[rachaels]

[esmeraude11]

This is my most recent commission from @amaati! She was an absolute delight to work with and I loved every moment with her. This piece is centered around Finwë and Míriel during those brief happy years in Aman before her death.

I've had Thoughts regarding Finwë and Míriel and their colors. Amaati was a darling as I accidentally regaled her with some of my ideas about what colors to put them in and the politics of said colors while I was trying to figure out how I wanted them to look.

I knew for the most part what I wanted to have Míriel wearing. I wanted her to have silver hair and to wear a red dress. But then I thought that it'd be a neat way to tie in Fëanor's future obsession with Galadriel's hair by having Míriel have silver-gold hair. And then I thought that her using silver stars as her favored device would be good too. Stars being incredibly important to the Elves and pivotal to the Great Journey from Cuivienén to Aman means that Míriel would be very likely to have used them herself in her works. I decided that her color combination would be red and silver so that Fëanor could wear her reds and pair them with black as a youth/adult as a sign of his being in a constant state of mourning for her.

I really do like the idea of Fëanor shaping his entire identity around his mother by taking up her devices and colors and making them his own. After all, that man has no chill.

Finwë was incredibly difficult for me. Most of the time I see him dressed in purples as a subtle nod towards his eldest sons being identified by Red (Fëanor) and Blue (Fingolfin). But then I thought about how a young Ñolofinwë would shape himself around the idea of being the son of Finwë who is interested in politics and inserts himself into the court of the Ñoldoran and asserts that he too is an heir (if not the better choice) of Finwë. Fingolfin is associated in the Silmarillion with blue and silver and I think it'd really interesting if these were his father's colors too and Fingolfin took them as his own initially to identify as Finwë's true/proper heir, only for them to become part of the Ñoldor's factional rivalries as people chose sides over the princes, and later on using them to solidify his position as High King of the Ñoldor in Beleriand in the hearts and minds of his people by using the colors of Finwë Ñoldoran.

This would, of course, be another point of contention between Fëanor and Fingolfin. But Fëanor can't very well abandon his mother's reds in order to take up his father's blues? His entire sense of self is based on him being the son of Míriel Therindë (my laptop won't let use the thorn).

[esmeraude11]

This is my second and most recent commission from Amaati. I really loved working with her. She really brought my vision of Indis to life and I adore her for that.

This commission depicts Indis standing before Laurelin. It's such a lovely image and I love everything about it.

[lixomania]

[meawsupport]

this is so late renaissance early mannerism. the controversial male nudity? the lighting and value on the figurenof emphasis?? him bathed in light and placed ABOVE while the police are clad in dark and BELOW?? Uh HES HITTING THE CONTRAPPOSTO??

[beardedmrbean]

She's got the right attitude here

[goldengirlschildhood]

used bookstore tucked into an old church in the holler I will always love you

Buckeye Bend Books, Marlinton, WV.

[esmeraude11]

I commissioned this from Amaati last year. She created an absolutely beautiful piece and I am still so very happy with it!

One of my favorite headcanons about Fëanáro's early childhood is that it was a somewhat happy one until the Statute of Finwë and Míriel put a definite end to the belief that Míriel would return from the Halls of Mandos. This is set before the birth of Ñolofinwë and the definite turning point in Fëanáro's relationship with his step-mother and her family.

I have another piece from Amaati that I'm going to post another day!

[manny-jacinto]

PEDRO PASCAL & EWAN MCGREGOR Star Wars Vanity Fair Cover Shoot (June 2022)

[jessicas-pi]

crack AU idea:

The war is over. Sheevy is dead. Everything is perfect.

...except for the little bitty problem of how the clones don't have citizenship and aren't even recognized as sentient beings.

Jedi are scrambling to find a way to get the clones legal rights and finally realize that the easiest way is to just accept them into the Jedi order, which would grant automatic citizenship.

But you gotta be force-sensitive. Since they're all clones of Jango Fett, who was as force-sensitive as a rock, they don't qualify. (I love the idea of FS-clones but just not in this AU lol.)

Jocasta does some digging in the archives and discovers something interesting: an old old old law, SUPER old, that states that the spouse of any Jedi, and that spouse's immediate relatives, are automatically granted a place in the Jedi order, regardless of midichlorian levels. (Back when getting married was something Jedi did, they knew that that meant if the spouse & spouse's family was non-Jedi, they could be in danger/used as leverage against the Jedi, and this was a way to protect them.)

And clones definitely count as immediate relatives.

Chaos ensues.

I'm picturing a council meeting where half the Jedi just left to go find some Space Asprin because the whole fiasco is a headache and the rest of the people there are:

Depa, chatting with Shaak: I considered myself and Grey, but we've always been more like platonic partners. I know he sees Caleb as a son, but my feelings for him are familial and I know it's the same for him.

Shaak: I agree, some of the clones overheard me saying I would do it if it meant they'd be safe and their response was unanimously no no no you're like our mom

Plo, to no one in particular: Does it have to be a marriage? Could it be an adoption? asking for a friend.

Anakin, newly appointed to the council: wait so NOW we can get married??????

Obi-Wan: no Anakin, this is an extenuating circumstance, not a new rule

Anakin: we could make it a new rule

Plo, turning to Shaak: what if we got married, and then adopted all the clones?

Aayla, kicking the door open: I VOLUNTEER

...I have many more thoughts about this AU and will elaborate later.

[commanderfoxdeservesbetter-deac]

Aayla: if I don’t get chosen, I will elope with Bly

Obi-Wan: Not if I get married first

[mis-mcgifsten]

Given that frequently fanon casts the troopers as highly competitive having the Jedi being the ones racing to be the first to get hitched adds a layer of hilarity. Like I can see Kenobi, Vos, Secura etc parkouring their way to the nearest civil union office while tugging along their putative spouse and yes it is all for a good cause and to free all your brothers but we absolutely must do it before their crechemate or padawan beats them to the punch.

[commanderfoxdeservesbetter-deac]

Cody rushing Obi-Wan to the alter: I’m not getting married second to Bly

Bly with the papers already in hand: Bold of you to assume I didn’t have the papers filled out already

Fox typing on his datapad: Bold of you to assume I can’t write up a license for Vos and I right now

Rex: …

Rex: Anakin and I are already married

Clones stopping: …

Jedi listening: …

Mace turning slowly to Anakin, eye twitching: what.

Anakin: …

Rex: …

Anakin: … it was an accident?

Rex: it happened during a mission

Anakin: It wasn’t our fault!

Rex: miscommunication of cultures

[north-peach]

@wolfsrainrules

[thefringeperson]

The headache Mace must be feeling as all this goes on!

[nikkigam-deactivated20240925]

[forcearama]

*inspired by that Obi Wan's false sense of superiority post* What we need is an animated series about the psychologist who has to deal with these sentient tire fires. I mean, I'm a human tire fire and even I get help, these guys have no excuse. It needs to be filmed like The Office and as tongue-in-cheek as possible

Look I would pay real currency to watch a series of Anakin and Obi-Wan’s couples counseling. The angst and the passive-aggressiveness and the “I’m fine it’s fine everything’s fine” “NO IT’S NOT OBI-WAN NOTHING IS FINE”. Or individual Jedi counseling.

Better: I want to watch the documentary/mockumentary made by a GFFA psychologist who embeds themselves with the Jedi Order to better understand how they can all be so chill and collected – What’s their secret? How can we all learn, from their example, to embrace serenity in our own lives? – who eventually, as the documentary wears on, comes to realize that THE JEDI ORDER IS COMPRISED ENTIRELY OF EMOTIONAL TRAINWRECKS.

[gffa]

I am living for this now.  As @ devilangel657 said, the idea of a psychologist embedding themselves in the Jedi Order and having to listen to the stories of the stupidity the Jedi have to deal with every goddamned day in their roles as peacekeepers and later freeing worlds, would be amazing. They’re so serene and calm and put together when you first meet them!  Then, like, a month later, “YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE SHIT I HAD TO DEAL WITH ON BRENTAL.  LET’S JUST SAY IF I HAVE TO SEE ANOTHER FUCKING PIRATE I AM GOING TO SHOVE A LIGHTSABER UP THEIR ASS BEFORE THEY HAVE A CHANCE TO SAY A GODDAMNED WORD.” blares through the Force, even when all the Jedi says is, “It was a difficult mission, but I believe it has been resolved to the best of my abilities.” Obi-Wan and Anakin’s couple’s therapy is a disaster.  Sure, Anakin wants to talk about things!  Until the psychologist turns to him and tries to make him talk about what’s eating him and then NOTHING IS WRONG, EVERYTHING’S FINE, he says angrily, crossing his arms and glaring. Obi-Wan looks at the psychologist, not a single hint of self-awareness on his face, like, See what I have to deal with?

[forcearama]

YES. Little by little, all these things come out and eventually it becomes clear that A) the Jedi have to put up with a TON of the universe’s bullshit, B) there are a LOT of secret affairs going on, both within and outside of the Order, and C) there is a WHOLE LOT of trauma being actively repressed. 

I feel like Mace Windu would be amazing in this documentary series. The interviewer would be like “It sounds like you have a very difficult role, being responsible for so much in the Order. Would you agree?” and he just keeps staring into space like this: 

…before finally taking a deep breath and being like, “It is a noble calling, and one I am honored to take on.” 

Yoda cancels on his interview like 45 times, or pretends to be napping or dead when the guy shows up, because He Really Doesn’t Wanna Talk About This Stuff Everyone Knows The Order Is Just Fine Look How Well-Adjusted We All Are. 

Quinlan Vos does his interview from a bar, during which he becomes increasingly inebriated. His interview turns into him just bragging about various conquests or awesome parties he’s been to on undercover missions. Viewers love him.

Obi-Wan explains to the horrified interviewer that he really totally wasn’t traumatized by being sent away to be a space farmer when he was 12, or the fact that he once got a rock for his birthday, or that his Space Dad was murdered in front of him. And that things between him and Anakin are FINE. 

The two of them don’t realize they’re still mic’d up when they try to “discuss” things in the hallway in between filming after a particularly pointed on-screen argument. The resulting audio includes lecturing (Obi-Wan), dramatic yelling (Anakin), retreading of very old arguments (both), and eventually some mild dirty talk, which they vehemently deny later even though they both have mussed up hair when they return. 

Ahsoka’s interview is hilarious, since it is mostly just her telling stories about Anakin or Obi-Wan embarrassing themselves. She manages to come off as one of the most competent people in the entire show despite the fact that she’s like 15. She instantly becomes a favorite of viewer commentators on the Holonet. 

Some of the Clones get interviewed about what it’s like to work with the Jedi. This turns into all of them sharing “most insane thing my Jedi has done” stories, and it results in 157 hours of footage. They end up with their own series. 

Chancellor Palpatine also does an extended interview as one of the Jedi’s closest colleagues, in which he repeatedly has to take a break from filming because he keeps breaking out into inappropriate giggles as he discusses how insightful the Order is, and what great partners they’ve been for his administration in helping it to achieve its goals. 

[gffa]

I am crying at that screencap of Mace, that’s exactly the face he’d make. “The Jedi aren’t perfect, we have our difficulties, just as anyone else in the galaxy does,” they all say.  “But we deal with them internally to the best of our abilities.  We’ve agreed to this documentary as a gesture of good will, we hope to reach out to our fellow Republic citizens and show that we are as human as any of you.” What they don’t say is FUCK OFF WE DEAL WITH OUR PROBLEMS OURSELVES, but you kind of get that impression anyway.  And the first half of the documentary is this build-up towards the idea that the Jedi are totally fucked up, they’re all a bunch of lunatics who refuse to admit they actually have problems. But then the second half of the documentary has, like, 300 hours of footage of the Jedi dealing with two warring clans on some Mid-Rim world, each willing to nuke themselves into orbit just to spite the other side, and the Jedi have to deal with literal tantrums from political leaders at least once a month and they have to see politicians living these ridiculous lives of luxury, they have space caviar flown in specially hand delivered while ¾ths of their world are literally starving in poverty, and still have to smile and make nice with said politician because otherwise they won’t be able to get this trade agreement signed that will help the rest of the world, and all the while they’re not allowed to scream obscenities or anything.  And you start to realize, oh, shit, I’d have gone off the deep end, too, if I had to deal with that every day of my life. The documentary works in a roundabout way, endearing people to them–it shows the Jedi being human, that one time they caught Luminara Unduli making the most amazing bitch face, just for a moment, before she managed to smooth it back over.  They caught Obi-Wan Kenobi actually swearing one time!  They have at least an hour’s worth of outtakes of Anakin Skywalker flying around on his droid and crashing face-first into a wall or swanning off the top of the Temple and screaming when he misses the speeder Master Kenobi is driving to try to snag him the first time! “It was a bit of a close call,” Anakin Skywalker says with a grin, “But I had it totally under control.”  (Smash cut to Anakin screaming and flailing as story after story of the Temple blurs by him as he falls while Obi-Wan zips the speeder around for a second try.) There’s a collage of the Greatest Faces Ahsoka Tano Makes When Dealing With Republic Officials.  Almost unanimously, the face she makes when Wilhuff Tarkin turns away from her are voted as #1. There’s also entire sites dedicated to gossiping about the love lives of the Jedi.  The HoloNet EXPLODES when Obi-Wan and Anakin are caught on mic making suggestive comments after their fight, because everyone thought FOR SURE Skywalker was involved with Senator Amidala, have you SEEN the way he makes cow eyes at her?  There are threads and threads of HA AH VINDICATION!!! from Obikin shippers and NO WAY THIS IS JUST PART OF A THREESOME shippers.

[forcearama]

(Everyone, please forgive me this enormous reblog. I think you all understand I have no choice.) 

So, basically this is what’s going to foil Palpatine’s plans, isn’t it? He is kicking himself, because he actually urged the Jedi to do the documentary series in the first place, thinking that they’d come off as totally dogmatic, dispassionate weirdos and the Republic would be turned off, making it easier for him to push his “The Jedi Are Evil” spiel later. 

Instead, as the series wears on, everyone finds them oddly charming, and is overwhelmed by how hard they work and the good they do. There’s all kinds of forums set up for the inevitable Jedi Order Fandom as people nitpick every detail the show reveals. The gossip is out of control. Ahsoka can’t go anywhere without an interviewer asking her about the state of her “dads”’ relationship. Padme is hounded by the tabloids every time someone thinks they saw her out with Anakin somewhere (and OMG IS THAT A BABY BUMP??! WHAT IS OBI-WAN GONNA THINK?! Wait, is OBI-WAN the father???!). Hondo Ohnaka, of course, uses this as a chance to make some money, and is constantly trying to sell outlandish stories about his “friends” the Jedi to the tabloids.

 A couple of systems start petty disputes with each other just to get a Jedi and some clones to visit, and they start placing requests (”Can you guys send Luminara? We LOVE her, OMG. Also is Fives available?”) Even Yoda, who was hesitant to even participate, becomes somewhat beloved in his own right as the series’ grumpy, long-suffering grandpa, once viewers see how much insanity the poor guy’s been living with for hundreds of years. 

[gffa]

I am very sorry to everyone that this is making your dash probably a lot to handle today, but you have to understand that this is what I joined Star Wars tumblr for. Palpatine is so gleeful at first, look how awful the Jedi look, even though he’s pushing that, oh, they work so hard and they’re so talented and amazing!  But then the memes start.  LET OBI-WAN KENOBI HAVE A NAP.  SOMEONE FEED THAT POOR CHILD AHSOKA TANO A REAL SANDWICH.  AND GET HER A JACKET SHE LOOKS COLD.  There are floating, spinning star crows attached to Anakin Skywalker’s head in holo pictures and vids.  There’s a picture of Master Yoda making a o_O face as he trips and it gets plastered all over the internet.  Mace Windu strikes a dramatic pose after a battle and it’s caught on holo, people splash motivational wolf-style quotes over the image. The most popular of which is, “WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU.  IS GOING TO DIE.” while Master Windu stands there with a >:| face and his lightsaber at the ready. There starts to be knockoff Jedi merchandise.  Toy lightsabers are a huge hit! So many people are much nicer to the Jedi now and are like, “Are you comfortable? Can I get you a blanket?  You’ve probably had a hard day, here have a slice of pie, on the house.” REQUESTING SPECIFIC JEDI.  Of course The Team gets the most requests (Anakin is initially pleased by this, but then there are people flirting with Obi-Wan. WHO IS FLIRTING BACK.  And knows exactly what he’s doing and keeps glancing at Anakin to see the effect of it because he’s a jerk who likes to rile people up.  NOT THAT IT’S WORKING, OBI-WAN.) but Shaak Ti and Luminara Unduli prove surprisingly popular, everyone just falls in love with them.  The clones, finally having the perfect audience for this, are MORE THAN HAPPY to tell everyone about the Most Insane Thing Their Jedi Has Done.  Rex and Cody are no longer allowed to participate, in order to give everyone else a fair shot.

[asquidjigwouldworkonme]

There are fandom wars over whether the fact that Obi-wan flirts with EVERYONE makes the Obikinmidala three-way MORE or LESS likely. “Hello there” becomes code for “I am flirting with you now” overnight. Clone naming conventions start to become popular with new parents and teens get their hair/ hair equivalent styled like their favorite clone commanders.

On the political side, the average Republic citizen starts getting savvier. Seeing their favorite Jedi deal with these Senate officials and obstinate planetary governors, day in and day out, energizes populations to organize more effectively. The Jedi are unsure how to feel about this at first, but its nice to have the added leverage when dealing with particularly reticent political figures.

Elan Sleazebaggano (of Death Stick fame) is Obi’s biggest fan. After he gets his life rethought, he becomes a community organizer in the fandom, trying to do for others what his favorite Jedi did for him

[albaparthenicevelut-deactivated]

Okay so there are so many things to love here. Mace Windu’s FACE, Yoda memes, Luminara Unduli’s Jedi composure slipping, Anakin and Obi Wan being actual human messes, Poor Ahsoka, the only sane person in a literal mad house, the clones… Can you imagine how smug Rex and Cody are?

Obi Wan: goes to do something hilariously ExtraTM.

Cody: Arms crossed casually, face completely blank. “Ahem”

Obi Wan: Looks at him… “If I do this, you’re going to tell the entire Republic won’t you?”

Cody: Raises eyebrow. “What do you think?”

Obi Wan: “Ah, well,” looks almost sheepish. “What do you suggest, Commander?”

Cody: Deadpan “You’re learning.”

But we are missing some hilarious potential here… So you guys know how bad Padme and Anakin are at pretending they don’t know intimate details about each other/covering their asses/being remotely subtle? Well, once a film crew is following Anakin around on a semi-regular basis, they get even worse.

For example, Anakin, Padme, Obi Wan, and Ahsoka are sent on a diplomatic mission together, documentary crew accompanying. They all board Anakin’s ship and there’s a lovely lace outer robe lying in a crumpled heap on the copilot seat from when Anakin and Padme made their last Dramatic Escape from a senatorial function (”I thought you said you were in danger?” “I was- a few more minutes and I’d have DIED of boredom.”) Anakin snatches it up and shoves it into his robes. 

“SO THAT’S WHERE I LEFT MY FORMAL ROBES. OBI WAN WILL BE SO PLEASED.” and then he turns bright red because he just implied that Obi Wan will be really happy to see him in a undersized, lacy robe, which is true but not the impression he intended to give the viewing public. Padme breaks a rib suppressing her laughter. The psychiatrist and crew just roll their eyes and wonder why they’re even keeping up the pretense of deception. 

Or, the crew just keep on finding mugs of half-drunk tea with lipstick marks in Padme’s distinctive signature shade 

”They’re Ahsoka’s,” Anakin blurts out. 

Ahsoka, who is there and not wearing a single smidge of lipstick looks at the camera, looks at Padme’s lipstick covered lips, looks back at the camera. Everyone turns to Padme. She looks around the ship. Anakin hasn’t cleaned it in months. There is exposed wiring from the last time Anakin started “improving” it and then got distracted. It smells like sweaty man and teenager and curry. 

“I really enjoy the ambiance?” She offers. “It’s very… relaxed.” A muffled snort comes from the vicinity of Ahsoka. Anakin, who is standing next to her, steps on her foot. Ahsoka punches Anakin in the shoulder, hard. Obi Wan folds his arms and does his only sane man routine, which the psychiatrist and the documentary team now knows is Made of Lies and Deception. 

This lasts until the team catches him sitting with Padme and Anakin in the cockpit, giving Padme a foot massage while Anakin drives. 

“It’s a Jedi’s duty to do what is needed.” He explains repressively. “The Senator had a cramp. I did it for democracy.”  

[lurkingcrow]

Despite all this fun it is a small subgenre of the Jedi fandom who end up having the greatest impact - the conspiracy theorists.

See, in among the “Kenobi is secretly a Space Siren”, “Skywalker is the avatar of entropy” and “the Jedi don’t die but merely change their forms and continue to save the galaxy under a new name” theories there are a smaller subset who are driven by the desperate need to uncover the truth of the war so that the Jedi can go back to spending more time with fans planets in need of their expertise. Everyone thinks they’re nuts. Until they don’t.

It starts as a post on a forum with user k3n0b15w00shyh41r ranting about how the war so obviously benefits the military industrial complex, and why has no one ever investigated Kamino for separatist links? User winduismygod93 points out that’s an excellent question, and wait a moment, why exactly were the clones commissioned in the first place? I mean, it was convenient, but could you really see masters Yoda or Windu authorising the creation of sentient beings for war? User 5tone9arden agrees - could this be a smear campaign? User masspalooza posits that it was a false flag operation by the Sith, and after a bit of digging user 5ith7i9ht uncovers the Sifo Dyas link - a known associate of the traitor Dooku? They’re on to something. User blankdayzii  is concerned about sabotage when user xxx_t4N0_xxx points out a strange bit of footage from the latest episode of “Craziest things my Jedi has done!!! - Series 3, of a clone looking suddenly disoriented and shaking his head while muttering. User y0dAts4w3sm obsessively scans footage for more case into a compilation holovid. But it is user shaak_pronounsaresirandgeneral_ti  who comes to the final conclusion: mind control. This is urgent! What if the Sith are secretly implanting sleeper agents into republic forces to shift the tides of war!!! It probably wouldn’t have gone any further, except user 0biAn1da7a689 turns out to actually be the Senator for a minor system in the Mid-Rim and raises the issue in open debate…

The Kaminoans rebut the accusations - some clones have occasional reactions to their aggression control chips! Which are perfectly safe from tampering because they put them in prior to deployment are you some kind of CIS sympathiser trying to undermine our brave troops senator?

Some reporter bails up the nearest Jedi for comment and oh, wouldn’t you know it? It’s General Skywalker! Here to see Senator Amidala for midweek nookie on Jedi business! Whose first response is “Chips? WHAT CHIPS?” followed by a litany of curses so vile even the reporter from the  Nal Hutta Tribune is impressed. After Anakin’s brain reboots he does what he does best and angrily descends upon Obi-Wan demanding they free the clones immediately!

And that is how Palpatine had a very bad day and the Jedi fandom saved their heroes from a future full of loneliness and sand.😉

(yes there are references to some of you in the forum bit - @forcearama  should be obvious but there are at least 3 more 😏)

[forcearama]

People, I’m sorry this is a gigantic post now but I just want you guys to see this.

[librationpoint]

Am I the only one who remembers that time a padawan was whining about how Yoda doesn’t have any feelings and Yoda was like, “Excuse you, I have been burying loved ones for sixty times longer than you have been alive, lecture me about grief do not.” 

[jhaernyl]

@phosphorescent-naidheachd

[phosphorescent-naidheachd]

*snerks*

This is BEAUTIFUL. Pretty improbable – let’s be honest, even though he’d absolutely underestimate how likable segments of the audience would find the Jedi, Palpatine would still 110% make sure that whoever was hired to put the documentary footage together did so in such a way as to make the Jedi look like The Worst Ever™ (think reality TV dialed up to eleven) – but I laugh in the face of realism when the crack is this delightful.

Jedi Order fandom!!! Tabloids and conspiracy theory boards!!! Therapy for ALL the Jedi!!!! Palpatine’s Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day(s) being the unintentional product of his own meddling!!

:-D

[phosphorescent-naidheachd]

Wait, wait – Asajj Ventress as a closet fan of the series!!! If anyone ever discovered her Deep Dark Secret, she’d claim that she only watches the show to uncover Jedi weaknesses and to make fun of them… and that wouldn’t be entirely untrue – she does love scoffing at Jedi stupidity on her holoscreen – but it’s more than just that.

She gets a real sense of community from the Jedi on the show. Which is pathetic, of course, or so she tells herself. She’s a Sith acolyte, soon-to-be Sith apprentice, and she doesn’t need friends or family like these weak Jedi seem to. (Even though they claim they’re above such things. Obviously another case of Jedi hypocrisy at work.) But the abandoned young girl who lives deep inside her soaks it up vicariously and with poorly-hidden envy. 

And a few of these Jedi don’t seem too bad. Plo Koon, for instance, reminds her just a little bit of Ky Narec. And while young Tano has all the irksome enthusiasm and dogmatic certainty of youth, she won’t deny that the girl can be entertaining. Besides, she pities Tano for having to put up with both Kenobi and Skywalker. 

And a few other Jedi… well, as long as they don’t open their mouths, they can be quite pleasant to look at. For Jedi, anyway. Not that she would notice that sort of thing, of course.

She eventually joins a few fan forums under the username 2sab3rsar3b3tt3rthan1. For research purposes and to spread the truth about the Jedi, obviously. Not-so-surprisingly, she winds up getting into lots of heated discussions with fellow fans of the show, and a couple of them get her second-guessing some of her decisions over the past few years. (A few users also introduce her to the wonderful world of Jedi memes, but that’s a story for another day.)

Dooku, both because he’s a Sith (and thus rightly paranoid about betrayal) and because he’s a control freak with no sense of boundaries, has always secretly monitored his apprentice’s media consumption and holocommunications. It’s not high on his priorities list, however, so he’s set the system up so that he’s notified if certain flagged key words appear more than X times in a fixed timeframe.

“Jedi” is, of course, one of those key words.

So when he starts getting twelve thousand alert dings to his comm, he’s naturally a little bit worried, a little bit curious, and very irritated.

Things progress from there. 

Dooku starts watching the show, and it makes him feel feel nostalgic and ever-so-slightly regretful about having left the Jedi Order. He’s still bitter about all of the problems in the Order, of course, but… part of him misses having a community to fall back on; a group of others to be superior to. He’s still superior to all of the Jedi, of course, but it’s not the same when they aren’t around to appreciate it. Besides, the holodocumentary has made it more clear ever that his lineage desperately needs him. And while this whole Sith thing has been going more or less according to plan, he’s long had his suspicions about Sidious’ true intentions towards him…

But Dooku doesn’t actually do anything until Sidious orders him to dispose of Ventress. It’s not that he’s fond of her – don’t be ridiculous! – but she’s been a faithful apprentice and a useful tool. Killing her would be wasteful. (And she so looks up to him…) Besides, if Sidious is this eager to kill Ventress because he thinks she poses a threat to him, what does that say about his own fate? Dooku is still fairly certain he can outmaneuver Sidious when the time comes, but… why should he wait when there’s an easy answer sitting right in front of him?

Cue Dooku returning to the Order in the dark of night, Ventress in tow.

The ratings on the next episode of the holodocumentary are off the charts.

[forcearama]

I honestly can’t believe this post is still getting notes AND additions!

[gffa]

I’m just imagining Asajj being slowly won over to being maybe kinda sorta okay with the Jedi and expressing this through holonet style hyperbole of “fuck off with your attractive face, sir” and, after the Jedi Documentary series has been running for a couple of seasons, the talk show circuit starts picking up on things. Eventually, there’s a Naleen Savera’s Late Night Show segment that reads out Mean Space Tweets and, like, a good solid quarter of them are Misunderstood Holonet Culture like: “kenobi is a jedi hipster piece of shit and i’m gonna fight him” – 2sab3rsar3b3tt3rthan1  [x] (She means with her face.  She’s going to fight him with her face.  Right on the mouth.)

[lurkingcrow]

Dooku of course is old school - none of this tweeting nonsense the youngsters are so enamored with! He sends handwritten letters expressing his amusement at their dysfunctional antics, gloating about his apprentices forces and not so subtly implying that if certain Jedi were under his purview they would be much better taken care of.

Yoda keeps every one.

The “Dooku Returns!” Episode breaks the holonet for many reasons: the whole “enemy of the state returns with offer to end the war” for a start, but also “The Team’s expressions when Dooku bluntly tells Master Kenobi that he needs more sleep and honestly Skywalker, has no-one ever taught you how to slip things into his tea?” , “Ahsoka Tano’s face when Asajj Ventress sidles up to her while watching the theatrics and offers her pointers on her Jar Kai” and “Master Windu’s face changing to match his saber” are considered highlights.

But the #1 best ever moment, as voted by viewers is the contrite Sith Lord on his knees, as he greets his former Master. One ancient green hand reaches out to as if to test that this is real while the other is visibly shaking on the handle of the stick - there now a disbelieving smile on Yoda’s face and the hint of tears in his eyes (if his head was not bowed, the matching glints on Dooku’s face would give him away)…

Future episodes are all the better for Dooku’s sarcastic commentary as he pulls Anakin and Obi-Wan out of danger by the scruff of their necks while bemoaning their lack of dignity, and the sheer amount of snark Asajj brings to the table. Her verbal sparring with Obi-Wan is legendary, but the ongoing war of insults with Vos is almost as good - particularly when he looks to the camera and sighs before declaring “I’ll win her over one day!”.

[gffa]

I feel the Holonet would echo me on this:  HEY NO I DIDN’T ASK FOR FEELINGS IN THIS HILARITY.  Yoda’s shaking hand and Dooku’s bowed head got me in the feelings place. Dooku rejoining the Order sparks massive amounts of Holonet Discourse, sure, but even more it sparks SHIPPING TALK.  The cameras floated along behind him the first time he had to go to the Archives to do his research for an upcoming debate with other Jedi Masters (Dooku’s status is sort of unclear, they can’t just wipe away everything he did, but they’re trying to figure out what’s the best way to help him work back to a good place) and… is that Count Dooku actually looking rather seasick?  What’s so bad about the Jedi Archive? everyone wonders, as that episode ends on a cliffhanger. NEXT EPISODE:  [brief clips of Madame Nu’s frosty look and Dooku’s actually shuffling around on his feet in nervousness, as well as a blurry figure with Dooku’s distinctive flaring cape actually FLEEING AROUND THE CORNER between the Holobook stacks] THE HOLONET IMMEDIATELY AFTER:  [writes approximately three thousand fics in that very week]

[gffa]

I apologize for bringing this monster length post back, but I think you’ll agree I have a very good reason for it. BECAUSE GUESS WHAT JUST GOT A THOUSAND PERCENT MORE POSSIBLE THANKS TO DOOKU: JEDI LOST. Dooku and company have to go to a party for a mission and it’s full of drunk politicians and dignitaries and such, where one of them, a sports producer of some sort, has THE BEST IDEA EVER and decides to drunkenly suggest it right to Dooku’s face. Producer:  “Heyyyyy, you’re a Jedi, right?  Can I see your sword?” Dooku:  ”I’m afraid not.” Producer:  ”Ah!  I always wanted to have a go with one of those things.  In fact!  I’ve got an amazing idea for a show, wanna hear it?” Dooku:  “Not really.” Producer:  ”Uh huh, uh huh.  CELEBRITY LASERSABERS.” Dooku:  “Lightsabers.” Producer:  ”Whatever.  You could be one of the judges!  We’ll drop contestants into a tank of live animals, a pack of vulc– vulcoffs or something.  And see who makes it out alive.” Dooku:  “It sounds fascinating.” THIS IS CANON. Reality shows and docu-series existing in the GFFA?  Check.  People wanting to get the Jedi to appear on their shows?  Check.  Our crackfic scenario being a thousand percent more possible in canon now?  CHECK, MOTHERFUCKER. Lucasfilm, I am beginning you and handing over fistfuls of cash to you right now, please, please make the Jedi docu-series an AU, you’re so close already.

[learnerteachergentleman]

Dooku returning to the Order is of course a ratings bonanza… but it’s nothing compared to when Padme has her twins.

The shippers of course go berserk and there’s heated wars over whether Anakin or Obi Wan is the father. Some Jedi actually have to go in as peacekeepers to deal with the fallout.

Meanwhile, the Jedi Council has to deal with the extremely difficult question of whether or not they should expel Anakin for breaking such a taboo, while also aware of how mind-bogglingly bad it would appear to the viewers and how much goodwill they’d squander in the process.

In the end, they decide that they’ll officially have to denounce him and demote him and give him six months mandatory time off duty. Obviously it’s all formal and severe and awkward, but they don’t actually expel him or order him to leave Padme and the viewers are FUCKING STOKED because it means they get six uninterrupted months of Anakin being a stay at home dad to newborn twins.

[thefringeperson]

Bringing this back because I had a thought.

Episodes focusing on the Jedi initiate clans are a very different kind of fan-favourite.  The kids are adorable, of course.  Always a selling point.  But.  They are also completely nuts.

Like, yes, they’re being taught Jedi Serenity™, but they’re also capable of making things float around, have access to training sabres, and have their own childish concerns about being picked as a padawan or joining one of the service corps.

Parents of Force Sensitive children who gave their kids to the Order have screen captures from these episodes with their child’s face circled and proudly proclaiming “That’s my baby!”

Parents of Force Sensitive children who haven’t given their children to the Order are stealing parenting/training tips from the show, as well as posting a few of tips for things they’ve figured out on their own.  Or else finally cave and take their kids to the Order because their kid absolutely needs to be around other kids who also have superpowers and can be supervised by an adult who has superpowers.

[is-it-the-ides-of-march]

🥳🔪🕺🔥💃✨️🤗🎉🤩🎊❤️‍🔥🤪🗡😈🎉🤺

[street-of-mercy]

[morallygreyginger]

sorry i cant hang out tomorrow im celebrating the death of a 2123 year old roman politician with a bunch of psychos on tumblr. yeah its gonna be all day

[moonymoon90]

In the meantime I discovered that yesterday, in Rome, this happened

[hearteyes-wheeler]

"wow my dash is so violent today!!!... Oh wait it's March"

[corrucyst]

[silverhand]

Walked into the Senate 23 times backward...

[is-it-the-ides-of-march]

🥳🔪🕺🔥💃✨️🤗🎉🤩🎊❤️‍🔥🤪🗡😈🎉🤺