You know what, actually? I just reblogged this but fuck it. I’m gonna do it again.
I was born into Mormonism. This, toxic wasteland of hatred and control and mindgames, akin to Scientology and all sorts of other bullshit. The Book of Mormon, I’m sure, was written by Joseph Smith to dismiss the fact that he forced young women into marriage, the youngest of them 14. How many, you ask? No one’s sure of the exact number. Some say four. Some say forty. All of them subservient to him and his wishes, via the book of his creation, claimed to be a holy text from our dear lord and savior, Jesus Christ.
Mormonism is not like Christianity. Mormonism does not give solace to those who are LGBT+, not to those who are of color, not to women, trans or not, not to children who make simple mistakes. In the Book of Mormon, they paint those with dark skin as demons. Lying is a sin on the same level as murder. You are baptized once, usually when you’re 8, to absolve you of all your sins, but the moment you make another one, you better pray your god for forgiveness lest you end up in hell. All those who don’t believe are doomed to be cast into outer darkness forever, are ‘denying the truth of god,’ denying themselves a life in heaven forever, where they will become their own god, and create their own planet, and have whatever it is they want in eternal life (but not if you’re a woman. No, not then, for you live on your husband’s planet, and if you get divorced, to hell with you, and may you burn forever).
I left the church when I was 9 thanks to my parents finally getting their heads screwed on straight and was immediately ostracized from my neighborhood. No one would look at me. People would part ways as I walked, as if touching me would burn their skin, as if they themselves would be consumed by the devil and cut off from their god’s ‘love’. All of my friends became my harassers once their parents learned there was no hope for me, with the exception of one, who made it her mission to come over every Saturday to beg for hours, hours, please, won’t you come to church with me, you’ll love it there, people are so accepting, god is graceful, god is kind. And when I said no? The condition for hanging out became church. I only went with her twice. Both times I ate the cookies they gave me and I fell ill. My only involved grandparent threatened to disown my father and cut me out of her life when we left, saying that she didn’t want to be associated with those that had been turned to sin. I cried, so many nights. She came around eventually. I’ve heard worse stories, of family threatening death or starvation or of being trapped in the home until they break.
Our old visiting teachers would come the second Saturday of every month, leaving another book on our doorstep when we wouldn’t answer, the missionaries, every first Sunday. The missionaries are persistent. If they saw me on the road they would follow me home and knock, sometimes for almost an hour. It happened to me more times than I can count on both hands and I don’t care to remember these young men stalking me from down the road on my way home from school, when one would think they wouldn’t be visiting. They take any chance they can get. Every potential date asks you if you go to church every Sunday, if you take Seminary, if you go to Young Men’s or Young Women’s, if you’re in Scouts, if you study your book for at least an hour, if you have Family Home Evening. Are you a good Mormon? Do you drink Caffeine? Even herbal tea is on the fence. Everyone drinks soda, so much that there’s soda bars where you can get your soda boiling and it burns your tongue. Churches? Every ten minutes of driving, in populated areas. One in every community.
My best friend for 8 years in my teens was constantly trying to convert me, every discussion linking back to the church. On his worksheet? “Marriage between a man and a woman is (blank).” The answer was mandatory. He already knew he liked girls, but at the time, he didn’t know his gender. Gay parents can be Mormon, sure, but for the longest time their kids couldn’t be. You can’t touch yourself. You can’t look at another person with anything other than pure intent. Save yourself for marriage is right, but once that comes? They teach husbands to take from their wives, and wives to give as they will. Their husband is their owner. They are to be homemakers, and they should be grateful if their husband allows them anything. If you don’t serve your husband you are broken. If you cannot give children to the world it’s God’s punishment for your sin. I’ve seen people shunned for infertility. If you’re queer? You’re broken. Heaven forbid you ever talk about the church needing to be separate from the state. The church is the state. It’s always been.
Give, give, give your life to god, he is your maker, he is your controller, you live by his will and his only. If you leave the Mormon church and choose never to come back there is no saving you. The missionaries come back unsuccessful from saving people. The church tells them they understand. “It’s okay. You’re accepted here. These are your people, we will love you always.” But only if you pay us. But only if you wear your garments. But only if-
People wear plastic smiles, but children hide from their parents and parents hide from their friends and from themselves and everyone’s baking cookies. It’s fine. Here, come into our home, have a cookie! You’re just in time for everyone to read the scriptures together. Why not stay?
