Ash. 33. Aquarius. Fanfic writer/ lover. Marvel fangirl. Baker of delicious things. I write for: Thor Bucky Steve and Loki
Find me over on AO3 as ALMartin1011
When writing this story you used he/him pronouns even after they came out
Hey! Thanks for dropping me a note. I’m not 100% sure which fic you’re referencing but I have a feeling it’s Love, In Any Form. For the one bit immediately after Bucky comes out he does still go by he/him and then later requests they/ them pronouns, at which point the pronouns shift. If I missed one *please* let me know where so I can fix it. Or, if this is about a different fic, let me know which so I can check it out.
*slowly emerges from the depths of chronic pain and mental health issues* ... hi guys!! I’m back, sorta. I’m working on a few new fics, nothing finished yet but a bitch is trying. But I wanted to ask... what would everyone think of a reader insert fic that mirrors The Falcon and the Winter Solider?
I’m thinking like a girlfriend / wife/ partner of some sort back home who Bucky checks in with during and/or after the episodes. It would be told through normal person to person interaction, texts, calls, emails, letters, etc. as the show progresses. I’d theoretically be able to get new chapters up Sunday night each week so it’s consistent timeline wise with each episode. Let me know what you guys think!!
Author’s Note: Hi lovelies! This is the end, a continuation of their happily ever after all wrapped up in a nice fluffy bow. Thank you again to everyone for all the support for this fic over the last few weeks. XOXO - Ash
Master list is HERE :)
Epilogue
With the threat of Hydra gone, Bucky and Becca are both able to resume their own identities much to both of their relief. Everyone is surprisingly accepting when Bucky tells people, no one holding it against him since it was for their own safety.
Becca never goes back to calling him Bucky, the label of daddy sticks whether Bucky likes it or not. She tells him one night, after he reminds her for the millionth time she can call him Bucky, that she knows but he takes care of her and loves her like daddies do and she really wants to keep calling him that. Bucky’s still not 100% about it but he caves in, knowing it means a lot to his little girl.
Steve retires and moves up to Cape Elizabeth within a week of their visit. He was very serious about hanging up the shield both literally and metaphorically. He buys a sweet old victorian house with a big backyard to fix up a few blocks from Bucky’s apartment and hangs his shield on the living room wall, resigned to home decor instead of a weapon.
It takes Steve almost six months to complete renovating and upgrading the house, just enough time for him to talk himself into buying a ring and proposing to Bucky. The big old house had always been meant for the three of them, even before Steve fully realized it.
Steve and Bucky get married in their backyard that June, both men stunning in white suits and Becca in a sweet lilac dress. It’s a quiet, simple, ceremony with all their local and far away friends coming together to celebrate.
Bucky gives Steve the paperwork to officially adopt Becca and share custody with him as their wedding gift. Steve cries, overwhelmed by emotion, at the gift and then (much to his embarrassment) periodically throughout the night when it hits him all over again.
Clint catches the garter and Natasha catches the bouquet. Steve and Bucky swear it wasn’t planned. Clint, finding some inner strength after all these years, grabs Natasha and kisses her right in front of everyone. It’s unclear who’s more embarrassed as the group claps and cheers when they break apart, but the pair disappears after that and isn’t seen again until brunch the next morning.
Becca starts kindergarten that fall, proudly heading into school holding hands with both her daddy and her papa. Bucky and Steve couldn’t be happier for their little girl and how well she’s adjusted to small town life. They celebrate by finally letting her pick out a guinea pig.
Thank you again to everyone who took the time to like, comment, and reblog!! I seriously live for all the little chirps I get from new alerts. Until next time ya’ll! <3
Summary: Steve is reeling from Bucky’s departure and trying to make sense of what to do next. After an unexpected clue and a surprise offer of help, Steve does everything he can to make New York safe for Bucky to return. The only problem then becomes, what if that’s not what Bucky wants? Master list is HERE
Content Warning: None :)
Word Count: 4.6k
Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! The last chapter is here!! Thank you to everyone who has stuck around for this fic through all of it’s ups and downs. Please enjoy the last bit of the journey and the much awaited happily ever after. The epilogue goes up next, so keep an eye out right after this. XOXO - Ash
Chapter Seven
Steve
Three weeks. It has been three excruciating weeks of searching and hoping and ultimately losing hope. Steve feels like he’s living in a world of grey, nothing brings him joy quite the same way it used to. It’s startling to discover how quickly he’d grown to care for Bucky and how empty his life feels without the other man. After a few days of trying to give Bucky space, Steve had reached out only to find the brunette was gone. It was hard to believe, especially after Bucky had just promised not to run away when things got tough. Steve had been frantic at first, fearing the worst, until Tony had done some research and shown Steve the paper trail. Bucky had drained his bank account and bought one way tickets to Moscow for him and Becca. The trail went cold after that, he’d ditched his phone and stopped using cards, disappearing like a ghost in the night.
After four days of hiding in his bed mourning the loss of what was and what could have been, Steve went down to the mission debriefing Tony was hosting and dove head first back into work. It’s been non-stop missions from that point on. Days off are too lonely without having someone to text or call or visit. The nights are even worse. So Steve pours himself into the all consuming need to eliminate the threat that had sent Bucky running in the first place. Steve knows it’s not the healthiest reaction but a small part of him clings to the hope that if he can remove the threat, Bucky will be able to come home. A more rational part of him points out that even with Hydra gone there are other threats. And how would Bucky even know that Hydra had been defeated? Desperation and hope had never been rational things though.
The team worries about Steve the longer his non-stop working goes on. They each approach the subject differently but by the end of the third week they’ve all made their concerns clear.
A subtle “Why don’t you sit this one out, pal? We’ve got it covered.” from Bruce.
A less than subtle “You look like you could use another ice nap, Capiscle. The bags under your eyes have their own set of luggage.” from Tony.
Steve shakes off their comments lightly, assuring everyone he’s fine. Really, he’s fine. Steve is starting to hear the edge in his own tone but pointedly ignores it. He just needs to keep busy until the searing ache in his chest dulls enough for him to get through a day without feeling like he’s falling apart. He hasn’t felt this off kilter since waking up seventy years in the future and realizing he’d missed his chance at a life with Peggy. But he had moved on from the pain of that loss, and Steve knows he can do it again. He has to.
The first clue comes a week later when Tony is doing his monthly deep scrub of the security systems. He finds the normal clutter of attempted hacks and people trying to poke around just for the hell of it. Most of it doesn’t get past the first ring of protection and is pathetically amateur. Those people don’t even warrant a second glance before he wipes the records. It’s the people who get a little further that Tony takes note of. It’s a rare occurrence, maybe three or four times a year, that someone actually gets past Tony’s first set of barriers and those are the people who get a nice little visit from SHIELD. Tony had actually hired his newest intern that way. A sweet kid from Queens who had gotten pretty damn far, three out five barriers, on his first try. Peter Parker had been trying to spy on their intel so he could clean up the crime in Queens on his own. Setting out like a tiny little vigilante in spandex. Tony did a little spying of his own and had been more than impressed with the kid’s skills. Taking him under his wing, Peter was currently training with the team a few days a week. Tony refused to let the kid out on missions until after he turned eighteen, but for now he was at least getting prepared for when that day came.
The clue was more of a blip than a red flag, and Tony almost overlooked it, though he didn’t admit that to Steve when he was telling him the news. There was a small window of time, just barely twenty minutes, one night where the memory had been overwritten. It took Tony longer than he was willing to say to backtrack and restore the original record but once he did, his jaw dropped. Someone, identifiable only by a little black spider icon, had gone through the security feed and Jarvis’ surveillance inside the tower. Specifically tracking down Steve and his movements throughout the day. Tony’s first assumption was Hydra, but he’d seen how they worked before and it lacked this level of delicateness and finesse. The fact that nothing had come of it also led him to believe this wasn’t Hydra.
“So do you think it was Bucky?” Steve asks once Tony has finished explaining what he’d found.
Tony shakes his head, “No, not unless he’s a secret super hacker in his spare time. I think he was involved somehow though. Someone wanted to make sure they knew where you were while your boy toy made his grand exit. I tracked it as far as I could, but this little spider was good. Scary good. How much do you know about his friends? Anyone in security, or IT or something?”
Steve thinks for a minute, running through the conversations he’s had with Bucky about people in his life. It hits him over the head like a ton of bricks. “Natasha!” he practically shouts, “There’s a woman, Natasha Roma-something. They went to NYU together and she works in cyber security. She watches Becca while Bucky works overnights. He joked about her ‘spy skills’ once.”
“That sounds like a good start. I’ll start there but if you think of anyone else let me know.”
Three hours later Tony has a name, address, and a promise that he’s 99.99% sure Natasha Romanoff is their woman.
Steve insists on going to visit Natasha alone, praying she doesn’t run the second she sees him. He promises Tony he can go another time to “talk shop”. Natasha isn’t home when Steve arrives so he tugs the visor of his baseball cap lower and pulls out a worn paperback from his jacket pocket. Two chapters later, he spots a redhead eyeing him suspiciously as she approaches the stoop.
“Steven.” she says evenly once she’s a few steps away.
Steve recognizes it as tactical, she’s far enough away that she can still flee if he gives her any indication this isn’t a friendly visit. He stays seated, not wanting to scare her off unintentionally. “Natasha.” he replies.
“I don’t know where he is, he hasn’t contacted me.”
It’s impressive to Steve how well she lies. He’s never had that gift. “I don’t think that’s necessarily true.” he says. Natasha’s lip quirks up, amused. “Otherwise you wouldn’t have had to spy on me while he was escaping.” he adds lightly.
Natasha’s lip curves into a full smirk at that. “I must be losing my touch.”
Steve shakes his head, “I don’t think that’s necessarily true either.”
Despite herself, Natasha actually chuckles at that. “Come on in, Steve. I’ll make tea.”
Steve spends the rest of his afternoon in Natasha’s little loft apartment. It’s cozy and filled with bright colors and vibrant patterns. It’s so different than he would have expected and he kind of loves it. They talk about Bucky a lot, but also about Steve, and Natasha too. Natasha is more reticent about sharing her story but Steve has a feeling he got more than most people do. She very carefully skirts around the topic of who she works for and what exactly she does, as well as anything involving where Bucky is.
All of her question dodging is frustrating and Steve’s patience finally snaps, “Look, I’m not going to go after him. I promise you, I’m not. Not until I know it’s safe for him to come back. I lo-” Steve clears his throat, unable to say the words aloud, “I care about him so damn much. I won’t risk his safety again. I’m going to take Hydra down for good this time, I know it. And once Hydra is gone, then I’d like to at least have the option of reaching out to him.”
Natasha watches Steve quietly for a moment. He feels like a bug under a microscope as she looks for some unimaginable tell. After a few seconds she finally nods, coming to a conclusion. “Okay,” she says, “I believe you. But if you’re going to do this right, you’re going to need me.”
“Need you?” Steve parrots back, confused.
“Oh yes, me. You need someone who can trace all of Hydra’s webs back to their source. Or sources, most likely. Find all of their locations and burn them to the ground. If we miss even one, there’s always going to be the chance for a resurgence. Let me help take them down and then we can talk about maybe you reaching out to Bucky.”
Tony almost swallows his tongue the first time he sees Natasha go to work on his computers. As much as he hates to admit someone is better than him, he’s in awe of Natasha’s skills. They spend all hours of the day and night working, often passing out from lack of sleep right on the computer desk. Steve brings them coffee and sandwiches but he really can’t contribute much to the discussion as they throw ideas around.
With Natasha’s help it only takes two weeks to track down every last Hydra base, safe house, lock box, and rendezvous point. Steve insists on looping in SHIELD after he and Natasha hammer out a strategy they can both agree upon. There’s too much exposure and a risk of missing Hydra members if they use only the Avengers. The strike needs to be tactical and synchronous. Thirty one locations and thirty one strike teams all attacking at the exact same time. No chance for locations to tip each other off or for people to run.
Agent Coluson is more than willing to lend the support the Avengers need and offers up all the man power he has. With teams in place, Steve isn’t willing to wait another day to end the decades old war. At 2:23am, eastern standard time, all thirty one teams move in on their locations. By 2:35am, Hydra has officially fallen.
It takes a few days for it to sink in that Hydra’s really gone. Steve worries incessantly that they missed something and it’s all going to be for nothing again. He’d rather spend another seventy years at the bottom of the ocean than risk bringing Bucky back to danger. SHIELD is kind enough to handle the processing of items and documents recovered from the raids, as well as incarcerating the few members who allowed themselves to be taken alive. Much to SHIELD’s embarrassment, the raids uncovered a few Hydra agents in their own ranks, but they were thankful to have the potential threats to their organization removed.
Steve doesn’t approach Natasha for Bucky’s whereabouts. He’s still too nervous and tentatively hopeful to ask. He doesn’t think his heart will be able to handle it if she says no again. It helps that she’s going to be around more now so he’ll have opportunities when he’s ready. After a little cajoling by Tony, Natasha had agreed to work with the Avengers on a loose, as needed, basis. Basically whenever she feels like it, but Steve’s pretty sure she’ll come to help if called. In the end, Natasha is the one who seeks out Steve. She finds him sitting in the common room, watching an old western by himself in the dark, and hands him a slip of paper.
Steve blinks blearily, caught off guard, and he tries to read the note in the dim, flickering TV light. It’s an address and a phone number printed in Natasha’s tiny neat penmanship. He knows what it is immediately but can’t figure out why she’s giving it to him now.
“It’s time.” she says simply, reading the question on his face. “If you decide to go, let me know and I’ll help with your disguise.”
Steve chafes a little at her offer, “What’s wrong with my normal disguise?”
“Steven, a baseball hat and a coat are not a disguise. If you’re going to him you’ll need to blend in. Even with those ridiculous shoulders of yours.”
“Fine, fine.” he grumbles without any heat. Part of him wants to jump on his bike and drive straight there until he can hold Bucky in his arms again. The other part of him is still terrified of rejection and that maybe their mission wasn’t a success like everyone thinks. His mind is warring with itself until Natasha flicks his ear, breaking him out of his thoughts to glare at her.
“Stop over thinking.” she commands. “We’ll go in the morning. Together. I’ve been apart from my malyshka for long enough.”
Steve looks at Natasha, gratitude pouring from his eyes while his mouth can’t find the words to thank her enough. She knows without him having to say a word. Patting him gently on the knee, Natasha gets up and silently exits the room leaving Steve to solitude once again.
xxXxx
Bucky
“Come on, bug, please.” Bucky begs, trying to coax Becca away from the glass walled cage of guinea pigs.
“But daddy, look at that one! She’s perfect! I could name her Angelina and she could live in my room.” Becca pleads pointing to a white, black, and tan colored pig in the back.
Bucky hesitates, almost willing to cave in, before finding his resolve again. “No, not right now. I’m not saying no forever, but let’s go home and do some research first. We want to make sure we can give her a good home before buying her, right?”
Becca looks up at him skeptically before admitting defeat. Her tiny shoulders slump but she nods. “Okay, we can do the research first.” Becca turns back to the cage, wiggling her finger at the tiny animal. “Bye Angelina. I’ll be back for you soon.”
Bucky herds Becca away from the cage and towards the check out. All they’d needed was a new filter for the fish tank Bucky had set up in the kitchen a few weeks back. It was hard to believe they’d had Elsa and Anna for a month now. Becca had won the pair of fish at the fall festival they went to their second week in town. Both Barnes’ had adapted to life in Cape Elizabeth quickly, loving the slower paced small town life. Bucky missed the city at times, the hustle and bustle, the nearness to everything, but mostly his friends. And Steve. He tried not to think about Steve as much as he could, but in the quiet moments his memories consumed him.
Back in their apartment, which now feels like home more than their apartment in Brooklyn ever had, Bucky replaces the fish tank filter and starts the oven preheating so he can get dinner cooking while he grabs a shower. He’s still in his scrubs, having picked Becca up after his shift at the urgent care center, and though it was a relatively easy day, he still wants his habitual post-shift shower so he can feel a little more human again.
Bucky pokes his head into Becca’s room and finds her already in her pajamas, sprawled out on the floor, coloring. He leaves her be, not wanting to disturb her, and heads towards his room. Bucky just gets his shirt over his head when the doorbell rings. He was so close to hot water and soap. Pulling his shirt back on with a groan, Bucky heads to the front door trying to keep a scowl off of his face. It’s probably just Anne with some new baked good, or maybe even Chris from work dropping something off he forgot there. Bucky throws the door open before looking out the window and regrets it when two strangers stand in front of him.
“Can I help you?” he asks, his tone guarded. In a span of a heartbeat Bucky goes through the list of places he’s hidden knives and pepper spray. While he trusts Natasha’s skills, he never wants to risk not being able to defend himself and Becca. In the next heartbeat he recognizes the breadth of the man’s shoulders and the sharp glint of the woman’s eyes. “Oh my god.” he gasps, his knees buckling under him in shock.
Steve lunges forward, super soldier reflexes coming to the rescue, and he catches Bucky before the smaller man hits the ground.
Embarrassed, Bucky rights himself with assistance from Steve. He’s trembling, terrified what it means if they’re both there on his doorstep. “Come in then, I guess.” he says, shakily waving a hand towards the living room.
Bucky can’t help but stare at Natasha and Steve as they take their seats on the sofa. Natasha’s bright red hair is a muted brown, thick rimmed glasses frame her eyes, and she’s wearing heels that add four inches to her petite stature. Steve’s hair is colored black and spiked up in a way that makes Bucky want to laugh. The shapeless green army style jacket and brown contacts in his eyes make him almost unrecognizable.
Natasha, fearless as ever, is the first to speak. “Sorry for dropping in on you like this.”
“Why are you-” Bucky is cut off by a shriek and then a flurry of yellow pajamas as Becca comes flying into the room, throwing herself at Natasha. The little girl would recognize that voice anywhere.
“Auntie Nat!!!” she yells as she clings to Natasha for dear life. She’s crying, tears streaming down her pink cheeks, mumbling into her auntie’s shoulder, too quiet to understand.
“I know, malyshka,” Natasha croons, “I missed you too.”
Bucky feels tears of his own prickling the corners of his eyes.
Becca starts peppering Natasha with questions, still not recognizing Steve much to the former blonde’s amusement. Natasha gently cuts off the little girl’s questions. “Okay, kiddo. I need to talk to Bucky for a few minutes. Adult talk. Can you go play for a bit and when we’re done I’ll come hang out with you for as long as you want?”
Becca nods, giving Natasha another hug before heading down the hall without complaint.
Bucky shakes his head, “You know she’s never going to let you go now that you said that.”
“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.” Natasha grins.
“So,” Bucky starts the dreaded conversation again, “Why are you here? Do we need to leave? Did something happen?”
Natasha glances over at Steve and begins when it’s clear he’s not ready to speak. “Well, we have some news. Good news, actually.” Natasha looks at Steve one last time, wanting to give him the chance to share the news but he remains silent. “Hydra is gone, permanently this time. We’re certain, I’m certain. I kind of teamed up with Steve and the guys to make sure of it. You’re safe to come home now.”
Bucky’s heart clenches at the word ‘home’. He is home. Trying to parse through the information Bucky gets stuck on, “Wait, you kind of teamed up with Steve? And the guys? What are you, an Avenger now?”
“I wouldn’t put a label on it. But I’m there to help them when I have time.”
Bucky huffs a laugh at the surrealness of it. He’d always thought Natasha was practically a superhero and now, here she is really being one. “Do you have a superhero name and everything?” He’s going to enjoy lording this over her head, whatever it is.
“Nope.” Natasha says at the same time Steve says “Black Widow.”
Bucky’s eyes bug out comically at both the name and the fact that Steve finally spoke. The rich timber of his voice rolls across the room to Bucky making him feel weak-kneed all over again. “Steve… I…” Bucky looks at Steve helplessly. He doesn’t know how to start with so many conflicting emotions whirling around inside.
Natasha watches the pair of men watch each other and decides it’s time for her exit. “I’m going to hang out with Becs. You two have a lot of catching up to do.” She pops up from the sofa and heads off leaving the two men to stare at each other in silence.
As much as it pains him, Steve finally speaks up. “If you don’t want me here I can go. I shouldn’t have just shown up like this, I’m sorry. I just… I thought… well, I’m not sure what I thought anymore.” He looks so lost and earnest it breaks Bucky’s heart a little more.
“Wine.” Bucky blurts out awkwardly. “I have wine. Let’s get some and we can go sit out on the porch and talk.”
“Okay, Buck. Whatever you want.”
Steve follows Bucky to the kitchen quietly. He waits as Bucky pours two mugs full of a dark red wine and hands him one of the mugs. He follows quietly again when Bucky leads him out to the porch and takes a seat on one of the adirondack chairs. Steve takes the chair next to Bucky, surprised by how comfortable the seat is. “This is nice.” he says, not specifying if he’s commenting on the wine, the chair, or the crisp, clear, autumn evening.
Bucky hums his agreement. “It is.” A soft silence falls on them again, but Bucky doesn’t let it linger this time. “So Hydra’s really gone?”
Steve nods immediately, finding his footing a little. “Yeah, for sure this time. You should have seen Natasha and Tony. They were amazing tracking everyone down. We even got SHIELD to lend us their forces to ensure our plan worked.”
“That had to feel really good after all these years.”
“Yeah, it did.”
“So, what’s the plan now? What will you do now that Hydra’s out of the picture?”
Steve thinks a moment before finally shrugging his ridiculously wide shoulders, “I really don’t know. Tony was making some jokes about me finally retiring but I don’t know what I’d do with my time if I wasn’t working.”
Bucky reaches over and places his hand on top of Steve’s where it rests on the arm of his chair. The movement is so natural and easy that he’s squeezing Steve’s hand comfortingly before he even realizes what he’s doing. “You’ll find something,” Bucky assures him. “Maybe you could volunteer. There’s veterans centers, and animal shelters, and old folks homes that could all use an extra set of capable hands. You’ll figure it out.”
Steve chuckles at the thought, “Yeah, maybe I’ll go volunteer at a retirement home. It would be nice to swap stories with people my own age about the good old days.”
Bucky huffs a laugh and shoves lightly at Steve’s arm. “I forget that you’re really a senior citizen under all that muscle.”
“Only chronologically. Physically, I’m still twenty-seven.”
“Yeah, okay. Let’s see the date on your driver's license, pal.” Bucky teases.
Steve laughs in earnest then, leaning a little closer to Bucky and the moment turns soft, intimate, as their laughter dies off.
There’s so many things Bucky wants to tell Steve, so many different ways the conversation could go. But he finally decides on, “Steve, I need you to understand that as much as I want to be with you, I don’t want to go back to New York. Becca and I created a life in this town and there is so much opportunity for her to have a happy, normal, childhood here. I can provide better for her here than I ever could in the city.”
“She comes first.” Steve says simply.
“She does, always. I loved New York for a long time but I think I forgot how different life could be outside the city. I have a job here that I love, it’s less stress and more money and I work normal hours for once in my life. Our expenses are like half of what they were in Brooklyn, which is still unreal. And Becca loves her new school and her friends. It’s not setting her up for Ivy League or anything but they have advanced classes she can take when she gets a little older. She’s happy here, we’re happy here. Hell, we have a yard, Steve. A real yard where she can run and play and just be a normal kid. This is the life I wanted for her.”
“I’m not asking you to give all that up, Buck.” Steve is quick to assure him, “I’m just asking if maybe you’d consider giving us another chance. I know we were only together for a few months but I… I fell in love with you. And I don’t expect you to feel the same way, I’m not trying to force you into something you’re not interested in, but if you’d be willing, I’d really like to give us another try.”
Bucky’s heart swells at the declaration. It was fast, but he’d fallen just as quickly and deeply as Steve. He doesn’t know how they’ll work out the distance, but in the spirit of putting their cards on the table, Bucky admits, “I fell in love with you too. Leaving was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I had to protect Becca. I’m so sorry I ran. Again. It’s going to be one hell of a commute, but I’m willing to give us another try.”
Steve’s hands are trembling as he’s overwhelmed by emotion. “Maybe it doesn’t have to be too far. I’m sure there are things for a retired centenarian to do around here. If you’re serious about trying, I’ll go back to New York and hand in my resignation tomorrow. I could be back and ready to house hunt by the weekend. Just… promise me you won’t run again. Please. If things don't work out then it’ll suck, but okay. Just, don’t run before giving us a chance to talk it out.”
Pain blossoms in Bucky’s chest at Steve’s plea. He knew he’d hurt Steve twice now by running instead of talking. After this last time, Bucky knew he’d learned his lesson. “The only place I’ll be running from now on is back to you.” Hope and love shine brightly in Bucky’s eyes as he leans forward to capture Steve’s lips with his own. The kiss is a gentle, a promise for a future together. They’re unhurried, losing themselves in the moment as their bodies fall back into sync like no time has passed at all. After a little while the air is too chilly to stay outside and they head in to find Natasha and Becca coloring together as dinner cools on the stove top.
“I took it out when it beeped.” Natasha says pointing at the stove, “It smells amazing, I hope you don’t mind sharing.”
“Not at all.” Bucky grins, “We’d love for you guys to stay for dinner. And if you don’t have to be back right away, you’re welcome to crash here for the night too.”
A faint blush spreads across Steve’s cheeks at the idea of spending the night, hopefully in Bucky’s bed. He returns Bucky’s grin readily. “No place I’d rather be.”
Summary: Fleeing their old lives in New York, Bucky and Becca find new possibilities in their new hometown. Master list is HERE :)
Content Warning: None, just lots of plot in this one.
Word Count: 4.7k
Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! This chapter is pretty dense but it was needed to keep the plot moving forward. I personally love the domesticity of it, and I hope you do too.
Chapter Six
Blending in amongst a sea of tired passengers proves easier than Bucky expected. Becca is fast asleep, a warm and comforting weight in his arms. He’s grateful they’re the only ones in their train compartment so he has room to throw his bags on one seat and stretch out on the others. It’s a long ride, just over five hours, and he manages to catch a few cat naps here and there. Becca wakes up as the train comes to a stop, looking around confused and a little startled.
“Hey sweet girl, take a minute.” he says quietly, rubbing a hand along her back soothingly.
“Where are we?” she asks, looking around.
“We’re on a train, it just stopped in Boston. This is where we’re getting off. I promise you I’ll explain everything once we’re on the next train but I need you to do two things for me, okay?” he waits until she nods before continuing, “Okay, good. I need you to stay real close to me and don’t use our names. Can you do that?”
Becca scrunches her nose in a confused expression Bucky knows she gets from him. “Okay?”
“We’ll be on the next train soon, promise. Just be a big girl and hang on ‘til we get there.” The attendant comes through to let them know they can exit the train and Bucky stands up to once again juggle a sleepy four year old and two duffel bags. Becca is thankfully more cooperative now that she’s awake, holding onto him and making the whole ordeal much easier. They have just enough time to use the bathrooms and buy some snacks and a picture book on Boston to keep Becca occupied on the next leg of their trip.
On their next train, from Boston to Portland, Bucky finds they once again have a whole compartment to themselves. He wonders how Natasha manages to pull off this kind of stuff but figures it’s better not to think too hard on it. Becca is happily munching through a pack of teddy grahams while Bucky gets them settled in. Not a great breakfast, but it’ll tide them over until they get to Maine. He cracks open his can of cold brew coffee and tears into his own pack of teddy grahams. Kid snack or not, they’re freaking delicious.
“Bu... uh…” Becca starts to say his name but catches herself.
“Good girl, bug.” praises the little girl. “What’s up?”
Becca looks around unsure before quietly asking, “Why can’t we use our names?”
It’s a simple question, one he knew was going to come up sooner rather than later, and he’d spent a good portion of the first train ride figuring out how he’d explain this to her. “Well, those aren’t our names anymore.” he starts simply.
“What? Why?”
“Because we’re moving far away where those bad guys from yesterday can’t find us. I need to keep us safe and this is the way it needs to happen. New names, new apartment, new school, new everything. It’s going to be really nice and I promise you’ll love where we’re going.” He hopes.
Tears well for a moment, “What about Auntie Nat and Uncle Clint and Steve?”
“They’re staying in New York but we’ll still talk to Auntie Nat sometimes, okay?”
“What about Steve? You liked him. I liked him. Why can’t he come?”
Bucky sighs, he won’t throw Steve under the bus for this. “Steve has a really important job in New York so he needs to stay there.”
“I’m gonna miss home.” Becca grumbles sadly. Bucky pulls her onto his lap to hold her close.
“I know, I am too. But we’re gonna have a great new home. Want to know your new name?” he tries for a distraction.
“Sure!” Becca takes the bait.
“Your name is Elena Stan. My name is Sebastian Stan.”
“Seb-bast-tan?” Becca tries his name out slowly.
“Close enough. But you know how you asked if you could call me daddy when you were little?”
Becca nods. That had been a rough phase for both of them. She had wanted to call him daddy so badly but it had made him uncomfortable at the time so he insisted she call him by his name.
“Well, now you can. In our new lives Sebastian is Elena’s daddy.” Part of him still dislikes that the effort he put into making sure Becca knows her own identity has flown out the window overnight. When she gets older he hopes she’ll understand why he’s doing this. “It’s gonna be hard to remember at first, but we’ll get used to it.”
“Okay.” Becca shrugs and goes back to her snack, her curiosity sated for the time being.
Bucky settles in, starting to feel the weight of the previous day pressing down on him. He prays the coffee kicks in soon so he’s not a zombie by the time they get where they’re going. Becca seems happy enough keeping herself occupied with her new book and he makes plans to buy a few toys once they get to the next stop. Just a few things that will keep her busy at their new place so he can catch a quick nap. He doesn’t know what their financial situation is but he can’t imagine Natasha wouldn’t have moved over his money for him. There had been two hundred in cash in the wallet so that will at least tide them over until he can check the card balances. He’s lucky Becca is an easy kid and he just hopes that she’ll take this all in stride like she does most things. And if not, well she’s a four year old, distractions and redirections still work at this age thankfully.
The second train ride is half the time of the first but Bucky is starting to feel worn out and grimy. The last leg of their trip is a twenty minute bus ride from Portland to Cape Elizabeth and once again they have just enough time to use the bathroom and hit up a train station gift shop. He buys a plastic tea set, a stuffed ladybug, and breakfast sandwiches before they have to race over to catch their bus. Becca is more awake now and she’s keeping up on her own, hugging the ladybug for dear life while she settles into their bus seats.
Maine is different than Bucky expected, colder sure, but the water even looks different than back in New York even though both places connect to the Atlantic Ocean. There’s something about the clear, turbulent water that seems more powerful and deeply elemental than the easy going tides back in Brooklyn. Bucky’s captivated watching the ocean out the bus window while the old Greyhound travels down the coastal highway. After two long train rides, the bus ride feels like it’s over in a blink of an eye. The bus stop they’re let out at is small, barely more than a little hut alongside the road outside of town.
Becca is full of wide eyed curiosity as they make their way into town. Bucky has the address of the apartment, but with no clue of the little town’s set up it’s not very useful. He misses his phone and being able to GPS his way around. It’s a few minutes later that he remembers the phone in the package Natasha gave him. He’d forgotten about it in his sleep deprived state, having stashed it in his bag since he wasn’t able to use it until after the first leg of the trip. Booting up the sleek red iPhone, Bucky’s relieved to see it has a full charge and it finds a GPS signal quickly. The apartment is only a fifteen minute walk away at that point and Bucky happily tells Becca they’ll be home soon. She nods but she’s clearly distracted by her new surroundings.
The little seaside town is quaint and reminds Bucky of something out of a movie. Small brick and glass fronted shops line the town’s main street, brightly colored banners and awnings announcing the businesses inside. There are a lot of artisan shops and Bucky finds himself looking forward to exploring the town more when they have time. The first priority though is getting settled in. Becca is tired and starting to whine a little by the time they turn onto their street. It’s as picturesque as the rest of town, tree lined sidewalks and charming old brick homes. Finding their house number, Bucky pauses outside, not entirely sure how to proceed. Natasha hadn’t given him a key, just an address. He’s still standing there, thinking out his next moves when an older woman pops her head out the front door.
“Are you Sebastian?” the woman calls out with a smile.
“Yes, I am.” Bucky replies easily, the new name less foreign than he had expected it to feel.
“I’m Anne, from the emails. You two made good time getting up here. Come on in and I’ll get you set up.” The woman stands back from the doorway letting them through and Bucky is thankful Natasha set things up so thoroughly for them.
Anne, as it turns out, grew up in the large Victorian style home before she and her sisters renovated it back in the 70s and turned it into apartments. She still lives in the bottom floor apartment but rents out the second and third floors now that her sisters both passed on. She’s chatty and grandmotherly, doting on Becca by plying the little girl with blueberry cake. Becca doesn’t bat an eye at being called Elena and Bucky couldn’t be more proud of his girl.
“You both must be exhausted from the trip.” Anne says after Bucky has finished signing all the paperwork for the apartment. “If you need anything, I’m here. Like I said in the email, it’s fully furnished but if you would rather bring in your own things just let me know and I’ll move the existing pieces into storage. It’ll at least get you started though.”
Bucky stifles his yawn but nods, “Yeah, I think we’re both due for a nap. I’m sure what’s there is fine, we’re not super picky.”
Anne gives him a smile and shows him outside to the stairs that lead up to his apartment. Bucky thanks her again and makes his way up the narrow wooden stairs. After the long trip and lack of sleep the stairs feel like Everest and a grumbling Becca clearly agrees. The door is cheerfully decorated with a sunflower wreath and the apartment inside is instantly welcoming. The living room has a little tile entryway where they shuck off their shoes before padding across the fluffy beige carpeting. The dining room is off to one side after the hallway, connecting to the kitchen which is brightly decorated in white and yellow. The hallway leads to two bedrooms, and a bathroom decorated with beautiful tiles reminiscent of mermaid scales. Becca falls in love immediately and begs Bucky for a bath. He promises her one that night once they can buy soap and things at the store which seems to appease her for the moment. The bedrooms are both decorated in the same neutral colors as the rest of the house and Bucky thinks it’ll be easy to add a few homey touches to the place to make it feel more like theirs.
Becca throws herself on the twin size bed in the first bedroom announcing it’s the best big girl bed ever. Though she slept well and hasn’t needed a nap in ages, she agrees to lay down for a little while to rest. There’s a small play table and dresser off to the side and Bucky sets her new toys down on the table. He makes Becca promise to come get him right next door if she needs him and gives her a coloring book and box of crayons if she’d rather draw quietly too. Seeing her favorite coloring book from home cheers her up a bit but she still burrows happily under the fluffy comforter. Bucky gives her a quick kiss and heads over to his room at the end of the hall. It’s larger than his bedroom back in Brooklyn and the bed is larger too. He’d been fine with his old full sized mattress but seeing the king sized behemoth has him throwing himself on the bed much like Becca had done in hers. Bucky lets out a groan, this is a real adult bed. The grey duvet is impossibly soft and fluffy and the mattress itself lets him sink into it, unlike the spring mattress he was used to. Bucky is in love with the bed and allows himself a few happy moments to roll around in it.
Eventually, needing to be responsible, Bucky gets up to change out of his clothes and shed the grime and stress from the past day away. He grabs the phone and takes a picture of the bed with it’s now rumpled comforter and shoots an Instagram message to Natalie with the caption “Now THIS is a bed”.
Bucky sets the phone down on the nightstand and takes a minute to enjoy the view from the bedroom window. The view is so different from New York and he knows it’ll take some getting used to. The phone chirps an unfamiliar noise and Bucky sees that Natasha responded already. “Jealous! Enjoy your nap. TTYL.”
Bucky sends back a heart emoji and then sets the phone on the nightstand so he can crawl under the covers into his new bed. It’s been a long 24 hours but at least the hardest part is behind him.
What was meant to be a short nap turns into three hours of Bucky being dead to the world. He wakes up a little after noon to find Becca coloring happily at her play table. She also figured out how to use the remote for the little TV on top of her dresser and turned on the Disney channel quietly in the background. Bucky shakes his head, the little girl is too smart for her own good. “Hey bug.” he calls from the doorway.
“Hi!” Becca’s whole face lights up when she sees him, “Wanna see what I colored?” She holds up her book and Bucky joins her at the tiny table. She couldn’t have been up for very long, she’s only gotten halfway through one Cinderella picture so far, which she proudly shows him she only colored outside the lines once.
Bucky lets her get back to her artwork and wanders down the hall to explore the apartment more. It’s crazy to him that for a third of the rent of his apartment in Brooklyn he has more than twice as much space here. There’s even a backyard down below with a patio area and a fire pit. The apartment has tall, wide windows in every room which let in ample natural light through gauzy curtains. Bucky looks out the kitchen window down at the backyard and wonders what Becca will think of making s’mores. He finds a shopping list note pad and pen on the fridge and starts making a list of things they’ll need to pick up at the store. The kitchen is fully stocked with plates, cups, pots and pans, and miscellaneous cooking and baking supplies. It makes Bucky look forward to whipping up meals, no longer having to rely on the cramped little kitchen with a temperamental stove they had in their old place. The appliances are all shiny steel and new looking, the flat top stove making Bucky grin from ear to ear.
Sitting in the corner of one counter top is a french press with a bag of local coffee and a wrapped loaf of blueberry cake. There’s a little welcome card next to the treats and Bucky plans to thank Anne again when he asks for directions to the grocery store. He wanders down the hall, adding toiletries to the shopping list as well as laundry detergent and dryer sheets when he discovers the hallway closet houses a stacked washer / dryer unit. There isn’t a whole lot more that they’ll need for the time being and Bucky figures if he budgets correctly he should be able to keep them afloat for a little while until he can get a steady paycheck again. That is if Natasha moved all of his money over for him.
Bucky frowns, suddenly worrying that he’s making plans without even checking their financial state. He retrieves his phone and flicks through the screens until he finds a banking app that matches the debit card in his wallet. The app loads and brings him to a home screen that displays four different accounts. Bucky’s head is swimming as he looks at the accounts and numbers. Checking, Savings, College Fund, Car Fund. The college fund has enough to set Becca up at a decent state school or even private school if she can get scholarships. The car fund has enough for a low end new car or nicer used model. Savings has four times what he’d had in savings back home and the checking account contains about what he’d had in savings. Where in the hell did Natasha get all that money?!
Hopping into Instagram, Bucky fires off a message to Natasha loaded with shocked emojis and exclamation points. “I can’t accept all this.” Is the second message.
The three little ellipses pop up almost immediately. “You can, and will. Happy housewarming.”
Bucky frowns and types out, “Where did it come from?”
“Let’s just say some less than savory sources who won’t even miss it.” Natasha sends back.
The frown on Bucky’s face deepens. He wonders how deep Natasha has gotten herself into with this mystery life she’s apparently been leading. He hopes she knows what she’s doing. “I guess I just have to say thanks and trust you.” he finally replies.
Natasha sends back a few grinning emojis and a kiss.
It’s not ideal but Bucky can’t exactly return the money at this point. And living in a more rural area he’ll need a car sooner rather than later. He hasn’t driven in years but it should be just like riding a bike, not something you ever really forget. They still have a full day ahead of them and grocery shopping without a car to haul it all back is going to suck, so Bucky decides that lunch and car shopping can be their first stops.
Becca giggles at his slip up. “Yes daddy?” she asks in her sweetest tone, emphasizing that she didn’t slip.
“How about we go find some place for lunch and then run errands?”
“Lunch out?!”
“Yep, lunch out at a restaurant. Come on, let’s go ask Miss Anne where the good food is.”
Becca flies out of her room to put on her shoes, getting both on before Bucky’s even gotten his first boot tied. He scolds her lightly as she bounds down the stairs, sounding more like a herd of elephants than a little girl.
It’s loud enough that Anne comes to the window of her living room to greet them. “All rested up?”
“Much better, yes. Thank you for the cake and coffee, that was really nice.” Bucky says as he tries to keep Becca close despite her best efforts to keep going. “Would you by chance be able to give me some pointers for places to go around here? We need to run errands.”
“Of course, it depends on what you need though.”
“Well, lunch to start. And a car. Then groceries and some basic necessities.”
Anne thinks a moment, “Go down two blocks and make a left, head for the docks. There’s a diner called Jerry’s. Everyone loves it there. For a car your best bet is to catch a taxi over to All Star Service. It’s on the other end of town. Mark takes good care of the cars and he’ll get you set up nicely. If you get a car, or can catch another taxi, head over to the strip mall near there. It’s called Oakwood Plaza and they have a grocery store and a few other little shops where you can find everything you’d need. Otherwise you’ll have to head out of town to the Target over in South Portland.”
Buck is frantically writing all of her advice down on the back of his shopping list, not having expected such a wealth of information but immensely grateful for it. “Thank you, really. It’s going to take a bit for us to get used to where everything’s at.”
“Not a problem, dear. You’ll get acclimated in no time, I’m sure.”
Bucky thanks her again and then finally lets Becca lead him down the sidewalk. He lets her go ahead, a happy bounce in her step, giving her directions when they need to make a turn. The diner comes into view a short distance later and Bucky hopes they end up liking the place since it’s so close by.
A waitress seats them right away in a faded red and white booth. Becca is looking around at the retro decor like she can’t see it all fast enough. Bucky makes small talk with the waitress once she discovers they’re new to town, following her recommendation on some local fare. She doesn’t steer them wrong and both Bucky and Becca are thrilled with their lunches.
“I like it here a LOT.” Becca announces, setting her spoon down into her empty bowl of baked beans. The little dish had been full of beans and cut up hot dogs which had made Becca’s day for some reason. Bucky wasn’t going to question it, it was a hit. His own chowder and Italian sandwich were both delicious and he already plans to come back and try the lobster roll another day. Maybe they can make weekly trips together now that they won’t be scraping by quite as hard as they were.
Bucky mentions needing a car to the waitress and she recommends the same place Anne had, so he pays for a taxi ride across town to see if he can find something. He doesn’t really care too much what he gets as long as it’s reliable and within his budget. Becca doesn’t seem to understand why on earth he needs a car despite him explaining a few times it’s different here than living in a big city. The taxi driver has a good chuckle and offers to wait if they want, just in case they don’t find anything. Bucky thanks the man and tells him he’ll be back in a few minutes to let him know one way or another.
The lot isn’t huge and Bucky moves through the few dozen cars pretty quickly. A dark green Jeep catches his eye and he can’t help but be drawn to it. It was his dream car when he was a teenager. It’s not a difficult decision. The Jeep is only five years old, the mileage is pretty low, and best of all the price leaves a few thousand in that savings account once it’s all said and done. Bucky doesn’t need to think it over so he lets the taxi driver know they’ll be fine and heads off to find the shop owner. He finds the man, Mark, under the hood of an old beat up pick up truck covered in oil but with a wide smile on his face. A quick test drive and a few forms later, Bucky is the proud owner of his first car. It’s a far cry from driving around his parent’s beat up old Lincoln Continental when he was a teenager. Becca is thrilled at the idea and is barely able to sit still as Bucky secures her in the back seat. He realizes his next stop has to be for a car seat, the last thing he needs is to have his new ID tested out by the Cape Elizabeth police.
The strip mall is barely a mile down from the auto shop and thankfully has a thrift shop at the end opposite the grocery store. It’s a huge shop run by the local church and has everything from clothes, to home goods, and toys. Bucky picks up a few new outfits for each of them and finds a gently used booster seat as well. Impulsively he throws in a few toys and books for Becca and some candles and house decorations. With that taken care of, he runs an overly excited Becca through the grocery store, not even bothering to protest when she makes a few special requests. Bucky can’t get over how inexpensive the prices are compared to the city, especially the seafood. He takes note of prices, wanting to be able to budget out their shopping the next time. It’s nice to be able to just shop for what they want for a change, but old habits die hard and he can’t just do that every time.
It’s late afternoon when they get back, arms loaded with bags. Becca insists on carrying some bags upstairs herself and together they get it all in three trips. Bucky lets Becca run off to her room to set up her new toys while he puts away the groceries and sets up the few house decorations he bought. There’s something extremely soothing about getting everything set up to look like a real home. Their home. It’s far nicer than the little apartment they shared in the city and for a bleak moment Bucky wonders if staying in the city after he adopted Becca had been the right call. He pushes the thought out of his head as quickly as it arises, shoving the laundry in the dryer with a little more force than necessary. He had done his best for the both of them, and he would have never managed to get his nursing career started without having Natasha and Clint around to help with childcare.
By dinner time both he and Becca are worn out but they’re fully moved in and the apartment is even starting to feel more homey. Despite his better judgment, Bucky orders them a pizza for dinner. Becca is shocked and Bucky assures her this won’t be an everyday occurrence. They curl up together on the plush sofa after dinner, finding an old movie to watch together until Becca is sleeping peacefully nestled against Bucky’s side. He picks up the little girl, toting her off into her own bed. The room is perfect for her, but Bucky thinks he might want to get her a new bedding set for her birthday in a few months. One that suits her better like the ladybug print one she had in Brooklyn.
Falling into his own, frankly amazing, bed, Bucky wonders how long this adjustment period is going to last. Surely they’ll hit some stumbling blocks as they go, but he hopes they both adapt to their new lives quickly. He wants to just jump forward to the point where their new lives here in Cape Elizabeth feel natural to them as their lives before. He thinks he’ll always miss his name just a little bit, but he can learn to adjust if it means a better, safer, life for Becca. There are certainly a lot of perks to living in a small town even if he’s going to miss his friends desperately. It’s only Steve that he can’t bring himself to think about. The pain is too fresh, too raw. Bucky thinks he could have loved Steve, if he hadn’t already been completely in love with the man already. He’s certain the gripping heartache he feels when he thinks of Steve is being felt by the other man as well. Sleep eludes Bucky until close to midnight, his mind busy between making plans to set up their new lives and trying not to dwell on the too painful thoughts of what they’ve left behind. Despite his best efforts it’s Steve that’s on his mind when he finally drifts off to a restless sleep.
Summary: Bucky & Steve’s date has some unintended consequences forcing Bucky to make some hard decisions. Master list is HERE :)
Content Warnings: Attempted child abduction. Emphasis on ATTEMPTED. Becca will be fine ya’ll.
Word Count: 5.5k
Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! Remember last chapter where I was like “oh hey enjoy this unusually large chapter”? Well, I went to write a normally sized chapter and my hand slipped. Whoops! Enjoy another giant beast chapter lovelies! And don’t hate me for the angst!! I promise this fic has a happy ending, it’s just a long road to get there. XOXO - Ash
Chapter Five
Bucky wakes to bright light streaming in his bedroom window and Becca sitting on top of him. “Wake up sleepy head!” she chirps, shoving his shoulder as hard as she can.
“Whoa, calm it down little miss.” Bucky grumbles.
“I’m gonna be late!”
Bucky looks over at the alarm clock and realizes she’s right. “Shit.”
“Bad word!!”
“Becca!” Bucky snaps and instantly regrets it. “Quieter, bug. Please. Come on, let’s get moving.”
Bucky hurries Becca through her morning routine, grabbing her tiny backpack and breakfast on their way out the door. Bucky knows he’s a mess, hair sloppily thrown up in a bun, sweatpants and a hoodie because he just can’t take the time to find real clothes. He doesn’t even bother to throw on his prosthetic. Becca nibbles at her string cheese and mini muffins as they hustle down the busy city sidewalks to her school, just finishing as they round the last corner. He gives her a quick hug and kiss before she runs into the building screeching hello to the teacher at the door. The teacher gives Bucky an odd look that he chalks up to him looking like a hot mess and he gives her a small wave and terse smile in return.
It’s early yet and Bucky doesn’t have to worry about work for a few more hours so he decides to splurge and stop for coffee and a breakfast sandwich on his walk home. One treat won’t hurt and he’s still holding on to the warm feeling in his chest from last night’s date with Steve. Waiting in line a few other people give Bucky strange looks and he wonders how rough of shape he’s in. He prays there isn’t a giant rip on his clothes or something but after a discrete check he doesn’t think that’s the case. Just a weird morning then.
The hoodie actually comes in handy once Bucky realizes he can’t carry both a sandwich and his coffee when he’s down an arm. Tucking the sandwich in his hoodie pouch, he sips the pumpkin spice latte slowly enjoying the sweet fall flavors on his way home. His phone starts chirping at him but with no free hand Bucky is forced to ignore it until he gets back to the apartment. It was going off earlier too and he figures who ever needs him so damn bad can just wait five more minutes.
Bucky stretches out on the sofa to enjoy his breakfast, throwing on a random movie from his queue, when he finally looks at his phone. He wonders if the world is ending and he missed it somehow. Eight missed calls from Steve, two voicemails, and four texts. Two calls from Natasha, one voicemail, and two texts. Three texts from Clint.
Natasha wants to know if he’s seen the news, if he’s okay, and what she can do to help.
Clint also asks if he’s okay and tells him he’s an ass for not sharing the deets.
Steve asks him repeatedly to call him, frantically apologizing in between.
Still confused and becoming increasingly worried, Bucky brings up the news on his phone and finds his own face on the front page. The picture is from the night before, he and Steve walking back to his place with Becca on Steve’s shoulders. They look so happy that it tugs at Bucky’s heartstrings before the realization of what this means sinks in. He shoots a quick text to Natasha assuring her that he’s fine and he’ll catch up with her tonight. Clint gets two emojis in response: a thumbs up and the middle finger. Steve, he actually calls back. The blonde had sounded so worried in his voicemails.
“Bucky, thank god.” Steve blurts out in lieu of hello.
“Well good morning to you too.” Bucky jokes.
“Are you okay? Is Becca okay?”
“Yeah, Steve, we’re good. I just dropped Becca off a preschool. I don’t know what you’re worried about, it was a normal morning outside of a few funny looks. But honestly that was probably me going out looking like a hobo because I overslept.”
“Buck…” Steve falters, “It won’t be long ‘til they figure out who you are. We can keep the press at bay here in the tower but you’re going to have some serious issues as soon as a reporter gets your name. You and Becca could come stay here for a bit or I can have a security team allocated to you both until the news dies down.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down a minute. We don’t need security and I’m not dragging Becca to Manhattan just because some dudes with cameras may or may not come pester us. We’ll be okay.”
“I’m just worried about you guys. You didn’t sign on for the shit storm that’s blowing up right now. I’m so sorry, Buck.”
“Actually, I did.” Bucky points out, “I’m not stupid, Steve. I knew what I was signing on for the minute we started talking. It’s gonna be okay, nothing lasts forever and Becca is a resilient kid.”
Steve is quiet for a long moment, trying to compose himself to say what he knows he needs to say. “If you need to take some time apart until this all dies down…” he chokes up and lets the sentence lie.
“No.” Bucky’s voice is firm. “I’m not running on you again. We’re gonna deal with this together.”
“Okay,” Steve sighs heavily in relief, “I’m going to be tied up today doing interviews. Apparently there’s no hiding the fact that I’m bisexual now. It’s funny that I’ve never tried to hide it but the news is claiming I’ve been ‘publicly outed’ by the tabloids. I’m not going to say a whole lot about you, about us. I don’t want to speak for you or anything. But if you’re okay with it, I would like to confirm that I’m in a relationship and that I care about you very much.”
“Aww, you big sap. Yeah, of course that’s fine.”
“Can I call you later when I have time?”
“I’m working tonight but I’ll have a chance for a quick break around 10pm.”
“I’ll talk to you then. If you need anything, I mean it Buck, anything, just call me. I’ll pick up on national TV if I have to.”
Bucky rolls his eyes and hopes Steve can feel his exasperation through the phone lines. “Get going, ya punk. You have a country full of conservatives to horrify with your secret homosexual agenda.”
Steve laughs, the first bit of happiness he’s had since waking up to the news. “Will do.” he says quickly and hangs up before his overly dramatic heart can blurt out something terribly stupid like I love you. He pushes down the tender, fledgling emotion, knowing it’s too fast but feeling the gentle flutters nonetheless.
Natasha arrives at Bucky’s apartment a full hour early that night so he can get her caught up while making dinner for her and Becca, while Becca watches an episode of Wonder Pets in the living room. Natasha apparently watched a few interview clips of Steve’s and teases Bucky over how completely smitten they both are. It’s nice and normal, the teasing and banter over a new relationship with his best friend. It makes him think Steve really was just being overly concerned with his fears.
It’s a blessedly slow night at the ER and no one seems to recognize Bucky as he hops from one patient to the next, getting people stabilized and ready to be seen by one of the doctors on shift. When Steve calls at ten he sounds better than he had that morning. He’s exhausted from the media circus but pleased that he was able to get the story out in his own words. He asked for privacy for all their sakes but knows it won’t last long. Bucky continues to assure him that they’ll handle things as they come and to not worry. Steve can’t help but feel like it’s the calm before the storm.
The calm only lasts until 2am. Dr. Strange pulls Bucky out of a patient room, pushing Darcy in to take his place and dragging him down the hall to the staff break room. “What the hell?” Bucky demands once the door is shut.
Strange’s face is grim, “There are currently fifteen reporters in the lobby all asking if you’re working and if anyone has a statement they’d like to make.”
Bucky’s stomach drops, “Fuck.”
“Yes, fuck indeed. I’ve already made some calls and the police are on their way to clear house. We don’t expect that to last however. HR is willing to give you the rest of this week off, paid, while we sort out protocol for this sort of thing. Amanda will call you tomorrow to talk details once the board meets and decides what we can do to protect both you and our patients. We obviously can’t have reporters milling around every time you work.”
Bucky doesn’t even know what to say.
“If you want to go gather your things, Paul in security will escort you out the back away from the reporters.”
“Okay,” Bucky agrees, because really what else can he do?
Darcy catches up with him as he’s packing up his locker, “They’re sending you home?” she cries, pulling him into a hug.
Bucky nods numbly, “Rest of the week, yeah. They have to, there’s too much going on right now. It’s paid at least.”
“Well that’s something.” Darcy concedes. “How are you getting home? It’s a madhouse out there.”
“Paul’s gonna have me go out the back. I’ll be okay.”
“Call me if you need me.” she insists, giving him another tight hug.
Bucky promises he will and then follows the kindly old security guard through the maze of hospital halls and outside.
The air is bitter cold and Bucky’s thankful for his heavy jacket as he hurries down the mostly empty streets home. Natasha is tapping away on her laptop when he arrives. She does cyber security work and swears she gets most of her work done after midnight anyway. It works out well when he needs help on his overnight shift rotations.
“What happened?” she demands and slams the lid of her laptop down.
Bucky shucks off his jacket and joins Natasha on the sofa. “Reporters showed up at the hospital, like a lot of them. Strange was on tonight, thank god, he’s a tough son of a bitch and he wasn’t putting up with crap from anyone. They snuck me out the back while the cops got rid of the reporters.”
“But what about tomorrow? Is this gonna affect your job?”
Bucky shrugs, trying to ignore the low level fear humming in his veins over that exact concern. “I honestly don’t know. HR is gonna call me tomorrow once they figure out ‘protocol’ for this. Somehow Strange got them to give me the rest of the week off with pay. I don’t even know what I’m going to do with myself for the next six days.”
Natasha raises an eyebrow, surprised and happy for him. “I vote catching up on your Netflix queue and being a lazy ass. You never take a break, Bucky. And you of all people deserve one. Maybe go spend some more time with that gorgeous boyfriend of yours. Some kid-free time, if you know what I mean.” She wiggles her eyebrows until Bucky throws a pillow at her. She ducks easily, laughing. “I’m just saying! It’s been a long time since he-who-shall-not-be-named.”
Bucky bristles at the mention of his ex. He should have seen Brock for the piece of shit he was, but he’d missed it at first, too wrapped up in the bliss of a new relationship. In the end, Brock’s true colors had come out and Bucky had ended things before it could become even more toxic than they already become. He sighs, pushing the ugly memories away. “It hasn’t been that long. And you’re forgetting Micah from the hospital cafe.”
“It’s been four years since him. And Micah doesn’t count. That was a year ago and it didn’t go past a lunch date where he, and I quote, kissed you like a St. Bernard.”
Bucky shudders at the memory. “Okay, so it’s been a while. Maybe I will go see Steve one day while Becca’s at school.”
“That’s more like it!” Natasha cheers quietly, cautious to not disturb Becca. “So, do you want company or should I scoot and let you get some rest?”
“I love you for offering but I just wanna crash. If I can get a few hours now I’ll be able to get back on daytime hours easier.”
“Love you too.” Natasha leans over to hug him before packing up her stuff and heading out.
It was a crazy day but as Bucky climbs into bed, he’s still resolved that it’s going to be okay again soon.
Bucky is groggy when his alarm goes off at 7am but it’s better than he would have been if he hadn’t gotten any sleep. Becca is thrilled that he’s home and even more so when he tells her that he’ll be home the rest of the week. They make plans over breakfast for things they can do after she gets out of school since they have all the time in the world now. Bucky compromises with one quick park trip, which he cringes thinking about but he’ll just have to pack her inhaler and make sure she takes breaks, two trips to the library, and one night they’ll grab dinner at the neighborhood diner for their kids eat free night.
The week flies by and Bucky gets the all clear on Thursday to return the following Sunday once the hospital is able to put additional security in place. He’s thankful they’re not just letting him go to avoid all the hassle but several nurses and doctors apparently made their opinions loud and clear that he was worth the additional security measures. Bucky is eternally grateful for his coworkers and makes plans to take in a tray of thank you brownies on his first shift back.
A second round of good news comes in a few hours later; Steve is back early from his latest mission. They make plans for the following day, unwilling to wait any longer to see one another again. Steve will be, in theory, just hanging around the tower wrapping up some post-mission paperwork from earlier in the week so he’ll be able to take most of the day to show Bucky around the tower and spend time with him. He also offered to take them all to The Met after Becca gets out of school and Bucky said he’ll consider it. It’s a little extravagant, but something about picking her up together and going on an outing tugs at his heartstrings. It’s so perfectly domestic, like a real family would do. Bucky tries to ignore the longing he feels for something he’s never let himself consider before.
There’s a lone reporter lingering outside his apartment when Bucky heads out to pick up Becca from school. There were a lot the first two days but their numbers dropped off drastically when they realized he really wasn’t all that interesting. “Hey man.” Bucky gives the reporter a little wave. He has to give the guy credit for determination. “Still not going to do anything interesting, sorry.”
The reporter huffs a laugh, “Ya never know!”
Bucky laughs in return and heads off, trying to ignore the fact that the man is following him a few steps back. He gives the guy a few more days before he gives up too. Bucky is a single parent with a full time job, he doesn’t have the time to do anything interesting.
Rounding the corner to Becca’s school he spies the little girl talking to a man in a long beige wool coat. The man is tall and thin with greying hair and wire framed glasses. His appearance screams of wealth in a way that would make him fit right in as a parent of someone at the school, but something is off and Bucky steps up his pace. Becca hasn’t spotted him yet but he hears the man ask “Your daddy is friends with Captain America isn’t he?”
Becca, all proud smiles, informs him, “He’s my brother, not my daddy. And Captain America is his boyfriend.”
“Isn’t that nice. Hey, I have something you can give your brother for me, okay? Can you be a big helper? It’s right over here.” Becca looks unsure so the man smiles brightly and takes her hand, leading her down the sidewalk away from the school. A black van pulls up at the end of the block, a door swinging open and the man hurries her along.
Bucky screams Becca’s name and breaks out into a full run. Icy fear consumes him, driving him to move faster than he ever has before. Please God no, please, don’t let them take my baby girl.
The reporter realizes what’s going on and sprints right along with Bucky. They collide with the man and Becca at the same time. The reporter tackles the man, pinning him to the ground, leaving Bucky to grab Becca and roll to the ground shielding her in his arms. A teacher runs over with her phone out yelling “The police are on their way!” to them.
The man writhes underneath the reporter, trying to free himself while looking panickedly at the van. The van door slides shut and then the vehicle flies off with screeching tires. Once it’s out of sight the man lays his head back on the pavement in defeat.
“Just stay put buddy.” the reporter grumbles.
Now that Becca is safe Bucky is filled with a depth of rage he didn’t even realize he was capable of. Somebody tried to snatch his baby girl right in broad daylight. Bucky checks her over one more time before passing her off to the teacher who’s still holding on the line for 911.
Bucky stalks over to where the reporter still has the man pinned. His movements are predatory, his voice low, practically a grow, when he demands, “Who the fuck do you think you are?”
The reporter just stares at the man, also waiting for an answer.
“I am one of many.”
Bucky shakes his head. God, he just wants to punch this guy in his smug face. “Fine. Who do you work for?”
“Cut off one head and two more take its place.”
“I’m getting real sick of riddles and I still got at least two minutes before the cops show. Last time, asshole. Who the fuck do you work for and why do you want my kid?”
“The child, or you, it matters not. Either will get us the captain. We are everywhere. We will come again, and we will succeed. Hail Hydra.” The man crunches down on something and within seconds he’s foaming at the mouth, his eyes rolling lifeless back in his head.
Bucky looks to Becca, thankful the teacher is shielding her away from what took place. Ice cold fear runs in his veins. He knew there could potentially be a risk dating Steve, but it was an abstract sort of knowledge. Up until minutes ago he’d thought the only real concern was pesky reporters. Most of which, he has to admit, are actually good people just trying to make a living. A real threat, a fucking terrorist threat, is something he’d never really put much thought into. That name too: Hydra. Everyone knows of the Nazi group who Captain America has been trying to destroy since the 40s. A threat from them is very, very real.
The cops arrive and start dispersing the crowd that’s formed. It seems like forever until they’ve taken statements from everyone and the body is removed. Becca holds up as well as a four year old can trying to answer the police man’s questions, and Bucky fills in gaps as he can. They take his statement too and let him know they can provide a security detail if he wants. The officer looks sheepish but also recommends he call Steve because Shield and the Avengers can likely provide better security than the NYPD can. Bucky thanks the officer and agrees to call Steve as soon as possible.
Becca is shaking so hard by the time they head home that Bucky scoops the little girl up to carry her the whole way. Two uniformed officers follow them back and do a full sweep of the apartment just to err on the side of caution. Buck appreciates the security but as he stands in his too quiet apartment he realizes he can’t do this every day. He adopted Becca to give her a better life and now he’s put her in more danger than she ever would have been in being raised by their parents. All because some small part of him still held on to the hope that there was someone out there that he could love and would love him back wholeheartedly and forever. That despite his upbringing, he could have a perfect family of his own one day. Bucky feels painfully childish that his pathetic longing for a partner had almost cost him his sister.
Ever the responsible parent, Bucky stifles the emotions whirling in his chest and puts on a good front for Becca’s sake. She falls asleep halfway through Frozen II and Bucky doesn’t even bother trying to wake her. He knows there’s no fighting the adrenaline crash she’s feeling. His own crash will be equally brutal when it comes, but for now it’s still nowhere in sight. Bucky is too keyed up, restless and desperately trying to find a solution that keeps all of them safe and happy. He drags a cup of coffee and a blanket out onto the fire escape where he sits to watch the sun drop lower and lower among the roof tops. He’s almost finished his drink when a knock sounds on the door.
The security detail is supposed to be vetting anyone going near his apartment so the odds are good it’s someone he knows, but it doesn’t stop him from slipping a kitchen knife into his hand on the way to the door. Peering through the peephole Bucky sees red hair, black leather, and a very pissed off Natasha. “Let me in.” she says, it sounds like a warning.
Bucky opens the door and stands out of the way. It’s not worth arguing with Natasha when she gets like this.
“You turned off your phone.” She comments without emotion.
Bucky nods. “I don’t want to deal with it right now.”
Natasha follows him as he heads to the kitchen to return the knife, seemingly pleased by his caution. “By it, you mean Steve.”
“Amongst other things.”
“You know I’m here for you. Whatever you need, just name it.”
“That’s just it, I don’t know. I keep coming to the same answer and I hate it, Nat. I just… I can’t do this to Becs.” Bucky’s voice cracks on the little girl’s name and Natasha wraps her best friend into a tight hug.
“You’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.”
“I don’t even know how to do what I want to do. I’m sure it’s not nearly as easy as movies make it out to be.”
“Let me help. You and Becca mean the world to me. Whatever it is we’ll figure it out together.”
Bucky sighs heavily, still leaning on Natasha. “We need to disappear.”
Natasha goes still, “Are you sure?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know. I can’t think of any other way to keep her safe. Even if I break up with Steve, Hydra can still use us as leverage. Feelings don’t just disappear... But people can.”
“Okay. Give me four hours.” Natasha pulls back and starts texting rapidly on a small cell phone Bucky has never seen before.
“What the fuck, Nat.”
“Working in cyber security has some perks.” She shrugs.
“I don’t think it’s normally supposed to have those kinds of perks.”
“Well, it depends on who you’re keeping secure.” Nastaha’s smile is cheshire.
“Damn. Okay, then. What do you need me to do?”
“Stay put. I’d say try to get some sleep but I know you won’t. Pack a duffel bag for each of you. No more than that, I mean it. Think in terms of what you absolutely can’t leave behind, this is not packing for vacation. You can buy basic stupid shit when you get where you’re going. Two outfits and whatever else you can’t leave that fits in two duffels. Got it?”
“Okay, got it.”
“Oh, and your phone. You won’t be needing that anymore.”
Bucky holds the phone out but doesn’t let go. “I have all of Becs’ baby pictures on there.”
Natasha gives him an understanding smile. “I’ll move them all to an online cloud storage site. You won’t lose a single one.”
Bucky releases the phone. “Thanks, Nat.”
Natasha hugs him tightly again. “Four hours. Be ready.”
And with that Bucky is left alone in his living room in shock. He supposes he shouldn’t be all that surprised. Natasha has always been a badass. He used to joke she was really a Russian spy and their friendship was just a cover for her real identity. Bucky now wonders now how close to the truth he might have been.
Four hours later, down to the minute, Natasha is striding through his door once again, a large envelope tucked under her arm. There’s no warm welcome or pleasantries, Natasha has her game face on and Bucky is still too rattled to try for levity. Spreading the papers out on the coffee table Natasha organizes everything quickly. “Birth certificates, immigration paperwork, social security cards, school records, medical records, a resume with work history and references, and a quick life history fact sheet for both of you.” She places a wallet from her pocket onto the table as well, flipping it open quickly to show him it’s fully filled with cards, cash, and an ID card.
Bucky scans over the documents, unable to believe she had pulled this off so quickly and how real everything looked. “Sebastian Stan?” he asks, nose wrinkling.
Natasha nods, “Yep, you’re Romanian. You moved here with your daughter Elena when she was two months old. Your wife died in childbirth and so you brought her here to start over.”
He spies the address on the drivers license. “Rochester? Is that where we’re actually going?”
“No, of course not. You and your daughter have recently moved to Cape Elizabeth, Maine. That’s where you’re headed. You’ll be happy to know their local urgent care center is looking for a new triage nurse. The pay is pretty good and it’ll be enough to cover rent for the cute little apartment that you just put a down payment on.” Natasha pulls something from her pocket, it’s flesh colored and rolled up tightly. She hands it over with a simple, “Here, you’ll need this too. Don’t want that guy drawing too much attention to you.”
Bucky stares at the silicone sleeve, realizing it’s a perfect fit for his prosthetic. The details are down to an art, from light arm hairs and tiny freckles. It’s soft enough too that as long as you don’t grasp it very hard, it’ll feel shockingly similar to his right arm. “Damn. You don’t miss a thing, do you?”
“Of course not. Who do you think you’re dealing with?” Natasha glares at him affectionately.
Bucky chuckles, of course she’s the best at this. She’s been the best at everything since the day they met. “What happens to Bucky and Becca Barnes then?” he’s afraid to ask but he needs to know.
“They got on a flight to Moscow two hours ago. There’s a few nice security officers and cab drivers who will all verify they were sighted leaving the airport about eight hours from now.”
“That works for the rest of the world, but what happens if Steve goes looking? He has an awful lot of friends in high places.”
“Steve isn’t going to go looking right now. And even if he did, the alibi will hold up. Trust me.”
A tiny piece of Bucky’s heart shatters that Steve would just let him go so easily.
Natasha recognizes the look on his face and quickly adds, “He called you non stop after the news broke. Sent you dozens of texts too. You very nearly had the full force of SHIELD and the Avengers on your doorstep if it wasn’t for Tony Stark.”
“What happened?”
“Tony convinced Steve that if you weren’t calling or responding that he was as good as dumped. The rumor mill always hinted their relationship was strained but Tony really is good at kicking Steve when he’s down and Tony played his cards right on this one. Steve has been holed up in his apartment all night, he’s not doing too great.”
It kills Bucky to know he’s putting Steve through this pain, but he’s firm in his decision. He’d be more disappointed in himself but he’s too tired. Things got tough and he’s doing exactly what he’s been doing since he was a kid to protect himself: he’s running. “How do you even know all this?” Bucky asks, realizing Natasha shouldn’t have this level of detail on the goings on at the tower.
“I hacked into the security feed at Avengers Tower. Jarivs was a handful but not more than I could handle. Tony Stark is brilliant but he’s also arrogant, and that’s his downfall.”
“You are, without a doubt, the scariest person I’ve ever met. I’m gonna miss you.” Bucky can’t hold back the tears at the thought of leaving Natasha behind.
“What do you mean, miss me? You went to college with Natalie Rushman, you’re even Instagram friends. You haven’t seen me in a few years but we still keep in touch regularly.” Natasha brings out yet another little black phone he’s never seen and shows him Natalie’s Instagram account.
“How many of those little phones do you have tucked up your sleeve?” he teases.
“The world will never know.” she quips in return. “I do need to go though.” she adds in a more serious tone.
Bucky nods, he knew this was coming. He can’t get words past the lump in his throat.
“You have a train to catch in about forty minutes. That one will take you as far as Boston and there’s more tickets from there. Try and get some rest, you’ll be getting into town in Maine around eight in the morning.”
“I’ve gone longer without sleep pulling doubles at the hospital, this won’t be nearly as bad.”
Natasha gives him a half hearted smile, “You’re all set then.”
Bucky pulls her in for one last hug. “I’ll message Natalie when we arrive.”
“Mmm, yes. Sebastian would definitely snap a pic of his new hometown when he arrives. I’ve heard it’s very Insta-worthy.” Tears shine in Natasha’s eyes but they don’t fall. She swallows thickly. “Be safe.”
“You too.” Bucky manages to croak out through the overwhelming tide of emotions. He holds her for one last heartbeat before she slips out the door like a ghost.
Bucky goes through all the documents Natasha left behind and finds a thin red iPhone in the stack. There’s a post-it note stuck on top warning “do not activate until after you are on the second train”. So much for keeping himself occupied while he waits. In the end he spends most of the time pacing around the apartment and double checking his bags. He checks the time again, making sure he’s down to the final few minutes when he finally goes to get a sleeping Becca from her bed. She barely stirs as he carefully slides her into her warm purple jacket and slips socks and shoes on her feet. He slings her over his shoulder and collects the two duffels with his free hand. It’s a little jarring to see tan skin where he’s used to seeing shiny steel but he appreciates that Natasha thought of everything.
He worries momentarily about the security detail outside his apartment but quickly realizes they’re distracted helping an elderly woman catch her escaped pomeranian who’s barking up a storm. It’s a good diversion, one clearly planned out. Bucky holds on tightly to Becca and all but runs down the hall to the stairwell. He doesn’t slow down until he’s two blocks away and he realizes he really did escape without being sighted. Slowing his pace to a normal New York hustle, he heads towards the train station and to their new lives.
Summary: Bucky mends things with Steve and together they move forward to the next step in the relationship. Master list is HERE :)
Content Warnings: Some lovely smut towards the end of the chapter
Word Count: 5.3k
Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! I originally had this broken out into two smaller chapters but then I decided the hell with it and am giving you one giant monster of a chapter instead. So please enjoy this 5.3k word beast which contains lots of sweet fluff and some steamy smut towards the end. XOXO - Ash
Chapter Four
The communication black out lasts three days. It’s the longest they’ve gone without talking or texting since they met over a month ago. Bucky is surlier than usual and eventually Natasha calls him out on it. He wants to pick a fight with her when she does but he’s running late for his shift and he has to hurry out the door, settling for just flipping her off as he leaves. Natasha, however, is undeterred and proceeds to text him, letting him know exactly what she thinks of the situation.
It’s a slow night in the ER and Bucky can’t stand the down time. All he can think about is the fight with Steve. Well, not even a fight really. Steve pissed him off and he did what he does best: he ran. The more Bucky thinks about it, the more he feels like an ass. He knows how socially awkward Steve is, how he’s not always sure of societal norms. It’s not all that surprising that Steve would make a faux paux, but Bucky’s reaction to it wasn’t okay. The longer he dwells on it the more he realizes how very not okay it was.
Bucky is forced to take his mid-shift break when Darcy comes on rotation, the tiny woman physically shoving him towards the break room and telling him to catch a nap if he can. She’s been a good friend since he started there three years ago, and she knows how much the overnight shift wears on him. Bucky stares at his phone, wondering if a text would wake Steve. He hopes not, it’s just past two in the morning and no one deserves to be woken up by an apology text at that hour. Bucky types, and retypes, and retypes again, the best apology he can muster. After staring at his phone for another five minutes, willing the message to send itself, he deletes it, settling for a simple: I’m sorry for what happened. Can we talk when you have time?
Sighing in relief that the dreaded text is sent, Bucky lays back on one of the break room cots and starts scrolling through his Instagram feed. He barely gets through Clint’s latest story when his phone rings, Steve’s goofy contact photo lighting up the screen. Shocked, Bucky flails and drops the phone, the damned device sliding under the cot where Bucky has to crawl down to get it, frantically trying to answer the call in time. “Hello!” he shouts breathlessly as he swipes to accept the call.
“Bucky?” Steve asks, confused and concerned by Bucky’s breathless tone.
“Sorry, dropped my phone. I’m here.”
“Oh, is it okay? I’ve broken four iPhones dropping them. I’m pretty sure Tony is ready to kill me, but they’re just so fragile.”
Bucky smirks, trying to keep the laughter out of his voice. “It’s fine, thanks. How on earth did you manage to destroy an iPhone just by dropping it though? They’re fragile but my buddy Clint drops his daily and it’s fine.”
Steve chuckles, a self depreciating rumble, “Well, when you drop them while exiting a Quinjet in mid air they don’t typically make it to the ground in one piece. And one time it was off a building but really, that time it just slipped right out of my hand. Even super soldier reflexes couldn’t catch it.”
The laugh Bucky was suppressing bursts free. “Oh god, no wonder Stark wants to kill you.”
There’s a beat of silence after Bucky’s laughter dies down. It’s heavy, the reason for the call hanging in the air. “It’s real good to hear your voice.” Steve admits quietly.
Bucky’s heart clenches, “Yeah, it’s good to hear yours too. I didn’t mean to bolt like that. I’m sorry I didn’t give us a chance to talk it out.”
“You weren’t wrong. I don’t know her, and it was thoughtless of me to trivialize your problems by trying to solve them for you.”
“You were just being a good person. I get why you wanted to help. In the moment though, I felt like you thought I couldn’t take care of my own kid. And I’m sorry, but that’s probably always going to be a sore point for me. I fight like hell everyday to give that little girl a better life than I had and I’m damned proud of that. But… I still shouldn’t have run out on you like that.”
“Buck… I… I would never think for a minute that you can’t take care of her. She’s so lucky she has you raising her, you’re an amazing parent. I’m sorry if I made you feel otherwise.”
Bucky sniffed roughly, ignoring the burning of unshed tears, “Thanks, Steve. It means a lot. And I promise the next time we disagree with something, I won’t go running off without us talking things through. I really like you, Steve. I want to give us a real chance.”
“I really like you too, a lot. Can I see you later this week? Maybe we can have a do over at the cafe and you can actually eat your chocolate chip pancakes this time. They were really good, you missed out.”
“Yeah, we can do that. I was really looking forward to… wait, what? Did you eat my pancakes?”
“Um, well, I took them home thinking I’d be able to give them to you later. But then you didn’t reach out and I didn’t want them going to waste. I’m sorry?”
“Nah, it’s good someone ate them. I really was looking forward to them, though. I have off all day tomorrow for Becca’s appointment if you’re free. And you know who else really likes chocolate chip pancakes?” He waits a beat for Steve to guess but the other man is silent on the other end of the line, “Becca.”
Steve is quite another moment before finally responding. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m rushing you. If you’re not ready for me to meet her, that’s okay. I’ll wait as long as it takes until you’re comfortable.”
“We’re not rushing, it’s time. Tomorrow will be good because if she does get glasses, which is likely, we’ll be able to celebrate with dinner out for her. Honestly, she’s going to take one look at those giant pancakes and you will be an afterthought. She loves my friends who help watch her but I’ve never introduced her to a boyfriend before so I’m not sure how she’ll take that. Hopefully this will make it a good experience for her.”
“Ah yes, bribing small children with baked goods and sugar. I’m all in favor of that.”
Bucky chuckles, “Whatever works. So, we’ll see you tomorrow? Maybe around five thirty?”
“Yeah, I can do that. I’ll see you two then.”
“See you then.” Bucky disconnects the call, a wide smile plastered on his face. He really likes Steve and feels like this relationship could be different from his past ones.
Bucky’s good mood is noticeable and gets him teased by both Darcy and Carol at work, followed by Clint when he arrives home later that morning. He can’t be bothered by their affectionate jabs though, he knows he has it bad. He hasn’t mentioned to his friends who Steve is, as in Captain America, only saying he’s a cute guy he met in the bodega near his house. Only Natasha knows the whole truth but she eats secrets like M&Ms so he has no fears of her saying anything to anyone.
xxXxx
Becca is surprisingly cooperative getting ready for preschool, even after Bucky reminds her she has a doctor’s appointment afterwards. She’s so used to seeing her various doctors that it doesn’t even phase her outside the concern if this new doctor will have a good prize box like her breathing specialist does or if they’ll just have stickers like her normal pediatrician. Bucky reminds her that not all doctors have prize boxes and she should be nice to them no matter what. Becca nods but tells him that he should really ask these sort of questions when he calls for an appointment. It’s through ironclad self control that he manages not to laugh until she’s through the doors of Applegate Academy. His little girl is a spitfire and he loves it.
Bucky manages to snag a few hours of sleep while Becca’s at school. He can’t wait for Monday when he’s off again and can sleep for a full night like a normal person. Cat naps on his breaks at the ER and a few hours here and there at home never seem to be enough when his rotation schedule has too many days in a row. Bucky dresses quickly, not wanting to show up in his sweats despite knowing the cafe is definitely a casual meet up. He’s still unsure how Becca is going to handle meeting Steve. Sometimes she’s all bravado and personality, others she tucks herself behind Bucky’s legs to shy away. There’s never a rhyme or reason to it and the pediatrician said it’s normal preschooler behavior. Bucky can only hope it goes well for all of them. He has enough to worry about with the eye doctor’s appointment.
Becca decides she loves her optometrist the second she sits down in the exam chair. Dr. Gibbons is a soft spoken older man with greying hair and a deeply lined face. He makes Becca giggle throughout the appointment with his antics which keep the visit stress free for the little girl. After running through a series of tests he confirms what the school suspected, Becca does need glasses. The doctor explains that Becca’s prescription is only a -1.75 so it’s not surprising she hadn’t shown more noticeable symptoms. Bucky fights back the tears that prickle along the corners of his eyes at the news; relief washing over him that this wasn’t something he’d blatantly missed.
Shopping for glasses is a bit of a challenge considering Becca thinks she’s a princess and Bucky’s wallet begs to differ. He lucks out that they have a sale going and he steers Becca to the shelf of glasses that he can get for a reasonable price. She does finally pick a pair from the sale shelf that she says make her look like a librarian, which is her current career aspiration since she met the school librarian a month ago. Bucky chuckles and assures her she looks very nice. The doctor offers to have them ready to pick up in an hour which leaves them with enough time to walk down the block to the community park they passed on their way. Becca throws herself around the jungle gym like a wild animal and it makes Bucky thankful he spent the extra money on a protection plan on her new glasses. She’s an active little girl and he’d rather pay a extra few dollars now than buy a whole new pair of glasses when something happens.
The glasses come out perfect and barely need adjusting to fit Becca’s face. The tortoise shell frames stand out against her pale face making her grey-blue eyes even more pronounced. Bucky is full of emotion watching her tilt her head from side to side examining how she looks until finally announcing they’re marvelous and taking off to see how far away she can see now. Bucky hands over his debit card, cringing at the total but thankful he had enough to cover them without completely wiping out his savings. Becca is oblivious to his stress, thankfully, and spends the whole walk to the cafe pointing out things she can see now like little symbols on store signs and smaller items on display in store windows. It’s like the whole world has opened up for her and Bucky couldn’t be happier for his little girl. The awning of the cafe comes into view and Bucky braces himself for the impending meeting. The first half of their day went well, now he just has to hope the second part does too.
xxXxx
Becca shrieks when she sees the tiny honey bees on the sign of the cafe. Her love affair with bugs of all sorts has her grilling the waitress about bees while they’re led to a table. The poor waitress at least knows enough about bees to keep the conversation going, although the cafe itself is more wildflower themed than bee themed. The tiny honey bees on the sign were more of an afterthought than the main artwork. Becca is still on her bee tangent when Steve walks in, looking around and spotting them easily.
“Becs,” Bucky gets her attention, “Remember that I said we’re meeting my friend Steve here too? And that you have to be on your very best behavior?”
Becca nods, “I know. I’ll be good. And then I’ll get pancakes as big as my head.”
“You got it. Steve is here and he’s coming over so remember your manners please.” Bucky waves Steve over, the blonde was actually waiting for Bucky to give him permission before approaching. It’s sweet and considerate and makes Bucky think he was right in entrusting Steve to meet his little girl.
Becca hops up as Steve approaches and stands ramrod straight, her little hand extended towards him. “Hello.” she says in her most polite tone, “I’m Rebecca Grace Barnes, but you can call me Becca.”
Steve looks like he would melt into a puddle on the floor if he physically could. Instead, he crouches down to her level and shakes her hand gently. “Nice to meet you, Becca. I’m Steven Grant Rogers, but you can call me Steve.”
Becca giggles, “That’s silly. You have Captain America’s name.”
“Oh god.” Bucky mutters under his breath while Steve blushes brightly.
Steve pulls his SHIELD ID card out of his wallet and flashes it to Becca. Her eyes widen and Steve presses a finger to his lips making a shhh sound.
Becca spins around to Bucky glaring, “Why didn’t you bring Captain America home before?!” she demands. “He’s way cooler than Chrissy’s stupid uncle who was on TV.”
“Rebecca Grace!” Bucky hisses. “This is my friend, not someone for you to brag to your classmates about.”
Becca cringes, she hates being scolded. “Sorry Bucky. Sorry Steve.” she pouts, reclaiming her seat.
“It’s okay,” Steve assures her as he takes his seat across the table from her. “I know you were just excited.” he turns to look at Bucky, drinking in the sight of him after the long days of radio silence. “It’s good to see you.” Steve reaches out across the table for Bucky’s hand and the brunette extends his to meet Steve halfway.
“You too. I missed you.” Bucky tells him, giving Steve’s hand a squeeze. The moment is soft and full of unspoken words, words unsuitable for the tiny ears that aren’t missing a beat.
Becca watches them with narrowed eyes. “Is Steve a friend you kiss?” she asks, breaking their tender moment.
Steve blushes again, hard, and Bucky can’t help but grin. Steve is painfully adorable when he blushes. “Yeah, Becs. Steve is my boyfriend.”
“Tommy’s mom has a boyfriend. Tommy says he takes him to Coney Island and lets him have funnel cake for dinner. Can we go to Coney Island?”
Steve helplessly looks to Bucky who just nods subtly. “Sure, Becca. We can do that sometime.” Steve assures her once Bucky has made his assent clear. “I like spending time with your brother and I’d like to spend time with you too, if that’s okay.”
“I guess that’s okay.”
Bucky shoots Steve a thumbs up and tries not to laugh. “Why don’t you pick out your dinner, Becs? It’s your celebration dinner, you can have whatever you want.”
“What are we celebrating?” Steve asks, wanting to give Becca a chance to tell him even though he already knows.
“My glasses!” she announces excitedly. “They’re new. Do you like them?”
“They’re very nice.”
Becca launches into her spiel on how she wants to be a librarian and the librarian at her school has glasses like these and so does the librarian at the public library so now she looks like them and she can be a librarian when she grows up. Steve nods and smiles at the appropriate times, completely enamored by her. Becca’s expressions are identical to Bucky’s, the Barnes family genes running strong between the pair of siblings. She’s lively despite her small size and Steve finds himself thinking back to when he was just a feisty little thing himself.
When the waitress comes back around, Becca orders chocolate chip pancakes and hot cocoa. Bucky and Steve follow suit ordering breakfast for dinner; Bucky looking forward to finally getting to enjoy his own order of chocolate chip pancakes. Becca attacks her food the second it’s in front of her, letting Steve and Bucky chat while she eats. They catch up with how Steve’s been doing since his last mission and how much Bucky’s looking forward to a day off and going back on daytime rotations soon. Steve is surprised by how easily the meal goes with Becca. She’s such a sweetheart and he worries he’ll be wrapped around her little finger in no time at all.
The validity of concern comes to fruition as soon as they leave the cafe. Steve gives Bucky a chaste kiss, promising to text him later when Becca tugs on the hem of his shirt. She’s tired, leaning heavily on Bucky’s leg and waiting for Steve to stoop down to her level.
“What’s up, Becca?” Steve asks once he’s down face to face with her.
“Can you tuck me in tonight? I bet you have better bedtime stories than Bucky.”
Bucky tries to look offended but fails, barely suppressing a laugh while he shrugs at Steve.
“If you’re sure.” Steve says carefully. “But I’m probably just as boring as your brother.”
“Nah, you’re super cool. Please come home and tuck me in?”
“Okay, lead the way.”
Becca takes Steve’s hand but is dragging behind him after a few blocks. “Steeeve.” she whines, “Carry me?”
Steve doesn’t even hesitate, he just scoops the little girl up in his arms and pops her on top of his shoulders.
“It’s so tall up here.” she mumbles, leaning her head on the top of his like it’s a pillow.
Bucky gives Steve an apologetic look but Steve just smiles. He really doesn’t mind in the least. Steve always wanted kids but never expected it to be in the cards for him. He was so sickly growing up he felt that he couldn’t in good conscious pass along his genes and risk a child having all the health issues he did. And that was even if he found a woman who would have had his 90 pound asthmatic self for a husband. Steve had always known he was bisexual and had leaned towards a preference for men, but that would have posed a whole other set of issues for him back in the 1940s and would have ruled out any possible chance of children for sure. Now though, he’s able to openly date a wonderful man who just happens to come with a kid in tow. It’s everything he’s ever dared to hope for and Steve tries to slow his racing thoughts to no avail. He hopes and wishes and prays that the rush of affection he feels for this man lasts and grows. Steve has never felt so in sync with someone before and it’s hard to slow down his emotions because of it.
Becca is practically asleep when they get back to their apartment. Bucky’s been keeping an eye on her as the moments between her blinks slow, until her eyes stay closed and she’s draped over Steve’s head and shoulders like an obnoxious hat. “She’s almost out.” Bucky whispers to Steve as they climb the stairs to his apartment.
“Do you think she’ll still want a story?” Steve asks quietly. He’s been trying to remember stories his ma told him along the way. He knows bits and pieces of a few and hopes she isn’t going to be too picky.
“Depends. If she wakes up a bit when you put her down, you’re not getting away without a story. If the eyes stay mostly closed, you can escape with just a hug.”
“You have it down to a science.” Steve jokes.
“It happens.” Bucky shrugs. The truth is, Becca is a pretty easy to read kid. She’s expressive and open which makes anticipating her needs extremely easy. Bucky had gotten so lucky with Becca; she had been an easy baby, a happy toddler, and was now an easy going preschooler. Natasha likes to tease that she’s lulling him into complacency and the real struggle will hit during her teenage years, but Bucky has a feeling she’s just a genuinely good kid. Admittedly though, he’s probably a little biased.
“It’s not much, but it’s ours.” Bucky tells Steve as they enter their tiny apartment. He leads Steve down to Becca’s room so he can pull her off the blonde's shoulders and lay her down in her bed.
Becca stirs and blinks blearily, not fully waking up. “Steve?” she mumbled.
“Yep, I’m here.” Steve pulls up her lady bug print sheets, making sure she’s well tucked in. “You sleep tight, okay?”
Becca mumbles something unintelligible and then flings her arms out for a hug. Steve leans in and carefully returns her embrace.
“Night Steve. Night Bucky. Love you.” she says with a yawn before sprawling out to get comfortable.
The men quietly exit Becca’s room, Bucky closing the door behind them so they can head down the hall to the living room.
“Thanks for doing that.” Bucky says once they’re standing by the sofa. “She seems to really like you.”
“The feeling’s mutual.” Steve admits. “She’s a great kid, Bucky.”
“Yeah, she is. So, do you have to hurry off or would you like to stay for a bit?”
Steve doesn’t even have to consider it. “I’ll stay.”
Bucky chuckles at Steve’s eager reply. “Come on, let’s settle in and we can watch something on Netflix.”
Steve joins Bucky on the threadbare sofa, careful to set his weight down gently since he’s a bit larger of a man than the sofa was designed for. Bucky slumps in like he’s done a million times before, letting Steve adjust to dictate how close he wants to be. Much to his surprise and delight, Steve scoots over almost instantly to wrap an arm around Bucky’s shoulders. “This okay?” he checks in as he moves. Bucky nods and the smile on Steve’s face could light up the sun.
They watch an old episode of Parks and Recreation, Steve recognizing the show in Bucky’s Netflix queue. He’d watched a few episodes and found he really liked it but hadn’t gotten past the third season yet. Steve doesn’t get much downtime to sit around watching TV and he cherishes the time with Bucky to just relax and bask in the affectionate warmth of each other’s company.
“This is nice.” Steve says with a yawn as the second episode comes to an end.
As if on cue, Bucky’s yawn echos Steve’s as he nods. “It is.” he agrees, sliding himself up a little so he’s hovering closer to Steve’s face. “It really is.”
Steve takes the hint and meets Bucky half way for a lingering, unhurried, kiss. One kiss leads to two, leads to three, and then they’re making out with Bucky practically lying on top of Steve on the small sofa. It’s less than comfortable but Steve is too wrapped up in having Bucky on top of him to mind. His mind swims, overwhelmed and unable to focus on anything other than Bucky, Bucky, Bucky. There’s a pressing hardness against Steve’s thigh and he groans when he takes notice. It feels fast but they’ve been talking for months and he hasn’t felt this close to anyone since before the ice. He slides his thigh back and forth, giving Bucky just the slightest friction until the brunette is shuddering and gasping his name.
“Steve, wait.” Bucky rasps, pushing lightly on the other man’s shoulders.
“You okay?” Steve checks in.
“Yeah, yeah. Just… Becca’s right down the hall.”
Steve blushes brightly, “Sorry, I didn’t even think.”
“It’s okay, you’re not used to having a kid around.”
“I can go, just gimme a minute.” he laughs lightly looking down at the bulge in his slacks. “Last thing I need is someone snapping a pic of Captain America walking around with a boner.”
Bucky barks out a laugh, “Wow, yeah. That would be bad. You don’t have to go though, I have my very own room down the hall with a door that locks. As long as you can keep quiet, we’ll be just fine.”
“I think that can be arranged.”
Bucky grins, taking Steve’s hand in his and leading him down the hall to his bedroom. It’s nothing fancy, just a bed and dresser with a small window and closet. The navy blue bedspread has white constellations on it and Steve smiles at this new tidbit of insight into Bucky’s life. Bucky takes a moment to lock the door before pushing Steve gently back towards the bed until the back of his knees are colliding with the edge and he’s forced to sit down. It’s subtle, the way Bucky is herding Steve right where he wants him. Bucky brackets Steve’s knees with his own, forcing Steve to scoot back a little to give him space. Leaning down, Bucky captures Steve’s lips and picks up right where they left off on the sofa.
Steve hasn’t felt small since before the serum, but this, being surrounded by Bucky under his loving touches and kisses, Steve is transported back to his pre-war self. His whole being is consumed by Bucky and he loves the overwhelmingness of it. Little gasps slip from his lips when Bucky trails kisses and little nips down the column of his throat, he can barely keep up with the sensations. Before he knows what’s happening, Steve realizes Bucky is kneeling between his legs, looking up at him in silent request. Steve nods and Bucky gets to work divesting Steve of his pants and underwear.
Bucky groans slightly at the sight of Steve’s cock bobbing proudly upwards towards his navel. He’s long and deliciously thick, and while Bucky’s no size queen, he’s fully appreciating what Steve’s got going on. He gives Steve’s shaft a few tentative strokes, making Steve cant his head back and squeeze his eyes tightly shut. Rubbing away a bead of pre come at the tip with his thumb, Bucky lowers his head and swallows Steve down with ease. It’s been a while, a very long while, but deep throating was a skill Bucky mastered long ago. He’s always loved giving head, the intimacy of the act and the trust it requires on both parts. There’s something impossibly erotic about bringing his partner to the peaks of pleasure that can only be reached by just the right suction and swirling of his tongue.
Steve thinks he’s died and gone to heaven as Bucky starts sucking him off in earnest. He’s had blow jobs before, hurried, rushed things back in the 30s and 40s done in secret with the fear of being discovered, and a few since waking up from the ice that were more relaxed and quite nice, but nothing could have prepared him for Bucky’s mouth. It’s like white hot electricity is flowing through his veins and he’s trembling uncontrollably as the energy coils low and tight in his belly. He can’t stop himself as he stammers, “Buck… Buck wait… I can’t…. I’m gonna…”
It’s all the warning Bucky gets before Steve is spilling down his throat and he’s swallowing quickly trying not to lose a single drop. Steve is still shaking, the muscles in his ridiculously toned stomach dancing from the tremors. Bucky leans back on his heels, unable to hide his smirk even as he wipes the saliva from his puffy lips.
“That was…” Steve attempts but ends up just flailing a hand in place of words. His higher brain functioning isn’t back online yet.
Bucky bites his lip to suppress his grin, he’s pleased with himself damnit. It’s not every day he gets to reduce a national icon to a stammering mess.
“God, Bucky.” Steve huffs, “Seriously. Fucking hell. Get up here.” Steve pulls at Bucky’s shoulders until the brunette is straddling his thighs again and Steve can start tugging at the button on Bucky’s jeans.
Bucky lets Steve tug his jeans and boxer briefs down around his thighs, too impatient to completely take them off. “Jesus, Bucky.” Steve murmurs, still undone and reeling from what was easily the best orgasm he’s had in this century. He thankfully has the sense to spit in his palm before wrapping it around Bucky’s throbbing cock. Watching Steve come had Bucky right on a razor edge of pleasure himself and he knows he isn’t going to last much longer than Steve did. There will be time later for going slower, drawing it out, he assures himself. Right now the heated frenzy is exactly what they both need. Steve is absorbed watching the head of Bucky’s cock appear and disappear in his grasp, barely recognizing how very close Bucky already is. He twists his wrist slightly on the upward stroke, making Bucky gasp little choked off moans against his chest where the brunette has slumped forward, practically boneless. Steve grips him a little tighter, reveling in the pulsing of Bucky’s hot, fat cock in his hand and the noise it causes. He might not be as long as Steve, but his girth has Steve squirming thinking of how it would feel inside him. Despite what Tony thinks, Steve is no blushing virgin. He knows exactly what he likes in bed and his mind supplies all sorts of wonderful fantasies of Bucky giving it to him until he barely remember his own name.
Steve is startled from his pornographic imagination when Bucky goes rigid against him, jets of come splashing all the way up his stomach to his chest. He lets up his grip and works Bucky gently through the last of his orgasm. Steve wipes his hand on Bucky’s jeans so he can wrap his arms around Bucky, letting him stay nestled against Steve’s broad chest while he comes down from his own high.
“Why did we wait so long to do that?” Bucky asks a few minutes later, breaking the gentle silence.
Steve chuckles, “Beats me. Don’t know how I’m gonna keep my hands off of you now though.”
“Hmm. Guess we’ll just have to control ourselves somehow. Or maybe we can get a babysitter sometime and really make a night of it.”
“Yes, please, yes. Becca is great but god I want you in my bed for a whole night.”
“I’ll talk to Nat, we’ll figure something out.” Bucky offers, heart pounding at the idea.
Steve stifles a yawn, the late hour catching up with him. “I should head off.” he admits unhappily.
“Let’s get you cleaned off first.” Bucky pulls his jeans and boxer briefs off, wiping Steve down where sticky come is cooling on his golden skin. Tossing them into the laundry basket, Bucky grabs a pair of soft pajama bottoms so he can walk Steve to the door.
Steve is reluctant to leave and they swap sweet, sleepy, kisses in the doorway until finally he finds the resolve to pull back and wish Bucky sweet dreams. Bucky watches as Steve heads off, wondering how he got so lucky when all he did was mouth off in a bodega after a bad day. Whatever it was, he decides he’s not going to question it. It’s nice to have something actually go right in his life for once.
Summary: Steve & Bucky are finally going to get a second date after several long weeks of working around their schedules. The best laid plans don’t always go as they want them to, though, and after a few unexpected hurdles Bucky finds himself at his breaking point. Master list is HERE :)
Content Warning: Bucky worrying over Becca who he finds out might need glasses.
Word Count: 3.5k
Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! I promise this chapter isn’t nearly as sad as the last one, but honestly it’s not exactly “happy” either. This isn’t turning out to be one of my super fluffy happy fics so I feel like this is just gonna be par for the course. It is sweet though, so hopefully that redeems it a bit for you. XOXO - Ash
Chapter Three
“Bucky, where’s your mug?” Becca asks, frowning at him over her bowl of cereal.
They’re sitting at their little kitchen table while Becca eats breakfast, though she’s mostly just chattering about her friend Emmy who is bringing in cupcakes for her birthday on Tuesday. Bucky is trying to pay attention enough to respond but also trying to nail down a time to meet up with Steve. It doesn’t help that Becca rambles the same thing over and over again when she’s excited. It’s his sixth time hearing her ideas of what flavor the cupcakes might be, and poor Steve has been left on read for ten minutes. They had planned to meet for coffee after he dropped Becca off at preschool but now needs to meet with the director at Becca’s school when he drops her off. Chaos, thine name is parenthood.
“I’m getting coffee after I drop you off.” He explains, realizing he hasn’t answered her question.
“Ooh! Like for special?” Becca asks, bouncing in her seat.
“Becs, don’t spill your bowl. And yes, like a special treat.” He cringes, thinking back to his college days when getting a cup of coffee out was a normal, regular occurrence. Flash forward five years and it’s such a rare occasion Becca thinks it’s a special treat. He’s learned how to make a killer pour over, but there’s something to be said for not having to make it yourself.
“Why’s today special?”
Bucky sighs, trying to think of a way around the conversation he isn’t quite ready to have. “I’m going to go see a friend who I haven’t seen in a while.” It’s true too. The first time they made another date, Steve had gotten called away on a mission and was gone for a week. Then Bucky had non stop rotations, catching up to meet his required 140 hours for the month after calling out while Becca was sick. Then Steve had been called away again. Luckily, Steve is pretty well adept at texting for a senior citizen. They text daily, calling when they have free time too. Bucky enjoyed getting to know the real Steve over the past month. The constant communication through calls and text have helped them grow closer than they would otherwise. Bucky finds himself thankful for the time they’ve had to really get to know each other even though he’s really looking forward to seeing Steve in person again.
Becca stares Bucky down as she crunches through her cereal. “Is it Auntie Nat?”
“No,” Bucky replies cautiously. His little girl is far too smart for her own good.
“Uncle Clintasha?”
“No, and don’t call him that. I was just teasing when I called him that. You should still call him Uncle Clint.” Bucky feels a little guilty for the nickname. But really when is the guy gonna get his head out of his ass and make a move on Natasha already?! It’s been six years!
“Okay. But who?” Becca’s brow furrows, a little wrinkle forming between her brows that Bucky knows matches his own when he makes that face.
“Just a friend. Now, let’s get your teeth brushed, Becca-bug. You have to be at school soon.”
Becca grumbles in the exasperated way only four year girls can manage and places her bowl in the sink before heading down the hall to their bathroom.
“I’m checking on you in two minutes, do a good job!” Bucky calls after her. He washes up the dishes before going to check on her and then helps her with a few spots she always misses. She’s very independent for her age but still needs some guidance. Bucky helps her pick out an outfit, trying to steer her towards something that remotely matches, and then crosses the hall to his room to get himself dressed while she dresses herself. It’s just a coffee date but he hasn’t seen Steve in over a month; he wants to try and look his best.
Bucky is fixing his hair in the bathroom mirror when Becca prances in, happily not wearing what they’d agreed upon. It’s going to be one of those days.
“Okay, little miss.” he scolds, “Go put on the shirt we picked out. You can wear your Moana shirt tomorrow, I promise. I just need to wash your leggings that go with it.”
“Ohhhkaaay.” the little girl huffs and rolls her eyes but heads back to her room to change.
Bucky rolls his eyes once she’s out of sight, that girl is 100% him.
They make it to Applegate Academy with only three minutes to spare, but they make it. Bucky had worked so hard to get her into the prestigious school and he wants to keep in their good graces. Especially considering the only reason Becca can go there is because of a scholarship program. He has to reapply every year, but she’s good from pre-k through 6th as long as he still meets the criteria. After that she’ll have the option to transfer to one of their sister schools for 7th through 12th. Dropping Becca off with her homeroom teacher, Bucky hurries across the building to the main office for his meeting.
The main office is all rich tones and dark wood. Something you would expect from an ivy league university, not an elementary school. It screams of wealth and power, making Bucky shift uncomfortably while he waits. He wonders, picking nervously at his nails, what his life might have been like if he’d gone to a school like Applegate Academy. Would things have been easier, or would he have had the same issues just with different scenery? He hopes desperately that school will be different for Becca.
“Mr. Barnes?” A tall, thin, black woman calls out. She’s dressed in a smart navy blue suit and Bucky vaguely remembers seeing her picture out in the hallway. He’s fairly certain she’s the director.
“That’s me.” Bucky jumps up from his seat and shakes her hand.
“Welcome, I’m Ms. Thompson. Please, come this way.”
Bucky follows her down the hall and through the door at the end. The school nurse, Miss Green, is sitting in one of the plush leather seats and Ms. Thompson gestures for Bucky to take the other. Definitely the director then.
“Mr. Barnes, I hate to bring you all the way down here but we need to get your consent in writing. Some of Becca’s teachers have noticed an issue with her vision and we have concerns.” Ms. Thompson explains.
“We don’t know anything for sure,” Miss Green is quick to jump in, “But with your consent, we’d like to give Becca an eye exam. It’s hard to identify vision problems with children so young but Becca is exhibiting some of the signs we look out for.”
“What, uh,” Bucky clears his throat nervously, “What sort of things do you look for?” He can’t believe he’s missed something wrong with her.
“She does a lot of squinting when trying to look at things farther away than a few feet. She’ll tilt her head trying to focus in on something. Frequently after she’s looking at something farther away she’ll rub her eyes a lot. She’s missed out on a few things during ‘eye spy’ too that she should have been able to identify. Have you noticed any of this at home? Sometimes kids will exhibit symptoms on the playground or while watching TV.”
“Not really,” Bucky shakes his head. “We don’t do a whole lot of playgrounds this time of year because of her allergies and asthma, and our living room is tiny so it’s not like the TV is that far away.” Bucky’s chest tightens, a never ending stream of you missed this, you failed her, flowing through his head. “When can you test her?” he finally manages to ask.
Miss Green nods, understanding. “As soon as you sign the forms we can pull her from class and do a basic eye test. You, as her legal guardian, have the right to be there when we do the test. It’s not necessary, though. We can always call you after with the results.”
“I’ll sign.” Bucky takes the paper Ms. Thompson is holding out and signs it without even reading it. He needs to know, the sooner the better. “I can stay if you do it now. I’d like to be here when you do it.”
“Not a problem.” Ms. Thompson takes the signed form back and makes a quick call to Becca’s homeroom for her to report to the nurse’s office.
Bucky follows the two women down the hall, the sound of their heels click clacking on the tile is deafening. He puts on his poker face when Becca comes flying in, greeting the nurse with a big smile and asking if she can have a cherry cough drop. She feels okay but they’re her favorite. The nurse chuckles but turns her down, offering her a sticker instead which Becca happily accepts.
“Bucky? Why’re you here?” Becca asks, suddenly noticing him.
“Bucky is gonna watch you practice your letters for me, isn’t that nice?” Miss Green deflects easily. Bucky’s grateful for the woman’s diversion.
“Yeah! Bucky, I know ALL the letters now!”
Bucky nods, forcing a smile, “That’s great, let’s see!”
Miss Green leads Becca over to the little hallway where an eye chart is taped up at the end. She guides Becca through the lines, making notes as she goes. Bucky can’t stomach looking to see if she’s getting them right or not, but the way her answers come slower the further along she gets fills Bucky with dread. The nurse praises Becca when she’s all done and sends her off with another sticker for good effort.
Once the little girl is off Bucky let his guard down. “It wasn’t good, was it?”
Miss Green shoots him a sympathetic smile, “It wasn’t what it should be for 20/20 vision. She’s likely going to need glasses, but she’ll need a full exam from a pediatric ophthalmologist to diagnose that. I know of two great ones here in the city if you want their names and info.”
“That would be great, thanks.” Bucky says to be polite, but he doesn’t really mean it. They’re going to be at the mercy of wherever they accept Becca’s insurance. He sends Steve a quick text asking if they can reschedule for later while the nurse writes down the information for him. Bucky needs a little time to process the news and make some calls to get things figured out. He always feels better when he has a plan in place. It doesn’t really matter what’s going on, if he has a plan, he doesn't have a problem.
Three hours later Bucky’s voice is hoarse from all the talking, but also from the strain of keeping his tone calm and not shouting at people. Healthcare in America is a joke. Thankfully, Steve was understanding about rescheduling, and is taking him out to lunch instead. Bucky walks into the brightly lit cafe, eyes scanning the room for Steve, and feeling completely at odds with the cheery space.
Steve waves a hand to get Bucky’s attention, like he can’t spot the giant adorable blonde in a room of small white cafe tables and wicker chairs. He rises as soon as Bucky gets close, pulling the other man into a hug. “It’s good to see you. Finally.” Steve says as they embrace.
Bucky lets himself hold on for just a beat longer than necessary, needing the hug more than he’s willing to admit. “You too. I’m sorry I had to reschedule, I wasn’t expecting my morning to go like that.”
“It’s okay.” Steve brushes off the apology easily and hands Bucky a menu. “I think this worked out better for me anyways. Now I get a whole meal with you instead of just coffee.”
They take their time scanning the menu and have their orders ready by the time the waitress drops by. “I’m so glad they have iced coffee.” he admits to Steve after getting the largest possible iced coffee with a disgusting amount of vanilla syrup and cream.
“Is it still coffee if you put all that stuff in it?” Steve teases.
“Of course it is, it just tastes a hell of a lot better. Honestly though, I’d drink it black at this point.”
“Tough morning?” Steve’s expression shifts to soft concern and Bucky can’t handle the gentleness. “Did everything go okay at Becca’s school?”
The rigid walls Bucky keeps up, protecting himself and showing the world only what he wants it to see, start to falter. He shakes his head, not trusting his voice.
“Is she okay? Do you need to leave?” Steve panics, hoping he’s not keeping Bucky from something important.
Bucky swallows, clearing his throat. “I’m good. She, uh, she’ll be okay. Just something unexpected came up and I’m still trying to figure out how we’re gonna handle it.”
“I’m sorry, Buck. If there’s anything I can do to help just say the word. Seriously.”
“Not that simple but thanks. Remember we talked about things that aren’t quite the way they make it seem in the news?”
“How could I forget? It got me my first date with you.”
Bucky tries not to melt a little at the sincerity in Steve’s voice. “It’s one of those things. What do you know about health insurance?”
Steve thinks for a moment. “Well, I know that at some point doctor’s crazy prices got even crazier. And now people pay for insurance so that they can afford to go to the doctors.”
“Okay, so you have the general idea. But what they don’t tell you is, the copays people have to pay are still too much for a lot of people. And sometimes the insurance itself costs so much that people can’t afford to have it in the first place. Even worse, insurance companies have people working for them specifically trying to find reasons to deny people’s claims, so that even if you have insurance there’s no guarantee it’ll cover what you need. And policies exclude things all the time.”
“That sounds awful. How is that even legal?”
“Corporate greed, plain and simple. Is the show Breaking Bad on your ‘to watch’ list?”
“Yeah, Sam added it on there I think. Why?”
“It’s about a high school teacher who has cancer and even with his insurance the treatments to save his life cost so much money he ends up becoming a drug dealer to pay for his cancer treatments so he doesn’t bankrupt his family. It sounds fantastical but things like that have happened.”
Steve looks like he’s gonna be sick. “That’s not okay.”
“It’s really not.” Bucky agrees.
Their food arrives and Steve is grateful for a moment to process the new information. They both take a few bites of their food, the silence heavy between them. He realizes that he still doesn’t know exactly what happened with Becca and he worries for the little girl that he hasn’t met. Bucky talks about her so much that he feels like he knows her but they haven’t gotten to that point yet. “So, what exactly happened with Becca? Is her insurance not covering something?” Bucky sets his fork down and the pained expression on his face has Steve backpedaling. “You don’t have to tell me, of course. I just… I care, is all.”
“She needs glasses.” Bucky says, unable to meet Steve eyes. He knows what he’ll find there. Compassion, sympathy. He just can’t bear it. “The insurance she has won’t cover anything vision related. She has insurance through the state because of all of her medical issues, we couldn’t have afforded even half of her medical bills with the insurance plan the hospital offers. The plan she has is supposed to be comprehensive but apparently vision isn’t included, just medical and dental. We’re out of the enrollment period at work now so I can’t get her vision insurance through there until next year. She’s been having trouble at school so they did an eye exam this morning.The nurse is certain she’s going to need glasses and I just don’t know how we’re making it happen yet. I can’t believe I missed it before. I should have noticed it somehow.”
Steve’s heart breaks for several different reasons. He’s saddened that Bucky’s little girl now has another issue to overcome, that Bucky can’t get the help that he should be able to get, and that the world is set up in such a way that makes basic human needs unobtainable. “Can I get them for her? Her glasses and whatever else she needs with them?”
Bucky looks up at Steve, the outrage radiating off of him in waves. Definitely not the reaction Steve expected. “Steve, no.” Bucky’s tone is sharp.
“Why not? I’m happy to help.” Steve offers again.
“She’s not your responsibility and we don’t need your charity. I’ve been making sure she has everything she needs for the past four years and I’ll do it again now. She’s my kid, and if she needs glasses, I’m the one buying them for her.” Somehow, his brain unhelpfully adds.
“Hey, no, it’s not charity. I care about you, and her. If I can make things easier on you, I want to. Besides, I have more money than I know what to do with these days, I can….”
“Good for you, Steve.” Bucky cuts him off, his words biting. “But I don’t need a sugar daddy. This was a mistake. I’m sorry, I gotta go.” Bucky balls up his napkin and places it on his mostly uneaten stack of pancakes. They’re chocolate chip and he wishes he could have them boxed up for Becca. They’re so good, she’d lose her mind. But Bucky needs to make a hasty retreat so he bolts from the cafe as Steve calls his name behind him.
Steve calls, but Bucky declines the call.
Steve texts, but he’s left on read.
After four hours Bucky finally texts back. I need space, Steve.
Steve cries and then heads to the gym. Two hours later, Tony is going to need to replace six boxing bags and Steve doesn’t feel any better.
Becca is a handful that night, whiny and exasperated with the world. It’s like she can sense Bucky’s bad mood and is infected by it. His outrage at Steve’s offer only lasts until about ten minutes after tucking Becca in for the night, then the sadness comes. He lets himself have a good cry, eats a pint of triple chocolate ice cream, and then sets out to research low cost vision centers nearby. It takes an hour but he finally finds two places where he can keep the total below a thousand dollars, but just barely. He checks appointment times versus his work schedule and finally gets her in at the closer of the two places for that coming Friday after she gets out of preschool.
Bucky checks his bank accounts and they’re as thin as he expected. Checking has just enough for groceries and a buffer to meet the account balance minimum. Savings has enough to cover the glasses but he’s been saving up for months, tucking a little bit aside every week in hopes of saving enough for a down payment on a better apartment. Now that he’s not paying daycare every week and her tuition is paid for by the scholarship, Bucky has been dreaming of allocating that extra money for rent on a better place. He knows he’s overpaying for the apartment they’re in, but it came with no credit check and no down payment. At the time, that was like a golden ticket for them. Now, he has good credit and can afford to pay a little more in rent, he just needs the money to put down a deposit, plus first and last month's rent on a place. He’s only half way there and her glasses are going to put a major dent into the savings. Not back to square one, but damned close.
Closing the lid of his laptop, Bucky tries telling himself it’ll all look better in the morning. He knows it's a lie but he’s too worn out to care. He stares at his phone after setting it on the nightstand, wondering if Steve has tried texting him again. The nerve of that man, trying to just throw money at him. Like Bucky can’t take care of his own kid. Like he’s a charity case. Bucky huffs and tries to distract himself so he doesn’t get worked up again and prevent himself from getting some sleep. He thinks of the next week and what groceries he’ll need, maybe adding pancake mix and a bag of chocolate chips to the list. He falls asleep making his grocery list and dreams of warm, melty chocolate and bright blue eyes.
Summary: Steve calls Bucky to tell him he was right and the two get to know each other a little more. Still drawn to one another, the guys go out on their first date. Master list is HERE :)
Content Warning: mention of past child neglect/ abuse in regards to how Bucky lost his arm. It’s only a couple paragraphs but it’s depressing AF.
Word Count: 3.3k
Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! There is a smidge of angst in this chapter and I had never really intended for it go that direction. Damn characters not behaving the way I want them to! I apologize in advance for giving you some sad feels on this one, I got myself with them too. But hopefully there’s enough fluffiness to balance it out. XOXO - Ash
Chapter Two
Becca sleeps the day away but it’s a restless fever ridden sleep with her waking up every few hours to cry that her stomach hurts. Bucky manages to catch cat naps while she sleeps but they’re both exhausted by the time the day is over. He manages to get some fluids in her once she’s fully woken up and she keeps most of it down, much to Bucky’s relief. He hates seeing his baby girl sick and is thankful for his medical training, so that he knows what to expect and look out for. It’s just past seven o’clock at night and while they would normally be doing Becca’s bath time routine, he doesn’t have the heart to disrupt her. She finally drank the rest of her Pedialyte and is half watching an episode of Wonder Pets while her eyes droop sleepily. He waits until her eyes stay shut for a few minutes before awkwardly scooping up the little girl to carry her off to bed. He doesn’t have a free hand to turn off the TV, having taken off his prosthetic the second he got back from the bodega, but figures he needs to go back out to clean things up for the night anyways.
“Bucky?” Becca slurs sleepily as he lays her down in her bed.
“Yeah, Becs?” He pulls up her comforter, getting it tucked tightly around her body like she prefers.
“Love you.” she half says, half yawns.
Bucky fights back the tears that prickle in the corner of his eyes. “Love you too, bug. Get some rest.”
Becca gives a little nod and then sprawls out into her usual sleeping position.
Bucky shuts off her lamp and closes the door, leaving it open just a crack in case she needs him in the night. She seems to be getting to the otherside of whatever virus she’d caught but he knows it isn’t always a sure thing. He hopes he’ll only have to miss one day of work staying home with her but knows it’ll most likely be two.
There isn’t too much of a mess to clean up but Bucky busies himself with turning off the TV and clearing the coffee table. He’s washing the dishes and debating his dinner options when his phone buzzes angrily in his back pocket. Drying off his hand, he pulls out his phone and sees Steve’s name on the screen. Bucky swipes to accept the call and nestles the phone between his shoulder and jaw. “Hey, Steve.”
“Bucky, hey.” Steve replies eagerly. “So I’ve spent the last six hours doing nothing but reading history articles and I gotta say, you were right.”
Bucky smiles as he rifles through his cabinets for something to eat, “I suspected as much. How far off is it? Out of curiosity.”
Steve sighs heavily through his nose and Bucky wondered how exasperated the other man must look. “It’s pretty fuckin’ terrible.” he finally admits.
Bucky laughs, “Wow, you really do know how to curse!”
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, ya jerk. It was just… surprising, I guess, to see how much these so-called experts missed. Don’t get me wrong, I know some people had it okay and some people had it a lot worse, but the way they make the whole thing feel so… sterile... I don’t know. They don’t seem to capture the feel of the times. Like yes we had food rations, but they don’t tell you how small those rations were. And how even if you got your stamps you might not be able to find the food you had a stamp for. My mother had to go all the way to Queens one time just to buy eggs so we’d have something with protein to eat.”
“That sounds terrible, I can’t even imagine.” Bucky juggles the phone carefully as he pulls down a tin of tuna.
“We made it, somehow. And it wasn’t all terrible all the time, but it was a sight worse than they make it out to be. It’s like that now too, isn’t it? The world isn’t quite as progressive as people like to think it is?”
Bucky pauses, trying to sort out his words. “It is and it isn’t. I think my experience is a little different than most but it’s definitely not the rainbows and goodwill that they say it is.”
Steve’s voice is low and rich like good bourbon pouring across the phone lines. “Tell me what it’s like for you, then.”
Bucky stills, shocked by the raw earnestness of Steve’s words. There’s an undercurrent too, like something whispered in a lover’s ear in the dead of night. It stirs things inside Bucky that he hasn’t had the time or inclination for in a really long time. Figuring he should reciprocate the honesty Steve has afforded him so far, Bucky hops up to sit on the kitchen counter and gets himself comfortable to tell his story. “Well, I grew up in a little backwater town in Indiana. The biggest export of our town was meth and most everyone was affected by that. People used religion like a weapon and thought The Republican Way was gospel. I didn’t fit in to any of that from day one and it made growing up there hard.”
“What were you like as a kid?” Steve asks, curious.
“I was pretty much everything that town wasn’t. My parents weren’t really able to take care of me so I figured out early on how to care for myself. I was angry a lot because of that once I got older. I didn’t really try to fit in. I studied hard, worried about getting good grades so I could earn scholarships to a decent college and get out of there. I didn’t care much about religion and was fiercely liberal from the time I understood what politics were. And I’m queer, that didn’t help me fit in either. I, uh, I hope that doesn’t bother you.” Bucky falters, knowing Steve’s generation was a lot less forgiving about that sort of thing.
“It doesn’t. I’m bi, actually. We did have homosexuality back in the thirties despite what the historians think.”
“Holy shit.” Bucky blurts out. Captain America is bisexual.
“It’s not something that comes up a lot, but I don’t hide it when asked. Somehow it never seems to make the news though.”
“I think it would seriously fuck with some people’s world view if it did. That’s good, though. That you don’t have to hide it. It’s one of those things that isn’t quite like the news reports it. Sure, things are a hell of a lot better now for queer folk, but we still get bullied, discriminated against, sometimes even killed.” Despite himself, Bucky yawns deeply. He’s beyond tired but unwilling to hang up.
“You sound exhausted.” Steve notes, “I should let you go.”
“No, it’s okay. I just had a long night followed by a long day. I’ll crash soon and hopefully Becca sleeps in tomorrow.”
“Becca is your… daughter?”
“My sister, actually. I adopted her when she was born. She feels like she’s mine but I never wanted to hide that fact that I’m her brother, not her dad. I don’t want her growing up not knowing who she really is.”
“You’re pretty amazing, Buck.” And Steve means every weighted word of it.
Bucky shakes his head, almost dislodging his phone in the process. “Just got lucky enough to make a better life for myself, and her. That’s all.”
“I think there’s a lot more to it than that, but okay. Really though, I should let you go. We can talk another day? Maybe grab that lunch together?”
“Yeah, definitely. My schedule is a little crazy but I have off rotation in a few days, we could go out Thursday while Becca’s at preschool?”
“It’s a date. I’ll text you later this week so we can figure out the where and when.”
“Sounds like a plan. Night, Steve.”
The warm smile on Steve’s face practically shines through the phone line, “Night, Buck.”
Bucky hangs up and stares around his tiny apartment in amazement. If you had told him a week ago that he was going to insult Captain America to his face and end up befriending him, he would have called you crazy. It’s a little odd having to separate the public persona he knows as Captain America, from Steve, the real guy under the cowl, but Bucky is looking forward to getting to know the real him better.
xxXxx
“The best pizza in Brooklyn, huh?” Steve questions, squinting up at the shop’s sign.
Bucky nods enthusiastically. “Definitely. They still use the old fashioned brick ovens and homemade sauce. Fresh herbs, locally sourced cheese. It sounds fancy but it’s really just good, old school, pizza.”
“We’ll see. Sam recently introduced me to the concept of a dollar slice, and I think anything will be better than that.”
“Oh man, yeah. Some places are decent, but most are shit.”
Bucky and Steve order a large pie to share, picking a small table in the back to sit at. Steve is amused when he spots a cooler with real glass bottles of soda and grabs one for each of them. Bucky smiles when he sees the bottles, able to guess Steve’s amusement at seeing something familiar.
The pizza is up before they know it and Steve is moaning at the first bite. “Sorry.” he mumbles around his mouthful of gooey cheese. “It’s really good.”
Bucky swallows quickly so he can respond, “Told ya.”
Steve nods, properly contrite. “You did. Thanks for bringing me here.”
“Any time.” Bucky smiles over at him and wonders what it would be like if they were out on a real date. One that ended with Steve walking him home and kissing him goodnight. He tries to shake the fantastical idea from his mind but it lingers, coming to the surface whenever Steve looks at him a little longer than most would find polite.
They’re quiet through Steve’s first two slices, Bucky finishing his first as Steve goes for a third. Bucky has a healthy appetite but Steve is something else. “Super soldier, sorry.” Steve tells him with a shrug when he sees Bucky eyeing up his plate.
Steve slows down enough to make conversation after a little while, asking Bucky questions about his job and Becca. Steve is infinitely impressed with Bucky’s job as an ER nurse considering his mother had been a nurse and he knows first hand what a toll that profession can take on people.
Bucky catches Steve glancing at his sleek metal prosthetic but the blonde is too polite to bring it up. “You can ask, you know. Most people just make assumptions about it, none of which are even close to the truth.”
“I’m sorry,” Steve apologizes, “I didn’t want to be rude.”
“You’re not. It’s not my favorite topic but I’m better talking about it now. Go ahead, ask.”
Steve hesitates but trusts Bucky to know his own mind. “Okay, then. Bucky, how did you lose your arm?”
Bucky takes a steadying breath and dives into the polite for public version of how he lost his left arm. His parents took him to the lake one summer when he was six, he’d begged for months and they finally agreed to drive out to spend a day there. He got a scratch on his arm and it got infected from the lake water. His parents weren’t too great on the whole “parenting” thing and didn’t notice when it got infected until he collapsed. At that point the arm was too far gone and the doctors had amputated it just above the elbow.
What Bucky leaves out is that the scratch had actually been a gash and he’d gotten a beating for being careless before they headed for home. Sitting sorely in the backseat the whole bumpy ride home, using his own tshirt to wrap around his arm to help slow the bleeding. It was his transformers tshirt and it had been his favorite. Bucky leaves out the week of agonizing pain as the gash got worse, the infection burning and itching horribly until he couldn’t handle it anymore. Both of his parents were too strung out to notice and he’d tried, the best he could at that age, to put band-aids on it but then he caught another beating for using up all the band-aids. Bucky doesn’t tell Steve that the days he spent in the hospital were some of the best he could remember back then. The nurses were nice and brought him hot food three times a day. On Friday an ice cream cart came around. There were books he could read and other kids he could play with. When it was time for him to go home, he’d cried the entire way.
Bucky notices Steve is staring at him expectantly and realizes he's gone silent, lost in the less than pleasant memories. “Sorry, it was a long time ago.” he clears his throat, pushing past the ugly memories and moving on, “I got this bad boy through a grant from a children’s hospital when I was fifteen. It was strange having two arms at first. Up until that point I’d spent most of my life with just the one. It was after that hospital stint that I decided on nursing. The nurses who cared for me during both of my hospital stays were just amazing. They took what could have been really scary experiences and made them into something good. I wanted to be able to do that for someone else, someday.”
“Nurses are definitely superheroes.” Steve acknowledges. “My ma worked in the TB ward when I was a kid. She just had this way about her that she could spin any negative life threw at her into a positive. She was incredible. And I wasn’t an easy kid by any means.”
“Yeah, I heard something about that in the history books. Something about you being a feisty little shit always getting himself in trouble.” Bucky smirks, waiting for Steve to dispute it.
“It wasn’t quite as bad as they say it was. I only broke up a handful of fights over the years and always bullies who deserved it. I was as sick as they claimed though. The medical records were all real and my poor ma worked herself to the bone just trying to keep my lungs and heart going.”
“I feel for her. Even with medical training, it’s awful watching your kid get sick. Becca has some issues, she was born premature, and even though I know exactly what’s an annoyance versus a true issue, it’s still so hard watching her struggle.”
Steve’s expression falls, “I’m so sorry, Buck.” He reaches out across the table on impulse and grasps Bucky’s hand in his. “What, uh... if you don’t mind me asking, what issues does she have? You’ve seen my list and part of that was from being a preemie myself. It’s not like mine, is it?”
Bucky wants to melt through the booth into a puddle at the warm heavy contact of Steve’s hand over his. “No, not quite so bad. Her immune system isn’t the greatest, she has asthma that we have relatively under control, a heart murmur that the docs still think will close as she gets older, she’s anemic but has meds for it, and she’s never quite been out of the danger zone on the growth chart. She’s just a tiny little thing, but she's the cutest little girl you’ll ever lay eyes on.”
“I have no doubt. She’s really lucky he has you.”
They’re quiet for a moment, nothing to fill the silence but Steve’s thumb rubbing rhythmically over the ridges of Bucky’s knuckles. “Sorry, I didn’t exactly pick the happiest first date topics, did I?” Steve forces a painfully awkward laugh, taking back his hand as he tries to think of a less serious topic for them.
“First date, huh?” Bucky grins despite himself.
Steve blushes from the tips of his ears down past his collar and Bucky wonders just how far down that blush goes. “It doesn’t have to be. Unless you want it to be one. I had a really great time, regardless. I don’t get out mu-”
“Steve!” Bucky cuts him off, waving his hand in surrender. “Breathe a minute so I can answer.” he pauses and Steve takes a slightly dramatic breath, shooting Bucky a wry smile. “There we go. I had a really great time too. And yes, I’d like it if this was a date. And if there are more dates following this one.”
“Oh,” Steve is rendered speechless by the warmth blossoming in his chest. “That would be swell.”
“Swell? Really?” Bucky laughs in disbelief.
Steve’s blush flares to life again. “Sorry, sorry. Old man word, I know. What are the kids using these days? Nifty?”
Bucky groans, “Cool, Steve. Just stick with cool.”
“Okay, cool.” Steve sasses playfully.
Bucky rolls his eyes before checking his watch. It’s almost time to go get Becca, they had spent two hours talking and it still feels like not enough time. “Shit. I gotta head out for Becca. Preschool lets out at three.”
“Not a problem, I’d say I’m sorry for keeping you so long but I really enjoyed myself.” Steve snatches the paper slip with their bill on it and hurries over to the counter to pay. “You were right, so lunch is on me.” he insists.
“That’ll teach you not to bet against me, huh?” Bucky quips.
“I don’t know. This worked out pretty well for me. I learned a lot of new stuff, broadened my perspective on some things, went out with a cute guy, ate the best pizza in Brooklyn, and it sounds like I’ll get to go out with that cute guy again. I think this turned out pretty good.”
Bucky laughs and gives him a playful shove as they leave the pizza shop together. They pause along the brick wall of the shop, neither man wanting to part ways just yet. “I don’t have off rotation for another three days but I’d like to see you again.” Bucky says, toying with the hem of his shirt. He feels like a damn teenager again.
“Whenever you want, Bucky. My schedule is flexible unless I get called away for a long mission. I’ll take whatever time you’re willing to share with me.” Steve doesn’t want to push, but he’s willing to do whatever he needs to in order to see Bucky again.
“I appreciate that. I know my schedule isn’t traditional but it’s my life for right now.”
“And that’s okay.” Steve assures him, though he looks pretty nervous suddenly. He clears his throat twice before he finally asks, “Would it be too fast if I asked to kiss you right now?”
Bucky’s pupils flare at the question, his reaction answering Steve before his voice does. “Not at all.” he murmurs moving closer to Steve.
Steve’s lips are a breath away from Bucky’s as he whispers “Oh good” and takes the kiss that Bucky so freely gives. Steve fights for composure, they’re on a public sidewalk for heaven’s sake. Bucky’s mouth slots against his like missing puzzle pieces, both warm and insistent as the kiss deepens.
Steve kisses like he’s drowning and Bucky is reeling to keep up. How something so innocent turned so quickly is beyond comprehension but Bucky doesn’t want it to stop. The alarm on his phone reminding him it’s pick up time for Becca ends things quickly though. “I’ve gotta get Becca. Like, now.” he breathes raggedly against Steve’s mouth.
“Okay. Okay.” Steve repeats like he’s convincing himself. “To be continued?”
“To be continued.” Bucky agrees, leaning in for one last quick peck and then heading off to go pick up Becca.
I am beyond heartbroken right now. I have looked up to this amazing woman since I was a little girl. She made such an amazing impact on this world even before she was on the Supreme Court, and did even more while she was on it.
But I am also terrified, saddened, and sickened when I think of who will replace her. Trump and his cronies are going to put us at a 6-3 split when they put in another right wing Republican, the consequences of which are unthinkable. This isn’t a short term problem, seats typically are held for 20-30 years. We could get thrown back into the dark ages at this rate. I am terrified for the repercussions this will have and the harm it could do in the lives of women, people of color, disabled people, the queer community, etc. Pretty much anyone who is not a straight, white, christian, cis man is at risk with a 6-3 split calling the shots in this country.
Sorry for the rant and if I lose followers well then okay 🤷🏻♀️. But I am too upset about this to stay quiet. I have to raise my kids to be decent human beings in this mess of a country and it just keeps getting harder.
Summary: Bucky has had the day from hell and all he wants is to buy what he needs and get home to his sick kid. Enter Steve Rogers in the wrong place at the wrong time and Bucky’s day goes from bad to mortifying. Master list is HERE :)
Content Warnings: A smidge of bad language, but really ya’ll should expect that from me by now lol
Word Count: 2.3k
Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! Who’s ready to start a new adventure with me? I knew I wanted to write a kid!fic with Bucky and Steve but I didn’t expect it to go quite this way until I jokingly called a friend “Captain Clueless” and then couldn’t get that name out of my head in relation to Steve. I fell completely in love with this little universe as I went and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did. XOXO - Ash
Chapter One
Bucky Barnes is not at his finest. He just got off a sixteen hour shift from his job as an ER nurse and can barely keep his eyes open. The shift should have ended four hours earlier, but a tour bus accident had them overwhelmed on what had already been a busy night. Bucky was looking forward to catching a few hours of sleep while Becca was at preschool but nope, he came home to a frazzled best friend/ babysitter and a sick four year old. It was always something with Becca, her immune system just wasn’t what it needed to be. Bucky couldn’t fault her for that, she had been born premature and that unfortunately resulted in a whole host of health issues for the little girl. He would never regret adopting her, it was the best decision he’d ever made, but some days parenthood wore on him.
Bucky moves the load of laundry Natasha had started for him into the dryer. It smells clean but there will forever be a slight stain from puke on the ladybug print sheets. He can try his heavy duty stain remover on it later, but he knows there is only so much that can be done for white fabric and bodily fluids. There’s a reason most of his scrubs are black. After checking in on Becca, Bucky begs Natasha to stay a little longer so he can run down to the bodega to pick up a few things for when Becca wakes up. He would have sworn they had an extra bottle of Pedialyte, but apparently they’d used it up during Becca’s last bout with the flu.
Natasha waits patiently, listening to Bucky complain about his shift while he quickly changes out of his scrubs into a pair of soft grey sweats and an old Blink 182 tshirt. She’s been his best friend since their first year of college when they met in Intro to Biology. The two of them have been inseparable ever since, both even choosing to stay in Brooklyn after college instead of going back to where they were from. Natasha’s family was from Russia but traveled a lot so she was happy staying in the city that felt like home to her, and Bucky would have done just about anything to avoid going back to the tiny town in Indiana where his parents were still selling drugs out of their trailer and making each other miserable.
Bucky had thought he was free of his family forever when NYU accepted him into their nursing program. It was his way out of a poverty stricken little town that people rarely escaped from. Bucky had left home at eighteen with no intentions of returning, and he probably never would have, but during his last year of nursing school he found out through Facebook that his thirty eight year old mother was pregnant. To no one’s surprise, his mom was still dealing, still with his deadbeat dad, and was too far along when she found out she was pregnant to have any other option than having the baby. It was a repeat of the situation she’d found herself in at sixteen when she had Bucky. Knowing what it was like to grow up in that house, Bucky couldn’t allow another child to be brought into such a toxic environment. As soon as his mom confirmed the news was true, he hopped on the next flight out to Indiana and started the process to legally adopt his sister once she was born.
When Rebecca Grace Barnes came into the world nine weeks early the doctors said it was a miracle she survived. She was so small, just barely three pounds, and needed to stay in the NICU for just over a month. Bucky had made arrangements with his professors to turn in exams and papers online, barely managing to finish up his nursing degree while biding his time before he could go back to Brooklyn with his baby sister. It had been a wild ride trying to get his nursing career started while caring for a newborn but Natasha had been a life saver. She and their other friend Clint had stepped up in a huge way, helping to watch Becca when he needed to work and daycare wasn’t open. Their schedules had gotten even messier recently when Becca started preschool. Bucky is counting down the days until kindergarten starts so their schedules will align enough for him to only lean on Nat and Clint one or two days a week at most.
“Are you even listening to me?” Natasha throws a balled up Minnie Mouse sock at Bucky who’s too tired to dodge and instead gets a face full of pink fleece.
“Yeah, Nat,” Bucky sighs, wishing he could take off his aching prosthetic but knowing he’ll need both hands for shopping bags. “I’m getting you a choco taco and a red bull this time. I got you.”
Natasha nods happily, completely unphased by Bucky’s eye roll. She’s getting her wake up juice and her crunchy chocolatey sugar, and that is all that matters.
Bucky rushes around the bodega grabbing everything he’ll need to deal with a sick kid, throwing things in the basket without even bothering to check price tags. His bank account will hate him, but he doesn’t exactly have time or options to find the best deals. Grabbing Nat’s items and an iced coffee for himself, he waits in line as an older man chats with the clerk while the teenager rings up his order. The television in the corner is playing the local news, apparently Captain America visited a rec center in Brooklyn recently. There are sound bites from elderly residents and young kids fawning over him, and one of the Captain himself extolling the importance of community and keeping kids off the streets.
Bucky thinks his eyes will get stuck in the back of his head with how hard he rolls them. “This fucking guy.” Bucky grumbles as he places his basket on the counter, unloading his stuff.
The clerk nods in silent agreement.
“I’m sure he was a ‘bright shining beacon of hope’ back in WWII but he has no clue what’s going on in the real word nowadays.” Bucky continues.
The clerk nods once again and Bucky, feeling particularly exhausted and grumpy, yells over at the TV, “It’s not all rainbows and sunshine Captain Clueless!”
“Captain Clueless?” A deep voice rumbles from behind him, “I’ve been called a lot of things over the years, but that’s a new one.”
Bucky sees the clerk's face go pale and the kid freezes, confirming what Bucky feared when he heard that rich baritone behind him. Oh fuck.
Turning around, Bucky prepares himself for the worst. Instead, he finds an extremely amused looking Captain America holding a bottle of water and a bag of swedish fish.
“I’m… I… I didn’t mean…” Bucky stammers. He doesn’t know how to politely explain I meant every word but never meant for you to hear it.
The register pings as the clerk frantically finishes ringing up Bucky’s order, trying to get both men out of the shop before the situation can get any worse. The sound startles Bucky and he turns around to see the green blinking $58.79 on the little box. His stomach sinks, there went grocery shopping for the week. But, he reasons, Becca won’t want much for a few days while she recovers and he’s no stranger to a ramen-only diet. They’ll get by, just like they always do.
Before Bucky can hand over his last three twenties, a sleek black card taps against the card reader and the machine starts blinking, processing it. Bucky spins around in surprise only to literally face plant into a solid wall of muscle. Muscle that smells like tea tree and mint, yum. Bucky moves backwards in surprise, bumping into the counter but getting himself away from the giant of man who’s also moving backwards after their collision.
“It’s on me.” Steve tells him with a shrug.
“You didn’t have to do that.” Bucky insists, “I insulted you.”
“You were just being honest.” Steve reasons, “I don’t get to hear people’s honest opinions all that much.”
“That has to be weird.”
Steve chuckles, “Pal, you got no idea.”
“Well, thank you. And I am sorry you heard that.” Bucky collects his bags, still dumbfounded by the whole experience.
“I’d like to hear more about why you said it. Whatever you think it is I’m missing about the twenty-first century. I’m just out for a run so if you don’t mind company on your way back to wherever, maybe we could talk?”
Bucky shakes his head. The man actually wants to learn how to be a better person after being insulted by a random grungey stranger in a bodega. “You really are Captain America.” Bucky murmurs, still stunned.
Steve chuckles again; a deep, throaty sound. “Yeah, guilty as charged. But you can just call me Steve.” Steve winks conspiratorially and Bucky thinks he might actually combust. No one should be allowed to be that good looking.
Bucky waits as the cashier rings Steve up for his things and Steve taps his card again to pay. “I thought it was weird enough getting a card that swiped when I came out of the ice, but now this one doesn’t even swipe. It just taps and poof, done.” Steve says with a faint tone of awe.
Bucky can’t imagine how many things Steve needed to adjust to after waking up from the ice. “Far cry from what you were used to, huh?”
“Well, it sure beats keeping coins in old coffee cans.”
Bucky glances over at Steve as they leave the bodega together, “You do that whole ‘awe shucks, man out of time’ thing really well. Is it real though? No offense, you can’t really be that well adjusted. You’re still human.”
Steve meets Bucky’s eyes for a moment, crystalline blue piercing into smoke grey-blue, assessing him. After a few beats he decides Bucky is someone who can handle the truth. “It’s a lot easier to do that than to curse up a storm every time some piece of tech pisses me off. Plays out a lot better with the whole Captain America image too.”
“I didn’t think Captain America even knew how to swear.” Bucky teases.
“He doesn’t, but Steve Rogers does. I grew up in Brooklyn, I know how to curse.”
Bucky laughs, swinging his bags idly as they walk in silence for a few steps.
Steve breaks the silence, reminding him of why they’re walking down the street together in the first place, “So really, why do you think I’m so out of touch? Because I thought SHIELD did a bang up job teaching me about the world and what I missed while I was out.”
“I’m sure they did, but SHIELD is still an agency with their own ideas and agendas. I promise you, you got a watered down version of real life. Do me a favor; when you get home look up what they say about The Great Depression and WWII. Do a little research on how we look back at those times. Then think about how it really was back then when you were living it. I would bet you lunch that the two don’t line up.”
“I never thought about it that way.” Steve admits. “I’ll look it up today, promise.”
They arrive on Bucky’s stoop and he climbs up a step, looking down at Steve instead of up at him. He wants to know what Steve thinks once he does some research but doesn’t know how to ask. Luckily, Steve beats him to it.
“I’m going to need your number if you’re taking me out to lunch.” Steve says casually, a light hint of teasing.
Bucky blushes, trying to remind himself that he was the one who threw the lunch bet out there. Steve Rogers would never just ask him out like that. “I… uh… um…” he fumbles anyway.
Steve takes a step back in retreat, his own cheeks flaming. “I’m sorry, that was. I’m sorry. You clearly have a sick kid to get back to, and I’m sure a lovely wife waiting for you too.” he motions at Bucky’s bags. “Thank you, for being honest with me.” Steve turns to hurry off and, thankfully, Bucky’s brain catches up with him.
“Steve, no.” he blurts out. “No wife. Sick kid, yes. But no, um, no one else. If you want my number, I’ll give it to you. My schedule is a little weird because of my job but I do want to know what you think when you get done looking things up.”
Steve smiles up at Bucky, soft and hopeful and genuine. It isn’t the All American facade grin he uses for the cameras, and it feels all the more special to Bucky because of it. Steve hands over his phone to Bucky so he can enter in his contact info and then sends him a quick text so Bucky has his number too. “So, I’ll call you later then?” Steve tries, sounding a little unsure still.
“Yeah, I’ll look forward to it, Steve.” Bucky looks up at his doorway, knowing he needs to get back to Becca but not wanting Steve to leave quite yet.
Steve takes the hint and gives him another soft smile and a small wave as he turns and heads off down the bustling city sidewalk.
Bucky stands there a moment, collecting himself and trying to process it all, before hurrying back upstairs to his little apartment to relieve Natasha of babysitting duty.
*** New chapters will be posted on Sunday and Wednesday nights until the fic is complete ***
Summary: Bucky Barnes can’t seem to catch a break. Long shifts with odd hours at the ER where he works as a nurse, and a medically fragile little sister he’s raising as his own. The last thing he needs after an awful day is to hear more news about the “great shining beacon of hope” that is Captain America. Until he runs into said great shining beacon of hope, both literally and figuratively. Surprised by Bucky’s comments about him, Steve becomes determined to learn more about this new world he’s living in, while Bucky tries to accept that sometimes life does let you catch a break for once.
Yep, that’s right, your friendly neighborhood recluse has finally gotten her head out of her ass and finished another fic. Gotta love mental health and actual chronic health shit constantly bubbling up and stomping all over your creativity. But I prevailed and have a brand new Steve & Bucky fic for ya’ll. I’ll be posting a “preview” of sorts tonight at 6pm EST. First chapter goes up this coming Wednesday :)
Mine is cuz one time my sister almost killed a lightning bug(firefly, whatever), and then I fixed its wing and it flew away, so I proclaimed myself the Lightning Bug Queen.
Tagging: @itswisegirl712 @bisexualbubbleboy22 @proudclarinetplayer @deano-cas @when-humans-were-good @spiderway95 And anyone who wants to
there isnt really a cool story for mine, i just needed a url and i love spiderman and mcr so i kinda went with it and the day i made official url (old url was SpiderRey but it didnt stick) i added the 95 cuz i needed a number and i was watching cars that day so yeah my url is basiclly spiderman+gerard way+lightning mcqueen so yeah thats how i got spiderway95
Honestly, there’s no cool story. I’m just crazy, emo and (so I’ve been told) a bitch. It used to be bj-daniels but I decided to change it a while back for the better.
Ima tag….. @crybaby-kisses-and-coffee @r4tjam @midnight–vamp @justanothergaypunkteen @bloody-kissez @gerard-stole-my-gender @paranoid–introvert @gender-fuhk
Well there isn’t any story as such,, I tried to come up with something that would describe me. Well I’m generally very anxious, I’m hella Ace and also a super clumsy dork so yeah…
Thanks for the tag @anxious-ace-dork (your username is a whole mood tbh)
Well I was watching the episode where sherlock tells john Sherlock is actually a girls name and then I was like hey that’s cool but hes not a girl he’s gay so yeah
SCIENTIFIC: Okay, did you know the human brain uses 20 Watts of electricity per day? Hypothetically speaking, this translates to 1.7 amps and 12 volts. Now, with amps alone, 1.7 is enough to kill you if it passes through your heart (again, all hypothetical bc your brain doesn’t actually kill you with 12 volts obvi). But yeah, synaptic hazard.
PHILOSOPHICAL: Synapses=thinking and creating. Since I was young, creating and writing have “held me back” from the more logical and scientific career my parents planned for me. To them, my hyper-imaginative brain was a hazard to my future. Little do they know, I’m actually making a career of it!
I was kinda just writing down random ideas bc I wanted something original and it eventually came to “CriticalAmur”. I guess I was feeling in a judgie mood and I really like big cats
hi!! thanks :D there’s not much to mine, i just can’t get over that one scene in civil war (probably because i, too, would lose the power of speech around steve rogers (or just,, in general,,,))
Thanks @thinks-for-thanking-of-me !!! I have always loved your user name. I literally giggle every time I see it because I think about that scene. Bless Scott. He did better than I would’ve lol I’d probably just stare!!! Ugh so my story is boring, because I’m boring 🤣 it’s just bits and pieces of my name smushed together. I’d actually like to come up with something better. I’ve been this for so long… If someone more creative comes up with something better, I’d definitely change it 😘
Okay so…@darter-blue @kalee60 @martianjuice if you haven’t already done this and would like to!
Also if someone has a less boring name for me, let me know lol
Thanks Larissa @larkboyd ❤️ mine is much more boring (and in a way a little morbid…)
Mines a smoosh up of my first name and my mum’s middle name and the 60 is the age she passed away… Morbid-ish - but also to me a special number as 60 years on this planet, loving, living, laughing, making connections and forever changing peoples lives is a celebration - quite simply without her - I wouldn’t be here and without her guidance I wouldn’t be who I am (which the jury is still out if that’s a good thing 😂)
Though I know she’d be absolutely tickled to think I use her in my writing - I’m certain I was almost getting her to ship characters in Lord Of The Rings! ❤️
No pressure to share but if you’d like to I’d love to know where your names came from @martelldoran @thewaythatwerust @greyhavensking & @musette22 😘
Aw, <333. That’s not morbid, that’s so lovely. ❤️ I was getting my mum close to shipping Stucky before she passed. She was sooo mad at Bucky’s lack of screentime in EG. ;) <3
Mine is rather boring. I had a name on ao3 and when I came to make a tumblr it was taken (ruuuude) and had to come up with something else on the fly. I was listening to Oats in the Water and just stole a line from that to use instead . [And hold your gaze / There’s coke in the Midas touch / A joke in the way that we rust / And breathe again.]
Hmm. I would like to know @possibleplatypus @darter-blue @oh-i-swear-writes @hundredthousands @starknakedsluts @letsmidnightfights @wayward-lives if you feel up to sharing! <3
Mine is essentially a throwback to my emo teenager days when we all loved these dramatic three word statements (I mean come on, oh I swear, really?) because it was the pseud I was using in a few places when I first really got into fanfic. It kind of made sense to use it when I set my AO3 as a result, but when I got to tumblr just oh I swear was gone, so I added the “writes” because that’s sort of what I *do* apparently.
So yeah, that’s how this came to be.
Tagging @buckynotjames @etherealwaifgoddess @deadto27 to see how you got to yours!
@oh-i-swear-writes I love that tag “a recovering emo”. I may have snort laughed when I read it lol
Mine isn’t the happiest but I’m stronger because of it. I found Tumblr back in 2011 and joined as an eating disorder blog. Hence the weird username that has nothing to do with writing lol. I had developed a pretty nasty ED after I had my youngest that year and it pretty well consumed my life for a bit. The ED community here gave me a false sense of safety that I wasn’t alone in my disorder and I’d be fine. A few years later, I left for a bit while I gave recovery a try and didn’t come back until 2019 after I saw the movie Endgame and was inspired to start writing again after about a decade of not writing anything. I deleted my page, wanting to burn the ashes of the old and start over but when I tried to come up with a new name I decided to keep this one. I make the choice to recover every day and the username reminds me why that’s important. I don’t need to be some ethereal waif made of gossamer and delicate bones. I can be real, solid, human, and flawed. And that’s okay. Sooo.... yeah. That’s how I got my username. Sorry for going on a tangent but thanks for coming to my TED Talk 😂💛
Not tagging anyone in particular but if any of you lovelies want to play, have at it!
Summary: Baby fever hits the Rogers - Barnes household and no one is immune.
Word Count: 1.9k
Author’s Note: Once again, you darling readers and your questions have the plot bunnies chasing me when I should be sleeping! I couldn't resist some sweet fluffy domestic baby fever for these three...
A Family of Four (1943)
If Bucky doesn’t put that baby down in the next three seconds, you are going to wring his neck.
Becca had just given birth to Bucky’s first niece and you, he, and Steve had hurried over as soon as you could to meet the newest addition to the Barnes family. Bucky took the sweet little girl in his arms as soon as his coat was off and hasn’t put her down since. Becca and her husband Daniel look relieved for the break, but both you and Steve are hovering waiting for your turn. You had thought your biological clock would never make an appearance but the last six months can be adequately summed up by “baby fever”. The guys aren’t faring much better. They weren’t pressuring you at all, leaving the timing firmly in your court, but making it abundantly clear they’re ready when you are. Watching Bucky with a tiny bundle of pink in his arms, you’re thinking time is up.
“She has ma’s mouth.” Bucky comments to Becca with a warm smile.
Becca nods in agreement, “She does. We all got that one, though. I think she’s gonna have our eye color too. The brown hair is from us and Daniel but she at least got his nose.”
“The Barnes genes are strong, that’s for sure.” Becca’s husband grumbles fondly.
“She’s perfect.” Bucky coos at his sleeping niece.
It’s a long time before he’s finally willing to relinquish the precious bundle, but he does eventually hand the baby over to you. You take a long sniff at the top of the little girl’s head, breathing in that calming baby scent you’ve heard many mothers rave about. It is, surprisingly, as soothing as they claimed and you see why Bucky was so hesitant to hand her over. There’s something right about the weight of a baby in your arms, especially one that shares so many of Bucky’s features. You’re conscious of not hogging all the baby time and hand her over to Steve after a respectable amount of time, teasing Bucky that some of you know how to share. Steve seems as smitten with the baby as you were, completely bowled over by how tiny and sweet she is.
By the time the three of you make your way across town to your brownstone, you’re thrumming with nervous energy thinking of how to broach the subject with the guys. All three of you are quieter than usual during your walk, each lost in your own thoughts. You think it might be best to wait a few more days, until you’re certain you’re ovulating, and then you can propose the idea to the guys over a nice dinner. That way there’ll be no waiting to try if they’re on board.
In the end, you only make it to taking off your pearls.
The gorgeous strand of pearls Bucky and Steve gave you for your birthday have barely hit the soft velvet of your jewelry box when Bucky comes up to you from behind. He wraps his strong arms around your middle, splaying his hands over your stomach. He meets your eyes in the mirror, they’re shining with longing and unspoken questions. Steve is watching from the bed where he’s taking off his shoes. There’s hope in his eyes too.
“Okay.” You murmur, meeting Bucky’s and then Steve’s eyes in the reflection.
“Okay, okay?” Bucky asks, needing to be sure.
“Let’s make a baby, okay.”
“Oh god.” Steve practically wheezes. He shoots up from the bed and races over into your arms. “Really? No more waiting?” he asks with his face smushed into the curve of your neck.
“No more waiting.” you assure him.
“Fucking finally.” Bucky rasps, kissing your neck and Steve’s forehead in turn. “God, doll. The things I wanna do to you right now.”
You chuckle lightly, happy their desperation matches your own. “Well, we should probably get to them if you wanna put a baby in my belly.”
Bucky’s hips thrust involuntarily at the thought. “Fuck.” he hisses as the rough wool of his pants scratch against his erection.
“That is the idea, yeah.” you quip, taking both he and Steve by the hand. You lead your speechless husbands down onto the soft bed you all share and give into the desire that’s been consuming all of you for months.
It’s late, just past three am, when you’ve finally had your fill of each other. You lay in a sleepy, sated tangle of limbs, unable to tell where one begins and the other ends. The guys have shuffled you into the middle so they can dote on you more. It’s both ridiculous and sweet, but you let them have their moment. You know it’s probably too early in your cycle for anything to have stuck, but there’s always the chance that it’ll take and a little life will take root in your belly. Bucky is preoccupied with running his hands over the soft skin of your stomach, like he can will your child into existence if he just prays hard enough. Steve can’t stop looking at you with a dopey, blissed out smile on his face. You and Bucky had both had your fun with him during the last round, so you can’t blame him for taking a bit to come back down to earth.
Steve gently kneads one of your breasts with the palm of his hand, “I can’t wait to see how much bigger these will get.” he comments quietly. The look on his face when you quirk an eyebrow at him makes you think he hadn't meant to share that thought out loud.
“Really?” you tease, “They aren’t big enough as it is?” You’re well aware that your breasts aren’t exactly small to start with.
Steve blushes from the tips of his ears all the way down to his chest. “Just thinkin’.” he admits shyly.
“You worry about her tits, I’ll be watching her hips.” Bucky jokes, taking the soft curves of your hips into his broad hands. “I can’t wait to see these fill out with our kid. God, I’ll never be able to keep my hands off ya.”
You sigh at Bucky’s dramatics. If you really are pregnant, it’s going to be a long 40 weeks of these two fawning over every little thing. It’s sweet though, and you’re certain you'll be thankful for it in the long run. The soft glow of sunrise is illuminating the horizon by the time the three of you finally fall asleep, each dreaming of little brunette babies and a perfect family of four.
Five Weeks Later
“Are you sure you’re sure?” Steve asks for the third time.
You love your husbands but they are grating your very last nerve. “Yes, Steve, I’m sure. I’m two and a half weeks late at this point, almost three.”
Bucky runs a hand through his hair, pacing nervously. “I can’t believe it. I just… I can’t believe it.”
“Well you’re going to have to if that frog lays an egg.” you snap at him, unable to repress your moodiness at the two of them acting like you’re growing a new head instead of a baby that you all planned. Really, what did they think was going to happen?
“What?!” they yelp in unison.
Oh these silly men of yours. “That’s how they check now.” you explain, “I gave Dr. Stein a little cup of pee and they’ll inject it into a frog. If the frog lays eggs, we know I’m pregnant. It has to do with the hormones.”
“That’s disgusting.” Steve shudders.
“I don’t care if the damn thing dances a jig, as long as we know for sure.” Bucky laughs, a hint of hysteria in his tone.
“We’ll know. The doc said these tests are never wrong. We should hear back tonight or tomorrow at the latest. Just relax, there’s nothing we can do but wait.”
It’s hard on all of you to go about your day like nothing’s different. Bucky stays home instead of returning to the docks after lunch, claiming he ate something that was off. You’d scold him but your own nerves are fluttering like pterodactyls in your stomach and you appreciate him being close by. Even if that means putting up with him wrapping himself around you like an octopus on the sofa.
It’s half past six when the phone finally rings. You jump up faster than either man and race across the room to answer.
“Mrs. Rogers?” the tinny voice on the other end of the line asks.
“Yes, this is she.” you answer.
“Good evening, Mrs. Rogers, I’m calling from Doctor Stein’s office. We just received your test results.”
“Great, thank you. And what were the results?”
“Are you sitting down, Mrs. Rogers?”
Your heart sinks, “No, should I be?”
“I would say so, you’re pregnant.”
You mutter a shaky “oh” in response, holding onto the kitchen counter for support as your legs feel like they’ve turned to jello.
“We’ll need to see you back in another month. Call back tomorrow during normal hours and we’ll get you set up. Congratulations to you and your husband.”
You’re pretty sure you remember to say thank you before hanging up the receiver.
Bucky and Steve were watching with wide eyes from the living room, hope and love shining brightly from them both. You can’t even think of words to use to break the news. This amazing, joyous miracle that all three of you wanted so badly, and now it’s yours. A baby. Tears are welling in your eyes and finally you just nod, smiling through your tears. The guys’ eyes widen further and Steve’s jaw hangs open in disbelief. You nod harder until your hair bounces around your head with motion and you’re laughing, the happiness in your chest bursting free.
Bucky reaches you first, all but throwing himself at your feet. His arms are around your waist, face smooshed into your belly whispering thank you’s, and I love you’s, and sweet promises for the future. Steve isn’t far behind him but he lets Bucky have his space. He knows how much this means to Bucky. The decision was made a long time ago that the first baby would be yours and Bucky’s. Steve is still too hung up on what he deems his “poor genetics” to want to have a little one of his own. You hope he’ll come around in time. You yearn for a little blonde baby with his fighting spirit. Someday, maybe. But for now you are going to give Bucky something he’s been dreaming of since he was a boy. He told you once in the dead of night, sleepy whispers when you both couldn’t rest, that he’d always wanted to be a papa. His ma used to scold him for playing dolls with his sisters but he loved playing house more than he did army men. He never lost that desire for children, even after puberty hit and he fell in impossibly more love with Steve. He always just figured it would work out somehow, by some miracle. And now you’ve given that to him.
You ruffle a hand through Bucky’s hair, not trying to push him away even after you feel his tears seeping through your blouse. Steve takes your free hand and kisses your knuckles fervently. He’s smiling ear to ear, unshed tears glistening. “We really did it.” he says reverently.
“Yeah,” you return his smile, “We really did.”
*** Well, that's the end for now! I don't have anything else written or planned for this AU unless ya'll decide to sick the plot bunnies on me again ;)
Fun fact: I didn't make up the bit about the frogs. Seriously, Google search for south African clawed frog pregnancy tests. This was one of the original "pregnancy tests" that would have been available to them in the 1940s.
Aahh thanks for the tag @stuckys-hot-dogs @diamante-chan & @kazablanka96 (and there may be someone I’m forgetting, I’m so sorry!) I loved this one! The mouth isn’t right but overall it’s pretty close lol! 💗
Tagging @ixalit @howdoyousleep3 @rainbowsandcoconut @hannah-stagram @its-tortle @bigbraiiin @kalee60 @darter-blue @hbalbat @harrieserendipity and please feel entirely free to ignore! 😘 Make it here.
I adore these picture tag games thanks gorgeous Minnie @musette22 and Cam @capbuckyrogers If only I looked so cool and unaffected in real life - I feel like this is me in a 80s John Hughes movie….
Tagging with no pressure as usual (sorry if I keep tagging you all!) but these are so fun! @martelldoran @iamsherlockedondoctorwho @larkboyd @buckyandthejets @indyluckycharlie @thewaythatwerust & @call-me-kayyyyy
Oooh, you look like you’re going to kick some serious ass, all stylin’ and shit. :chinhands:
It’s a me… mario.
(Don’t look at me like that, I am powerless in the face of appropriate gifs)
I shall be tagging (without pressure)… everyone? @festiveferret @ashes0909 @athletiger @possibleplatypus @sissi2d @oh-i-swear-writes @goldfinchandi @maseael @hundredthousands @heyboydraws @auntiesuze annnnd anyone else that wants to.
Thanks for the tag @oh-i-swear-writes ! This was fun, and frustrating because I am sooo tech-dumb, but mostly fun. I think my poor pixel looks annoyed but honestly I have resting bitch face a lot IRL so I guess it’s appropriate 😂
Not tagging anyone specific but if anyone wants to play I’d love to see your creations!
