it's hard out here for a bitch

Esther Shyrock. 17 years old. Senior at Rose Valley Academy.

[carter--evans]

Hey, don’t be mean. I just tend to crack under pressure. 

[esthershyrock]

Awe, poor baby Carter. How's college treating you?

[ethan-abrahms]

Hey, fuck off! My penis is above average, alright? 

[esthershyrock]

Well, I have never seen it, so why should I believe you?

[moore-of-marcus-blog]

Don't... Don't laugh.

[moore-of-marcus-blog]

Nope, you’ve got the name wrong.

[esthershyrock]

Yeah, I noticed the lack of beard.

[ethan-abrahms]

Hey, watch this. [He turns to the two random college girls beside him.] What are you two beautiful ladies looking at? [When they ignore him, he clears his throat and turns back the opposite direction.] They’re looking at a picture of my penis. Guarantee it.

[esthershyrock]

I didn't know it was possible to take pictures of such a small thing without a microscope's aid.

[carter--evans]

I’ve only been in school for two weeks and I’ve already lost just about all of my pencils. I’m not sure how, but I manage to do this every year. 

[carter--evans]

[esthershyrock]

I reckon it usually takes people a couple of months to lose their shit. Congrats, Carter, you're special.

[moore-of-marcus-blog]

Don't... Don't laugh.

I hate bets.

[esthershyrock]

Jesus.

[isaac-butler]

I would not become someone else’s bitch! I would be the idiot that says no to that and then gets put into the infirmary because I said no. There is no survival instinct in me. Whatsoever. Maybe I’ll become the drug dealer for the mob boss that’s in the prison. No one would touch me if that happened and I’ll be good. You should have more faith in me. I might be able to come up with a way to get through at least a month or two. Since when did you want to become a lawyer? Er, gladly.

I’m fine. I just — I went back to my home in Georgia to see my family. Stayed there for a few days. My aunt kinda put me to work in her shop while I was there, but then she sent me back today since school starts again this week. But, well, she’s kind of coming up here with my cousin? To stay? So that I have someone closer by? What about you though? You alright? Nothing happened since you got back? I didn’t mean to leave you alone to deal with all that.

[esthershyrock]

Yes, you definitely would. You would say no, end up in the infirmary like twenty times and then you'd learn the lesson and say yes. Please, those guys have actual skilled drug dealers. They wouldn't ask a skinny kid to do that job for them. I have loads of faith in you, sweetheart, but I'm also realistic. Since about... four or five months ago? I don't know. Being an actress would be aces, but I'd rather have a job where I can put my mouth to a good use and being a hooker is not really on my plans, so. Shut up, you love my hugs.

You're from Georgia? You never told me you were from Georgia, you little shit. That's not that far from Mississippi. You don't have an accent, are you sure you're from Georgia? Why are you asking me those things? If you don't know whether they are coming or not, why should I? But I'm glad they are. You could use some family around. Hm, I'm fine, yeah. I haven't seen Daniel around yet, but I've spoken to Easter and she's... She doesn't hate me, I think. She's not happy with me either, but she's willing to try and make amends. So there's that.

[jenner-news]

[esthershyrock]

@e-shyrock: fuck you @sdawley ! go donate, guys !!! @isaacbutler ur turn

[isaac-butler]

I so would not. I raised myself better than that and by that I mean I realized at the young age of fourteen, when I first attended this school, that I wouldn’t last more than two weeks in prison.

[esthershyrock]

You wouldn't last two days in prison. You would be that guy who would either become someone else's bitch or pretend to be crazy so people would leave you alone and you would end up actually becoming crazy. But well, you're not going there anytime soon or when we're older. You can just call me - aka your awesome lawyer - and I will keep you away from prison. Anyways, come here.

Are you okay? Where were you?  

[isaac-butler]

Gotta say, I’m a bit disappointed the school didn’t burn down in my absence. I was looking forward to a vacation to recover from the last few weeks. I guess two days works, but if I’m not there on Tuesday then you know what happened.

[esthershyrock]

You know that happened because you're the only person that would set the school on fire, right? Little delinquent.

[courtneybesterman]

Well, I suggest going to my family reunions. Nobody leaves there without gaining like twenty pounds.

[esthershyrock]

Yes, but those are twenty pounds of fat. I need muscles. Or just, I don't know, hottiness.

[mr-richardyork]

About…drag racing?

[esthershyrock]

It's like an America's Next Top Model except with drag queens.

[kai-xiao-blog]

Well, no one’s complaining about

your legs.

[esthershyrock]

Keep up the compliments and you will go far, sweetcheeks.

[clairebear-carter-blog]

I could help you unpack if you want.

[esthershyrock]

Sunshine! I would very much appreciate that, actually.

[loganoshea]

Oh look, I’ve found the female version of me. How have we not met before?

[esthershyrock]

You were wasting your time with lower rate versions of me, obviously.

[itsjustquinnie]

I know what you mean. I didn’t know you went anywhere, though. Where did you go? 

[esthershyrock]

I went on a small road trip with a friend of mine, I kinda needed to get away for a while. How are you, Quinn? It's been a while since I last saw you around.

[jordandriscoll]

What’s RuPaul’s Drag Race? Is it with go karts?

[esthershyrock]

Wait. Do you think it's an actual race?