Hello. I'm a femme nonbinary person, and am in the process of getting my doula certification. I'm getting discouraged by how overwhelmingly cis-centric, gender essentialist, heterosexual and monogamous birth work is. I'm catering towards queer, nonbinary, and polyamorous people in my own practice, but am feeling a little shunned by the birth community at large. Do you have any resources for the groups that I mentioned? Or words of encouragement for me?
In order to best answer your question, I turned to a friend of mine, Jaqxun Darlin, an awesome queer and trans*-identified midwife. Jaqxun became a midwife with the goal of serving the trans* and queer communities, and is now providing preconception, conception, prenatal care, birth and postpartum care to his community in Portland, OR. Read more at his website here.
Jaqxun: Well first off, @aspersaperastra, check out some of these resources:
Milk junkies - blog by a breastfeeding trans dad
Birthing and Breast or Chestfeeding Trans People and Allies Facebook group
LGBTQIAPD+ Doulas and Birth Workers Only - Facebook group
Queer Birth Project - Facebook group
Gender and the Childbirth Professional - Facebook group
You should definitely start by putting together a resource list of queer/trans birth workers in your area and try to create some localcommunity by reaching out, either to attend their events, to get coffee together, or to host events of your own. Some folks, like Krystel Viehmann at Taproot Midwifery have started local Queer Birthworker Alliances.
I know you might not guess it, but there are a lot more gender queer andnon-binary birth workers than it seems like. Even though birth is heteronormative by default, a lot of people who are genderqueer or trans are drawn tobirthwork because holistic approaches to health are in harmony with holisticapproaches to gender.
However, I don’t want to make it seem like it’s as easy as just reaching out, but it IS important for you to know that you’re not alone. It feels like a miracle that I’ve finished my midwifery eduction. Even the most supportive people have said transphobic things to me. I had people tell me “You should never be a midwife,”“People will never be comfortable with you.” I’ve been asked not to participate in births after presentingambiguously in the clinic. “It’s anenergetic thing,” they might say, and yeah, that’s code for transphobia.
My advice to you? Reach out to those of us who have done it, we’re allreally friendly, we’re all willing to talk to people!
Remember: You’re not alone! Over 2000 people signed the Birth is for Everybody letter, and a lot of those people are cis gender! There is space for us out there, and not everyone in the community feels otherwise.
I absolutely do not think that you would be intruding. If you are really called midwifery, and feelinspired to provide gentle, compassionate care to women, you should totally do that. There’s absolutely a place for men and trans peoplein midwifery.
Because here’s the thing: Women are smart and they find the right provider forthemselves. While you, as a trans man, might not be the right provider for everyone, neither would any other cis woman. You’re definitely the right provider for someone out there, and that’s the beauty of having options and a diverse work force.
And what’s more, I don’t think that midwifery has always been womenattending women. We don’t know the whole history of the world and which people had which genders. I can say for a fact that non-binary people and transmen have had babies previously, we just don’t have it documented. Trans people and NB people often ended up in supportive roles where they help others through transitions (especially in healthcare and birthwork). That’s because we understand what it means tohave transitions in ones life, and we are more comfortable with things thataren’t black and white, things that are complex, that are in a liminal space. That’s the work of midwifery. The idea that it’s a new thing that trans people are having babies or working in birth is false. It’s newlanguage that we’re using now, but there’s no time or era of history that is free of complexityaround gender.
Being a woman does not necessarily mean that someone is betterequipped to hold the space for the complexity of peoples transitions. And why would we want that to be something that’sexclusive to womanhood? Why would wewant masculinity to be barred from being able to provide gentle and compassionate care?
Feminism hasn’t come so far that centering women and womenshealth isn’t important. But I care deeplyabout womens health - there can be men and trans people that care aboutwomens health. We, as humans, are more complex - weneed to give humanity more credit for its capacity to grow.
Anyone, cis or trans men, cis or trans women, or nonbinary and genderqueer people who feel called to midwifery should go for it. Become a midwife - we need more midwives! Learning to provide care in the midwifery model is an experience of learning to provide gentle, compassionate care, centering the needs and desires and autonomy of the client, and supporting them to achieve their best health. That is something that everyone can, and should, do.
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