Ex-Manwhore

Thoughts, accounts, and philosophies of a man with a past. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-27874623-1']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();

[ex-manwhore-blog]

Women's Psych 101-003:

Disney has fucked over multiple generations' mentalities from both sides of the gender wall.

It brainwashes girls into wanting to be a princess, which is fine until you're an adult. Because without a trust fund, you have to earn a living. It tells guys that unless you're Prince Charming, you're boned. It really isn't fair. You can be a good guy, but not measure up to the irrational standards Disney has set forth. All it takes is one flaw for a guy to not fit that beyond-Jesus-level mold.

To overcome the crippling Disney has put upon you, you have to reject the mold. Don't try to be Prince Charming. Be a real human being. The fastest way to let her down in her search for Prince Charming is to try and fail at convincing her that the Civic in the driveway is an alabaster stallion. Keep in mind you're dealing with the same women who wanted to ride in a pumpkin or fly around on a carpet. Be honest, you're just a guy. She'll appreciate the honesty and measure you next to human beings not the storybook character Disney parasitically embedded into the minds of these brainwashed dronettes of Walter.

[ex-manwhore-blog]

Jack Sparrowing

The same way burglars keep dog treats, and Captain Kirk keeps a Redshirt, a successful man of expertise always has a friend in mind that they're willing to sacrifice for the greater good.

As I mentioned in Compliment Spartan if you want a more effective way of avoiding a duff that compliments you, you can shift focus to a less fortunate target. I like to refer to it as "Jack Sparrowing". If you've never seen Dead Man's Chest, Captain Jack sends the pretty boy to Davy Jones and says "If anything goes wrong, tell them 'Jack Sparrow sent you to settle his debt'". Give him the black spot so the Kracken can chase his ass.

Example:

Fuggo: You have really pretty eyes.

Dude: Thanks..Oh snap! You're the girl my friend kept talking about. He's really shy and we've been giving him crap about it all week.

Fuggo: Oh really?

XMW Side-note: Now she can't have a claim on you so her hotter friends will have nothing preventing them from talking to you. This can also be used on some other guy if you don't feel like saddling your friend with the mule, in which case you can just say you 'overheard' that guy say something about her and you don't want to step on any toes.

Situation avoided. Channel opened with her friends.

Two Birds + One Stone = Great Night.

Your Friend, -XMW 

[ex-manwhore-blog]

When your true self spills out, he’s there to keep your “reputation” clean, contain the mess, and prevent any accidents.

Every night after his routine rail of coke, Charlie Sheen calls his PR man to make sure he received the check before he goes out. When Mike Hawke heads to the bar he makes sure his Trojan PR team is present and accounted for. There's a reason Charlie Sheen was getting offered almost $2 million per episode and Tara Reid couldn't get on the Teen Choice Awards if she wanted to: Public Relations and Damage Control.

Celebrities don't want to pay a PR guy, but they know they're going to get into a situation where they need him. I don't buy condoms because they feel good and make my member feel like an overweight kid in hand-me-down rainwear. I buy them because America institues child support and I don't endorse get-rich-quick schemes. Also as a traveler I don't want to be patient zero for the genital black plague due to the mixing of the local ghonasyphilherpaids.

As a manwhore, having kids, drama, and a permanent woman in your life really hurts your ability to move forward in other sexual escapades. The more time and money you spend, the less resources you have at your disposal to hunt. So a condom isn't just a necessary evil, it's an investment in the security of your sexual freedom.

Your friend, -XMW 

[ex-manwhore-blog]

Women's Psych 101-002: Jealousy

Mufasa vs. Scar, George Bush vs. Grammar, Chuck Norris vs. Jesus, all pale in the comparison of two women fighting over a man.

Women tend to be jealous towards each other, and sometimes downright petty. A lot of girls, when they see an ex-friend's past lover, they see a way to get back at "that bitch".

Men are always portrayed as hyper-competitive; just wanting to be the alpha male and show everyone their superiority. But people forget this is just basic human instinct, survival of the fittest. And as I'm sure Darwin truly meant to say, but his wife wouldn't let him publish, the only drive stronger than a species competing for limited resources is two women battling it out for the attention of a man. The fairer sex will fight each other damn near to the death just to win. Half the time it doesn't matter what the prize is, it's just the thrill of victory women seek to know that they bested another lowly woman.

This is your point of entry.  A female friendship ending is like a divorce: Once in the middle, you're like a kid that they're going to fight for custody over. And divorced-parent-psychology tells them to buy the kid's love. But instead of getting taken to Disneyland, one of them will activate those Disney subliminal messages and let you in her circle of life.

Your friend, -XMW 

[ex-manwhore-blog]

Compliment Spartan

Spartans, like ninjas, were ever vigilant.

Spartans however, were too big and muscular to worry about getting out of the way of anything. They instead relied on Volvo sized shields to repel all incoming attacks. Assuming you have read Compliment Ninja, you might have trained yourself to have compliments at the ready. This is a good reflex to acquire, until Rosie O'donnell's less attractive sister swings her club of a compliment at you. Then you're going to want to play some defense.

Insert today's lesson:

Compliment Deflection - always knowing the emergency exits in case of a fire.

Some would say pull a girlfriend out of your ass, but I feel you have to do whatever is right for you. You've been lying to your parents all your life, so now is the time to use that skill as an adult. DO NOT COMPLIMENT BACK. Follow the basic formula of Thank, Excuse, Jet. But have fun with your lie, get creative.

Example:

Daisy O'donnell: Aww, you have a nice smile.

Dude: Thanks. Sorry, parked at a meter.

RUN.

There is a second more advanced approach to Compliment Deflection, which I affectionately refer to as "Jack Sparrowing". I will discuss this in depth in a future post.

Your friend, -XMW 

[ex-manwhore-blog]

Think about it. Do you really wanna be in bed with a girl that is the reason the ball gag was invented?

At some point during the journey of manwhoredom, you'll run across a chick that you want to donkey punch in the head almost as much as you want to doggy style. When it comes to extremes, there seem to be two kinds: The airhead, and the brainiac. While most women fall in between, there are rare pleasures to be found in the extremes. Some prefer a chick that's dumb as a rock, just for the simple fact that it takes little to no effort for her to lose her top. You know, that chick, from that one party?  

The brainiac holds herself to a higher standard and doesn't want to be that nameless girl that you hooked up with last night. But that's half the fun. There's no sport in hunting a caged animal. If you think that there is, kindly leave this blog and go watch guidos drink themselves to death. By going after the bimbo you are in essence declaring to the world you are weak. A real man, and a real man of expertise, will always take the challenge. Smart women also tend to be more proactive once heads hit pillows. Their pride won't allow them to be a bad lay.

So next time you're at a party and you've already spoken to Jessica Simpson and Dr. Victoria Zdrok, don't take the easy way out. Be a man, put on your big boy pants and go in for your check up.

Your friend, -XMW 

[ex-manwhore-blog]

Women's Psych 101-001: Roles of Power

In our society, women have power.

Look at the classic marriage archetype: the husband begrudgingly follows orders from the wife. Not always because he wants to, but because she knows she holds the key to the castle's bedchamber. Men want sex, it's science. What sucks about this fact is women are aware of it. Realize that she will use that to leverage her position. To take this power away requires commitment. I'm not saying pursue a life of celibacy, but just to downplay it.

Also realize the women enjoy sex just as much as men, they just act like they don't so they get to decide when it happens. Think about it. Women go outside of relationships for sex too, and it's not just because he's such a good listener that he deserved a "reward". Don't press, and she'll eventually initiate, which by the way, in my own humble opinion, is the best sex. You just be romantic, just to be romantic, because Brownie points operate on the principal of compounding interest. So let her hold it over your head until her arm gets tired, and see where that hand lands. The battle of the sexes is a war of attrition and testosterone will drive you insane if you sit in a foxhole forever. So instead of launching World War III, just send in Seal Team 6 (flowers and candy).

Your friend, -XMW 

[ex-manwhore-blog]

Compliment Ninja

A man is walking down the street and an axe is thrown at his back.

If he turns around and catches it, you might be thinking "Dude's a ninja". You are half right. But if he was a real ninja, he would have caught it and used the recoil as a windup to throw it right back. If he was a master ninja, he would have a ninja star in the other hand, throwing it right behind the axe.

That's how you have to be with compliments. You should walk around with two compliments ready at all times. That way, if a woman throws a compliment at you that you're not ready for, you have one to throw back to level the playing field and another right behind it to gain advantage.

Example:

Chick: You dress really nice, I like your style.

Dude: Thanks, you have beautiful eyes, (pause for 'Thanks' and when she smiles)...and you have a cute smile too.

XMW Side-note: The two I walked around with were "eyes" and smile, because they're the two features that jump out and are objective enough that you can fake easily.

Your friend, -XMW 

[ex-manwhore-blog]

Men have been swallowing their pride for years, and it's not just because it's so delicious.

It's because women refuse to. Everybody's wrong at some point, but the stigma of men being stubborn shifts all the attention to us. You can say "I'm man enough to admit" but there is no expression admitting she is wrong. Now relax ladies, I'm not saying you never do, but you don't swallow your pride. You just chew it and then spit it right back in our faces.

Even when women are wrong, it isn't their fault because somehow there's some condition that is out of their control that they truly believe justifies their actions. So when she chewed off your head for forgetting her favorite movie, then she realizes that she never told you, it's not her fault, she's just under a lot of stress.

Your friend, -XMW 

[ex-manwhore-blog]

Women's Psych 101 Intro

Men and women have been in a constant power struggle forever (insert creation story here). The reason one side hasn't become a clear victor is because neither side is smarter, just different. As with everything in life they have their strengths and weaknesses. The job of a smart man is to use his strengths and a woman's weaknesses. You will never win a fight in her arena, so don't try. Instead, focus on throwing her so far off base, she'll lose her advantage. For example, women are more emotional. That's not to say they're all emotion, but they're just more in-tune emotionally than we are. Use this to your advantage. Women's psych is about taking a woman's emotion and using it against her.

The Women's Psych series will attempt to enlighten you in the inner workings of the female mind.

Your friend, -XMW 

[ex-manwhore-blog]

Breaking the Ice

Do you walk into a room by opening the door, or by kicking it in?

Everyone thinks you need to have some kind of great "game" to be able to talk to women effectively. But after all the years of pickup lines, women just enjoy direct, non-cheesy conversation. The most effective way to start a conversation (which is half the battle), is a simple compliment delivered genuinely. You don't have to be some kind of international playboy to be able to talk to a woman. A simple "Excuse me, I just thought you were really pretty and I wanted you to know" will be so refreshing, that you just elevated yourself above the negative stigma of "most guys". That's all women really want, a guy that's different. When you talk to people about someone that is special to them or just sticks out in their mind in general, they always say "They're like no one I've ever met before". Be the one, Mr. Anderson, take the red pill, stay in Wonderland and see how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

The moral of the story is it doesn't take much to have an opening. Personally, I see an attractive woman walking down the street and I'll say something like, "Smile, it can't be that bad", or "You're too beautiful not to be smiling right now". Just relax, breathe, and let compliment fly.

Your friend, -XMW 

[ex-manwhore-blog]

Disclaimer

I don't claim to be a prophet.

I'm not a philosopher, psychologist, or trained professional of any type. I just have learned from my experiences and felt inclined to share. You may not agree with what follows. But you're going to think about it. These are not confessions of an ex-manwhore, because you only confess to what you feel guilty for. These are simply the conclusions and philosophies of one man, about women (not all women, just every woman I've ever met).

This study is based on the experiences of myself, my colleagues, and just what you see if you really look around. It's taken years of debate and socratic exchange to get here and it's gotten to the point where I have to share.

Your friend, - XMW