i belong to the church of myself

mentally ill transgender ex-mo sharing their thoughts on tumblr. expect sacrilege, bitterness, and maybe some coping. personal tag fine to reblog, just more bitter than the other posts. you don't have to be ex-mormon to reblog from here.

[traumatizeddfox]

“i was a bad kid” bro idc if you were a child sent from hell an adult should’ve never done that to you

[mistrumavelade-deactivated20260]

Ayaysfagagiayadfqh

I just learned Nauvoo is in Illinois not Missouri?! And I take this as a personal attack because it's supposed to be Missouri! What??

[starmin-marmin]

Did you know Kirtland is in Ohio? Just making sure.

[mistrumavelade-deactivated20260]

...

I don't know where I thought Kir*k*land was, but it is definetely Kirkland not Kirtland and I am not open to being wrong.

[starmin-marmin]

[starmin-marmin]

Wait no this one’s better

[mormonculturememes]

I had no idea there was confusion about this but for the record:

Palmyra (+ Hill Cumorah) is in New York

Nauvoo is in Illinois

Kirtland is in Ohio

Adam-ondi-Ahman is in Missouri

Haun's Mill and the Mormon Extermination Order were in Missouri

Liberty (Jail) is in Missouri

Carthage (Jail) is in Illinois

And Kirkland Signatures Brand is named after Costco's original hq in Kirkland, Washington

and salt lake city is in utah. in case you were unsure abt that one

[dredsina]

mormon kids under the age of 18 being told their church is a cult

mormons 18-24 after they go through their endowment ceremony and receive their new name and secret clothing and learn the secret handshakes and passwords and realize everyone around them has been secretly doing this the whole time and now theyre going to be sent away from their family for 2 years where they will literally not be allowed to be alone for 1 second of the day except to go to the bathroom and they have no idea how to get out of what they just got into

[dredsina]

one of the only perks of being a mormon woman is that i didn’t get my endowment at age 19 and i had a little extra time to mature and be out on my own. that’s all i needed to make a clean break and i got out at 21 before i wouldve gotten my endowment. 

[kittleimp]

wait what? can anyone elaborate on this? because I had no idea this was a thing

[dredsina]

basically when youre a mormon kid growing up you realize your church is a little strict but you’re like whatever. i have friends at church because i go to church 6 days a week and everyone around me is affirming that this is the right thing to do and we have special knowledge no one else has otherwise everyone would be like this. so youve gotta go teach them & it’s the greatest thing in the world to be a missionary. also the temple is beautiful and amazing and spiritual and holy and everyone wants to go there. but it’s a secret! :) because it’s holy and sacred

then if youre a boy and u turn 18 they’re like wow amazing!!! you get to go on a mission and be like all the great men around you!! and now you get to go through the temple! so #blessed!

and then you go through the temple and all the above mentioned SECRET CULTY SHIT happens (EXPLANATION HERE http://mormoncurtain.infymus.com/topic_templeceremonies.html) and youre shipped off to a strange place where everything you eat, wear, go, listen to and do is controlled, and you’re not allowed to talk to your family or friends (except through a once-a-week email) and you literally are being watched by your companion at all. times. 

some might say “you can leave at any time” but consider that i never went on a mission and i never went through the temple and i still consider leaving the mormon church the hardest thing i ever did. you have no social network outside the church. you are lacking major knowledge and skills. you have to grapple with the fact that you may never see your family again.

[chortletortoise]

I’m reblogging this again bc I have Thoughts.

Leaving is such an isolating experience. No one inside wants anything to do with you anymore and no one outside understands the scale of messed up that Mormonism is. Like it’s easy to point and laugh at the ridiculousness, but it’s literally a cult. There’s so much trauma involved and there’s trauma in leaving.

People on the outside don’t understand how hard it is to leave. I grew up where all my friends were catholic and are no longer religious and they’re like “well everyone hates church, you just stop going” but Mormonism isn’t like that at all. For starters I had to get a lawyer involved to leave and then the ostracization from the entire community that nurtured me growing up was just the cherry on top. It’s effectively being shunned. Everyone you were forced to call sister and brother growing up no longer wants anything to do with you. And you deserve it, because you shouldn’t have fallen for the anti-Mormon lies.

Leaving The Church was the hardest thing I ever did and my family accepts me so I’m a lucky one. But they still ardently adhere to the institution that hurt me and has resulted in the deaths of people I love. I will never understand.

[antique-scarecrow]

“There’s so much trauma involved and there’s trauma in leaving.”

It’s easy for people looking in from the outside to forget this. Thank you for the reminder. Can anyone recommend resources for young Mormons looking to explore their options?

[periwinklepromise]

Please note: this post will be directly addressed to those hypothetical young Mormons

If you know you’re ready to leave, use quitmormon.com. It’s run by the guy from reddit who is now famous in exmormon circles for offering absolutely free legal services to anybody who needs help leaving. You can give your church id number if you know it, but it’s not required (I never memorized mine, and I sure wasn’t going to ask for it). He takes care of everything. This keeps TSCC (the so-called church) from getting all your latest info and keeps them from hassling you or harassing you. They have to talk to your lawyer instead. Pre 2015, it felt almost impossible to try to leave, but it’s a lot easier now! The years of picketing General Conference to force an excommunication trial are over!

Find a support system. Lean on your friends that have never been mormon, any family members who left, anyone you know who left. I’m an exmormon happy to answer any questions, and I’m sure there are plenty others in the notes who would be super willing to be supportive too. Exmormon groups are many and varied now, and it’s best to find the one that vibes for you. There’s a subreddit that’s popular, but I personally used - and I know this sounds weird, since I don’t have kids - a forum called Mormonism & More on the site babycenter.com. It was started several years ago by some mormons who had questions they weren’t allowed to ask on the normal mormon board (because that board required uplifting, mormon-approved answers at all times). It’s since shifted to ex-mormons or people who want to leave but can’t right now because of family situations. Even though the threads were years old, I spent weeks on that forum, reading about what other people had gone through and how they got through it, and to me, that was super helpful.

Research the culty stuff at your own peril. I liked learning about that stuff for a really long time, because I felt learning about all those secrets (I especially liked learning about the truth of the Book of Abraham) … it helped me feel valid in my choice. It helped me keep in mind that this was something that I had escaped, something that had wanted to hurt me. Missing your abuser doesn’t mean you should go back, it means you should keep moving forward. Missing your cult has the same solution. Lots of people fell for the “we’re totally not a cult!” line by TSCC. Some of them will not offer sympathy. If you want to watch the hidden camera videos of endowments and other temple stuff, I would super super recommend you have a trusted friend watch them with you. And bring comfort food. You’ll probably need it.

TSCC put out a series of essays on controversial (read: faith-killing, eye-opening, omg how could I have ever supported the people who did this) issues in mormon history. They are the Orthodox LDS pre-approved responses to a lot of the more incriminating accusations that have been leveled at TSCC over the years. They should be hosted on TSCC website somewhere, and would have been posted around or after 2015. They may reaffirm your faith now that you know TSCC’s defense, but they may push you right out the door. (Or break the shelf? Do Mormons still use the shelf analogy, or is that retired now?)

Lots of mormons become atheists after leaving. Many join mainstream xian churches. Some become witches, some study every religion they can get their hands on, some try to go back and realize all the magic (or holy spirit, if you prefer) is gone. Don’t think you have to know right away. Some people throw away or burn all their mormon stuff, some people keep it to show their kids, but again, you don’t have to make that decision right away. Some people call TSCC a cult after they leave, myself included, but you don’t have to if it makes you uncomfortable or it it doesn’t feel true to your experience.

Look up religious trauma syndrome. It’s real. The pain you will probably feel is real, the grief you will probably feel is real, and in many ways, you may have to mourn the death of what you were always told Life Will Be For You.

And learn that the world is not half as evil as TSCC told you. Your coworkers who drink a beer at the end of the day are not evil or abusive. Your friends who wear sleeveless shirts are not evil or promiscuous. You’re allowed to wear short shorts! You’re allowed to drink coffee! You’re allowed to ask questions in a faith community without being silenced or condemned! You’re allowed to not want kids! There’s a lot of unlearning here.

TLDR? You have options. You have freedom. Find nonmormon friends who will support you. Be kind to yourself.

[justslowdown]

People joke about Mormons but this is the first time I’ve seen anything at all directed towards people who need to get out.

I had a high school friend turned college roommate who left, moved 4 hrs away, and I had to lie to people who showed up repeatedly that he wasn’t home. That’s just the smallest outside perspective of this. They kept coming.

It is a cult. It operates by manipulating people. My aunt, who also left, converted from Catholicism when she was a single mother in her 20s who needed help. The church gave her a network of tangible support and got her through a vulnerable, scary time in her life–and used that

[fireflysummers]

If you know where to look, this blog is a journal of my leaving this awful cult. In addition to being a queer woman, I’m biracial giving me another layer of trauma.

I’m glad I’m out now, and am happy to talk you through that journey if you’re also struggling with leaving.

[oxytocinatrocities]

Yet another comic about leaving the Mormon church that can be applied to a variety of things.

[averydrawscomics]

making zines for a queer zine fair this week, its going well!

if you want a copy (digitial or physical, dm me!)

[catgirltoofies]

they should legalize polyamory. everywhere. and im not kidding at all. if someone wants to marry multiple people they should be allowed to. for any reason.

[transfutch]

before anybody tries to say some bullshit about this, extending the definition of marriage to include multiple people would give members of religions forced into abusive polygamy the same rights any divorcing spouse would have without putting them at risk for being charged with bigamy. this would make it easier for people to leave abusive plural marriages.

[friendshapedhole]

[veritech-fighter-bastard]

One thing I've had a hard time explaining to my still very active Mormon family is that the queer community still experiences hurt from the church and its members. And because of that, they may distance themselves from anyone who is still an actively practicing member.

My sil is frustrated that at UVU people see she's active and assume she's homophobic. My mom is hurt on behalf of her friend who's child is obviously transitioning but won't come out to her. My brother doesn't understand why it took me an entire year and being two states away to tell him I was queer.

These are not isolated incidents. The Mormon church actively is against queer people, talks are being given from the pulpit about how we are sinful and fallen creatures. So no, we won't run to you with open arms. That is the baseline queer people start with in regards to the Mormon church. You have to do the work to show us you are trustworthy and safe. And until that happens, queer people will be hesitant and weary and I get you think that sucks but your church is bigoted and you cannot blame people for not wanting to come out to you instantly even when "you can tell".

[puc-puggy]

i am increasingly convinced that the wedding industry is having a statistically significant impact on young women leaving the mormon church. has anyone looked into this?

[puc-puggy]

>mormons tell girls their most important roles throughout their entire life are wife and mother. extremely patriarchal, told in every way except in plain speech that they are expected to erase their personhood in favor of performing a strict role

>american culture says that the wedding day is about The BRIDE. it's HER day.

>mormon girls are not told about the strictures of a temple wedding until endowment because secret secret.

>mormon girls spend their whole lives dreaming about their american weddings with their wedding dresses and decorations and loving vows and a day about me me me me me me. perhaps the ONLY day that they truly expect might be in some way about them. the day they get to be star of the show

>wedding industry puffs these american girls dreams of their wedding up to extremes

>forced out of wedding dress on wedding day by a random bishop they've never met in their life because it's debatably not modest or white enough (even though it was made by a mormon dress shop) who also says your name wrong. you're not allowed to speak, and especially if you're in a larger city or a busy day, your wedding ceremony feels more like being processed at the DMV than a celebration of your love and commitment to each other. factory pace 15 minute wedding

>bishop follows you to the reception and loudly tells everyone that you and your new husband are the least important part of the ceremony because actually the holiness of the mormon temple church is what's really been proven today. better not get distracted by young love when really it's the Mormon Church That Matters

at least these are the throughlines i've noticed. i've never watched a woman's "I left the Mormon Church" video that didn't mention her wedding and how much it sucked absolute shit the whole time.

@tater-tot-pot-dish almost forgot to tag lmfao

[tater-tot-pot-dish]

thank you for explaining further! that makes a lot of sense.

[puc-puggy]

totally <3. i also realized i kind of sketched this out but didn't fully explain. i don't think the heart of it is the opulence or extravagance; more that it's about the specialness of the day and the focus.

mormons think they're normal perfectly average christians until endowment because people who aren't endowed aren't allowed in the temple even if they're a mormon child in a mormon family. (to the point that exmormon youtubers and social media personalities regularly get comments from mormon youths saying that they're lying about the temple and endowment and all of it). + endowment takes place after high school graduation and the expectation is to marry YOUNG. so these girls are generally 18-22 (up to 24 if she both went to college and on mission), brand new to a church that runs on social pressure and expectation, and trained for their whole lives to obey and trust authority without question while ignoring their own feelings and misgivings. the consumerist american values and ideas of the wedding are in full play, including ideas that are WAY more powerful for mormon girls. it being the bride's day is supercharged in importance when the bride knows she will never get another day.

i think in the mormon girls' consciousness, she always knows she's going to be second fiddle. or fourth or fifth. she'll never hold the priesthood or be a leader to her family or community and even in the afterlife, she's beholden on her husband to call her forth by a secret name into paradise. and he can choose not to. but this day is supposed to be the day where she gets to be her own person and honored for her necessity to the whole process even if she's in a support role. where she gets to be recognized and honored for the role she's committed to.

and then. she likely can't wear her wedding dress and will be forced to buy another one in the mormon church giftshop that also sells the secret underwear. even if she does get to wear her dress, she has to put the shit quality mass manufactured one-size-fits-all temple garments on over it to feel ugly and undifferentiable during the ceremony. and her wedding ceremony is conducted in a factory style and it's exactly the same as the other girls that have gone ahead of her. to the point the bishops regularly get their names wrong. and then they don't get to exchange vows. and then they literally aren't allowed to have any kind of wedding celebration disconnected from the church so they can't hold a reception without a bishop in attendance to spend the whole time denigrating the importance of her relationship with her husband and telling all the non-mormons that the most special part of the day is over and they weren't allowed in because they're not holy enough and this reception is just a stupid meaningless party. telling everyone that the only part of the day that the bride had any say over and the only part where she's meant to be special means nothing and is nothing. the part that matters is the part where she doesn't.

during what is supposed to be her special day, she probably never feels more reduced to being an interchangeable hole whose purpose is producing flesh children and spirit babies. any other girl could have been standing there with your husband and it wouldn't have made a single difference. and this is the day your whole life has been leading to.

like, it's the young ages and the recent surprise of what the church actually is and the unbelievable sexism to their liturgy and how it's all mutually exclusive to an american wedding culture that mormon girls are primed to invest in. like these girls talk about picking out baby names and starting wedding scrapbooks at like 8. they're all trained by their religion to be the girl in class that is the most obsessed with getting married and having babies and then, right before what they've been dreaming of for their entire life finally happens, all of those dreams are crushed into dust and replaced with something i think every american would call a very bad wedding.

like. when you think about how a non-mormon girl who started her wedding scrapbooks at age 8 would react to the priest at her wedding getting her name wrong, to not being able to wear her dress, to not being able to choose her venue or have her different religion family members and loved ones in attendance, to have the same guy who got your name wrong in the ceremony follow you to the reception and continue to shit on your relationship in order to remind everyone that the Church is Most Important? she'd murder that priest and burn the fucking building down with everyone in it, laughing while people fled. and then she'd have a re-do and no one would be surprised. the mormon girls seem to leave the church about it, which is basically burning their whole lives down with how enmeshed the mormon church demands you be.

they train these girls to look forward to their wedding as the most important day of their lives and then their church structure actively manufactures the worst, most depersonalized and disrespectful weddings i could ever imagine. and then girls who've been dreaming about their weddings forever go "actually fuck this and fuck you."

[isaacsapphire]

Hmm, I hadn’t previously considered that the impulse that causes bridezilla (“This is MY princess day”) does have a positive face.

[stackslip]

the other thing is that from a lot of testimonies of exmormon women ive listened to and read, many of them cite the endowment ceremony the day before/of their wedding as a genuinely traumatic event that first caused cracks in their testimonies. older women who had the old ceremony were even more effected—being told to preserve your virtue your whole life before being shoved naked under a strange poncho and touched inappropriately, the very strange and scary cultish aspects, the fact that you're regularly reminded that you're just your husband's property and cant actually talk to heavenly father, the movie and its bizarre revelations, all the while everyone around you (including your future spouse, who's usually already been through this bc he's done his mission first) is acting like this is the greatest thing ever and you want to escape but you cant because all your loved ones are there and if you dont do this, you cant get married—many say they came out of the ceremony to go bawl in private, being unsure of their choice for the first time, only to be told by fiance and relatives that it's ok, sure it's a LITTLE weird, but it's not that bad and by returning regularly to the temple You'll Get It eventually.

so i think all of this added to the wedding disappointment and the church doubling down on its patriarchal aspects while giving meager concessions, the excommunication of mormon feminists, the killing of youth group activities such as young women and of the relief society.... definitely contributes to the disillusionment of women in the church and their supposed revered role in it

[spurgie-cousin]

This is such a good, succinct way of describing the illusion of choice many fundamentalist women and men have when it comes to life paths.

[ophidahlia]

Legitimate *pro bono legal services* don’t exist without a good reason. In a few of the exmormon groups I’m in you’ll see regular posts saying stuff like “Look what my lawyer sent me today!” with a pic of their resignation confirmation letter from the church.

You know. Just stuff that a normal average church that is definitely not actually a cult would do. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

🙄

[rnoonpie]

As an ex-mormon, I’m gonna look the fuck into this. I want nothing to do with the church that shaped so much toxicity about my self image and my sexual orientation.

[fierceawakening]

Not sure if any followers need this but if you do, here you go.

Everyone should be able to choose their religious beliefs and community, and leave any that they find does not work for them.

[this-seamonkeys-gone-to-heaven]

Ex mormon here - this guy’s legit. The Mormon holds your files for eternity, and when they find out that you’ve moved to a new area, they will send members and missionaries from that region to harass you. I know this sounds like dystopic bullshit, but they followed my father through three moves before he rejoined the church.

[criticalrolo]

Also ex mormon here who used this. It’s a ridiculously helpful service that is incredibly easy to use. They keep you updated throughout the whole process, and it’s totally worth it since the church doesn’t get to keep all your private information and pass it around once you resign :)

[charlesoberonn]

America has a weird relationship with cults where they’re terrified of small cults (or organizations they think are cults) but completely normalized massive cults that hurt many more people (eg: LDS Church, Jehovah’s Witnesses, the Amish, Scientology, most Megachurches)

[charlesoberonn]

To anybody asking if the Amish are a cult, the answer is yes, very much so.

They’re a high control group that isolate you from society. The cult decides how you dress, how you behave, who you marry and how. They control what you know, blocking all information from the outside world. They control how you feel and what you’re allowed to think with threats of both social and supernatural harm. They’re a cult.

[charlesoberonn]

The best method to determine if a group is a cult, in my opinion, is Steven Hassan’s (cult expert and former cult member himself) BITE model.

BITE stands for Behavior Control, Information Control, Thought Control, and Emotional Control.

The more points a group “scores” on the model, the more of a cult it is.

I think this model is the best one for several reasons:

It’s more nuanced than “cult” or “not cult” and doesn’t make false equivalences between groups

It’s versatile, applying to groups big and small, and cults of all kinds, religious, political, financial, etc.

It focuses on what’s important, which is what the cult does to its members, and those members’ experiences, and not on irrelevant details like how uncommon their doctrines are or whether they have a charismatic leader

[charlesoberonn]

This is a great example of Thought Control used by cults whenever they’re confronted with criticism.

[saxifraga-x-urbium]

#you might notice that there are a lot of similarities between cult techniques and those of abusive partners#and that is an important thing to be aware of

yah that goes in the post

[charlesoberonn]

The creator of the BITE Model considers abusive relationships to be two-person cults.

[forgotn1]

It’s important to note that almost every sect of evangelical christianity in the US today fails the BITE Model.

[alp-crispy]

This was the post that lead to breaking my JW mindset. Been a while since I seen it.

[charlesoberonn]

I’m glad I could help in your deconstruction, if only a little bit. I wish you all the luck in your journey moving forward.

[rednines]

I believe the Mormon church has more sway on US law and politics than any other religious organization

[rednines]

Like they’re the flag bearer and strategy think tank for the strongest examples of religious interference in the law even if you see evangelicals and catholics making moves they’re using the LDS playbook

[throwsahammer]

The LDS church is directly responsible for organizing a decent chunk of "religious freedom" coalitions over the years. The primary reason why they don't get more flak for it is that they're primarily seen as a regional power both by outsiders and those living within the mormon corridor. Pretty much everyone who looks at Utah for even a couple of seconds understands that it's Like That because the mormons have to sign off on any proposed legislation, but then they'll just assume that this phenomenon is limited to Utah and that the church doesn't have any meaningful impact on anything outside of that bubble.

Ensign Peak alone is a multi-billion dollar conglomerate, and the church regularly pours massive sums of cash into PACs throughout the nation in support of conservative political campaigns. The most tangible impact the LDS church has is on the wider political landscape of the US via its spearheading of attempts to replace public education with charters or home schooling, and yet the biggest criticism most people have about it is that those poor bastards in Utah will never get to experience the joys of recreational THC. Like, girl, one of the wealthiest, least financially transparent nonprofit organizations on the continent is constantly pouring money into the Heritage Foundation.

[rednines]

YES EXACTLY

[heronfem]

I cannot emphasize enough that the Church quite literally has overthrown election results in Utah. Like you all know this, right? Utah voted for some of the best, healthiest marijuana laws in the country that would have made chronic pain for millions disappear overnight and it passed by a LARGE margin. People were ecstatic. The election results came out and people were beyond excited. And the state refused to honor the fact that it passed because the Church simply told them not to. My friend was in the Capitol building and watched the legislator she worked for see before his very eyes that the law did not apply to these men and watched the election be overturned quietly. Politely. The law shifted and adjusted just enough that people wouldn't riot, but not in any way what was actually passed. Utah is the testing ground for controlling the narrative. The goddamn NSA has one of its biggest offices there.

You all know this, right? You know that when you mock people in Western states like Utah you're talking about people who live under theocratic laws that they didn't vote for and can't vote out of and gerrymandering so severe that despite the majority of voters in Utah being registered Democrats, it's blood red because they built it that way... right? You know this? Please tell me you know this.

And then once you tell me you know this, promise me that you will actually internalize that the red states are not your enemy, they are being held hostage.

[sanjerina]

Louder for the folks in the back please:

…the red states are not your enemy; they are being held hostage.

[atjsgf]

nevermos are like "why do so many mormons end up writing scifi and fantasy, it's such a weird correlation" meanwhile mormons grow up learning this:

[2pen2wildfire]

If I was God and my followers were using their immense amounts of money to build 3 bajillion temples in Utah instead of sending aid to people dying in a genocide I think I'd send another flood. But like specifically to Salt Lake City.

[chizukurowassan]

Jenny Holzer: Abuse of Power Comes as No Surprise - c.1984

[exmo-memes]

Happy pride month. Not so friendly reminder that you do NOT truly support the queer community if you still identify as Mormon, but DEFINITELY NOT if you still pay tithing.