I’ve been in this country for about 4.5 years now. 4 months shy of the 5th year. And of course, right from the start, I have picked on the difference in habits, in the ways people my age hang out, in conduct from reacting to a situations to just name a few. For example, “I lied” is used over “Oh sorry, what I mean is...”. Over the past few years, I’ve become rather oblivious to these dissimilarities. But last night, I woke up from my slumber.
Last night, my English housemate got back from Mexico. He and his manager missed his flight from Frankfurt to London and had to get another ticket for another flight. He was retelling the story from his point of view. They got to the connecting flight gate at Frankfurt and my housemate saw that the business lounge was nearby and suggested that they freshen up there before the flight. In the previous flight, he had set his phone to UK time with the intention of correcting his jet lag. When it was time, my housemate led him and his manager back to the departure gate only to realise there wasn’t anyone and the local Frankfurt time was an hour later than his phone clock. Mind you, I’m telling this story with a neutral opinion. Very much fact-based.
Now, I’ve left out some details. As he was telling it, he also had the following comments, which will explain why I’m writing this post:
“He (my manager) shouldn’t have relied all on me”
To my question of how his manager took it - “He (my manager) was really annoyed because he missed his son’s first birthday. Not at me, but the situation.”
I’m not sure if there were any more similar comments but these 2 stood out the most. What struck me the most was the as-if natural(?) avoidance or reluctance of admitting the mistake. At no point did he say he felt bad towards his manager and to even say that his manager shouldn’t have relied on him - now that’s just trying to lift some of the blunder burden and share the blame for a mistake he made. There was not a hint of guilt. My housemate is a lovely boy. I do love him to bits. To give him the benefit of doubt, he was exhausted from the situation and from the 20-odd hours of travel. He was tired and annoyed at the whole situation whilst telling it. But this is no excuse.
The reason why I called this out as a cultural difference is because if a similar situation happened to me, where I was my housemate. I would have felt terrible. Sure, I would have said something similar to the two comments above, but you would have definitely have heard me expressed self-reproach to a large degree alongside.
At the end of the day, it’s an interesting observation. I’m not sure if I prefer one way the other. With self-reproach comes a huge degree of self-blame, self-hate and unnecessary pressure over oneself. With reluctance of admitting a mistake made, you appear to be a self-conceited airhead. Balance of the two.
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