Neck Romancer

this is a Sauron-fetishizing household

[ooppo]

Your heart is not true enough to enter the gates of Margaritaville

[onetruefool]

but I know... it's my own damn fault...

[artbyblastweave]

Being a henchman suuuucks dude. This latest guy I'm working for, the War-Madillo, he's got a, an Armadillo- motif, or theme, or whatever, right? That's fine, fine, I did a two-month stint with a Marmoset-themed guy once, it's not bottom of the barrel- except. Except. It turns out, he picked the Armadillo thing because he thinks that they're obligate carnivores. Which they kind of are, I mean I googled this, they're insectivores, but he thinks that they're like, land piranhas. He thinks they work in packs to take down significantly larger animals. He thinks they lay eggs in the remains of their prey. He's killed like three guys for trying to correct him. Me and the other guys are paying out of pocket to get the poor little guys in his Armadillo pit food that they can actually eat. Every time he drops some sucker into that thing we all have to draw straws to see who's gonna have to go in and gnaw on the body so he thinks the Armadillos are doing it. Thank god it's such a long drop

[oralhardwarestore]

382752488261 unique posts remain

[artbyblastweave]

listen, man, I don't appreciate this kind of pressure. I'm posting as often as I can. I spent this morning shoving store-bought eggs down a dead guy's throat. Some of us have jobs, man

[irondive]

[virtualgirladvance]

[zmpl]

gen z new yorker: hey i’m gooning here!

millennial new yorker: hey i’m fapping here!

brony new yorker: hey i’m clopping here!

Text post by @zmpl ©️2026. All rights reserved.

[ceruleanheaven]

brought nothing to the gun fight. whatever man

[galaxywarp]

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)

[retroactivebakeries]

you see people talk about twink and bear as if they’re the alpha and omega, but really, how many people actually fall into those categories as defined? even if you toss in otters, that’s still tremendously limited. we need a new category: the shambling husk

[ceruleanheaven]

month starting on a monday we have no excuse guys lets get to work and lock the fuck in

[ceruleanheaven]

yk its actually very chic and avant garde to start on tuesday the second

[ceruleanheaven]

many claim theres nothing more subversive and revolutionary than starting on wednesday the third

[ceruleanheaven]

there are simply no words in the english language that can describe starting on thursday the fourth. thats how iconic it is

[ceruleanheaven]

choosing to start on friday the fifth. i just think its very inspiring

[ceruleanheaven]

lets all kill ourselves

[omtai]

They just don’t release the hounds like they used to

[hollanderthoughts]

It’s literally like…… help!! lol. help me!!!! haha.

[morrigan-disapproves]

ultimately we all have to quit our jobs and walk into the sea

[horreurscopes]

should i eat first or shower first *has phone in couch time for another 3 hours due to choice procrastination, a behavioral phenomenon observed in pigeons and rats as well*

[spookykobold]

i' m something of a pigeons and rats myself

[pinnipetal]

(absolutely haunted expression, 1000 yard stare) Do yuo want to play with me this weekend

[mmilhouse]

goodbye $200 helloooo 3 groceries

[crabfisher]

slowing intuiting the rules and goals of solitaire through trial and error on what the computer does and does not let me do rather than looking up the rules because it's a much funnier way to learn

[crabfisher]

just learned you can move cards between stacks. how lovely

[crabfisher]

i did it.

[dizzyhslightlyvoided]

Yay!

What have you learned about how solitaire works?

[crabfisher]

FIRST RULE OF SOLITAIRE: aces are useless. put them on the top right. SECOND RUE OF SOLITAIRE: two's are about as useless as aces. discard them to the ace pile as soon as possible THIRD RULE OF SOLITAIRE: it's hard. FOURTH RULE OF SOLITAIRE: it's really hard; FIFTH RUlE OF SOLITAIRE: you need to make the cards count down. But watch out. You must Alternate The Colours FOURTH RULE OF SOLITAIRE: make if you already have a red king and only have one more spot to add a king do not add another red king. You will lose. SIXTH RULE OF SOLITAIRE: make sure to do every possible move with cards already on the board before adding cards from your draw pile. You WILL screw yourself over SEVENTH RULE OF SOLITAIRE: good luck. Don't forget to beyourself and have fun

[crabfisher]

I don'te. Know

[bogwitch-extraordinaire]

I feel like it's important for the uninitiated to know that OP is playing solitaire on neopets

[thekinglemingle]

Isn't this how everyone learned to play Solitaire? Or is that only for people growing up in a very specific time period

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

My home computer version had a question mark button and if you clicked it then it explained the rules of Solitaire to you

[trickstertime]

Huh? What's this?? Something is on this 5c coin???

ENHANCE

[biglawbear]

I'm instituting a new policy of "if I can't easily read your crusty scanned PDF then I'm sending it back to you, telling you to get your shit together and save your .docx as .pdf, and causing snakes to manifest inside your house"

[christaaah]

this but also if you are in accounting and you have an Excel file please do not save it as a PDF or take a screenshot of it and then paste it into another Excel file

[biglawbear]

I take it back whatever you have going on is way worse than what I was dealing with holy shit

[firstbornsons-deactivated202605]

@thesummoningdark hello?????

[thesummoningdark]

yeah no this is a real thing an actual human being said to me

[biglawbear]

Good afternoon to everyone in the notes having a horrible time! Y'all are fighting demons I never knew existed!! I think every person that makes you do stupid time wasting shit like this because they refuse to learn basic computer literacy should be fired!!