Recently managed to activate the most amazing infodump trap card.
I was driving through Vermont with a friend, and we pulled over at a tiny shop offering Maple Items. We were on the state highway, not the interstate, so "pulling over" meant "squeezing my tiny car into a parking bay the size of a broad highway shoulder."
As we got out of the car, an older woman emerged from behind the building where she had been pruning her roses. She introduced herself as Tammy.
Her shop offered the promised variety of Maple, but also a number of small antiques and a plethora of dog figurines, plaques, and clearly-hand-stitched garden flags.
A huge purple ribbon hung on the wall behind the register, along with many pictures of small dogs. This was no county fair ribbon. It was the size of my torso. The material had the soft sheen of actual silk.
As I placed my purchases on the counter, I asked, "Do you... Breed dogs?"
Yes. She does. She has bred Yorkies for the last 40 years. Her mother bred Yorkies before her. The purple ribbon was from her national championship winning Yorkie.
You may be expecting that the infodump was going to be about Yorkies.
It was not.
It was about 40 years of drama in the Yorkie breeding community. Where – you must understand – the judging at shows is often about who you're in with, not about the dogs. This is especially true when Tammy's opponents win anything.
And Tammy's mother! Well. Phyllis has been on the Yorkie scene since Yorkies were invented. Because of this, many women of equally venerable age hold deep grudges against Phyllis. The sort of grudges that result in episodes of Midsommar Murders.
This led to deep injustices against Phyllis on the part of judges and prevented her dogs from winning so often she retired from the scene. Judging is all about who you're friends with, after all.
After 20 years in hiding, Phyllis – the One True Queen of Yorkie Breeding – hatched a plot. She may have been out of the show circuit, but she was still breeding dogs. She entered an absolutely perfect bitch in the national competition, but sent her with a handler rather than go in person.
None of the usurpers knew who this dog belonged to, and in dog-breeding circles this Does Not Happen. This could have resulted in further injustices, but Phyllis was crafty. She knew this tournament was being judged by a man from the UK, who knew naught of the drama in the US Yorkie Empire.
With these advantages – and being the best dog there – Phyllis's bitch won the highest honor at the show.
Incensed by this insult to their ill-gotten supremacy, the other owners descended on the handler after the show, demanding to know for whom he was working.
"Phyllis," said he.
The name of the overthrown queen evoked horror in the usurpers.
"PHYLLIS!? She's still ALIVE!???"
Yes, Phyllis yet lived, and this bitch – the dog, not the woman – went on to mother Tammy's current dogs. One of whom, Lucy-Fur, is the reincarnation of Tammy's sister (also Lucy). This is certain for two reasons.
Firstly, Sister Lucy absolutely went straight to Hell upon her death, and Lucy-Fur the dog is positively as evil as Sister Lucy was.
Secondly, Sister Lucy always said when she died she wanted to come back as one of Phyllis's dogs because "mom treated the dogs better than us."
Like? Not enough people out here, talking bout my baby...
My precious son, who is being so, so brave, and not at all crying in the bathroom about it! We are proud of him! He should have a knife. Arm the Kouda. Give the birds WAR, baby~☆
As a TREAT!
But for real? Glowy dog. Where there should not be. Probably eating someone's Fancy Cheeses and knocking things over in the night. Floating? Uraraka? Did you...? No? O.. okay, quirked animal on the loose, then.
Someone call a teacher.
Teachers can't do shit.
It can phase through them. Seems to think they are playing. Can CHANGE SIZES. Big dog, BIG DOG! *CRASH* Oooooooow. We're okaaaay.
Might be a nomu? Doesn't LOOK like one though? But like... there principle is kinda living proof? That there's more then one asshole out there experimenting on people/animals. So could be NEW problem.
Which now! Begs the question(s)!
Can Kouda understand Cujo? Can he COMMAND Cujo? If HE can not, can a close relative of his, such as a more Dog Specific Quirked relative, do so? And if they CAN... does he Feel or Sound, however it should present, "right"???
The worst-sounding piece of advice I've ever been given that does actually work is to frame your health concerns as coming from someone close to you, whom you do not believe. Tell your doctor that you've been having pain and your mom/friend/partner thinks it might be an ovarian cyst, but you don't think so because the pain is much more intense and it has to be something else. This gives your doctor an unseen third party to fight instead of you. They can't just tell this third party, who isn't present, that you pulled a muscle, they now need to prove to this third party that it is not an ovarian cyst.
At which point they will find an ovarian cyst, but they now get whatever fucked up satisfaction they derive out of proving you wrong, because you didn't believe it could a cyst at all, but guess what? They did find a cyst! It's such a good thing you didn't listen to your intuition and came to them to verify your lay diagnosis from that third party! Bonus? Doctor doesn't have to feel like they look stupid in front of a patient, which is really what all this is about. Not your health, why would you think your medical diagnosis is about your health? It's obviously about a doctor's potential ego.
And apparently this works. Apparently you just need to be able to always play 4D chess with your medical professionals in order to find an avenue of advocating for yourself and getting you medical needs met. Isn't that great?
Grace, explaining how humans evolved: yeah so basically we evolved to be persistance predators where we would just slowly walk towards our prey and track it until it got so tired it couldn't fight back or run away and then we killed it :)
Rocky, who is an Eridian, an AMBUSH predator, who can't see light and so cannot track things the way humans can, and that doesn't have a lot of stamina and literally won't be able to wake up once they fall asleep: grace what the fuck statement--
So, unlike Eridians, we discovered fire very early on and so our civilization kinda grew up with combustion right? We've had thousands of years to normalize it and get comfortable with the idea of using it casually for warmth or cooking etc.
In contrast, Eridians had to discover fire in a lab since their atmosphere doesnt have O2 like ours. So they dont have, like, an entire culture normalizing fire.
> Be me. Rocky the Eridian cosmonaut
> Tell Grace about Eridian space elevator design made out of Xenonite. Grace very impressed, says humans only dream about making space elevator.
> Odd? Ask Human friend Grace how humans got into space. Expecting some high tech solution since science humans clearly know more physics.
> Grace explains Humans strapped other Humans on top of Fire-Explodatron-9000 machines made out of weak human metal, basically Eridian cardboard, then shot them into orbit. Grace say the fire it makes is quite pretty to look at
AND I think it would genuinely *slow, horrified turn of the head* their Master?
I think? There should be a Jedi Master n Padawan duo... on a long flight. But! Uh oh! Booking office didn't NEGATIVE amounts of research! There's a team of Mandalorians TOO!
So now everyone's just? Bystanders: terrified. Jedi: pretending they're not low-key panicking. Mando'ade: stony silence broken by the occasional awkward cough.
Until, like?
Padawan Oc? Who possesses that unfailing "you can't have enemies, IF YOU MAKE FRIENDS WITH THEM" (do not resist. One of us! One of us! :D ) spirit, that all Padawans seem to have? Turns to the closest Mando, completely ignores the whispered "don't." From their Master, and is like:
"Sooooo.... favorite bleed-out spot?"
*deafening silence*
Because? Like? ..........you GOTTA, right? What self respecting Mando'ade DOESNT ask what the fuck they mean by that? Is that a threat, jetti'ade? (No! No, don't you fucking engage them! It's clearly a trap!) (I KNOW that. But like... what the fuck does that even MEAN?)
Then the kid cheerfully explains it, and? Oh. Oh no. Fuck™.
You actually DO have Opinions on this.
There's a god damn debate. In seconds. Because if there is one (of many) thing(s) Mandalorians have strong opinions about? It's Blaze Of Glory style magnificent last stands. And how to go out PROPERLY. Which is obviously species specific too. There are cultural touch stones you gotta take into consideration! Here, wait, they got references....
Just. Danny! Only Danny! He fucked up. Some ancient Warring States Ninja fucked up. They BOTH agreed to NEVER talk about it again.
Cause like? That ninja? Was a GROWN ASS MAN. A qualified BAMF of the highest order. He WAS the Danger, thank you very much. So, he? Will NEVER live down being saved by...well...
*holds up wildly struggling, noodle limbed, sad wet raccoon havin a terrible day lookin, meat thresher on legs*
THIS.
It's a BABY. Honestly, his Clan's TODDLERS know how to throw better punch. This scrawny infant baby child is both? His new son. AND an embarrassing trainwreck in motion. FFS kid, that's not how you- No! NO! Don't you DARE bite that opponent! You don't know where they've B-!
Kid they could have BEEN POISONED!!! Spit um OUT! DROP UM! Drop that RIGHT NOW! What are you? A dead Inuzuka? A god forsaken Hatake!? DROP IT!!!
It...sure is An Adventure™.
One of many early "here's how you DON'T make a Summoning contract" experiments, that Clans without seal masters were attempting. He's honestly lucky HIS attempt ended with him still... you know... ALIVE. Problem, though? After bunking for like... a few months? A year? In the command center?
And you know, terrorizing the GIW into complete collapse. Parenting him through some pretty serious life changes. Somehow making Sam MORE terrifying. And a whole host of off screen ninja shenanigans? They figure out? Oh. Only way to send him HOME is to either accept or refuse a Contract.
They gotta make one.
First they head to Frostbite for a recommendation, then? Off to a reputable Ghost Lawyer they go! They have to camp in the waiting room for like... a week. But? Worth it! The contract is AMAZING. And terrifying! Protects them both. Can't be used against EITHER. And that loophole you're thinking off? Ten pages worth of point 4 script, twenty three yards down, for why it's a BAD IDEA and breaks contract~!
Neither of them can make the other do SHIT! Only fully consensual, mutually beneficial, ass kicking here! If we FEEL LIKE IT!
Ninja dad insisted. Never sign a contract with anything less then extreme paranoia, kid! Leave no "implied" or "spirit of the rules"! Loopholes are holes in your armor, with which your enemy stabs you in the back!
Danny, tearfully, sends ninja dad home.
Gross. Emotions all over his armor. If only there wasn't all this sand in his eyes, he'd definitely complain about it. *stoic ninja hug*
Danny? Become a king. One of many. An Ancient. Becomes FUCKING HUUUUUUUUGE. Like? "Aw, your city is so pwecious~☆ n smol~♡! Whats it called again? New York?" Huge. A fuckin LEVIATHAN made of void, stars, and space ice. A Winter corpse, marked by lightning, that became the night sky itself. With a crown of aurora borealis, ever shifting, like flame.
Proportional, in a way, to Summon Bosses. Just as a normal human is to a normal toad, a normal cat, a normal slug. So too, is Danny LARGER then them.
You know... when he feels like it.
The contract? Passes down. Ninja dad does warn his kin. Prooooobably not gonna answer you. He only answers ME cause I'm, well, ME.
Fuckin BET. They declare. And lose. Repeatedly.
Time marches on. The Senju and Uchiha has their Drama. Dear KAMI do they Have Their Drama. Please Stop, says everyone. They... do not. The contract? Fuckin STOLEN. Because of course it is.
It's a HUGE, glowing, death radiating Summons Contract kept in a shrine behind like... SO MANY seals. It makes anyone less then a full grown JOUNIN physically SICK to even touch! Prolonged exposure kills people! Of COURSE it gets fuckin stolen. It's obviously a super, mega, ultra rare AMAZEBALLS Summon Contract... right?
Eeeeeeeeeeeh *so-so hand motion* KINDA!
It IS technically that.
They ain't wrong. Cause Danny IS an Adult now. A King. Connected to the Zone. An ANCIENT. Beyond and Above his mortal origins, even as, by being a Halfa, he is utterly the same. That contract is as close as one could GET to having a contract with the Sage himself.
You know... if he answered you.
Felt like your petty bullshit was worth getting up off the couch for.
Not to MENTION? He can make clones! Like.... billions of them now. Has a skeleton army. Is kinda one of the stronger Ancients. But that's not the point. The POINT? Clones. Don't have to be EQUAL facets of self.
You CAN make a .00001% clone of yourself!
Behold *summons poof noise* Lil Baby Man!
The harbinger of Danny! Here to Test Your VIBEZ™. He sends them each time. To be an adorable menace. Cause problems on purpose. Be gremlins, chew on table legs, maybe. You know, the works! They RADIATE his " I Am Death." Energy. But also his "winter, protection, and starlight" vibes... if you're brave enough to LOOK.
If you don't flinch away from a spirit of the dead. Can embrace the chaotic nature of a Zone ghost. Are kind to something that isn't what you expected, that you can USE, that appears weaker then you. Something that seems dumb. Distractable. Useless in battle.
Can you be kind? Do you immediately give up? To recognize a test when you see one? Is your first impulse cruelty? Distain? It tells Danny a lot. Saves him time.
Which? Is how a young Itachi, freshly Jounin'd, gets thrown through an old and rotting wooden gate into what LOOKS like a vaguely demonic death shrine. Hmmm, concerning. Baby 'tachi has been separated from his teammates. Is having a Bad Time™. The crows can't really help much here.
And, well, that IS a Summoning contract...
He's outnumbered. Low on both weapons and Chakra. Refuses to do anything BUT return home to his family. His baby brother. Is it WISE? No. It is in fact, incredibly, incredibly UNWISE. He has no idea what he'll be agreeing too. But... so long as he live just a bit longer...
He slams an earth wall against the entrance.
Falls back to the Glowing Contract.
Stumbles, as even landing near it makes his insides revolt. His skin prickle and burn. Colder then the nine tails Chakra, emptier, yet somehow endlessly more ABSOLUTE.
It's like the very Chakra in his body screams against it. Rejects it's mere presence. As though all thing alive REFUSE it with desperation and fear. He has no time to muse upon this. It hurt his hand to touch. He does so anyway. Struggling to hold the earthwall against enemy attacks.
He doesn't bother to read the contract. Flings it from the pedestal, to unravel, so he may sign quickly. There. With a practiced motion, he nicks his finger, and scrawls his future away. Whatever demons may come. Whatever monsters this brings. Please... let him live long enough to say goodbye.
The world CRACKS as he summons.
Death and the Shinigami are not the same.
Even those without the ability to sense are battered by the tsunami of... not killing intent. No. There is no intent. No killing. Just... knowing. Heraldry. That Death comes for us all. You can not escape. Foolish and small, is this what you waste your existence on? Ants before a god. Dust before the heavens. He... he can not... breathe...
Frozen. Eyes wide. Sharigan spinning, spinning, spinning. Capturing the delicate lace of nothingness, absence of life, as it drifts by. Unable to move from where he kneels, bloody hand pressed to the ground, in a Summoning.
What Has He Done?
Outside there is panic. Screaming. They flee. He... he wishes he could flee. W...why can't he-? *THHHWAP!* Mmmmph?! Something small and almost bird shaped smacks into his face like a flung ration. Tiny arms spread wide to cling to his bangs and dangle. The deathy power fades... almost... almost as though it were... a threat display?
He focuses on the tiny creature whining and hugging his face. It... is a floating snake toddler? Or is it dragon? They have sharp little claws and stars along their face, a tiny whispy mane of white. Likely a dragon child then. They stick their small tounge out slightly, eyes the blankly trusting stare of small children everywhere.
He clearly want to be carried. Ah. Of course, little one.
Did... did he agree to raise a dragon?
Just?
Itachi, smol. Serious. With lil baby man floped on his head or tucked lovingly in his arms. The TEXTBOOK definition of "he don't bite" "YES HE DO!!!" For everyone but Itachi and Sasuke. To whom he is, of course, an INNOCENT BABY who has NEVER done anything wrong EVER. An angel! Why is everyone being so MEAN to poor innocent baby man? Boo hoo~!
It fucks up SO MANY plans.
Because Itachi. A smol child. INSISTS he is a Father now. What are you going to do? Say he can be? Why? Because he's a CHILD? Which is it? Is he a Jounin or a Dependant? An adult in the eyes of the law or a child to be protected by said law from pushing him off to war? Old enough to die, old enough to parent his dragon son!
And SORRY Father, he CANT join Anbu. Who would be there for his child? Ah, he should join a parenting group. *various competent parent instincts go haywire over this tiny Uchiha child in need of parenting* Danzo? For some reason his son seems to really, REALLY hate him. Better avoid him. His child doesn't know yet not to bite respected elders.
Sasuke? Gets to be an UNCLE! To a DRAGON! He takes his job very seriously.
Just... just pure, hollowing, Chakra deep, no fight, no flight, JUST freeze, Primal Awe Terror Horror. Fear of what COULD be. What IS. What has BEEN. Just? Helplessness. Cold. The Void. A thing so vast and absolute... you are but dust fighting the mountain.
And the WORST part? The most terrible of it all?
It does not LOOK monstrous.
Absolute destruction and the unending void between stars, the whispering fatal call of a winter sleep, the settled absolution of one who stands between those they protect and those who would harm... even unto death. The being that LOOMS, magnificent, majestic, and terrible above them?
They are starlight.
Painted upon the world by the most loving calligraphers brush. Sweeping lines, delicate detail, a fluidity that transcends. No one could ever mistake them for human. Their armor crafted from the night sky, clearer and closer then any of them could ever know. A living thing that acts like a window to some great beyond.
Compacted snow. Compressed so far beyond the point of steel, it has become something unimaginable. Covers their hands, their feet, in deadly yet delicate protection.
And the CROWN.
Upon a mane of hair, that floats as though weightless, like fire drifting in the breeze? Sits a crown of ever shifting green light and ice. It cradles their head, ice lovingly trailing down to frame eyes...
It is the EYES that break them.
Green like the Zone. Like souls, like the dead. Like what you've done. Green so Green. Living things and all that's been ended. Can you FEEL it? The way your very Chakra, bound so tightly around all that you are, the very force of LIFE itself? Shrieks and howls in jibbering fear? In mindless panic? Desperate to get away?
We do not mix. You and I.
You are Alive.
I am Dead.
But oh, he is so SO much stronger. It does not matter his intent. Only what he IS. The natural reaction. Like positive and negative repelling each other. The aggressively alive fear the unresting dead. It's the Chakra in them.
It's why Naruto-chan is so terrified of ghosts! Which makes Lil Dragon Man sad :( he keeps screaming hysterically, throwing things, and scrambling out the nearest window. Has cried. Lil dragon man avoids him so as not to upset. He's not mad, since for all his job is to Be Silly™? He DOES have Danny's ability to threat assess.
Kiddo just scared. Not mean.
It's? Honestly WEIRD how cool with him the Uchiha are. Silly lil gremlin appearance aside... they ARE ninja. He SHOULD be giving them creeping "horror movie" vibes. Not "no, actually? This is BABY. Rambunctious. Mischievous. A child. I love him." Vibez. Why? Is he beloved?
It's gonna be HILARIOUS. Cause the Uchiha are totally fine with just having their new Dragon baby collective son. He is a devious, mischievous, powerful lil shit and they LOVE that about him. Have a snack~ and a kunai~♡ Who's a precious lil thing? You are! Yes you ARE! They're gonna teach you how to hamstring your opponents next!
Then Itachi get threatened while wearing his Daddy n me baby sling, on some escort mission? Twas a TRAP? Danzo up to some shit? Oh no?
*Oh Fortuna starts playing*
*reality CRACKS as boss music gets louder*
SUPRISE MUTHER FUCKERS! No, Itachi DIDNT summon the big one! Apparently the BABY can summon the big one! Whenever IT feels the situation requires it!!! Behold the DRAGON DEATH KING! *tiny yaaaaaaaay and clapping noises from the lil baby man*
Oh god? I am? Cackling? You go to feed the Tiny Terrible Gremlin Noodle... turn your back to grab it food... turn BACK around?
W....why are there TWO now?
Oh dear God no. They're multiplying! D:>
All the Uchiha slowly but surely get one. People are giving THEIRS lil outfits. Because THEIR lil dragon is a Proper Lil Ninja, unlike YOUR little heathen! See? Their precious lil baby has a tiny flackjacket and headband! Or formal kimono! Or lil maid outfit!
Some of them BITE!
And just? You see the most stone faced, humorless, ASSHO.E Uchiha known to man.... waking around with a floppy lil noodle dragon baby sprawled around their shoulders or tucked like a toddler in their arms. Draped over their heads going :p with elevator music going on behind the eyes.
And you just? D... do you MENTION it?
You look the hardass nin in the humorless murder eyes. You think not. Nope! That is apparently their lil precious baby boy and you're NOT TOUCHIN THAT™! Ha ha... you wanna live!
They don't blink, still the human equivalent of being slowly and emotionlessly choked to death on a cold winter's night, as they feed their small adorable lil noodle friend a wittle tweat. Because he's being very well behaved and they spoil him.
It apparently SUPER COMMON?
All the "We Are Ninja, We Have No Humor And Are All Assholes" Uchiha Clan are all walking around AGGRESSIVELY pack bonded to these lil noodle creatures and just? DUMPING all the backed up "I got to LOVE SO HARD YOU DONT UNDERSTAND AAAAA-" Hormones and instincts onto this presumably safe outlit?
It's a dragon! That's safe right? They're allowed to get Weird Uchiha Clingy I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'LL BURN EVERTHING 5EVA AAAAAAA-!!!! *cough* I mean... enotionally attached. Not like a dragon baby can be an enemy agent. Or die on you. They'll out live you! Very sturdy.
This would definitely make them get closer to clans like the Inuzuka-- and possibly the Aburame--who fight with animal companions. Because, like--if someone tries to stop the Uchiha from having those companions? To tell them to keep them at home, away from missions?
Then that invites the possibility someone might turn that same argument against the Inuzuka next.
And the Inuzuka would NOT be having with that.
Also... something something the little dragons are basically all clones of each other since they are Danny offshoots--including if Dani sneaks in there--and some bugs essentially function like that, basically being clones of each other, so...
...On that note, would/could the Danny dragons work as a sort of hive mind if the situation called for it?
I love how this would probably save the Uchiha Clan from death too! They were isolated, before. Now they have Allies! Dragon children to defend! Presumably Papa/Mama Dragon ready to pop by if the Littles are angry.
I do wonder if a LBM would eventually start to gain its own personality. Their own Cores. Start to Actually Look Different. Maybe like their Bonded?
(Why is that one Blond!?!? There's No Blomd Uchiha!)
Oh god? That's hilariously terrifying? IMAGINE~☆ no, for real, imagine it!
You are in a room full of mixed ninjas from various Clans. Those weird lil noodle things are fuckin EVERYWHERE. They are suddenly to the Uchiha what dogs are to the Inuzuka but? Somehow NOT? Are permanent babies? Because the Uchiha already had Nin-Cats.
It was a Whole Thing. Still is? You can hear an Inuzuka joking to a living statue of a Uchiha, just an UTTERLY humorless looking bastard, that they've clearly upgraded. All while the Uchiha's nin-cat next to them is making rude gestures at his dog, who looks long suffering.
ALL the Uchiha are carrying these weird toddler dragon things.
ALL OF THEM.
They're cuddled up, watching in fascination, as the Elders go about their day. Play Go and do old people meddling. Treated like beloved grandchildren. They are stuffed in a wild variety of decorative lil outfits by housewives, who gleefully cart them around to coo over and share their day with. You have yet to see a SINGLE uchiha kid who ISN'T carting one around like a security blanket/younger sibling/beloved puppy or something!
And the official nin?
It's apparently bring your weird noodle kid to work day! They ALL insist the dragon thing is "their child". You're not sure if they mean "I adopted them" or "this one is mine, as opposed to the OTHER dragon children". You're afraid to ask.
But like? They? Are on duty???
How is this allowed?
Seriously, no, like? Good for them or whatever. They have apparently dislodged the collective stick up their asses. Great! Maybe they'll be less nightmares to work with! But??? You GOT TO ASK. Because SOMEONE FUCKING HAS TO and apparently everyone else is a COWARD?
If those things are "toddler" dragon thingies or whatever? Is it REALLY okay to let the Uchiha be carting them around like this? We don't bring kids on missions for a REASON. You are concerned.
Somehow this makes all the super bristling Uchiha around you relax like you are suddenly their best friend. They damn near shout over each other as they try to be the first to explain to you, in Very Serious Debriefing Voice, their multi decade child rearing plan. There is shoving.
Oh.
Oh they are awkward lil weirdos, aren't they? Entire clan has history's worst case of Resting Bitch Face. You can practically FEEL your Aburame teammate laughing at you. They DID try to explain. You just didn't really get the bug terminology. Yeah, yeah, fuck you too, buddy.
So they're like... perma-puppies? Long lived to the point they might as well be? Is it a Clan wide permanent D-Rank thing? You babysit, the boss summons MIGHT answer you?
You don't "get it". But, whatever. They seem less "we feast off the terror of small children" so, honestly? Take it as a win.
You watch as a Inuzuka pads past with a colony(?) of the noodle things gleefully clinging to their back. They've agreed to amuse the noodles while their... "parents"(?) turn in reports? The little guys are cheering and having the time of their lives. You gotta admit... it's kinda ridiculously cute.
But THEN?
Some asshole Chunin SHOVES an Uchiha genin who was quietly waiting in line to hand in his team's reports. His team, across the room, whip around when they hear the little guy's cut off startled cry. The genin BARELY avoids biting the floorboards thanks to a nearby Aburame jounin, who's hand shoots out to catch them.
The Uchiha around the room, previously so... not, RELAXED per say, but calm? Tense. Like they are suddenly in enemy territory. What the FUCK? You can see them, shifting, ready to intervene.
The Chunin clearly can't read a room for SHIT. Sneers down at the genin, IGNORING the ominous low buzz coming from the Aburame who just caught them, and is clearly about to say something UGLY when?
Deafening Silence.
Countless Eyes.
It takes a moment to understand the change. It's become so... so NORMAL. Background chatter and buzz. The squeals, the chirps, the mrrps and grumbles. Constant, chatty, opinionated noise... suddenly DEAFENINGLY silent. You look down.
It's like time slows as you do.
The noodle creatures... forever moving, giggling, mischievous and ALIVE... are all Perfectly Still. Not breathing. Not blinking. Just.... silent.
Like predators.
They don't look so cute at the moment. Claws sharper then you KNOW they were a second ago, coloration darker, eyes GLOWING. They look like piranhas in the air. Sharp, deadly, and... and with a sinking feeling... your eyes shoot around. Trying to count EXACTLY how many there are.
The room is COVERED in small, glowing, eyes.
Heads that move in perfect synchronization. All focused on the Chunin. The Threat. What a second agon was hundreds of individual little dragons... is now a Singular Hive Mind. Like an Aburame's companions made large.
Oh.... Oh SHIT.
You shakely reach out to smack desperately at your Aburame teammate for ANSWERS. Is that a bug? PLEASE tell you that is a bug and they can kinda control it! We are trapped in a ROOM with them!! The Uchiha did NOT need help getting more terrifying!
Just. Danny! Only Danny! He fucked up. Some ancient Warring States Ninja fucked up. They BOTH agreed to NEVER talk about it again.
Cause like? That ninja? Was a GROWN ASS MAN. A qualified BAMF of the highest order. He WAS the Danger, thank you very much. So, he? Will NEVER live down being saved by...well...
*holds up wildly struggling, noodle limbed, sad wet raccoon havin a terrible day lookin, meat thresher on legs*
THIS.
It's a BABY. Honestly, his Clan's TODDLERS know how to throw better punch. This scrawny infant baby child is both? His new son. AND an embarrassing trainwreck in motion. FFS kid, that's not how you- No! NO! Don't you DARE bite that opponent! You don't know where they've B-!
Kid they could have BEEN POISONED!!! Spit um OUT! DROP UM! Drop that RIGHT NOW! What are you? A dead Inuzuka? A god forsaken Hatake!? DROP IT!!!
It...sure is An Adventure™.
One of many early "here's how you DON'T make a Summoning contract" experiments, that Clans without seal masters were attempting. He's honestly lucky HIS attempt ended with him still... you know... ALIVE. Problem, though? After bunking for like... a few months? A year? In the command center?
And you know, terrorizing the GIW into complete collapse. Parenting him through some pretty serious life changes. Somehow making Sam MORE terrifying. And a whole host of off screen ninja shenanigans? They figure out? Oh. Only way to send him HOME is to either accept or refuse a Contract.
They gotta make one.
First they head to Frostbite for a recommendation, then? Off to a reputable Ghost Lawyer they go! They have to camp in the waiting room for like... a week. But? Worth it! The contract is AMAZING. And terrifying! Protects them both. Can't be used against EITHER. And that loophole you're thinking off? Ten pages worth of point 4 script, twenty three yards down, for why it's a BAD IDEA and breaks contract~!
Neither of them can make the other do SHIT! Only fully consensual, mutually beneficial, ass kicking here! If we FEEL LIKE IT!
Ninja dad insisted. Never sign a contract with anything less then extreme paranoia, kid! Leave no "implied" or "spirit of the rules"! Loopholes are holes in your armor, with which your enemy stabs you in the back!
Danny, tearfully, sends ninja dad home.
Gross. Emotions all over his armor. If only there wasn't all this sand in his eyes, he'd definitely complain about it. *stoic ninja hug*
Danny? Become a king. One of many. An Ancient. Becomes FUCKING HUUUUUUUUGE. Like? "Aw, your city is so pwecious~☆ n smol~♡! Whats it called again? New York?" Huge. A fuckin LEVIATHAN made of void, stars, and space ice. A Winter corpse, marked by lightning, that became the night sky itself. With a crown of aurora borealis, ever shifting, like flame.
Proportional, in a way, to Summon Bosses. Just as a normal human is to a normal toad, a normal cat, a normal slug. So too, is Danny LARGER then them.
You know... when he feels like it.
The contract? Passes down. Ninja dad does warn his kin. Prooooobably not gonna answer you. He only answers ME cause I'm, well, ME.
Fuckin BET. They declare. And lose. Repeatedly.
Time marches on. The Senju and Uchiha has their Drama. Dear KAMI do they Have Their Drama. Please Stop, says everyone. They... do not. The contract? Fuckin STOLEN. Because of course it is.
It's a HUGE, glowing, death radiating Summons Contract kept in a shrine behind like... SO MANY seals. It makes anyone less then a full grown JOUNIN physically SICK to even touch! Prolonged exposure kills people! Of COURSE it gets fuckin stolen. It's obviously a super, mega, ultra rare AMAZEBALLS Summon Contract... right?
Eeeeeeeeeeeh *so-so hand motion* KINDA!
It IS technically that.
They ain't wrong. Cause Danny IS an Adult now. A King. Connected to the Zone. An ANCIENT. Beyond and Above his mortal origins, even as, by being a Halfa, he is utterly the same. That contract is as close as one could GET to having a contract with the Sage himself.
You know... if he answered you.
Felt like your petty bullshit was worth getting up off the couch for.
Not to MENTION? He can make clones! Like.... billions of them now. Has a skeleton army. Is kinda one of the stronger Ancients. But that's not the point. The POINT? Clones. Don't have to be EQUAL facets of self.
You CAN make a .00001% clone of yourself!
Behold *summons poof noise* Lil Baby Man!
The harbinger of Danny! Here to Test Your VIBEZ™. He sends them each time. To be an adorable menace. Cause problems on purpose. Be gremlins, chew on table legs, maybe. You know, the works! They RADIATE his " I Am Death." Energy. But also his "winter, protection, and starlight" vibes... if you're brave enough to LOOK.
If you don't flinch away from a spirit of the dead. Can embrace the chaotic nature of a Zone ghost. Are kind to something that isn't what you expected, that you can USE, that appears weaker then you. Something that seems dumb. Distractable. Useless in battle.
Can you be kind? Do you immediately give up? To recognize a test when you see one? Is your first impulse cruelty? Distain? It tells Danny a lot. Saves him time.
Which? Is how a young Itachi, freshly Jounin'd, gets thrown through an old and rotting wooden gate into what LOOKS like a vaguely demonic death shrine. Hmmm, concerning. Baby 'tachi has been separated from his teammates. Is having a Bad Time™. The crows can't really help much here.
And, well, that IS a Summoning contract...
He's outnumbered. Low on both weapons and Chakra. Refuses to do anything BUT return home to his family. His baby brother. Is it WISE? No. It is in fact, incredibly, incredibly UNWISE. He has no idea what he'll be agreeing too. But... so long as he live just a bit longer...
He slams an earth wall against the entrance.
Falls back to the Glowing Contract.
Stumbles, as even landing near it makes his insides revolt. His skin prickle and burn. Colder then the nine tails Chakra, emptier, yet somehow endlessly more ABSOLUTE.
It's like the very Chakra in his body screams against it. Rejects it's mere presence. As though all thing alive REFUSE it with desperation and fear. He has no time to muse upon this. It hurt his hand to touch. He does so anyway. Struggling to hold the earthwall against enemy attacks.
He doesn't bother to read the contract. Flings it from the pedestal, to unravel, so he may sign quickly. There. With a practiced motion, he nicks his finger, and scrawls his future away. Whatever demons may come. Whatever monsters this brings. Please... let him live long enough to say goodbye.
The world CRACKS as he summons.
Death and the Shinigami are not the same.
Even those without the ability to sense are battered by the tsunami of... not killing intent. No. There is no intent. No killing. Just... knowing. Heraldry. That Death comes for us all. You can not escape. Foolish and small, is this what you waste your existence on? Ants before a god. Dust before the heavens. He... he can not... breathe...
Frozen. Eyes wide. Sharigan spinning, spinning, spinning. Capturing the delicate lace of nothingness, absence of life, as it drifts by. Unable to move from where he kneels, bloody hand pressed to the ground, in a Summoning.
What Has He Done?
Outside there is panic. Screaming. They flee. He... he wishes he could flee. W...why can't he-? *THHHWAP!* Mmmmph?! Something small and almost bird shaped smacks into his face like a flung ration. Tiny arms spread wide to cling to his bangs and dangle. The deathy power fades... almost... almost as though it were... a threat display?
He focuses on the tiny creature whining and hugging his face. It... is a floating snake toddler? Or is it dragon? They have sharp little claws and stars along their face, a tiny whispy mane of white. Likely a dragon child then. They stick their small tounge out slightly, eyes the blankly trusting stare of small children everywhere.
He clearly want to be carried. Ah. Of course, little one.
Did... did he agree to raise a dragon?
Just?
Itachi, smol. Serious. With lil baby man floped on his head or tucked lovingly in his arms. The TEXTBOOK definition of "he don't bite" "YES HE DO!!!" For everyone but Itachi and Sasuke. To whom he is, of course, an INNOCENT BABY who has NEVER done anything wrong EVER. An angel! Why is everyone being so MEAN to poor innocent baby man? Boo hoo~!
It fucks up SO MANY plans.
Because Itachi. A smol child. INSISTS he is a Father now. What are you going to do? Say he can be? Why? Because he's a CHILD? Which is it? Is he a Jounin or a Dependant? An adult in the eyes of the law or a child to be protected by said law from pushing him off to war? Old enough to die, old enough to parent his dragon son!
And SORRY Father, he CANT join Anbu. Who would be there for his child? Ah, he should join a parenting group. *various competent parent instincts go haywire over this tiny Uchiha child in need of parenting* Danzo? For some reason his son seems to really, REALLY hate him. Better avoid him. His child doesn't know yet not to bite respected elders.
Sasuke? Gets to be an UNCLE! To a DRAGON! He takes his job very seriously.
The GIW had finally managed to infiltrated the Ghost Zone and Danny was prepared to fight. Till his final bitter breath if he had to. No way where these white suited freaks about to march into his territory free of consequences. Unfortunately, Clockwork didn't seem to agree with him because before the first battle, his mentor flung him through a portal and into a room full of costumed strangers.
I know the implication is things are looking grim? But? My brain IMMEDIATELY went? Too?
"Oh he's about to do something DEEPLY fucked up, isn't he?"
In very much the vein of "honey, I need you to go inside. Papa has to Talk to these men real quick. Close the doors and cover your ears. Don't look."
Like? This has gone on Long Enough. The squabbles and fighting of children are not the concern of Ancients. But! When you cross that invisible line in the sand? When you test their patience? Seemingly endless? And FINALLY find the very last straw?
It's like feeling the earth moving beneath you.
Realizing that which you stood upon was no mountain.
It was a sleeping God.
And you FINALLY, in your hubris, have made the seemingly immovable heaven move.
There is no victory in that. Because you were a fool. Incapable of comprehending the cosmic scale of which you woke. Which you had angered. Beyond mere giants, they were sleeping galaxies and gods. And their fury is beyond compression.
Your weapons are TOYS unto them. Pinching little annoyances. Made to fight children. To kill infants and soft, gentle things. THEY have never been such. And you PLEASED now? That you FINALLY have their attention? Like a spoiled child, destructive and cruel, that has set fire to his home to get what he desires?
Not since Pariah, have they been forced to move. To be so PRESENT. The full weight of their power like warping chains upon creation, heavy mantles, fit for Gods. Arrogant little souls. Born of a pathetic, selfish little world.
You truely do think you're somehow special, don't you?
Better then Death itself.
And of COURSE they remove the children. This sort of thing is not for their eyes. Is the terrible, ugly burden of the old. The Ancient. Those who are powerful and wise enough to act. Who have seen realities come and go, be born and perish. Who know the Laws Immutable.
This little realm is not special. Even the muck of wastelands can birth a King. They forgot themselves. Their place in the community of the infinite and the Laws that bind it.
ALL things Die.
Including world's. Including stars and Galaxies. Universe. Gods, realities, and the fragile little bubbles that hold them. With how far you've gone, why SHOULDN'T we end yours?
And oh, the hands that crack and squeeze the boundaries of Danny's world. But he's not there to see it.
The fear. The panic. The terror in the streets as the sky crack and distorts. The strangers embracing, weeping on their knees. Children crying. Storms raging. Humanity AFRAID and unable to understand what has brought sure terror upon them. Such divine wrath.
Because the GIW does not represent them.
And such truth is said. In a voice shaking but brave. Because Valerie Grey refuses to run. Let ghosts ruin lives and hurt people. Even if she's figured out they aren't all bad, these guys? Are ASSHOLES.
She can't find Danny. His friends are rescuing people from the storms. His PARENTS are trying to stabilize reality. And his sister is helping at the emergency shelter to keep everyone calm. Her Dad's running the shield.
If she fails. This might be IT.
Fuck the GIW. What did the REST of them do!? What did DANNY? You think he can just, what, find a NEW home? Shrug off your destruction of BILLIONS of lives because a small group of asshole crossed the line? WE didn't attack you! THEY did! Just them!
If you're so great and powerful, stop being LAZY, and deal with the PROBLEM directly! Leave the rest of us ALONE! Killing us all because it's easier??
MAKES YOU NO BETTER THE PARIAH!
Bold words. And wholey untrue, of course. They know this. The atrocities Pariah committed or beyond the child's compression. Her worst nightmares. But... there are sparks of truth in the wisdom of children.
The white suited men are no kings of their realm. It should not suffer for their crimes.
Only THEY should.
And? By the time Danny Superhero Team Up's his way through an epic, life changing adventure of personal growth and Heroic friendship, as one does, to get back to his reality? Now with EXTRA Heros for a Heroic throw down to Save The Day(tm)?
Uuuuuuuh? Why is everything... Hella broken? Red Huntress is getting a presidential medal of honor? Makes perfect sense. Why though? And where is the-? Okay why is no one willing to look me in the eyes?! Okay, this is weird! I'm gonna go ask Clockw-
Intrigued by the semantic differences between the nouns “prophet” and “oracle”, as I am writing a short story about cats and struggling with my word choice.
Both can mean an individual person gifted with foresight. A person who is an oracle can prophesize and make a prophecy, but is an oracle a prophet? Why or why not?
Conventional definitions are pretty much the same: both are people gifted with foresight and looked to as the mediums through which divinity communicates with humanity. But would you call the Pythia a prophet? Would you call Moses an oracle?
It seems wrong, somehow, and I’m not sure where that bias is coming from. Perhaps it’s an association between oracles and polytheism vs prophets and monotheism. I imagine an oracle as someone you could go to to ask when you should plant your crops and a prophet as someone you should ask about the trolley problem.
An oracle is someone you get put on a waitlist to see and a prophet is someone you have to remove from your yard by pushing them into a wheelbarrow and carting them over the property line.
I guess in my head I always figured the difference was that an oracle could do it at will or at least had some control over it and a prophet was beholden to whenever the god(s) chose to speak through them.
Plus the aesthetic difference. An oracle is respected, part of the establishment, has an attending set of priests. A prophet shows up at your coronation looking like a shepherd who spent the last 40 years in a cave to tell you you’re a little bitch.
[opens door to see a haggard-looking wanderer dressed in shabby clothes with the light of divine inspiration burning in their eyes and important words at the tip of their tongue]
[points to sign on door that says ‘NO PROPHESIZING’]
Oracles ask and then receive. They may not like the answer, but they usually have to prompt prophecy into occurring.
A PROPHET however? (The) God(s) kiss a brick all real nice, haul back, then YEET that sucker at some poor bastards head. Then we ALL get to live with what happens next.
@englandsgirl18181234 (Responding to tags) (Cause also, hey same!)
You're not wrong? Oracles def have some degree of control that prophets do NOT. I think it's a difference in compulsion/duty/domain? Like the difference between a new anchor and a mail carrier. Both bring "the news" but one is just commenting on what IS and the other is bring TO YOU what was sent.
A prophet is a messenger. Fate/Judgment is coming. Better watch out! Maybe you can change it, maybe this is only the kindness of letting you get your affairs in order. But they have come to deliver the Prophecy Mail™ and we all gotta live with that.
ORACLES? Commenting on the weather. Rome will fall. A mountain is gonna explode somewhere. Oh, neat, something called an "airplane" will someday exsist. We eat our bread, sip our tea, and try not to go insane. They get Spoilers. All the time, ALL THE TIME. But, hey! Some times it's good news!
Stop ASKING them about shit you don't actually want the answer too.
You keep asking "oh, oracle, how will I die?" And then getting all suprise pikachu face WHEN THEY TELL YOU! You're NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO AVOID THAT! In fact, you'll actively MAKE IT WORSE TRYING! They'd warn you if this was one of that "hey, maybe bring an umbrella" moments!
Being an Oracle is sucks. But at least you're not a prophet!
The REALLY unlucky guys are the ones with just "visions". At least Oracles n Prophets get fuckin CONTEXT. Visions are just-> *violent sensory confetti sand blasting you in the brain* Make SENSE OF THIS, FUCKER!!! *throws more*
Little thought of the day: What if "New Mandalorians" was the name of a movement rather than a group?
Lemme explain:
I we look at the True Mandalorians and Death Watch, we can see that they are two specific groups, with a specific leader and also a chain of command, who have a specific objective and code etc.
They were an important part of the war, but they were still two distinct groups.
But then we look at the New Mandalorians, and we are told that they are the vast majority of the mandalorians, but how is that possible for one single group of people to all agree on what is supposed to be planetarian level? It just does not feel possible to me.
So, what if there were actually multiple mandalorian groups, who shared a lot of common points and even philosophies and ideals, but still diverged in others? And so they all got grouped into the name "New Mandalorians" because of it?
That would make sense, because as I understand it, the split isn’t really between Death Watch, True Mandalorians and New Mandalorians…
…but between Old Mandalorians (descriptive term; Mandalorians who kept to the old ways) and New Mandalorians (also a descriptive term; Mandalorians who adopted new ways). The Old Mandalorians then had a major schism that resulted them splitting in Death Watch and True Mandalorians. It’s probably a very simplified account that omits smaller groups, groups that haven’t declared for one or another of the major factions, groups living outside of the Mandalorian space, etc.
So yes, I think that we just didn’t get anything on the internal politics and schisms inside the big descriptive group of New Mandalorians.
So. I was just going to adjust this to represent the Civil Wars, but um. Things got out of control lol
I think it would be more like this?
They talk about New Mando internal conflict a little bit in the reference books. This post has a lot of the lore for the New Mandos and how they came to power if you’re interested, op.
And the New Mandos were a movement! And made up of multiple Mandalorian groups. I believe they made up the vast majority of Mandalorians that stayed in the sector, but not overall. A bunch of Mandalorians disappeared into the galaxy after/during the Excision, Republic occupation, Imperial occupation, and the Night of a Thousand Tears. So there could be any number of Mandos out there.
1) this makes perfect sense. And 2) lol, the stages of some poor educator at a space whiteboard trying to answer "so there's like... two, three groups? How hard could really BE to negotiate with Mandalore?" Like... y-you want the short version or the long one?
(And keep in mind each of those circles PROBABLY has sub groups. I.E. "what KIND of Christian?" And "yeah but he's Russian orthodox and I'm Peruvian orthodox, we are NOT the same")
Like? There are probably plenty of new Mandalorians who are FINE with armor! It's defensive! But why do you need a flamethrower? It's insane to be walking around that heavily armed! Maybe we DONT want blasters in every school, ya know?
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