Esmerelda Fritzmonster

I was here in a previous life

[assignedmale]

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

the thing that really cheeses my cake about flies getting in my house is they clearly don't want to be there anyway. like at least the ants trying to steal cereal from my pantry had a goal and a plan. you are just here because you're too stupid to use a window twice

[maniakminis]

quit your job

join my band of mercenaries

[notactuallyherefor]

How's the dental?

[maniakminis]

you can have all the teeth you can carry

[animentality]

[json-derulo]

when we started talking about getting a small-breed dog I was like, "I will NEVER turn into one of those people who treats their little dog like a doll or an accessory by forcing them to dress up in ridiculous outfits. Dogs HATE that. They should get to be DOGS, and that means not having to wear anything but a HARNESS and being FREE to ROLL in the MUD." and then I adopted a dog who throws a fit if you try to take him for a walk without letting him pick out a bow tie first. a dog who loves wearing pajamas so much that I'm about to spend a disgusting amount of money on several sets of linen ones for summer. a dog who watches me wave at him to follow me through a mud puddle and just stands there blinking up at me like, "are you fucking serious? and get my paws wet?"

[esmereldafritzmonster]

Related:

Evvvveryone loves to hate chihuahuas until they get to know one.

[skinilivein]

[esmereldafritzmonster]

that's funny bc I'm thinking, "who the fuck is nick cave?"

[aroace-ryland-grace]

the sewing machine is like if a horse and an inkjet printer had a child

[nerdygaymormon]

A reminder that sell-buy dates or best-used-by dates are not the same as expiration dates.

I love that a food bank is providing this info as they are experts in stretching food budgets and knowledgable in shelf-stable food items

[etakeh]

So I followed the link to the website and found the longer list.

The website puts a link to the USDA site which links to foodsafety dot gov who really wants you to use the app, but you can bypass it.

Also a link to the Canadian government's advisory on best-before dates.

Both sites have links to pages that get more into food storage.

[femmehysteria]

real gaming

[datasoong47]

[linguisticparadox]

[r5h]

Relevant XKCD: https://xkcd.com/2609/

[bralsra-deactivated20250108]

theres ALWAYS a relevant XKCD for everything huh

[mrsterlingeverything]

[charlesoberonn]

Female Dwarves - With or without beards?

With beards

Without beard

Voting ended onJun 9

[charlesoberonn]

Child Dwarves - With or without beards?

With beards

Without beards

Voting ended onJun 9

[charlesoberonn]

Baby Dwarves - With or without beards?

With beards

Without beards

Voting ended onJun 9

[charlesoberonn]

They shed their baby beards to make room for their adult beards. Like with baby teeth.

[bringcal]

i miss vhs tapes and cds i miss feeding my computers and tvs yummy treats. now theyre eating nothing. theyre being born without mouths

[edgar-allan-possum]

[wizardshark]

99% of queer discourse stops right before they define the true difference between bisexual and pansexual!

[saspitite]

FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME

BISEXUALS GROW FROM THE GROUND

PANSEXUALS GROW FROM THE CEILING

[draconym]

Fire Marshall: Her name is Blondie. Me: Oh wow she's adorable. What does she do? Fire Marshall: She does arson. Me: She's a criminal? Fire Marshall: ... She's trained to detect arson at the scene of a fire. Me: Oh, well I guess that's cool, too.

[fireandashes]

nancy danderhoof MIGHT be my favorite NPC brennan has ever made. “call me coldstone cuz i love a scoop. like it love it gotta have it” “i need a twin set of cherries STEM ON.” shes truly so solid.