an:little bit of this, little bit of that
Warnings: Joel yelling, almost being bitten, age gap.
…………………………………………………………………………….
It was one of the worst and gloomiest days of November, and yet you still decided to go out with Joel just to sweep some nearby area, and maybe even find something in the process.
He wanted you home. Yet you could sometimes be so stubborn, feeling the need to go with him just to know he was alive and well, seeing him more important than you.
You didn’t know why you felt this way, towards a man who was oh so kind, and yet so dangerous. This town saved you, and you didn’t dare ask for more, but you just liked him.
Finally, it was around noon, and as it appeared, there wasn’t much snow. You packed a bag with things you most needed, and some food just in case. Then both of you got onto one horse and rode out.
It was a secret, and just a tinge embarrassing..How you always rode behind him, and always tried to subtly feel him more. Your hands resting on his front and chest, touching his worn out button up shirt, or your cheek against his back while “being tired”.
He never said anything, ever. Because he knew damn well he liked it just as much as you did. He hasn’t been in a serious relationship ever since his late daughter’s mom left him, and that was whole twenty something years ago. You made him feel nice, new, whole even.
Both of you felt some kind of a parental feeling, but it was much deeper than that.
He steered the horse all the way, all until you finally came to that place. It was a retail building. Something alike a small shopping center.
Among them was a music store, and you knew Joel absolutely loved it. He even had an old salvaged vinyl player at his house back at Jackson and loved playing either cd’s or records besides his own guitars and making up his own songs.
He helped you down, and you felt that soft crunch of thin snow beneath your boots, and you timidly asked. “Joel?”
Getting a simple grunt in return.
“Do we have to sweep the whole thing?”
“Well most of it..” He said.
“You don’t gotta do it hon, You can stay right here with d’ horsey..I don’t mind,” He said in a thick southern accent and gruff voice, as he secretly hoped you’d actually stay here and not go along with him to get in any trouble.
“Thats not why i came.” You said bluntly, and he sighed. “I can take care of myself, you know that right? Don’t need you to worry bout’ me..”
He never wanted to be the reason of your fear or worry, since everyone has gone trough so much already.
You just nodded trough his talk and said “Can we go to the music shop?” walking on.
“Sure..” was all you got.
Going trough some stores was mostly safe or empty, but there were a few runners and clickers, nothing you couldn’t take care of. Finally arriving at the music store.
There was this sense of safety since you already went trough most of the place and you felt your guard go down, feeling like there was already no infected here simply because you got rid of the other ones.
Joel stepped and walked around, idly looking at some of the country records he could perhaps take home.
The store was half full, knowing if people passed trough, records and cd’s weren’t in need. They weren’t food or medicine.
So you had enough of them to pick and choose.
Your steps were quiet, walking over the creaky, dusty floor boards and your hands gently tracing the covers of cd’s on the shelf, imagining how it was all before the world went to hell.
But all that was quickly over as a pale grayish hand knocked over some cd’s onto you and grabbed you trough the other side of the shelf, you yelled from sheer surprise and soon to follow, fear. It pulled and pulled as a sound gurgled from its throat and your hand was oh so close to the teeth that were opening and closing over and over again.
It was scary. You thought that was it, as you tried to pull your hand away, but it only grabbed higher onto your forearm and upper arm.
“Joel! Joel fuck..! Please help me, over here!” you yelled like some kid in danger, knowing after all you were here with him just to soothe your worries, not to fight or kill many.
Joel flinched at the sound of the shelf shaking and you yelping, and he immediately dropped what he was holding. Running to the other side of the store, and shooting the infected, his chest heaving.
You fell back and your rear hit the floor as you looked at your thankfully clean hand, scared and shook.
He rushed to you and just grabbed you, asking. “What happen’? Did it get you? Let me see.”
As you protectively held your arm to yourself for no particular reason, he grabbed it and pulled it towards him, looking over it just to see some red spots of skin, where the infected grabbed you in a deathly grip.
All that was going trough his head was, what if you were alone? what if he wasn’t there to save you? how could you be so careless?
You looked at him with a slightly worried look, guessing this probably set him off. Knowing he wasn’t happy with you coming in the first place.
He was selfish. A selfish bastard, that his only thought at this moment was, what would he do without you?
As he straightened up and looked around, making sure there was no more dead that could jump out at the two of you.
Pulling you along by your other arm, so you stand up, and he straight up rose his voice.
“This is exactly why i didn’t want you coming!”
“That thing could have bit you, and what then? What then!”
He didn’t mean to yell. He was scared, not angry.
As you muttered. “Joel i’m fine-..”
“You could have not been.” He said straightly, immediately cutting you off. You could see the slight fear behind his grayish eyes. The way his lips slightly frowned, that scruffy peppered beard framing them. His thick eyebrows shifting slightly up with each sentence.
When you were little, even when you had a safe space, it wasn’t exactly safe. It wasn’t safe from the man you knew in your family. An angry man.
And this? You hated this.
Saying in that same timid voice. “Joel please..I wasn’t looking, i just-, it won’t happen again.”
He just looked at you. Silently imagining how he’d ruin the world if you actually got bit.
And he said in a low meaning voice. “Come on, we’re goin’ home.” grabbing your arm and pulling you along to get out of the store.
But only then when you came to the glass doors, did you see that snow was winding up outside and slowly starting to howl.
He staid silent for a moment, before saying.” We gotta find somewhere safe, and we ain’t stayin’ here.”
…………………………………………………………………………….
The ride was silent, but still slightly chaotic from all the snow getting into your faces. It was about an hour until you found a cabin and a garage where you also set the horse to rest, you went inside and made a fire. Always carried a metal lighter with you and could easily light it.
You warmed up by him despite acting upset, knowing you probably wouldn’t be able to keep it up for long. Neither would he.
As he eventually turned his head to you and broke the tense silence that sat with you two for the past two hours or more.
“‘M sorry i yelled. I got scared and..” He trailed off and looked back ahead of him. His own hands fidgeting as he looked around.
Your eyes finally found him and you said.
“You didn’t have to scream at me. I was scared too.”
He just looked back at you. Silence, again.
“You mean a lot to me..a lot. I just started thinkin’ if i wasn’t there, you’d..” his words got lost yet again, not even wanting to say it aloud. But you answered. “But you were there. You were there, and thats the reason i went out in the first place. I don’t go out by myself..”
He nodded, knowing you were right, you went outside Jackson only when you felt like you had to. Since he knew you have been through a lot out there before coming to Jackson, and finally you found a safe space.
“Yeah, i guess i was..” was all he said, looking back ahead at the fire.
His eyelashes framing his eyes as he looked at the only light in the room, he was so torn.
He wanted to say something. To let you know every single thing he felt about you, but he was so scared he’d creep you out or seem weird to you.
It’s the worst when two people feel and think the same exact thing, preventing them from knowing the fact that they love one another.
You gently leaned your head against his hard shoulder as a small sign of forgiveness. Silently telling him it was okay. And he muttered. “But i ain’t having you goin’ out with me no more..”
“Joel just let me have a peace of mind when you’re out here.”
It was everything you ever thought you’d never have.
“Why do you worry so much?” was the question that changed everything from that point on.
And you said. “Why did you yell at me back at the store?”
It was simply answering his question, with a question.
Both of you were scared. Terrified even.
And he realized, if you felt same in that sense, maybe you somehow could feel the same in the other.
His hairy hand coming behind you and sliding along your lower back and to your ribs, as he leaned his face just a bit to the side. You felt the touch, it was gentle and hopeful.
He was an older man who was starved of gentleness and any kind of touch that didn’t hurt him. And so were you.
You let him. Let him in. As you leaned into his chest, mostly smelling that strong musk of some kind of wood he always messed with at home, and his natural smell. His old leather jacket was slightly warm from the fire, and your hand went under it to touch his chest through his shirt. Your fingers and short clipped nails fiddling with the buttons as the side of your face rested against his collarbones.
He hugged you close, his chin touching the back of your neck, and the hot air from his nose warming the skin of your nape.
It was everything you ever needed.
“Thank you. For saving my life.” you just said. Feeling as if you were overreacting a bit, but you also knew, if he wasn’t there earlier, and you did get bit, you would probably be dead by now.
Feeling a bit bad now for acting all pissy with him because he yelled.
He just nodded and grunted.
Your hand still under his jacket and gently tracing over the clothed warm skin.
It was a new experience to you, since the most of your life before Jackson spun around staying alive and surviving, but never actually living and loving.
He then broke the silence, saying. “I would never let anythin’ happen to ye..you mean too much to me.”
“How so..?” you asked a bit more purposefully, your fingers tracing a gentle pattern over his old worn out shirt.
He paused, feeling slight conflict between just saying it out, and keeping it in.
As he muttered. “You know..I want you safe, sound. Didn’t want you out here in the first place, but you’re so stubborn..”
“Im not stubborn. I just feel the same way you do.” You cleared. Slowly both of you were realizing it more and more. How stupid you must have been to think that there could be nothing more than just simple care between you two. You wanted to give him that safety too, that feeling of being home and knowing you are loved. The feeling of warm clothes and home cooked food, which was for you, pure love.
“You have no idea what i feel darlin’..”He grunted, giving your head a small caress over its back, slowly sliding down to your hair covered nape.
You shifted your head just enough to look up at him, and give him that small confused look. Making sure to keep close to him for “warmth’s sake”. Saying in that familiar tentative tone. Not wanting to leave it unsaid, but not wanting to make him uncomfortable either.
His eyes lingered on you for a second to long, a thick eyebrow going up, as he leaned his head down just a bit. In that very moment, when you realized what he was insinuating, you felt the need to meet him halfway. Your head also leaning up, inch by inch, as if with every centimeter closer, you both were making sure the other was alright with this.
Until his mustache grazed your upper lip, tickling it tenderly, as you finally kissed. His hand coming up to cup your jaw, as your hands staid where they were. Either gently holding his shirt, or the tips of your fingers touching over his collarbones and chest with a touch that was feather light.
The kiss was slightly starting to go from a closed mouth kiss, to a more intimate one. You’d kiss, pull away in just a second, and lean back in for an another mouthful. And just like that, over and over again.
Until you finally decided to break away and give him a small smile. His eyes looking over your flustered face, as he smiled even more when he saw you slightly reddened and lips, knowing his own probably looked the same. as he said.
“Well i guess you actually weren’t lyin’..”
“I never lie..” You replied.
Just then, you knew this was gonna be a long night..
