A Distillation of Leaf Mould

[evocation-of-mystical-eidolons]

we live on a floating rock

We live on a floating rock. Life is absurd and we must forget this feeling if we wish to survive. To be in state where you realize all the corruption;  all the greed all the uncertainty. You can't continue to exist with the knowledge that some people will inevitably suffer for no reason. Your own meaningless suffering. If death is the end of consciousness what was it all for. The agony of having to exist and not feel you can be all you can be. The anguish of the existence of strife and transience of all things. Doing anything is futile. Face dragged into the ground in utter misery and gloomy desolation of thought. Endlessly consuming media, art as a way to just barely cope. Chronically online. Neurodivergent and beset by the nameless fears and anxieties of psychosis. Feeling a profound alienation from yourself wishing and hoping you're expressing your emotions truly and a hope that your not being false. Dissociating the world is far away...I'm still existing here in this life and my existence has continued from my mother to current day unbroken. Feeling everything is worthless feeling downcast and sickened in spirit. Feeling like hunks of meat on bones, deadened numb and cold. I can't even fathom what the answer to life is, is there an answer in that sense at all? Slowly putrefying body-envolopes.

[leg-stealing-bee]

it's not bad art if you had fun making it

[leg-stealing-bee]

[astraltrickster]

This post is your reminder that you are not obligated to blog about current events.

Things are bad. Really bad. Do not let people guilt trip you into tormenting yourself even further over the fact that things are bad. Doomscrolling is not activism.

If you're just on tumblr to blorbopost or reblog pretty pictures, you are not harming people by inaction.

You are not a bad person for not dedicating every aspect of your life and leisure space to whatever disgusting mask-off attack on human life and dignity some government has decided to enact.

Take action where you can, but don't confuse doomscrolling and digital self harm for action.

If you need to lose yourself in blorboposting, go for it.

If you need to log off for the day, whether it's to take irl action or to protect what little sanity any of us have left over the past 7 years, then by all means, do.

Morale is important. Hope is important. Small joys keep us from burning out completely in times like this. Do not let any "if you don't reblog this I'm judging you" guilt trip convince you otherwise.

[evocation-of-mystical-eidolons]

I love you "cringeworthy" weeaboos

I love interspersing speech with Japanese

Cringe culture is dead!

[evocation-of-mystical-eidolons]

Privations of Spirit

Anguished by limitations; by not being able to be as intense as possible, ravaged and beset by shames and vomiting's, assailed by nothingness's alienated by your own self-weaknesses and ineffable limitations agonizing privations of spirit and impotency. More to write, self-deceived and barren utterly desolate eld fears searching and scurrying frights and to think of the vast barrenness devoid of thought dumb and beaten...I have to write to prove myself worthy of loftiness. Is loftiness my ultimate aim? what I would aspire to consecrate my life to? I'm too cast adrift and capricious to hold to any course I hesitate to define myself determinately yes I'm sick in spirit agonizing interminably...To not be intoxicated with Art or something even more barely expressed: richness is emphatically a dearth...

[shihlun]

A Chinese calligram depicting 目蓮僧報恩經

[altar-ov-blood]

Sanguine Relic

[evocation-of-mystical-eidolons]

Visit Original Link

[evocation-of-mystical-eidolons]

Wintry day brooding darksome Silent and sad flitting thoughts Sorrow ineffable pervading all things The omnipresent dearth And the cold chill of dukkhas pall

[l0vegl0wsinthedark]

When cats lie on their backs and look at you upside down with their little vampire tooth sticking out reblog if you agree

[corinndigo-deactivated20230408]

[disco-cowboygirl-deactivated202]

TOOTHLESS??????

[evocation-of-mystical-eidolons]

I nodded and started presently a phantasmal and grotesque appendage slipped into my view...calcinated by the purification of spectral larvae I dozed and was sent whirling down nether abysses of non individuated oneness as of Neoplatonists...my eyes wrenched toward acrid gaudy lights drunk as of tenuous shadows tenebrous litten by eld mothy moon eared excrescences protruding from the luminous aether in unbounded spaces my neck snapped under pressure of pachydermatous hands of ferruginous salts of ammonia my brain was ravaged and I sunk utterly...infinite revulsion of spirit anguish clad by raiment of oleaginous and unctuous agglutinations of loathsome putrescent slime of eggs of enormous Worms and toads of fungal larvae and maggot born exhalations as of ophiolatrous worshippers beating ponderous drums to the tattoo of infernal rhythms my heart was choked and withering to hoary greybeards in the Selene clad prognathous cerements palls blackened teeming with spermatozoa and oocytes alleles as of genetic abominations delivered to my knowledge through cacophonous dins of insensate pulsating horrors acrimonious and ragged drug through miry fens and bogs of abhorrent medieval sorcerers witches clad in starry lachrymose textiles wrought from the skin of wyverns...my mental proscenium was filled with visions miasmal and horrendous celestial and glacial primal and prehistoric teeming masses of ancient organisms the entire phylogeny tree bifurcation and budding in myriad efflorescence's and umbels roseate honied speech flowed from the lips of maidens defiling from an eld cathedral clad in lace dresses as of white snow tresses as of ravens a grand processional of mystic proportions these imidrizing visions gave way to a new tide of repulsive abnormities flowed in unending tortuous cascades grim spectres of deaths heads and a tide of seething masses of horrid bat deamons culled from nether acrid caves as of trolls and moss swords and castles crypts buried rotting spectres phantoms of nitre-encrusted toads lurking in swampy fens denizens of ancient eld dominions of wizened cronies Hyperborean mages of alchemical phantasies philtres of love potions...I wavered and faltered encumbered by noisome vapors beset my nocturnal owls of sulphur and bitumen my soul froze and I wearied agonized by tumultuous vast scurrying thoughts of anguished wails of frightful ogres and ghouls, spawn of Tartarus and the eternal limitless abyss of Nyx. Beaten goaded and sickened my spirit breaks and is tattered and ravaged by innumerable orcs Elven faeries capered to and fro in front of the darksome and brooding grotto they danced a merry and gay jig the Gladsome and light airy fays or the aerial and ethereal sylph of Paracelsus I was entranced and filled with myriad tender thoughts as I gazed at the joyous dance of the eld little folk yet I was as yet still beset by ravages of the mind...ineffably weary weltschmerz unspeakable existential dread the vast and sardonic derision of the evil propagator of the universe I was tossed tempestuously and rendered derelict and abandoned my body was benumbed by an ancient and terrible icy frost of Norse hells beset beleaguered and bombarded beaten and torn ripped limb from limb utterly extirpated my soul cried out in horrendous despair why ? And the silence mocked my personal credo quia absurdums of Thomas Browne formulated and expressed at my utter limit of anguish De Profundis Domine Lord of the depths I have cried to thee blot out my iniquities , lord have mercy my anguish is yet a species of pride to be simple and humble to be meek I will do penance and mortify my concupiscent desires of the flesh self flagellate and beat my breast have pity on a lost soul wandering in the barren and desolate desert of Nubia I execrate this paltry and puerile life it is devoid of any worth it is a vanity and a lie a profound dearth worthless and ragged and torn asunder...I was slightly taken aback by this sudden torrent of pious devotion which had sprang from my lips I gazed at a crucifix hanging on the wall and thought of the Spanish black Madonna's and the byzantine Christ Panocrator...newly inspired I quickly navigated to the yt channel poesie psychotique vaguely felt affinities to my own experiences a vindication a link to an artistic vision of chaotic and beautiful nay more basically rich vibey vague and various Imagos as of moths of aether and silken dreams wrought in batik Malayan textiles...next I gingerly lifted a mug of fortifying libation of rich earth mould acidulous coffee darker than black as of anime archetypes creating effectively infinite expansive legendariums I sipped and savoured the rich flavour, the inimitable beverage quaffed by decadent dandys nay that was the green fairy Absinthe...my thoughts wandered and new images wrought of psychobabble formed novel and magnificent malformations upon my mental proscenium I plodded along the circuitous and labyrinthine passage of an eld mouldering city of vast cyclopean edifices raised by some archaic prehistoric race who worshipped ithyphallic monolithic idols of rough hewn basaltic stone and porphyry...I glimpsed terrible and arcane carvings and hieroglyphs carven into the malevolent stone which forbode of unknown and arcane rituals of sacrifice to zoomorphic and amorphous god beings extraterrestrial eldritch abominations spawned in the further reaches of Saturn at the edges of the cosmos...they were fungoid beings born from aerial sporangia which traveled galactic distances and arrived on Saturn countless aeons ago they were the Old Ones the Elder Gods identified with all the primal earthly deities of El and Astarte the horned goddess who dances a gyrating and lascivious ritual before the Tetrarch incense laden an perfumed of rich and fragrant myrrh and balsam and also darker satanic perfumes of acontium and wolfsbane they were henna painted and curved voluptuously to the tattoo of a drum beaten incessantly a decadent femme fatale an intoxicating houri of Islamic paradise an exotic oriental goddess the avatar of the destroyer Kali of brooding Kolkata which birthed deafening and thunderous war metal pummeling in its torrent of audial sonic desecrating filth.

[evocation-of-mystical-eidolons]

I was sequestered in that padded swivel gaming chair, ensconced In the Internet environment; as of Keroro's of the mind evoked Parapsychology, Phenomenology as of Koyré and Kojèves perused High-flown Euphuistic novels in the original facsimile as of Lyly's and Draytons Massive French experimental novels open as of Perecs read while imidrized, couched in my own insane neologism, the "word-mad exuberance" of Urquharts translation of Rabelais The vibey richnessess which exist, a panegyric an encomium to the inimitable diction of the Laurel-crowned and poppy-swoons of the Decadents and Symbolists; as of Clark Ashton Smiths of Grotesqueries and Bizzareness, acidulous of an earth mould tincture the fortifying libation I imbibe Stop. The insensate richnesses of internet culture, a morass, creating myriad legendariums

Triple monitors facing me a lambent blue effulgence, shoji-screens as of In Praise of Shadows aesthetic dreamed, yume nikki and dungeon-crawlers the incessant peregrination upon my mental proscenium, tumultuous, ecstatic, Doctors epithets Physicalism musing; are there no qualia? All can be reduced to a mechanist interpretation, automata, simulacra, TMV Daze revived

[evocation-of-mystical-eidolons]

I feel so worthless

[liecanthrope]

biting someone's muzzle is a love language

[liecanthrope]

sorry guys but this is literally what affection looks like

[whilereadingandwalking]

Lots of coffee and a long walk in the cold.

[anxietyproblem]

[somescenecatholic]

BUTTERFLY PEA TEA!!!!!

ITS RLLY GOOD

I put milk and sugar in >.<

[evocation-of-mystical-eidolons]

I want to try this what's the flavor like?