i should start a counter of how many times i have rewatched that scene by now.
when aziraphale runs after crowley, he turns around to face him, fully turns around, right?
his angel says come back, so he does, not entirely but he stops to hear him out.
even though his eyes are covered, we can safely assume he is looking at aziraphale while he speaks. the painful fun part is why he turns away.
aziraphale says EXACTLY what crowley wants to hear. we can be an US you can be with me forever. we can be what you imagined.
except that crowley knows they don't mean the same thing. aziraphale is suggesting life in heaven, something fundamentally different from the life crowley imagined for them on earth. this is the equivalent to someone telling you "i love you - as a friend" after you just confessed your romantic love to them.
you wanted to hear that person say those words so fucking badly and they did, but in entirely the wrong way. they don't love you the same way you love them.
mouth open, sharp intake of breath, he can no longer look at aziraphale at all.
look at the way his posture changes, too. straight back, deep breath, eyes forward and away so he does not have to watch as aziraphale promises him forever in the most painful, twisted way possible.
even when he says i need you he does not look back. my guess is that he is holding back a LOT of tears, frozen to the spot. when he does speak again, they both not only move on to mutual anger but his i understand also sounds exactly like my voice sounds when i'm swallowing tears.
we can be together. i need you. i love you
it gives him hope that maybe, maybe if he SHOWS him, if he kisses him and says this is what we could have been, aziraphale will come around. that he will realize they will be happy on earth and don't need heaven at all.
it gives him hope and aziraphale almost, ALMOST says it. almost says i love you. almost.
and then he stops himself and ruins everything, and crowley has to leave with the echo of his words in his head, probably repeating over and over again.
he leaves knowing that aziraphale simply does not need crowley as much as crowley needs him.
he can no longer rely on him.
after six thousand years of shared loneliness, he is finally, truly, alone.
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