clown

digital diary of an unmasked narc antisocial I also do art

[eternallyfrigid]

First post. Made this sideblog to talk about unfiltered antisocial and narcissistic experiences. You will probably see some immoral and fucked up actions being talked about, I will not bother to avoid making jokes or "romanticizism" of it, because no. I'll do what I want. Just know I'm in therapy and attempting to get shit done.

Minors DNI, I'm an adult and I'll talk about sex. Empaths fuck off too but you can interact if you want.

You can call me Clown. Any pronouns. I'm keeping this fully separated from my main. I'm also gonna yap about whatever I want.

[jirxi]

I just saw a post where someone said that we need to get rid of the idea that people with ASPD are "calculating and clever" as well as "not everyone with ASPD struggles with chronic boredom, sadistic behavior, aggressive behavior, or are particularly violent." It really frustrates me how much people want this disorder to be accepted, but can't accept disordered behavior. These things are criteria and there's to paper, research, study, ect. That can physically prove diagnostic criteria wrong because it will be used and seen clinically in that manner regardless of what other people want to say, or whatever random small study with minimal to no real proof says. A lot of people also especially now a days are lying about having the disorder and I do often call people disorder fakers, because a lot of you are. People over diagnose themselves, have the wrong information and don't wanna change because it fits what they're comfortable with, and no one actually wants to put up with genuinely debilitating and disgusting symptoms.

[proxima-centauri-ii]

it can be a bit irritating talking to neurotypicals (or just people who dont have your disorder) about what its really like to . yk. constantly live with this shit. my examples mainly just apply to npd and aspd but if im talking to someone about what its like to have these disorders and i say “well i mean if my friend was crying to me about his mom dying i probably wouldnt care” or “sometimes i just cant handle anyone being better than me at something so i cut them off from my life entirely and never interact with them again” and they just stare at me slackjawed and blankfaced and say “oh… ummmm…” you ASKED ME to tell you what it was like, why would you expect me to say something like “oh well im just really confident!” its called personality DISORDER for a reason

[proxima-centauri-ii]

typo. i meant people who DONT have your disorder. this is embarrassing

[proxima-centauri-ii]

personality disorders are caused by genetics and trauma so technically the whole reason im like this is someone elses fault

[eternallyfrigid]

Being a narcissist is getting upset that you aren't doing good enough work, which ofc is still amazing just not meeting your own standard, but you start pondering your worth until you realize how hot you are then immediately feel better. Complete even.

[eternallyfrigid]

Trina Vega has npd and jade west has aspd/CD I don't fucking care (beck is her exp until she finally realizes she's bi and discards him or something idk.)

I'm reaching here with jade but that's the fun of projection.

It makes sense why I felt connected to Trina growing up and why I DESPISED Tori that fucking bitch. (Hater)

[eternallyfrigid]

Stim toys work decently with aspd, it doesnt get rid of the boredom but it distracts me enough so I don't succumb to misery and maddening emptiness and commit the-

[eternallyfrigid]

I'm so tired of the current aspd community being all "stigma this" "stigma that"

How about we all just get more evil and shit on people who are dumb enough to fall for it to begin with. Anyways I'm bored, plz reblog this with some aspd stories I guess.

[eternallyfrigid]

Wondering if I need to die because I haven't found my identity mask yet. Am I supposed to be the high achiever game player? Am I supposed to be smart and amazing at art? Am I supposed to be neither and just need someone to tell me that I am? Or should I just die. Hmmm decisions decisions.

[proxima-centauri-ii]

being called “edgy” for experiencing a lack of empathy and homicidal ideation is kind of funny actually

[eternallyfrigid]

It feels painfully ironic which makes it funnier.

[eternallyfrigid]

The aspd canon event of just loving to "fuck with people" and your lack of regard for them/yourself inevitably allows such wacky shenanigans to occur that are borderline (are) crimes if you think about it too long but it's okay it's just a joke bruh (I know fully well what I am doing.)

Sometimes it is being a sadistic asshole but most of the time, it's just being bored, lacking concern and not realizing how harmful it truly be. But hey the worst thing in my book is being bored so I'll take the risk.

[eternallyfrigid]

Mood right now: committing a heist

[eternallyfrigid]

I just imagined like sex with Rick Sanchez, goddamnn, the only man character I could actually get off to. I don't even know why I'm attracted to him, he's just a narcissistic asshole.......

Ohhhhhh

[eternallyfrigid]

So new attraction. Asshole murderers with deep mental health issues.

[eternallyfrigid]

I just imagined like sex with Rick Sanchez, goddamnn, the only man character I could actually get off to. I don't even know why I'm attracted to him, he's just a narcissistic asshole.......

Ohhhhhh

[geeheartsu]

at this point i fear the only thing that could ease my stress is rough lesbian sex :(

[eternallyfrigid]

Aw shucks :(

[eternallyfrigid]

Chronic boredom and apathy gotten to the point where I'm isolating myself from my friends, never talking to them, actively making the relationship decay as I continously forget about their needs and wants. I'm ghosting some of my other friends too, I can't really bring myself to talk to them again, they were just too boring, and you know that's a death sentence to me...

[eternallyfrigid]

This was honestly a form of splitting, that last example there....

[eternallyfrigid]

Chronic boredom and apathy gotten to the point where I'm isolating myself from my friends, never talking to them, actively making the relationship decay as I continously forget about their needs and wants. I'm ghosting some of my other friends too, I can't really bring myself to talk to them again, they were just too boring, and you know that's a death sentence to me...