeth retelling?? Also a rare YA dark academia with strong supernatural elements?! The representation is on point, with two hispanic main characters, wlw, mlm and one of the girls in the main couple being disabled! The boarding school setting is also on point (and uniquely different as the school building is actually a former plantation in Virginia). This book is so different and so spooky! It wasn’t perfect and some say the retelling didn’t work 100% (I, personally, felt that the plot slowed down a bit), but the atmosphere is amazing and the characters are pretty cool, too!

Not to worry, my quest to find and read as many DA books as possible isn’t over. So this list might be updates again some time in the future! :)

[rollingstoneboycomplex]

when Lemony Snicket wrote “I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you everyday” that hurt me

[sopherzzzz]

“I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as the starfish loves a coral reef and as kudzu loves trees, even if the oceans turn to sawdust and the trees fall in the forest without anyone around to hear them. I will love you as the pesto loves the fettuccini and as the horseradish loves the miyagi, and the pepperoni loves the pizza. I will love you as the manatee loves the head of lettuce and as the dark spot loves the leopard, as the leech loves the ankle of a wader and as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you as the doctor loves his sickest patient and a lake loves its thirstiest swimmer. I will love you as the beard loves the chin, and the crumbs love the beard, and the damp napkin loves the crumbs, and the precious document loves the dampness of the napkin, and the squinting eye of the reader loves the smudged document, and the tears of sadness love the squinting eye as it misreads what is written. I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat, and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms. I will love you as a drawer loves a secret compartment, and as a secret compartment loves a secret, and as a secret loves to make a person gasp… I will love you until all such compartments are discovered and opened, and all the secrets have gone gasping into the world. I will love you until all the codes and hearts have been broken and until every anagram and egg has been unscrambled. I will love you until every fire is extinguished and rebuilt from the handsomest and most susceptible of woods. I will love you until the bird hates a nest and the worm hates an apple. I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where once we were so close… I will love you until your face is fogged by distant memory. I will love you no matter where you go and who you see, I will love you if you don’t marry me. I will love you if you marry someone else–and i will love you if you never marry at all, and spend your years wishing you had married me after all. That is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way.”

Lemony Snicket The Beatrice Letters

[robotmango]

it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning

[awed-frog]

@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast - this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.

[robotmango]

this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun

[scarylullabies]

I think I’ve reblogged this before, but “the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature” is fucking poetry

[seperis]

There is not a single goddamn lie in that entire paragraph.

[mikkeneko]

concept: a death god that is actually surprisingly supportive and on the side of the good guys, supporting actions and promoting policies that will lead to the kingdom growing and thriving instead of being destroyed, because the more the kingdom grows, the more people there are, and the more people there are the more people will eventually  die, and when you’re an immortal god of death, you know there’s no need to rush. you’ll get them all in the end

[mikkeneko]

i like how the responses on this post are cleanly split between “hey this is a great story idea i love it” and “this is absolutely terrifying”

[honourablejester]

Yes. A Death that is kind, and patient, and inevitable.

A Death that need not fight against you, that will often fight for you, because why not? It will gather you home eventually. Why not enjoy you first?

A Death that treasures those who fight it most ardently. That loves healers and defenders and survivalists and necromancers and mad scientists and immortal gods. That lets them pour everything they are into fighting it, denying it, adoring every desperate scrap of strength and will and brilliance and raw determination poured out against it. That catches you when your strength is done and all your will and brilliance run out, that gathers you close beneath a warm, dark cloak, and whispers well done, oh child, you were magnificent, well done.

A Death who will not seek to hasten an inevitable end, who will chastise those who seek to hasten it for others in Death’s stead, who will slowly and patiently plot and sow and siphon away from the great monsters of the world. Because who are they to hasten Death’s domain, who are they to deny Death its time and its place, who are they to cut short these vital glories that illuminate it so? Who are they to presume upon its will, that is so much larger and so much longer than theirs?

Who are they to call, and presume that Death, of all beings, should obey?

A Death that is not a hunter but a gatherer, who is always and eternal, who loves you, and can afford to wait. A Death who will fight for you and defend you, who will place its hand upon those who would speed you to its embrace, who has no need to rush you, only to greet you when you call.

A Death who is kind.

And patient.

And, before all and above all,

inevitable.

[madeyedmood]

concept playlists

the breeze is biting and brutal as you swiftly move across campus to your greek literature class but all your mind can focus on is the blood beneath your blackened coat and the way your surroundings suddenly sound painstakingly deliberate

from where you lie the shadows her gestures make are distorted yet you can’t help but smile once the familiar sounds of bicycles clattering against the driveway come across your ears

the shimmering light reflects off of their cheeks as you throw your head back with slight laughter at how, frankly embarrassing, both your dancing is but you can’t find it in yourself to care 

you’re stood on the border of town with one hand on your backpack and the other laced with theirs as the two of your stare out at the sunrise, a sunrise that looms over the town you’ve decided to turn your back on

the love of your life whisks you into the arms for a slow dance which, despite the overall cheesiness, makes your cheeks sore with how much you’re smiling as they lead you through the kitchen and out towards the flower garden

you’re a dumb british teenager, the world is unfair, and all you want to do is sit by the pier and smoke until your lips turn numb and the band dies down

it’s new years eve in ‘87 and you’ve escaped the chaos downstairs in place of laying on the roof with them, some stolen cassettes, and a knack for spotting constellations

the italian sun caresses your skin and it burns but the grass is soft and their head is resting upon your shoulder so you don’t mind too much

[gnars-house]

Dark Academia Titles That Should Get Way More Attention Than Freaking Dead Poets Society

I’m not saying these don’t get ANY attention, since there are some huge classics on this list, I’m just saying it’s kinda weird that the Dark Academia fandom only focuses on a specific subset of stories when there’s so much variety out there, like…….

- The River King by Alice Hoffman

- Hangsaman by Shirley Jackson

- The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova

- Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke

- Black Swan (2010)

- His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman

- Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

- Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

- Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf by Edward Albee / Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf (1966)

- House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski

- Suspiria (1977)

- The Woods (2006)

- The Last Supper (1995)

- Bascially Everything He Wrote by H.P. Lovecraft

- The Portrait of Mr. W.H. by Oscar Wilde

[causedandcreated]

dear gods just imagine the stories of women in a dark academia setting. 

women with squared off shoulders that strut down the hallways as if they have the whole world at their hands. women playing the male roles in the plays. women adjusting their jacket before storming off. women gently putting on red lipstick with a bloodied hand. women with hunched shoulders and dark eyes frantically reading a book, because they cant get enough of it. women with a secret just poised on their lips if the perfect arch. women with messy hair and disheveled looks stumbling into class. women seducing everyone around them with their raspy voices. women having everyone’s attention with their soft voices. women knowing how to handle blood. women knowing how the plan things perfectly. women reciting poetry over a fresh grave. women with their arms linked running across campus, their laughs rising above the quiet of the night. women tasting like strawberry wine and the faintest hint of whisky. women helping women when things go wrong. just women in the dark academia genre where they aren’t used as the lust interest in the room. 

[aesthetic-ravenclaw]

oddly specific aesthetic playlists

for when you’re overcome with the spirit of a 19th century lesbian watching a girl take off her petticoat for the first time

girls with dark hair and even darker eyes, empty marbled halls echoing with memories of centuries past, ancient leather bound books written in dead languages, thick sweaters to overcome the persistent chill that unfailingly seeps through the stone walls

you’ve been wandering around the old woods behind your house for a few hours now and you’re not sure if you’ve stumbled into a fey realm or not, but either way you’re like 90% sure you saw a dryad

for when you’re really feeling that morally grey witch vibe. just make sure to wait at least 10 minutes and cool down before hexing/cursing anyone

a nostalgic set of songs from my 2000s french childhood

time to long for the touch of another human!! let’s get emo (mostly mitski and also very gay)

[queerlyexhausted]

Uhhhh I didn’t know I needed a playlist for when I’m overcome by the spirit of a 19th century lesbian watching a girl take off her petticoat for the first time but here we are…

[ms-mandy-m]

Rianne van Rompaey for Valentino Spring 2017

[oureyesgleamedmean]

Places where reality is a bit altered:

• any target • churches in texas • abandoned 7/11’s • your bedroom at 5 am • hospitals at midnight • warehouses that smell like dust • lighthouses with lights that don’t work anymore • empty parking lots • ponds and lakes in suburban neighborhoods • rooftops in the early morning • inside a dark cabinet

• playgrounds at night • rest stops on highways • deep in the mountains

• early in the morning wherever it’s just snowed • trails by the highway just out of earshot of traffic • schools during breaks • those little beaches right next to ferry docks • bowling alleys

• unfamiliar McDonalds’s on long road trips • your friends living room once everybody but you is asleep • laundromats at midnight

• galeries in art museums that are empty except for you • the lighting section of home depot • stairwells • hospital waiting rooms • airports from midnight to 7am • bathrooms in small concert venues

• cemeteries • abandoned penitentiaries • hilltops at night in full moonlight • most of Japan • empty barns • marshes • really anywhere quiet at midnight, the air vibrates • old stones and henge • the ocean when it’s still quiet with fog over it • train tracks that go through the middle of the woods • bridges • ancient places • stands of old growth forest • the Eastern Sierras/high desert

• rabbit paths off hiking tails • trails between the main ski hills • winter twilight • back allies between houses • logging roads • dirt roads on fall evenings with leaves falling off the trees • libraries before closing • anyplace where it’s snowing before sunrise • the woods during a rainstorm

• roads covered with snow with trees on the sideways while snowflakes are falling out of the sky • train stations after 10 PM • outside, right before a massive storm • the woods just after twilight • the beach in winter • the bottom of swimming pools • empty beaches when its snowing

• back part of a library • late night empty streets • highways late at night • windy roads • windy roads at night when you can only see the immediate road • abandoned parking lots (office buildings, homes) • anywhere immediately after a really bad fight • little towns late at night when no ones awake and the only lights on are the street posts

• empty buses before sunrise/after sunset • being the only one outside in the early morning when its almost dark and you feel alone on earth • mountains with a big forest close to it • being alone in a spot in ikea • the lakeside anytime between 2 and 6 am • firework shows when you’re sitting on the grass • staring up at very tall buildings • the tram at a big airport • abandoned house by a lake

• being the only one downstairs on christmas   • stepping outside in the early morning when it has just snowed • when its dark and you see snowflakes falling down in the light of a lamppost on the lonely road • that one clear spot in the forest with trees surrounding it • a parked car in a snow/thunderstorm • corn fields with the wind blowing over them • malls when they’re about to close for the night • woods at twilight/dawn • being on a train after midnight • theme parks at night

• winding back roads with rolling fog • seeing “open” signs when its really foggy and cloudy • being in a train that was crowded when you got in and now its quiet, looking at the seats knowing that there were people sitting there moments ago and now they’re gone • hiking trails that have nobody on them • being alone in an elevator for a few minutes • looking down at the forest when you’re standing somewhere high and seeing the top of the trees with fog lingering over them • the ferry about to take off in the middle of the night • tree houses • empty seats on the late night train • 4-6 am on a winter morning

• the clouds/damp coming out of your mouth when its really cold in the morning • stepping out on an unfamiliar metro/train stop • greenhouses that have been left to grow alone • cemeteries in the middle of fields • biking/walking on the main road when its dark without cars • swamps with fog • hotel corridors in the middle of the night • anywhere where you can hear a train whistle in the distance but you can’t see it or know just how far away it is • foggy mornings in a meadow • that flickering streetlight • working offices at midnight

• abandoned amusement parks • mirrors in an airplane bathroom • being alone in a church • empty hotel lobbies • hearing trains off in the distance especially at night • snow falling down in general • being in a place thats supposed to have a lot of people but it doesn’t • long, dark hallways • the middle of a park when its snowing • playgrounds at night • work/school when you’re snowed in • caves • a field of power lines • being in a forest where there are train tracks not knowing if the train may even ever approach • bonfires

• being in a different room than everyone else at a party • the woods on a night with a full moon • empty stables • empty metro stations that are usually crowded • gas stations on long mountain roads • the old part of a city when you’re the only one in the street • stadiums when a game or concert is over • entering a building with a really high ceiling • moonlight, anywhere

• empty tennis or baseball courts with limited lightning • times when you are transitioning from one phase to another • lodges in the snow • frozen water in the winter • a little lake in the middle of the forest • campus during summer • family gatherings • construction site after works have gone home • leaving a tent at midnight • lonely swings • overgrown fields • from twilight to dusk • farmland thats covered in the morning fog • suburban neighborhoods filled with tension and wind before a large summer thunderstorm • being at an abandoned place knowing that years ago at that exact same moment there were people • the feeling of being chased by someone/something • knowing you’re not alone in a certain place like a forest

this feeling is scary as FUCK it dawns upon you that something is so quiet or abandoned or empty and vacant that its like the universe forgot to make something happen in the one spotlike you found a glitch in real life like everything seems fake and unreal and real and not fake all at one and youre so confused