(: this is where u run to say everything :)

it's a secret *shhh*

[shewriteslikeshebreathes]

“I know I shouldn’t miss him,” she whispers into her glass of whiskey. “I know he chose not to want me anymore and I can’t force him in my life, even though having in my life would be equally painful,” her lip trembles as she brushes away a rouge tear. “But he was the first person in a long time that felt like he knew me. I wasn’t pretending, I felt like I could be myself around him. I let him in, I started to trust him and now he’s just gone.” She gulps down the rest of her drink and slams it down, tears now flowing freely. Her friend studies her, rolling the unlit cigarette between her fingers. “You miss him now, but eventually you won’t. He’ll just become someone you started to love. Someone who taught you that you can love again.” Her friend flicks the lighter and takes a drag of her now lit cigarette. “Maybe, that’s the only reason he came into your life. As a short sweet lesson who wasn’t meant to be permanent, but to show you that you are capable of love again.”

Excerpt from the book I’ll never write. (via shewriteslikeshebreathes)

[lifewritten]

I don’t have anyone to talk to about anything. I lost him and he isn’t coming back. He messed up but oh god, I miss him. I miss talking to him whenever I was sad or unsure. Hell, I even missed talking about homework. As long as it was a conversation with him, I was happy. Our last conversation though, it ended in tears. It wasn’t all smiles and stupid jokes that were told too often, it was cracked lips and wet eyes with words I never wanted to hear. I remember the last words you said, “She is enough for me.. I’m sorry” how sweet.

lifewritten (via lifewritten)

[flirtygertie]

[4am-reflections]

Listen to me I know you love him I know that you need him in your life I know that missing him is killing you But you love who he used to be Who he is now is not the man you love Who he is now is only a fragment Of who he once was Right now you’re probably awake Thinking about him While he’s sleeping peacefully This is going to hurt But you deserve the world my dear And he is not it.

4am (via 4am-reflections)

[everythingxunsaid-blog]

Tried & Tired

And once upon a time, there was a girl who loved a boy too much that she gave him her heart for the second time and watch him break it again. Although she knew that falling for him again would bring back the pain that healed a long time ago but she can never stand him. She would always, always, always put him first. She would always forget herself for him. She would try her very best to make him happy, to make him stay. She doesn’t know where she went wrong again. She tried to be the girl he wants but it was never enough. Until one day, she got tired. She got tired of everything but she was never tired of loving him. She was just so tired of being in pain knowing that the love that she wants will never be back. She pushed her limits and tried again. She tried and tried and tried until she’s just fucking tired already. She tried her best, she really did, trust me because that girl is me. 

[everythingxunsaid-blog]

Reminders

Please dont ever tell me to stop crying, to cheer up and that everything will be okay because those words never really help. Instead, please tell me that im strong. Remind me of what i deserve and what my worth is. Ask me to remember who i really am. Tell me that someone loves me even if i know there's no one who really cares. Tell me that im loved and valued. Tell me anything and everything that could make me feel alive and that could make me know myself a little bit more because i totally forgot who i really am. And i die a little bit more every time i feel the same pain that already killed me. It's like the pain never stops. It's like im being killed over and over again. It never ends or maybe it will, someday, if i also end that one thing that keeps me alive in this world. And lastly, please keep telling me to breathe and survive. Please remind me to not do that one thing that could possibly risk my life.

[noregretsjust-love]

Just to clarify...

A psychiatrist is a medical doctor (M.D.) who specializes in preventing, diagnosing, and treating mental illness. This is the person you would go to to get your prescription medication. 

A psychologist has a doctoral degree (Ph.D., Psy.D., Ed.D.) in psychology. In the sense that most people think of psychologists, this is the person you would talk to in therapy; however, he or she does not prescribe mediation (except in a select few states). Psychologists hold a wide variety of other jobs though, including research positions, teaching positions, and working in hospital settings.

A licensed mental health counselor has a master’s degree (M.A., M.S.) in psychology, counseling, or a related field. Many of these individuals provide counseling and psychotherapy. However, holding a master’s degree in psychology does not make one a psychologist. 

A clinical social worker has at least a master’s degree (M.S.W.) in social work. They also can provide therapy, but also work in case management, advocacy, and hospital discharge planning. 

Further, there is a difference between counseling, which is typically provided by someone with a degree in counseling or social work, and psychotherapy, which is typically provided by someone with a degree in psychology, although the terms are commonly used interchangeably. 

[everythingxunsaid-blog]

Lesson

I feel so sad for no reason. Idk if there’s a reason but whatever it is, I can’t seem to figure out why. There’s a certain pinch in my heart that I can feel. I know for some point that there shouldn’t be a reason for me to be sad but I feel the pain deep inside. 

I want to cry but Im trying my best not to because I know Im stronger than this and I promised myself to never cry again. Crying makes me feel weak, helpless and useless. I no longer want to feel that. My heart became so cold that crying made it impossible for me to express what I really feel. Maybe I was only convincing myself that I was already okay, maybe it was just pretend. 

I blame her. It’s because of her why my heart became so cold. I blame my father. It’s because he never knew what it actually feels like to be me. I blame my friends for giving up on me, for never trying harder to let me feel that Im not alone. I blame them for all the pain that weighs my heart down. I blame them for all those tears that I keep on wiping off and for all the cuts that marked my left wrist. I blame them for the person that I’ve become but at the same time, I want to say thank you. Thank you for leaving me with a lesson and that’s to be careful who you trust. 

[everythingxunsaid-blog]

Betrayal

It has been awhile since I last posted something here.. A lot happened while i was away. I found out my bestfriend betrayed me. That’s just one out of the million things I went through but I think that’s the most painful one. 

Bestfriend... One of the last person you’ll think that would hurt you. The person you shared almost everything with. The person you spent with your ups and downs in life. The person you treated like your own sister, that the blood running through her veins are also your blood. The person you made so many memories with. The person you loved you so much. The person you trusted. The person you trusted the most.

Nothing hurts more than being betrayed by that one person you thought would never hurt you. Anger, hatred, shame and disappointment is all I feel. Anger because how dare she do that to me? All along she was the reason why I was in pain and suffering. Hatred because she made me look stupid for 3 fucking months. Shame because she won the best “story maker” award for the whole fucking century and because I thought she changed but I was wrong. I was too blind to notice what other people kept saying that she’s no good for me. I guess, they were right but it was too late when I realized. Disappointment because she never had the guts to tell me the truth. 

She never gave me a reason, an explanation neither an apology. I know at some point I’ll never accept the apology anyway but don’t you think I still deserve one? Don’t you think that I deserve to know if she ever regretted hurting me, hurting the person who treated her not just like a bestfriend but as her own sister? All I ever want to know is how could she do that to me and why did she do that to me but I guess there are things that will remain as a certain question with no definite answer. 

[everythingxunsaid-blog]

ILYSM

I miss how bossy you were. I miss how every joke of yours were never really funny but made me giggle. I miss how you get jealous. I miss how busy you were and made me look at you like my husband busy doing his paperworks. I miss how you'd always tell me the little things even if I'm not interested. I miss how you plan for our future. I miss how sure you were that you'd marry me, that we'll build our own family and become successful and contented in life. I miss how you make me feel everything at once. I miss your presence. I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. Every night it gets harder and harder to find a way to let you go, to find a way to be happy again. I miss you every single day and every single minute. You never escaped my mind. You'll always be right here, a spot in my heart that no one can ever take. I wish you knew how much Im aching to just feel your presence again. I hope that wherever you are right now, even if we're millions of miles away and if our paths never cross and our worlds never collide, you'll never forget that I loved you so much and I'll love you the same tomorrow, years from now and maybe even the life after this. I'll never forget you. I love you so much.

[cvstleofglass]

Brand New // Guernica

[poems-and-words]

[poems-and-words]

Book of the day:Sweetbitter by Stephanie Danler

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[hipster-aesthetics]

hipster blog

[mxsiclyrics]

Taylor Swift - I knew You Were Trouble

[doglover1983]

[poems-and-words]

[poems-and-words]

Book of the day:Sweetbitter by Stephanie Danler

Get the FREE Kindle Reading App

[everythingxunsaid-blog]

To: My Bestfriend

I don’t even know if I should still call you my “bestfriend.” Sometimes I feel like you’re not or most of the time I feel like you don’t deserve to be called one. To be fucking honest for the first time, yes, Im fucking mad at you. To be fucking honest, I never felt so much hatred on a person. To be fucking honest, you really disappoint me right now to the point where you as my bestfriend, the one who should bring me back up also became the reason why I fell. I was there wondering where you were when I felt my heart break and my knees shake, my whole body quivering to death and my eyes that never ran out of tears to cry. I was wondering where you were and if you’ll ever be there to save me but you didn’t come, you didn’t bother to come. I expected you to catch me because you’re my bestfriend and bestfriends aren’t just there to have each other’s backs but they’re suppose to stick by your side even at your worst. Those words you tell me “you’ll be okay,” “I’ll always be here for you,” and “I love you” became meaningless. You said them but never made me feel like you mean it. It really is easier said than done. Maybe you just can’t do it, you can’t do it so instead you just said them. I appreciate the effort, I really do. It’s just that when it comes to you, I don’t know where the fuck I went wrong and if I ever made a mistake, I want you to know that Im truly sorry but I guess that’s what we’re made of. We’re not made of perfection but we’re made of regrets and Im sorry for not being that perfect bestfriend and I know you can’t be perfect too but the difference between you and me is that Im always wrong and you’re always right, am i correct this time or still wrong? *laughs* The difference between you and me is that I never got to hear your sorry for hurting me and those 2 little words frequently escaped my mouth that I forgot if I ever deserve an apology too. So “Im sorry” for idk anymore. I ran out of things I should be sorry for because I always thought if you were ever sorry for also being my source of pain. Don’t get me wrong, Im not blaming you. Maybe I do deserve all of this after all. 

You are my bestfriend or were my bestfriend. In the first place I trusted you, I trusted you everything about me. I trusted you with my deepest darkest secrets, my never ending problems and pointless dramas thinking that you could handle all of it if you saw me at my worst but I guess that’s where I went wrong. You gave up on me when you figured out I couldn’t even help myself. But you taught me a pretty good lesson, it’s to never trust anyone even your bestfriend. Thank you. :) Thank you so fucking much. :)