not proofread in the slightest, wrote this as basically a single train of thought
ā ā
Little Dennis always had to hide his secret. He could barely even admit it to himself, he definitely couldnāt show it to anyone.
Wellā for at least a while.
Itās one of those days in the ED where they all are going everywhere, donāt have time to sit and definitely donāt have time to talk. Dennis is exhausted, not just in a heavy work day kinda way, in an utterly miserable and empty pit in his stomach kind of way, but everyoneās like that so heās not much different, except he is. He is because when he finally sneaks away from his lunch he goes back up to where he had been sleeping before Trinity let him move in. Sitting on one of the beds, a single apple that had a single bite taken out of it while he stared blankly at the wall ahead of him.
Itās hard being burned out but itās even harder when youāre trying to stop yourself from sobbing and sucking your thumb like a baby. God. He was not a bad. Heā it was disgusting. It was disgraceful. Thatās what he knows his mother would say. He couldnāt give in. He couldnāt relax, not like that. He had to fight it.
He didnāt notice that Robby had basically had the same idea. A granola bar that he had shoved in his pocket was his only snack but like damn he was gonna eat it in peace. Robby came in quietly but even then Dennis heard him, straightening up and letting out a little shutter as he tried to collect himself and swallow his mushy apple in his mouth.
āWhittaker?ā Robby called out and Dennis moved from his criss-cross leg position to put his legs over the side, like he was gonna stand.
āIām sorry. Iā I know this area is off limits. I justā Iām sorry.ā Dennisās words came out jumbled and the more he spoke the more he felt small, like a weight was being pressed down on his brain. It was pathetic. Robby made him feel safe, even if he had just spooked him so even if he was freaking the fuck out, a small part of him beamed that the older was there.
āYou arenāt in trouble. Itāsā fine. Shit. You donāt look so good.ā Robby muttered as he got closer. At the closer proximity Dennis flinched away, the staring alone feeling like too much. Especially with his eyes doing that glassy thing it always did the further he fell down.
āIāIām just tired.ā Dennis whispered.
āNo shit. We all are.ā Robby replied and Dennis gave a sharp nod as his response.
It was quiet for a moment, maybe not a moment, it may had been a few moments if heās honest. Dennis isnāt very good at keeping track of time when heās like this. āWhittaker.ā Robby calls out and there is a lace of not only confusion but concern in his tone. Dennis gives a gentle hum as he blinked and finally remet Robbyās eye contact and thatās when Robbyās face softened, not that Dennis really saw it. His visionās a little blurry but he honestly couldnāt really tell you why, thinking felt kinda hard right now.
āDennis?ā Robby called out gently again. Taking a step closer to the intern. āYou gotta tell me whatās going on in that head of yours. Iām not a mind reader.ā It doesnāt come off annoyed, the way his tone is makes Dennis want to smile, no oneās ever talked to him so sweetly, not when he was like this. It made Dennis wanna trust him, this was all hard and right now if he was honest, he didnāt think going downstairs was an option. āYou gotta use your words Dennis.ā Robby says, holding a sense of authority and structure that Dennis craved. Dennis gives him a small nod, the first real sign that he was even actually listening in a while.
āI donāt know how toāā Dennis paused his words because everything felt so jumbled. Robby didnāt miss the little look of confusion on Dennisās face but he stayed quiet, patient, because well fuck, god forbid he have a favorite intern and give him all the time in the world to tell him whatās wrong so he can help fix whatever is going on in that pretty head of his. āSometimesā I get small.ā Dennis said. āItā it just happens and I donāt really know how to make it stop.ā Robby frowned.
āI need you to try and explain it a little more for me Dennis.ā Robby said because Robby could be open, he could understand, he just needed Dennis to give him something to actually try and understand besides vague secret wording.
āMāsmall up here.ā Dennis whispered and he pointed a finger up to his head. āItāsā it has a name. I saw it online. Had to google it because it kept happening and my ex kept saying it wasnāt n-normal.ā Dennis was kind of blabbering unnecessary information now but Robby didnāt stop him. āBut it is normal. Itā itās kinda normal. I found a lots and lots of people who do it. I donāt do it exactly like them though. Iā I donāt mean to go down like this, just happens.ā Dennis said. āMakes me feel small. Likeā like when I was a kid. But Iā Iām not a baby.ā Dennis furrowed his brow a little as he said that part, like he expected Robby to shout that he was back at him for whatever reason. Robby stayed silent for a moment, heāll admit he was a little confused but here was Dennis who, with the growing lingering silence, curled back a little, his bottom lip wobbling as the glossy eyes became watery. āMātrying to make it stop. Mātrying rāighānow.ā Dennis can barely talk now, or it least it feels like that to him.
āHey. No. Iāmāā Robby says quickly and he paused to collect his words. āYou donāt have to stop. Itās normal right?ā Dennis gave a little nod but the lip wobbling didnāt stop. āDo you have someone whoā watches you?ā Dennis shook his head. āAre you supposed to?ā Robby asked because it was a good question, if he was in a foggy state like this he should have someone watching him.
āI think.ā Dennis replied.
āWhy donāt you?ā Robby asked and a single tear rolled down the youngerās cheek.
āItās weird.ā Dennis replied and his tone felt so stern even with the wavering voice. āItāsā itās weird.ā He said it louder this time. āItās weird. Iām weird. Iāmāā The statement quickly turned into a babbling phrase, filled with much self-hatred that Robby didnāt think twice as he finally closed the distance and wrapped his arms around the other. Dennis let out a sharp sob and curled his fingers into the otherās clothes, snot starting to pour from his nose as he pushed his head into his collar. Robby shushed him, a gently noise meant to bring comfort. A wounded sound was all Robby got as a response from the other but it was more than he expected.
They stayed like that for a while until Robby pulled Dennis back because the older man was getting worried that at the angle his face was, Dennis may not have been getting air. Robby couldnāt stop himself from wiping gently at his cheeks at the fallen tears and Dennis leaned into it. āShiftās basically over.ā Robby said. āWeāll head down, clock out and go to my place, yeah?ā Dennis nodded at the plan, because Robby smelled like wood and smoke and a comforting musk and he wanted him to hold him in his arms again.
