You play it safe and just sit in the one closest to you.
LUCIA CELEBRATION: Ya know what we like to do here, kid? We like to have ourselves a good load’a fun. And hey - what’s more fun than a lil’ game? So let’s play a lil’ game called “Who’s Who”. Need I explain more?
You shake your head ‘no’.
LUCIA CELEBRATION: Good. Ya already know ya place.
LUCIA CELEBRATION: Obviously -
He puts his hands on his chest.
LUCIA CELEBRATION: There’s me. Good ol’ Lucia Celebration, the one ‘n’ only Birthday King. When things get run, I’m the one runnin’ em. ‘Head honcho’, ‘big shot’, whateva’ words ya have to sum up “the guy in charge”.
LUCIA CELEBRATION: And over there,
He points to another member. This one bearing the resemblance of a three-headed fish.
IMAGIO DIATRIBE: HARK! FOR I AM IMAGIO DIATRIBE, ORDERER OF THE GUNCH!!! YOU, LOWLY RECRUIT, HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY STRIPPED OF INDIVIDUALITY, AND IT’S ALL THANKS TO ME!!!! ME AND THE GUNCH, OH THAT MAGNIFICENT MACHINE THAT I ALONE BUILT TO PEEL AT THE FREEDOM OF THE MIND - THAT’S RIGHT, THE GUNCH AND ME!!! SO TO HELL WITH THE TULSE AND HER INFERIOR ROBOT CREATIONS, WHO’S LAUGHING NOW YOU FUC-
LUCIA CELEBRATION: Imagio would you please get off of the table.
Imagio is, in fact, on the table.
Imagio is no longer on the table.
LUCIA CELEBRATION: Now, for someone who actually knows how to ACT correctly - Mx. Adelias, would you do the honors?
The bird-like being closes the fan that had once been obscuring their face, revealing a suave, put-together appearance.
EIDELIAS ADELIAS: Charmed to. Hello, dear - you can call me Eidelias Adelias, or going by my title, ‘Official Birthday Party Supervisor of Spectacle’.
IMAGIO DIATRIBE: THERE THEY GO, “OFFICIAL BLEHBLEHBLEHBLEEEE”- WEAR IT OUT, WILL YOU?!
EIDELIAS ADELIAS: Imagio, for the self described ‘pillar of control’ you certainly don’t have the best grasp on controlling yourself~
IMAGIO DIATRIBE: I WILL RIP YOU APART YOU LITTL-
LUCIA CELEBRATION: MR. DIATRIBE I CAN AND WILL RETURN THAT PUNY LITTLE PIPE ORGAN OF YOURS IF YOU KEEP THIS UP!
Imagio gets teary in all three pairs of eyes.
IMAGIO DIATRIBE: MY ORGAN??? MY PRICELESS ORGAN?!
IMAGIO DIATRIBE: THE ONE BOUND OF PIXIE-SILVER AND THE FINEST BIRCH?!
IMAGIO DIATRIBE: I-I SWEAR UP AND DOWN ON MY LIFE, SIR, MOTHER GOSS FORGIVE MY SOUL, I’LL BEHAVE! I’LL BEHAVE!!!! I PROFUSELY APOLOGIZE FOR EEEEVERYTHING!!!!!!! I’M SO SORRY FOR EVER TORMENTING YOU WITH QUARELLSOME NOTHINGS!!!! I DIDN’T MEAAAAN ITTTTTT!!!!!
The fish - or fishes - turns into a shaky mess of incoherent tears. At least she’s not talking anymore, and that seems to be good enough for Lucia.
LUCIA CELEBRATION: B.B., would you-
EIDELIAS ADELIAS: I regret to inform you that it appears that B.B is absent from today’s gathering. In the Gauntlet, I presume.
Lucia looks over to an empty chair, the one meant for B.B.
LUCIA CELEBRATION: RIGHT. RUNNIN’ THE GAUNTLET. YEAH.
LUCIA CELEBRATION: PHINEAS GEARSHIFT?!
An elderly half-mechanized snail-man sitting across from you wakes up from somehow being able to sleep through all this.
PHINEAS GEARSHIFT: HUH? BWHUH? HUH?!!
LUCIA CELEBRATION: READ. WHAT’S ON. THE PAGE.
Mr. Gearshift shuffles paperwork around, before reading off one sheet in particular.
PHINEAS GEARSHIFT: ‘My name is Phineas Gearshift, owner of Gearshift Incorporated and a … gl…GLAD endorser of The Birthday Party. As the appointed Old Money Manager of this fine establishment of hardworking individuals, I proudly back the Birthday Party with…MILLIONS of my own dollars…each. Year.’ That good enough fer ‘ya?
LUCIA CELEBRATION: It works.
Little Man sits up from one of the member chairs - shocking you that he even has a chair at all. But, his name is on a plaque, so..?
LITTLE MAN: DHDHDGSGSGSHSSJAHSHSHSSHHSNSNSBSBSJSHSGSBSKSJSJSBJSSJHSHAHSJSJSSHHEBBEJESHSHJSJSJSSBSHSBSSBSISHSH
LUCIA CELEBRATION: …Wisely said, Lil’ guy.
IMAGIO DIATRIBE: WAIT WHY DOES HE HAVE A SEA-
LUCIA CELEBRATION: Shuttup AND LASTLY, THE STAR OF THE SHOW - CINNAFUN SWIRL HERSELF!
Cinnafun laughs and waves awkwardly, looking incredibly uncomfortable for such a confident pop star.
CINNAFUN SWIRL: Ummm. Hiii~iiii. I’m Cinnafun Swirl, and….I….I’m the appointed Diva of Doom, and….~ Ha. Yeah. That’s me. Hi.
LUCIA CELEBRATION: That’s ‘em all, then. Finally. New guy, is there ANYTHING you need me to repeat on that front?! ANYTHING AT ALL?!
(No, we… we can move on.)
(YOU PEOPLE HAVE PROBLEMS.)