♡Zen♡
(Hanahaki Disease request)
“I go to sleep excited for the day that follows because I know I will be seeing you again. I wake up every morning wanting to do well because I know that is what makes you happy. Hell, I breathe for you, I.. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I love you.”
You wished that those words were a claim of love for you and not your character.
Your relationship with the famed Zen only existed on the lines of black and white text in a script. Words of endless love and adoration all rehearsed were not for the benefit of your heart, instead, for the benefit of the audience that was captivated by the scene unfolding before them.
It was so difficult not to collapse on the stage in a fit of coughing and blood. Fighting the need to convulse, you stared up at your co-star with raw love. “I.. I thought y-you hated me. A-All the mixed emotions, the sudden anger and sudden affection-- it was like going around in circles in your sick and twisted game,” You paused allowing the tears of your character fall along with your own, “But on the off chance that you a-are being truthful with me, I-I love you too. I a-always have.” While the cracking in your voice came across as emotional, it was actually you choking down the scratches in your voice.
Soon enough, the show was over and after a standing ovation from the audience and you were rushing to the nearest bathroom. After a loud slam of the door, you were hunched over the toilet in a fit of gags and wheezes. Your heart began to thump loudly in your ears as a new development of your disease became apparent in the toilet.
Blood.
Just two or three droplets that slid precariously down the white porcelain bowl caused you to sob helplessly into your hands.
I am going to die.
After what seemed like eons, you composed yourself as much as humanly possible before you exited the small bathroom.
“Babe?”
That fucking nickname.
You hated it. It gave you false hope, made your withering heart swell with an unfathomable amount of love but also drop to the pit of your being because you knew damn well that he called a lot of his friends babe.
You slowly pivoted towards the man who leaned up against the wall beside the restroom, his perfect eyebrows furrowed in concern.
“Hey, Zen. What’s up?” You asked, voice hoarse from your retching not ten minutes earlier.
“I came to check on you, you disappeared when the curtains went down. You didn’t look too good on stage. . . are you okay?”
“I’m good. Just feeling a bit sick lately. Nothing to worry about!” You beamed at him, trying your very best to put up a good front.
This man truly would be the death of you. With talks of how invested he was in his work, he made it all too clear that his job was on top of his priorities list and not a relationship.
“I wish you didn’t lie to me, jagi,” He whispered. Zen’s eyes stared right through you, penetrating the facade you had built.
And at that exact same moment, an attack came quicker and more violent than ever before. You collapsed to your knees, choking and spluttering. You were barely able to register the blood that began to coat your hands as you rasped. Amidst your struggle, you felt yourself being pulled into Zen’s arms. He was calling out for help while also attempting to calm you down.
“(F/n)! I need you to breathe with me, breathe! Please, you need to try and take breaths, pl-- SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!”
“C’mon babe, breathe, please! You’re gonna die if you don’t! I love you! Please breathe!”
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Zen’s words echoed in your mind as you finally began to come back to reality. You opened your eyes to meet ruby eyes filled with terror, tears falling onto the flawless skin of his cheeks. Your eyes wandered to your surroundings seeing that your cast mates were gathered around you staring at you with raw horror. It was then that you realised the flurry of petals on your clothes, on your mouth and on the ground. Now they all knew.
“(F/n) are you okay?” Zen cursed himself for asking such a stupid question but he honestly has no idea what to say. You, the girl he was in love with, had hanahaki disease. And it seemed to be because of him.
“Y-You love me?” You stuttered out, tears gathering in the corners of your eyes.
“I do, (F/n). I love you. Why did you let yourself suffer like this instead of telling me what you felt?” He queried.
“I-I. . . I didn’t want to lose you if you didn’t feel the same. It would’ve killed me and-”
“Not telling me would’ve killed you as well,” He fired back, feeling angry at himself and you for almost killing yourself over him.
“I guess it was a lose-lose situation,” Was the last thing that you said before the paramedics arrived and whisked you away to the hospital with Zen hot on their tail.
After the doctors confirmed that the flower within your lungs was dying, they admitted you into a recovery ward until it was dead completely. It was there that Zen wanted to clear everything over.
“(F/n) I love you, truly I do, but I cannot help but be annoyed with you for doing this to yourself. If in some other far-off alternate universe, I did not return your feelings, you could’ve gotten the surgery and it would’ve saved you from the pain of an unrequited love. I want to know why you didn’t tell me,” Zen demanded, his voice loving but stern.
“Before I met you, Hyun, I wasn’t in a good place. I wasn’t scoring any roles, my bills were piling up, I was going to get evicted. Then, like a gift from God, I landed the role of your love interest. And it was better paid than anything I had done so far, it kept me out of the money pit and now I’m being offered roles from different agencies. Then there was you. You were- are so charming and kind. You weren’t shoved up your own ass, you were you. And it was so refreshing to be around a man who didn’t see a woman as a subordinate. It was inevitable- me falling in love with you. So if I told you, you would be gone from my life and I would self-destruct one way or another. So I just lived with it and continued to live my dream, even if it was only half of it,” You explained, feeling a weight lift off your chest after finally releasing your thoughts.
Zen, for once, was at a loss for words. He related to your feeling of hopelessness more than he thought he could. He felt it when he tried to endure his family’s scrutiny. This made the love for you grow even more as he took your hand into his own, bringing it to his mouth and pressing a gentle kiss to your knuckles.
“I am so in love with you.”
Well, I hope you enjoyed my comeback.
Word count: 1236.
How have you all been?
