I wish I could stay on Tumblr longer. I only have 6 (interrupted) hours I can stay on between my work schedules. I'm just so stressed by everything in my life, rn.
I really wish I could just have a whole month to myself and myself only. Just listen to relaxing music, sing as loud as I wanted to, dance whatever I want to dance, speak as loud as I want to, punch a wall or two, fangirl loudly and freely without judgement, not worry about how many seconds are passing every second of my free time, watch what I want to without bothering someone else, watch what I want with someone who really wants to watch what I want with me.
I'm so tired of arguing about little things, being yelled at for every little thing I do. I'm so tired of hearing that I'm not doing good enough. I'm so tired of being told I'm not nice enough, or that I'm not caring enough, or helpful enough. That the me right now, sacrificing a lot of my time, energy, health, and mental health for someone who just verbally abuses me all the freaking time. Every single second I can't just be me. I just can't BE.
I'm so tired of holding in my complaints and being nice. Why do I have to be nice all the time? Why can't I stand up for myself? Why can't I speak up for myself? All I say is "I'm sorry". Over and freaking over. And over and over.I'm so tired of letting people use me, verbally abuse me, not appreciate me, touch me, hug me. I'm so tired of letting people do these things, because I'm scared of being mean. I'm so tired of all this crap.
I hate being so social irl all the time. I'm so tired of smiling. My jaw is freaking hurting for you bastards at my job. And you don't even say one "Thank you", all I get is more anxiety from you. More drama from you. More stomach cramps from you. All I get is more "Do better" from you. I don't want "Do better", I SAY "DO BETTER" ALL THE TIME TO MYSELF. I NEED A THANK YOU FOR TRYING. I'M SORRY I'M NOT SUPERMAN UP AT WORK, I'M SORRY I'M NOT SUPERMAN AT HOME. BUT I'M HUMAN. AND I KEEP SCREAMING THIS AT YOU, AND YOU JUST KEEP SAYING THE SAME THINGS.
I'm so angry I can't see straight, and all I do is freaking smile and say "I'm sorry". My poor baby, my poor body, dear my body and dear my mind, I love you so freaking much and I am just so sorry I put you through all this...This shit.I'm so sorryand I know you won't forgive me, because you've been hating me for 15 years now. I love you so freaking much. You don't know what I would do for you, my body and my mind, I would just do so much for you. I would give you the moon and the stars just to make you happy. But I just don't know how to do it. I just can't protect you from other people, like I should. I just keep putting you through so much, I'm just so sorry. I love you, myself, but I just don't know how to make you happy other than saying I love you more and more. I wish I could just hold you tight and cradle you and keep you away from this world. I love you.
izzy806
blakekathryn
areudirty
jimmyeatworldofficial
