I'm still on hiatus but was made aware of this tag, and I felt it necessary enough to respond to.
The term indigo child was used to abuse me growing up and there’s a reason I’m so vehemently pro-science, pro-medical advocacy and anti-bullshit in my chronic illness work and why seeing new age definitions bleed into mental health topics and subjects of neurodivergence is extremely triggering for me.
Being labeled an indigo child was used to convince me I didn’t need medical care, both physical and mental. The premise of the thinking was that I wasn't chronically ill; I was special. I have vivid memories of being told I was put on this earth to be a healer; that's why I was always in chronic pain; I was absorbing the pain of others to make the world a better place.
I cannot begin to tell you the amount of psychological damage and trauma that occurred from being exposed to these sort of ideologies as a child/teen, but I can tell you at the age of 34 I’m still working in therapy to untangle it.
We know now I have multiple genetic disorders and disabilities, including Ehlers Danlos Syndrome a condition which causes a great deal of physical pain. Yet there are days when I wake up in agony and the thought still filters through my head: at least someone else is suffering less. It’s a work in progress.
Same with my neurodivergence. I wasn't mentally ill/struggling with school because of a learning disability (ADHD). I was struggling because I was a Pisces (yes, really) and academia wasnt ~spiritual~ enough for me, and I should be focusing my energy more on becoming a healer. I wasn’t struggling with emotional dysregulation, or executive dysfunction, I was just an empath and highly sensitive to the world around me. The person who set me on this path? A teacher who decided to take me under their wing and nurture my vulnerability. I wasn’t failing basic high school classes because I needed help. I was failing because I was meant to be “more than normal.”
I was an indigo child. A starseed. More than human. And thus, dehumanized, denied agency and gaslit into believing my suffering was what the world needed to be a better place.
(My parents were going through their own horrific stuff before anyone asks. My whole childhood is 13 types of trauma in a trench coat pretending to be normal.)
I was 16 years old. By the time I was 17 I was practicing holistic therapies on adults. Reiki, crystal therapy, energy work, angel therapy… and the thing is… I enjoyed it. It was new and stimulating and I enjoyed learning and having people to talk to who valued my presence. And it felt nice to be special and appreciated. I wasn’t just weird or awkward. I was special—that’s why I got on so much better with adults than my own peers. I was just too Spiritual to ever be a child.
Can we say red flags? 🚩🚩🚩
Fortunately there were adults in that social circle who realized I was being abused and stepped in to stop me being radicalized and act as a buffer. By the time I was in my 20s I had a healthier understanding of what holistic and alternative health therapies meant, and how they can be used in conjunction with medicine to help people cope with the trauma of illness. Some of which I implement in a healthy and safe way in my own care today. I also did a complete 180 and started reading proper medical journals and began trying to unravel my own health issues because unfortunately, the doctors I had access to then were as ableist as the people trying to indoctrinate me. Which is also why so many people fall prey to these types of predators*.
People who use these terms are not only perpetuating ideals founded in new age eugenics; they’re often hiding abuse, sometimes without even knowing it because that’s how they were abused too. They frame neglect or exploitation as enabling spiritual growth and it’s Terrifying to see their ideologies about reality and individual uniqueness and exceptionalism being perpetuated on social media. Especially in a lot of pagan and spiritual wellness circles. I can’t even go on certain apps without feeling bombarded by it and I’m truly concerned for the emotional and mental well-being of those being exposed to it.
I know some people still use the terms as self identifiers. And I don’t blame them. There’s usually a lot of trauma behind things like this, and not everyone has the means to break free from cult-like environments. I got lucky. But please, if anyone is coming across these terms for the first time and thinks it’s a good way to describe themselves, please know it’s rooted in ableism and new age eugenics made palatable by a sprinkling of fairy dust and wonder.
I’m going back on hiatus. Stay safe out there.
*Being desperate to feel in control of your life or to get help can drive you into the arms of the first kind person willing to listen. Multilevel marketing companies thrive off that shit. Poverty, medical instability and ideas of individual exceptionalism all play a factor in the rise of unethical companies like d*terra and y*ung living becoming as prevalent and insidious as they are. When I refer to them as cults, I am not being hyperbolic.
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