Rage Against the Status Quo

https://paypal.me/KillThemWithC Pronouns She/They. I am NonBinary Genderfluid Femme, Bisexual, Bipolar, Black/German, Anti-Capitalist, Witch. Guess I have to fuck up the system because it won't stop fucking with me. I am an artist and activist. I also like to write poems and perform them. I go by the pseudonym Schneide aka CuttingEdge. I'm a writer/ director/ film maker/ poet.

[edwardslovelyelizabeth]

historicwomendaily celebration week: favorite mythical woman

Marya Morevna - the most famous female warrior in Russian fairy tales, who was said to possess great magic powers and the only one being able to put Koshchei the Deathless, famous slavic villain, in chains. She is beautiful, wise, and can do the impossible tasks. Ivan the Prince, the main hero in Russian fairy tales, wooed her after being impressed with her military prowess. x x

[lgbt-s]

name association: fem nb Jaden

@trashcanthatisgay

[disc80s]

[cat-memes-only]

[misgenderisms-deactivated202010]

i think that theyres really a difference in how cis people use gender jokes and how trans people use them.

cis people make gender jokes like “haha I identify as a HELICOPTER” and it signifies that to them it’s ridiculous to believe that some people have different identities and navigate being nonbinary. it’s saying that they don’t respect us or they’re just ignorant.

when trans people make gender jokes like “my gender is hating high school teachers” it’s flipping the script, saying that they defiantly don't care about gender and don’t care what cis people think. 

[misgenderisms-deactivated202010]

so when I see trans people rbing my gender jokes and adding onto it I am filled with love but when I see a cis person twisting it into hating nonbinary people I feel like clocking them in the face.

[misgenderisms-deactivated202010]

cis people can rb but pwease…no clownery.

[misgenderisms-deactivated202010]

GOD HOW DID YOU SAY IT SO ELOQUENTLY….

[blancabitchcraft]

Drink up, bitches!!!!

[eyelaa]

[realtransfacts]

Fact #909: Nonbinary doesn’t have one singular “look” or aesthetic. You can present however you want and still be nonbinary. Your gender is who you are, after all. Not what you look like.

[eyelaa]

[eyelaa]

Dysphoria

There are a bunch of terms that I heard that may be different. Gender dysphoria, body dysphoria, and social dysphoria. Dysphoria is supposed to mean a bad or negative feeling.

Now I have heard of gender dysphoria and I think the basic definition is feeling weird / negative about your gender. I guess body dysphoria is feeling weird / negative about your body. The way people feel about their gender and body relate in other ways as well. A couple of definitions I have found on social dysphoria is having to navigate the way people treat you based on a bunch of factors that include body and gender and feeling weird / negative about those obstacles.

Anyway this is just my basic understanding of those terms for now.

I’m trying to understand social dysphoria more because I think I’ve heard a bunch of other peoples stories about body dysphoria and gender dysphoria and since I’ve just heard social dysphoria it seems interesting how those three things interact. This might also relate to my understanding of “Bitch Mandingo”.

*disclaimer: you don’t have to experience dysphoria for your gender or body to be valid. And even if you do that’s okay.

This is just ME theorizing about MYSELF:

Gender Dysphoria vs Body Dysphoria vs Social Dysphoria in relation to my periods

I hate having periods. It’s gross and a nuance. I takes time out of my day. I have to go to the bathroom a lot. I have cramps. I have headaches. I am constantly paranoid about blood leaking through my clothes and ruining my nice clothes. I have to dress in “period appropriate” clothes instead of maybe what I really want to wear that day.

I am annoyed at people saying that I a have P.M.S. just to excuse them from making asshole comments. That probably also relates to me being a Black Femme and also the whole “Angry Black Womxn” stereotype. Assholes say slick shit like “is it that time of the month?” and then make a bunch of references that they know that I’m on my period because I had to use the bathroom a lot. Or some gossipy bitch that saw me take a tampon out of my purse in the bathroom will chime in and confirm that I’m on my period and the haters will dismiss my emotions and feelings. I hate that.

It is also BULLSHIT that tampons and hygiene products are more expensive for folks that have periods. Even razors “for women” are more expensive than razors “for men.” So I have to spend more of my hard earned money just to not bleed through my fucking clothes. And if I do bleed through clothes I have to spend more money on laundry.

Also if I’m at work and using the bathroom too much people are assholes and say that I need to work more and limit my bathroom use. That makes me more paranoid about bleeding through my clothes and more likely that I will bleed through my clothes. Whenever I do get to go to the bathroom I need to calculate how many hours I have to be at work, how heavy my flow is, see if I need to put in a new tampon, and waste more money because people are assholes. Sometimes I think my period is over. I want to save the tampons that I do have. Then the next day I realize my period has fooled me and I bleed through some clothes that I didn’t intend on bleeding through. Then I feel stupid. So sometimes I put tampons in for more days than I need to just to confirm that my period is in fact over. Also having irregular periods makes this even more of an annoyance.

I feel “stupid” and “weak” about having periods and think maybe if I didn’t have periods I may not feel this way. Maybe not. Because I don’t want to have an operation to make me not have periods. I also don’t trust birth control that says that you can take this pill and never have periods. That doesn’t sound safe to me. I hate that people make fun of me for my bodily functions. But then I reason that even if I never have another period again people will still be haters and say asshole comments about it since I’m AFAB.

So... everything I have said about my periods could or could not qualify me for having gender dysphoria, body dysphoria, and/or social dysphoria. It could also mean that oppression, phobia, assholes, and capitalism are partly to blame.

So for right now I don’t think I have gender dysphoria or body dysphoria but I do think I have social dysphoria. Which I do think relates to people treating me like a Bitch Mandingo. In a perfect world where assholes don’t control all the resources and I could live life how I want to live I don’t think having periods would bother me that much. There would still be haters, but at least they wouldn’t control my paycheck and dictate how many times I could go to the bathroom. Also hygiene products and laundry wouldn’t drain my paycheck as much either.

[againstagamemnon]

A tree in Turkey, adorned with Nazars; charms designed to ward off the ill effects of the evil eye. 

[byelacey]

all these lil knifes close up… the knife emoji is queer

[cracksandcraters]

@adventures-in-asexuality

[eyelaa]

[eyelaa]

April 30th (3 poems: Danger Doll Robinson, Logical Equivalence, Make a Scene)

(Inspiration: Asshole people I used to know)

Title: Danger Doll Robinson

Hold me down and hold me back

Nigga's don't ever add to me they only subtract

Bitches pole holes in my statements / make me doubt the facts

Putting my mind in rewind and doubling back

Monsters with weak hands / No poker table

Demons will devour your energy / No taser cable

All the rooms I panic in

No safe code so I'm ramblin’

Greek tragedy and I ain't got the cliff notes

Gotta read the whole legend to see how I cope

(Inspiration: Asshole people I used to know)

Title: Logical Equivalence

Tell all these bitches you dead to me

Tell all these Nigga's / these Nigga's the same B

But they be resurrecting like Lazarus out the tomb see

God Dammit Jesus why you always fuckin’ wit me?

See the looks on their faces

They are disgraces / Stock workplaces

Wouldn't bet on them if they rigged all the races

Looking like a public defender the way I handle these basic cases

Boy I'm so blessed / Girl I'm so cursed

Say fuck you pay me when they only got thirst

Gotta lotta types / Gotta lotta genders

I downplay these hypes / You wanna piece call me vender

Motherfucking bitches better treat me nice

My cut off will cut you up / No knife / All slice

They say I'm cold / I'm cold / Heart cold as ice

But I was raised in the arctic not paradise

Wanna gamble all your Ego Bitch roll the dice

Wanna wear a crucifix but don't know sacrifice

Wash my hands of these bitches

Hope they take their life

But they can't own their shit

Rather make others strife

If they want deliverance

Make me your midwife

Push that logic back where you got it

Your cottage in fife

(Inspiration: Asshole people I used to know)

Title: Make a scene

Part of me remembers / Part of me forgets

The last Nigga standing will deserve all he gets

Sorority bitches say I just throw tantrums and fits

Would run away / Would run away

But my only assets are wits

Why you standing in the dark?

I can still punch silhouettes

Now we're both going to wish we'd never met

Drink one last beer before the pain sets

Smoke one last blunt before I shoot for your neck

Make one last prayer before I make you fall / No safety net

Make your time watch stand still for what my mind can't easily forget

[eyelaa]

April 29th (5 poems: Fight, Lion in a Cage, Based on a True Story, Firefighter, Shark Tank)

(Inspiration: Unsafe houses and people)

Title: Fight

I don't want to do no harm / But harm to me always gets done

I don't want to play their games / I just want to have fun

Be a regular fucking kid / A regular no one

Feel like a soldier in a war that doesn't want to hold a gun

I fight to get out the field / That just causes infighting

Monsters want me under a dumpster / I won't accept their ring

Betrothed to multiple someones who are scary beings

Get threatened with knife when I did nothing

I got nothing to share Sir / my body's already been bought

Could only win a couple battles no matter how much I've fought

Make Mr.’s not wanna marry me

But they just find someone else

If I die pray to god I don't come back as myself

They say they wanna listen / Then put my tape on their shelf

Recording when I don't know / Just to mass their wealth

Then everyone who sees thinks I like it like that

Fuck me up at parties / If I fight back I'm wack

Happiness is a destination I want to see

Safety's long gone / So I'm just lonely

Wanna be a stray bitch / But I'm tagged with a fee

Feel like the world's a plantation

What on Earth can set me free?

(Inspiration: Stuck in the Sound)

Title: Lion in a Cage

The only place to cry is on this cage

If you unlock my door / you unlock my rage

Trying to write love letters / but no one's on the same page

I'm just a crying clown working for minimum wage

They tell me not to get a tattoo so I got a tattoo

They tell me not to make out with girls / that's a taboo

Introduce me to molly and lucy / Give me gum to chew

Is this a circus? / a jungle? / a party? / a zoo?

Why try to get out? / Get a tranquilizer / Lips turn blue

I'd rather be in the Saharan / ya

But I'm tied to a chair / ya

In the thunderdome they want me bare / ya

They touch my coat and say they care / ya

But in my mind I'm free to roam

Imagine a nice family and a safe home

I can have what I want without a shark to loan

And if I call for help someone will answer the phone

(Inspiration: My life, movies I watched, coping methods)

Title: Based On A True Story

I hate movies with happy fucking endings

Bad plots / Bad shots / Bad dialogue

I used to own “Requiem For A Dream”

Imagine I was a different character in each scene

And in the end they all end up fucked up

Because that's how my life is: Fucked up

Then I can think about how my life isn't as fucked up as those fiction characters and that makes me feel better somehow.

I watched “Green Card Warrior” the other day

A lot of main characters are fucked up and get fucked up

I imagine if I were Angel /  or Jazmine / or Beto or Rosie

Just trying to live my life but still getting fucked up

I watched “Jamesy Boy” too

I imagine if I were James / Tracy / Conrad / Chris

I could never imagine a life like Sarah's

Having a home she didn't want to run away from

Everyone says I'm stupid / or smart / or a smart ass / or only says I'm smart if they want some ass

Everyone thinks I'm full of shit

But if I made a movie about my life they'd probably all shit themselves and run out of the theater

If they do make a movie after I croak

My ghost will laugh / cackle / and puff some smoke

For everyone who whoever thought I was a joke

(Inspiration: Firefighter obstacle course)

Firefighter

Dreams of being a firefighter / Rushing through the course

Smoke in all my lungs / Broodmare / Dark horse

Trying to scream / Falling beams / My throat is coarse

Maybe I can figure out the code / Maybe I'm morse

Dalmatian Boy / Don't call me spot

Embers all in my soul / So my body won't rot

Jump off the roof / Flames want me caught

If the trampoline don't catch me / Forget me not

(Aquarium Nightmare)

Title: Shark Tank

Lost little boy blue thrown in the tank

No one noticed or cared so his body sank

No diver / No lifeguard / Will give me a rank

Saved him / His daddy called me a Nigger / That shit stank

One little fish had cut my hand

Tossed it to the frenzy / They thought it was grand

Kept my mind of the edge / Pushed the kid to land

E.M.T. / E.M.T.

Save the kid before me

E.M.T. / E.M.T.

He's unconscious you see

Had to throw some life floats so the sharks wouldn't gain on me

Suck and spit the blood outta my hand

Make I line I bee

Then no one helped me out / Cause I'm a Nigga you see

Looked down saw one coming from under the deep

Pray to the lord that the kid would live

A fucked up life for another that's what I would give

A nazi pulled me out / My skin he couldn't forgive

Then said I threw the kid in / That shit hurt like a shiv

[eyelaa]

Genderfluid things

I'm so not self aware that people probably sense my genders more than I feel my genders. Which is super weird to me.

[eyelaa]

April 28th (Poem 2: Nature no Nurture, Pass me by)

(Inspiration: Nature vs. Nurture argument, DNA, genes, the environment)

Title: Nature no Nurture

Hummingbird and a hawk feather

Pit bull / Pit bull / no matter what the weather

Think you got it / Think you got it / I'll do you one betta

Do a fuck nigga filthy / Dear John letter

Got a Mother in my nature / No Father time

Bitches talk too much / make you a mime

Why these stalking niggas saying “you'll be mine”

I just give them the truth / unless Im lyin’

(Inspiration: A car accident I saw, tried to help the ambulance get by, white dude in the accident with a black wife and kids called me a Nigger and pulled a gun on me)

Title: Pass me by

I can take care of myself / Don't need no protector

I need help sometimes / Like hindsight I get it backwards

Need some light to see the writing on the wall / No projector

Read a lot of books in my time / Speak less ‘cuz I lack words

I can see through your eyes / Good study / Good pupil

Bad influences / Bad teachers makes the pain quadruple

No role models / I see cracked souls and empty bottles

I see babies cry / No food / Parents on full throttle

Stalled cars on the freeway / Those rubber necks

They wanna see death / But they don't show respect

The ambulance can't get in to carry out the wrecked

If I plead for the cars to pass I might get the tech

Call me “Nigger” then put the cuffs on and a boot to the neck

Wretched world / If God's a waiter tell ‘em bring my check

[eyelaa]

Saw this acid painting at an outside show. Tried to take a good picture of it, but the camera didn't quite capture the shiny copper parts of it the way I wanted it to. Sorta looks like gold. I think it's titled Wonderland.

[eyelaa]

[byakuya-mioda]

if exploring your gender is ‘becoming a trend’ then i’m glad it’s replacing the ‘being confused and miserable with no context or vocabulary for what you’re going through’ trend

[queerlittlecreature-deactivated]

there is honestly zero things wrong with people exploring their gender

[observethewalrus]

Exploring your gender leads to either discovering a gender identity you feel more comfortable with than the one you were assigned at birth or realizing you identify best with your assigned gender except now you have a better understanding/awareness of trans, genderfluid, and nonbinary people and can begin to break down the toxic, transphobic bullshit you have most likely heard or seen at some point in your life :)

It’s a win-win