honey, hold my parse

em/urn | she, her | 20 | ace captain of the las vegas asexuals main: @provorovorov

[pawspaintsnthings]

Quick Epikegster AU 

[loveintvworlds]

Eric Bittle ends up at UGA despite his best wishes because Samwell is expensive, and sure, UGA is too but. Not so much when your daddy is the football coach. Eric at UGA is a little rougher around the edges, a little more short tempered. He’s still friendly, still outgoing, still an athlete, (he runs track) he’s still him but he spent all of high school holding on to the idea of getting out of Georgia at the end of it, and losing that little bit of hope would take a toll on anyone.

Campus is bigger than the whole of Madison, and more accepting too. Not by much, it’s not like how he built Samwell up to be in his head (Eric still has dreams about “1 in 4, maybe more”) but he sees more out gay people in his first few weeks on campus than he’s ever seen in his entire life. But, he also sees his daddy’s football boys, his daddy’s friends and colleagues, his daddy himself. And he — maybe irrationally — feels like they see him too, like they’re always watching. So he stays closeted, and it hurts like hell.

Jack Zimmermann ended up playing college football nearly on a whim. After the overdose hockey was too painful, it wasn’t worth his life, but he couldn’t live as anything other than an athlete. One night, while blindly hitting buttons on the remote after turning the tv on to a hockey game, and he landed on a football game instead. He saw cleats instead of skates, soft turf instead of hard ice, a game just rough enough to make his skin buzz pleasantly but not enough for anyone to compare him to Bad Bob, enforcer extraordinaire.

Keep reading

[adambirkholtz]

i spent all day on this & it’s finally done. come take my which check please character are you quiz <3

[harrowix]

ngozi re:jack’s kinks is the funniest shit

[fullgears]

[mousemilf-deactivated20250508]

new quiz!

[katal0gue]

This is the funniest uquiz I've ever seen

[rabbitmotifs]

this guy is such a loser i want him in my bed immediately

[lilacborrower]

@exitcheckplease​

[cardamoms-deactivated20161127]

my fave thing at ths moment right now is that jack.  nhl player.  known for being p passionate in the rink in terms of being willing to throw himself onto the ice to block a puck.  he’s big.  he’s tall.  he scared away a pack of wild and malicious football players with only his broad shoulders and a well-utilized fire extinguisher.  this man.  pure muscle.  constant death glare.  dresses like he’s gonna rob a burger king.  probably busted a seam on one of his dress shirts cause his lats are too huge or something.

this same man baked w/ bitty in a white apron, smiling, flour on his face.  this SAME man was gently embraced by bitty after losing a major game.  THIS! SAME! MAN! gingerly, BARELY pressed his hand to bitty’s jaw and kissed him like he was cradling the last hope for humanity or something.  

this man’s single arm probably weighs more than one (1) middle schooler, this man probably squats twice his bodyweight, and he skypes every night with his boyfriend to catch up on the family jam (jamily?) drama.  the dichotomy.  this is fucking poetry.  im dying

[exitcheckplease]

why must we like likable characters? i will not be told what do do

[goldasschains]

Jack and Shitty as grill dads in the suburbs of Samwell 20 years after Y4. It’s a big enough house for a large yard, privacy, and entertainment and hosting massive sleepovers. There’s a bunch of kiddies running around and it’s reunion time. It’s “The Best Week of Summer” cause Shitty said Independence Day for either country was whack but the logistics for work makes it easy to travel that week so they’re celebrating and swimming and NOT listening to post 9/11 country music. Bitty and Dex totally on baking and sides duty. Hops insists on making the potato salad and Ford and Nursey loudly back him up. Jack wants a gas grill but Shitty insists on charcoal. Lardo chirps Shitty being *that* white guy™️ (everybody preferred charcoal though). Nursey is on margarita and guac duty but Chowder actually serves everyone so that it ends up in everyone’s mouths and not all over them (they’re both trashed after two of them). Ransom and Holster DJ with their cute 7 year old boy twins sitting on their shoulders. Tater has about three toddlers on him at all times.

[ivecarvedawoodenheart]

Bitty, newly 21 and a recent Boston, Massachusetts transplant, accompanies his sort of friend/work colleague B. “Shitty” Knight to a hockey game at Shitty’s university. They go out to some bars and some house parties and it’s all so fun and electric until some he literally runs into some gorgeous annoying guy and spills their drinks all over both of them. Cue ”this’ll set, where’s your washing machine” and cue “you’re, euh. Just gonna take your shirt off then?” and cue “unless you wanna take it off for me”

[xiaq]

Like Real People Do has a cover!

It's illustrated by fandom's own @it-is-ineffable who did an absolutely stunning job (they're also open for commissions right now!).

And here's the blurb again if you missed it the first time:

Nineteen-year-old hockey phenom Alexander Price is the youngest-ever captain in the NHL. With a polarizing social media presence and a predilection for dirty play, he typifies the stereotype of young, out-of-control athlete. But away from the cameras, Alex is a kid with an anxiety disorder and the expectations of an expansion franchise on his shoulders. And maybe he tries too hard to fit the part of asshole playboy, but it’s better than the alternative; in his line of work, gay is the punchline of an insult, not something he can be.

Eighteen-year-old vlogger Elijah Rodriguez is a freshman in college recovering from an injury that derailed his Olympic figure-skating dreams. Mixed-race, disabled, and out of the closet since he was fourteen, Eli is unapologetically himself. He has no qualms about voicing his disapproval of celebrity jocks who make homophobic jokes on Twitter and park their flashy cars in the handicapped spaces outside of ice rinks.

After an antagonistic introduction, Alex and Eli’s inexplicable friendship both baffles and charms the internet. But navigating relationships is hard enough for normal teenagers. It’s a lot harder when the world—much of it disapproving—is watching you fall in love with your best friend.

And here's another reminder that my (totally free) Substack is here and I'll be sending out my first newsletter re publishing things this week!

[omgpieplease]

A pissed-off nosebleed-Jack Zimmermann being checked out before he gets back on the ice to kick ass. (As with so many other things, thanks to Tyler Seguin and everyone who gifs him, for providing me with inspiration and reference material) Watercolor, Colored Pencil, Gouache. (Lineart for this piece) My other Check, Please! FanArt My actual art blog

[omgcheckplease]

Father and son! 🏒

[halfabreath]

concept: Jack Laurent Zimmermann, professional hockey player and forward for the Providence Falconers, loses a bet and can’t cut his hair for a full year. imagine:

the sheer flow

how after the first three months his hair is the same length as it was in the Q and everyone has flashbacks 

shitty running his hands through it

shitty moaning while he does this

shitty growing out his own flow again

it getting in jack’s way because he refuses to get a mullet (because bitty refuses to kiss him in a mullet)

sex hair

bedhead

bitty pulling his hair

shitty pulling his hair as a joke and he gets turned on

bitty tweeting progress pics so the whole internet can follow 

the blogs about jack’s hair

jack putting it up in a lil bun during warm ups so it doesn’t get in his face

jack constantly running his hands through his hair after games during the interviews and it’s Distracting

people photoshopping bad bob with the flow because he never had one

bad bob is jack for halloween and has this ridiculous Jagr wig and he’s so Extra

during movember jack just looks like a sasquatch and it’s everyone’s favorite month

when he can finally cut it again he gets an undercut as a joke and it’s like two years after the trend but he brings it back because fuck he looks good

jack has the idea because he watches peaky blinders and thinks, i could have hair like that

[lilacborrower]

“what does this mean?” nothing. don’t worry about it. close the tab and move on with your life.

[ariesisms]

i think parse should date a dilf

[realkentparson]

100%. i agree