ok… fine… last year, like in the fall/winter. i was driving around to every thrift store in my city, like, probably 30 thrift stores, and i would buy every VHS copy of Forrest Gump, Jurassic Park, Sister Act, Men In Black, Star Wars Episode 1, The Matrix, Space Jam, Speed, and Twister i could find… i have like 100 copies of each at least, 200 of some…whatevs…
like i was going through a lot of heartbreak, this girl totally broke my heart, and it was so comforting, driving around the entire city, listening to Apples In Stereo and Guided By Voices, and chillin, buying VHS tapes. It gave me something meaningless and ridiculous to occupy my time with opposed to just being in my room depressed.
But I’m over the girl that broke my heart, its been awhile, and I do have a new girlfriend, and shes amazing and I was like
“So I own over 200 copies of Forrest Gump on VHS, I mean I really like you and I can see us going somewhere, and I think its important to be honest, I have an absurd amount of VHS, and thats not going to change. I mean ever. Like I’m going to own these VHS tapes until I’m dead. Ok, fine, if the tapes do bother you, like I’ll get rid of them… but like you’ll have to explain to my followers why… im doing it for you. I know we don’t know each other that well, this is crazy, but like you’re so cool and you’re so great, that i would give up my VHS tapes for you.”
and she was like “90s, relax, having that many VHS tapes is kind of sketch but I’d never tell you to get rid of them.”.. then one night we were in my room watching Game of Thrones on HBOGo, and we start making out until shes like “90s I can’t do anything in here, the VHS tapes sketch me out.” and I was like “Are u serious?” and she was all “Dead serious.” and I was like “Like 2 girls on tumblr have said they’d want me to fuck them on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes, like you should be so turned on.” and she was all “90s this is real life not your tumblr ask box, literally no one in the world would want to be fucked on top of a pile of Forrest Gump VHS tapes.” and I was like “I don’t want to fuck on top of Forrest Gump tapes anyway, like do you feel this mattress right now, its like a Serta, its so comfortable. This is a premium deluxe mattress.”
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