NO-BULLSHIT ADVICE FOR THE MAD
One of the reasons I have occasional trouble with the concept of agency is that I have spent a lot of time around people who are mad. Crazy. As in, mentally ill. People recovering from major trauma or psychosis; people whose choices are limited because their brains are. I was severely depressed and anxious to the point of being non-functional from the age of fourteen to about seventeen, and recovered very slowly from seventeen to about twenty-two. The experience of being mentally ill enough, young enough, for long enough, means that in any given situation I tend to notice people who are Going Thru It.
I am finally coming to terms with being a more-or-less mentally well adult. It feels great, thank you for asking. The threat of backsliding hangs over my head like the Sword of Damocles, making every choice feel significant. But overall I can function well enough to consider my own agency in most situations, and have accumulated enough time being normal that I feel like I can look forward to a decently normal life.
Here is the no-bullshit advice I would give people who were in my situation, who are trying to get better. This assumes they’re functioning in the aftermath of acute mental illness, but probably pretty badly.
Community is gonna save you
Communities — school groups, work groups, groups for a cause — are great because:
there are people there (humans are social animals, and we heal socially),
they have resources you can use, and
they are places where you can contribute, which takes you out of your own head and makes you useful.
You’re probably worried about embarrassing yourself. But if a community is large enough you might not even need to make specific friends or have specific duties, which can be hard. You can just kind of show up and be ambiently part of things. Do it for the novelty, if nothing else.
Your obligations better give back to you
If it’s not materially or socially paying you enough relative to the amount of work you’re doing, consider letting it go. This requires being honest with yourself, which is super hard. But you need support, and if you don’t audit what is supportive you’re going to run from one thing to another without warning people and maybe without knowing why you’re doing it, which is worse.
I don’t need you to tell you to brush your teeth and exercise and take your medicine. But do those things. If you’ve got a therapist, they will have suggestions for basic self-care. Those are the suggestions from your therapist you absolutely should not ignore, and the hardest ones to implement.
Also, if you don’t have separation from the thing that is making you ill, get it. Then expect a post-separation collapse phase as your body realizes exactly how terrible it was.
For growth, adjust your expectations
Some people want to do and be too much when they’re mentally ill -- found an organization, run a marathon, etc. They should do less. Some people want to do and be less -- sit in bed and watch Dancing with the Stars. They should do more, within reason.
Also: some days getting out of bed feels like a tremendous achievement. It is. If you don't let yourself like yourself at least a little bit, getting better will be very hard.
Stay away from politics/substances:
They can and will hijack you. Not the time.
Seriously regard very large benevolent forces
It doesn’t have to be God. It could be, if that’s your jam. But take a serious look at every process in the world that is going right, that is for your benefit, that is designed to help you. The global postal service. Photosynthesis. Public libraries. Place them in your mind’s eye and seriously regard them as deeply and as often as possible. Make them real to yourself.
This is not your identity
Depending on what kind of mentally ill you are and what you know about it, it might be tempting to make it a complete part of your identity. Do not do this. I know this is so, so hard, because you have spent every ounce of time fighting it the way that softball players spend most of their time playing softball. But your brain is plastic, and wellness is possible. The “sick role” limits your responsibilities in ways that can be self-fulfilling. It also forecloses growth.
When I was seriously investigating the idea of being a theatre academic I met a woman who said she was a “Mad” dramaturg. Every part of me flinched away at this. I later learned that the label is one deployed in case practitioners need someone with lived experience of being mentally ill. Okay, fair enough. But whatever is happening, madness is a transient state for many people. New treatments are being developed all the time.
Find something else to make your identity. Literally anything else. You are good at board games. You like music. Start there.
Remember that Scott Alexander post about being a burden:
