ErrrkaKay

27. Bi + poly. she/her. Oil painter. Rock and plant hoarder. Love you all!

[veryfunnymemes]

[cwote]

12 Steps For Self Care

If it feels wrong, don’t do it

Say exactly what you mean

Don’t be a people pleaser

Trust your instincts 

Never speak bad about yourself

Never give up on your dreams

Don’t be afraid to say “no”

Don’t be afraid to say “yes”

Be KIND to yourself

Let go of what you can’t control

Stay away from drama & negativity

LOVE

[batmanisagatewaydrug-deactivate]

listen if you think someone is cool and you dig their energy you just have to tell them, because that’s the kind of stuff you remember a thousand times longer than somebody complimenting your hair or whatever. tonight I told a girl from my theory class that I like her analytical approach and she bounced back at me saying she digs my feminine energy and how she gets the vibe that, to my core, I exist to uplift women and I damn near cried. tell people what resonates about them. be real. help each other feel seen.

do you ever get so annoyed at everything that you start to get pissed off at even little things like a spoon clinking against a bowl or sounds of people talking  

[alternativeblkgal]

I think it’s called sensory overload. It’s really common in people with anxiety

[reynabeth-deactivated20180821-d]

it can also be a result of sleep deprivation, stress, or ever dehydration !!

[mightbeinsaneforever]

thanks i thought i was just a bitch

[hillbilly---man]

I feel like I should make a post about this because it’s not something that’s very well-known, and that Americans in particular may need to know about given the uncertain state of our healthcare system at the moment. I’ve wanted to write this out for a while, It’s kind of a long post, so sorry about that!

If you have an emergency and have to go to the hospital, you’ll owe the hospital a lot of money. (I got into a car wreck and broke my ankle and my arm. My hospital bill was around $20,000)

You’ll also owe the ambulance provider, if you need one. (My ambulance bill was about $800)

You may get separate bills from the anesthesiologist or surgeon. (My anesthesiologist bill was $1,700)

You may need follow-up appointments. (My orthopedic surgeon billed me for the appointments and his surgery together and it was about $1,000)

You’ve also got to pay for medical equipment you need afterward, like crutches or a walking boot. (Mine cost about $75)

Altogether, I ended up with almost $24,000 in medical debt from one car accident. That’s a really scary number for someone like me who makes $10/hr at a 12 hour a week job.

I got my debt down to $1075 by making some phone calls and submitting some paperwork.

The first thing I did was contact the hospital. They don’t make it easy to find, but many hospitals (perhaps most hospitals?) have financial assistance programs for people who can’t afford medical bills. I don’t make a lot of money, and I have bills to pay, so they were able to help me. I called the billing department and asked if they had any assistance programs for low income people who can’t pay their bills. I had to call multiple times, and I got transferred in circles by people who didn’t know what I was talking about. Finally, I got an appointment with someone in “Eligibility Services” (I don’t know what other hospitals call it, if it’s something different). I had to bring my pay stubs and copies of all of my bills. When I got to the hospital for the appointment, nobody knew what I was talking about so I had to wander a little to find where I needed to go. I spoke with the guy in Eligibility Services, and I waited for a decision on how much of the bill they would forgive. A month later, I got a call telling me it was totally forgiven.

I did the same thing for my ambulance bill and my anesthesiologist, but the process was a LOT easier. I just had to mail some paperwork and it was totally forgiven.

I didn’t bother with the medical equipment suppliers, since the bills came from separate companies and I didn’t feel like going through the process twice for $75. I was assured at the hospital that they had similar programs for debt forgiveness, so I could have probably avoided paying that too.

The only thing I couldn’t get taken care of was the surgeon/follow-up appointment cost, but they were able to put me on a no-interest payment plan.

Medical debt is scary because it’s something that can come from stuff that’s already really scary. I didn’t need the burden of $24,000 in debt on top of trying to get around on a crutch with a broken arm (it’s not easy, believe me!).. but I can’t imagine what it would be like with a bigger debt or a more severe medical emergency. I see lots of people in even worse trouble than I was in, both financially and medically. Please know that there are options for you when that GoFundMe doesn’t do enough. Even if your income is higher than mine, it’s worth a shot even for partial debt forgiveness.

[pyroteknich]

I am about 900% sure there are people who don`the know this. 

[aquadraco20]

PLEASE READ THIS IF YOU LIVE IN AMERICA AND HAVE MEDICAL BILLS

[wintermoth]

I had to do this once as well and I can ABSOLUTELY confirm that this is true.

Get in contact with the hospital. Don’t just…sit there and let the anxiety grow and panic and then ignore it in an effort to find peace.

[shrimpathy-for-the-rogue]

Hey psst @allfrogsarefriends i found it.

[jillianleedy]

[geekgirlintraining]

This is an important message.

[majaminxx22]

I will never NOT reblog this.

[usethehorseluke-deactivated2020]

As a 25 year old desperately trying to be the very best™ I needed this reminder

[fusiformstudygyrus-deactivated2]

This. So much this.

[kropotkhristian-deactivated2019]

[veroww]

floating girlfriends♥

[you-are-another-me]

[lenialenient]

[ephemeraldesiderata]

WOW THIS ONE IS TOO CLOSE

[phantoms-lair]

[emlynns]

2018 taught me that a) it’s important to tell people you love them and b) there’s many different ways to say it

[plain-flavoured-english]

Your purpose in life is not to love yourself but to love being yourself.

If you goal is to love yourself, then your focus is directed inward toward yourself, and you end up constantly watching yourself from the outside, disconnected, trying to summon the “correct” feelings towards yourself or fashion yourself into something you can approve of.

If your goal is to love being yourself, then your focus is directed outward towards life, on living and making decisions based on what brings you pleasure and fulfillment.

Be the subject, not the object. It doesn’t matter what you think of yourself. You are experiencing life. Life is not experiencing you.

[saxifraga-x-urbium]

Thank you this is the first post about self love that hasn’t made me want to throw things

[polyamorouspixie]

This is amazing ❤️

[adhdpie]

‘am i Having A Brain Problem or Being a Shithead’: a short procrastination checklist

aka why tf am i procrastinating on The Thing (more like a flowchart, actually)

lots of people who have executive function difficulties worry about whether they’re procrastinating on a task out of laziness/simply wanting to be a jerk or mental struggles. this checklist might help you figure out which it is at any given time! (hint: it’s almost never laziness or being a jerk.) (obligatory disclaimer: this is just what works for me! something different might work better for you.)

1) do I honestly intend to start the task despite my lack of success?

yes: it’s a Brain Problem. next question

no: it’s shitty to say one thing & do another. better be honest with myself & anyone expecting me to do the task.

2) am I fed, watered, well-rested, medicated properly, etc?

yes: next question

no: guess what? this is the real next task

3) does the idea of starting the task make me feel scared or anxious?

yes: Anxiety Brain. identify what’s scaring me first.

no: next question

4) do I know how to start the task?

yes: next question

no: ADHD Brain. time to make an order of operations list.

5) do I have everything I need to start the task?

yes: next question

no: ADHD Brain lying to me about the steps again, dangit. first task is ‘gather the materials’.

6) why am i having a hard time switching from my current task to this new task?

i’m having fun doing what i’m doing: it’s okay to have fun doing a thing! if task is time-sensitive, go to next question.

i have to finish doing what i’m doing: might be ADHD brain. can I actually finish the current task or will I get trapped in a cycle? does this task really need to be finished?

the next task will be boring/boring-er than the current task: ADHD brain. re-think the next task. what would make it exciting? what am I looking forward to?

I might not have enough time to complete the task: ADHD brain wants to finish everything it starts. (if task is time-sensitive, go to next question)

i just want to make the person who asked me to do it angry: sounds like anxiety brain trying to punish itself, because I know I’ll be miserable if someone is angry at me. why do i think I deserve punishment?

no, I seriously want to piss them off: okay, i’m being a shithead

7) have I already procrastinated so badly that I now cannot finish the task in time?

yes: ADHD brain is probably caught in a guilt-perfection cycle. since I can’t have the task done on time, i don’t even want to start.

reality check: having part of a thing done is almost always better than none of a thing done. if I can get an extension, having part of it done will help me keep from stalling out until the extension deadline. i’ll feel better if I at least try to finish it.

no, there’s still a chance to finish on time: ADHD brain thinks that I have all the time in the world, but the truth is I don’t. 

reality check: if i’m having fun doing what I’m doing, I can keep doing it, but I should probably set a timer & ask someone to check on me to make sure I start doing the task later today.

8) I’ve completed the checklist and still don’t know what’s wrong!

probably wasn’t honest enough with myself. take one more look.

if I’m still mystified, ask a friend to help me talk it out.

hope this helps some of you! YOU’RE DOING GREAT SWEETIE DON’T GIVE UP ON YOU

[spoonie-living]

Ooh, this is a really lovely (and kind-hearted) guide for ADHD, executive dysfunction issues, or just plain ol’ brain fog! Should help with misplaced guilt, too.

[mylittlepoly-family]

On living with partner(s)

Remember, when you live together with a partner, you’re not just partners. You’re also friends, and you’re also roommates. Don’t just assume that because you are partners, you have certain privileges, or don’t have others. Would you expect your roommate to do your laundry? Would you expect your roommate to listen to you vent about your problems day in and day out? Would you be lax on a roommate who fell behind on rent? Would you be ok with a roommate who was extremely loud every time you were trying to sleep? Probably not for any of those (and others). Sometimes partners that live together take these things for granted, and that’s not good. I recommend starting with the idea that you are roommates (especially if you share a bedroom)- and deciding what appropriate boundaries and rules are (eg. We each do our own dishes and laundry. We get home before 10pm on work nights or let each other know if that won’t happen). Then, make some compromises (I’ll do laundry if you do dishes; Tuesdays you have date night so I won’t expect you home by 10pm etc.) if you feel like it’s right for you as partners. Keep that roommate list somewhere though. IF you ever break up (which sucks, but can happen), that first list can be really beneficial. It can ALSO help if you want to renavigate what living together looks like (if one of you gets a partner and you spend 3 nights a week with them or something). Also - I recommend having a small bit of “extra” space - a futon or something similar in a quiet place. Sometimes you might need to get away, sometimes you might know you have work at 6am and your partner won’t get in til 3am, and so sleeping on the couch isn’t a punishment, it’s just a courtesy.

[mylittlepoly-family]

As a followup, finances were asked about specifically. There’s no right answer that fits every situation. I recommend thinking about the following, in no particular order: 1) How much money do each of you make currently? 2) What are your long-term goals - each of you, AND as a group? 3) How tied together would you like your finances to be? 4) What retirement/investment accounts are available to each of you? 5) What happens if one or more of you lose your job(s)? 6) What happens if one or more of you get a bonus/inheritance/wins the lottery/etc.? Those answers will shape what you end up doing. Ideally, there will be overlap between all of you joining finances - someone who doesn’t want to share finances or save for the future probably won’t mesh well with someone who wants joint accounts and to max their 401k. Going forward, I’m going to assume you want to merge finances to some extent. There’s a few ways this can work. 1) Joint accounts for everything. 2) Joint accounts for some things, separate accounts for others. 3) Separate accounts and regular discussions. 2 is probably the most sustainable for most people. The most common is to have one joint account that bills are paid out of, and separate accounts for each person for their own things. There’s generally two ways of doing this - either your paychecks go into the joint account, and then an “allowance” is given to each person, or paychecks go to the solo accounts, and then a chunk is put into the main account. 1 is sometimes considered the “ideal,” and while it is in some ways, it’s also not in others. It can be hard to tell exactly where money is going to. 3 requires a lot of communication. While my V does it this way because it makes sense for us, it’s definitely more work than the “set it and forget it” method of automating 2. Once you’ve picked a method that will likely work, you’ll want to work out the details. Some favor a “everyone pays half/thirds/fourths” method, some favor a “everyone pays 60% of their income to the joint account” method, some favor a “A and B split rent, C manages bills” method. No one method is perfect. You can also merge types as needed - with our mortgage coming out of my bank account, we kind of use it as a joint account, and everyone contributes to it based on their income. Finally, you want to think about the bad - someone losing their job or similar. With more incomes, you should be able to manage a larger emergency fund so you can avoid problems when that happens. It can happen to anyone - so you probably want to support whoever it happens to. When we went through all of this together as the three of us, we eventually made a cohabitation agreement, and I’ll link that below. We knew that at some point we’d want to switch to a 2 working, 1 at home kind of living arrangement, but we also didn’t want to make it so that the person living at home would be left high and dry if there was a breakup. So we settled on a “two year” thing. Basically, assets that are shared are split equally (33%), but debts are shared based on the last two years worth of income, among those who signed on to that debt. That way it prevents a “haha! I quit and am taking my third with me” type deal, but also a “haha! you haven’t worked in 10 years and now are stuck with a third of the mortgage!” thing. It also prevents “haha, I maxed my credit card and have no income, so you have to pay me for it!” upon breakups too. Basically, we planned for the worst, then signed it, and promptly stopped worrying about it. Hopefully we never need it, but knowing we have it gives us peace of mind. https://docs.google.com/…/1qC-Myz8…/edit If you have questions, please do ask, I know that there’s a LOT of information I presented, but also a LOT I probably glossed over or missed.

[drdelphinecormigay]

There is categorically no trend on Twitter that will ever ever ever beat this ‘girls do it better’ thing we’ve got going because honestly it’s just meaning we’re getting photos of beautiful girls recreating this look and my lesbian ass is living for it

[drdelphinecormigay]

Seeing as you guys are loving this as much as I am, let me bless your eyes with some more beautiful girls creating this iconic look. Creds of course to all of these wonderful ladies

[generaldamneron-deactivated2020]

I AM SO GAY HOLY FUCK

[thecollectibles]

Daily Sketches by Adrian Wilkins

[jehovahhthickness]

When you suffer from depression but lowkey know how to deal with it and you’re beyond grateful that you’re not having any suicidal ideations.