Ezra

(unfortunately) lives in the US, they/he

[museify]

[ezra-alex]

TW: stress, S/H, Hospital

Well, my fiance is in the E.D. cause he had some mental issues, and idk if they're going to put him on a hold at all, and I'm terrified because I'm not entirely sure if I can do this whole life thing yk? I love him with everything I have, which admittedly is not a whole bunch, but yeah. Major panic because of it, and we may lose everything and I'll stay with him anyways but he doesn't believe that and it's really sad. I want to be with him for as long as possible and if shit does hit the fan I won't leave, but I'm terrified he'll leave permanently. I really don't want him to, but I understand it's not about my wants, it's about his mental health. But I'm still scared that it's not going to go well, but hopefully we pull through this in one piece. I've just been in the waiting room for three hours now without any news and I'm scared. I don't know how to work through everything I'm feeling and I know he needs a therapist but he hasn't had one in about 2 years and I can tell it's weighing on him. And here I am, on Tumblr writing all this out when I should be helping him but I can't and I really want to cry but it's a busy night and there are too many people around. They said they'd come get me before anything happens, but like it's been 3 goddamn hours. I'm already stressed enough with everything else, and now I'm worried about his stability too. Nothing against him at all. It happens, and I understand it. God this is a long post lol oops. Well, I'll leave it here and maybe update later I guess

[traitspourtraits]

[dajo42]

"when they dig up your bones theyll identify them as male"

1. why do you think the inevitable fate of all bones ever is to be dug up

2. if they did my gravestone would be right there with my name on it and theyd say "oh probably a trans woman. cool"

3. i cant stress enough that you have fundamentally misunderstood archaeology. do you think it works like the fossils in animal crossing

4. id literally be dead who gives a fuck

5. cremation

[creepish]

Babe you’re like the silliest goose I’ve ever met

[wedarkacademia]

I know it is my father's first time on this Earth, too. And I know He had it worse when he was little.

But I was little too.

— Franz Kafka, from letters to his father

[ezra-alex]

Got the rose bush to bloom! I'm so excited to see more of it!! :)

[ezra-alex]

Got the closest to fainting than I have in years, gotta figure out what's wrong with me, cause that was terrifying

[ezra-alex]

Just cats :)

[ezra-alex]

I don't understand why I can feel so much better, and then take a nosedive into the depths of depression over nothing.

I'm flat broke, I can't afford food on top of rent and bills. I can't afford to feed myself, I can't afford my medication, I can't afford birth control.

And that's not for lack of trying. Because I've been trying, so, so fucking hard. To the point where i go to the job that just drains my entire social battery every day, and then get up and do it again, just to cry myself to sleep every night because I'd only made $100 that day. And I know it's becoming "busy" season for servers here in america, but I can't support myself. The only time I can eat, is at work where I get a free meal. I can't even afford caffeine or gas at this point. We just had a huge snow storm, and we had no food. The shelves are still picked clean. I'm stressed, I'm tired, and I'm hungry.

I can't afford to take care of myself, let alone therapy that would help me fix this mess. I can't get myself out of bed during my weekends to clean my house. I can't clean my room, or my bathroom. I've been wearing a beanie the last few days because I can't get myself to wash my hair. I feel like there's no one to turn to to help me with this.

I've been disassociating more and more every day. And I'm frustrated that I can't bring myself out of this. I know I need help, but without insurance? That's about $300-$700 a week, depending. And it sucks.

And every week, I get tipped less and less, because we're fully staffed again, and I can't make the money I used to, and I hate it. It sucks. I'm becoming burnt out from a job that can replace me in at least a week.

On top of it all, our legislators are taking away the right to choose. They banned abortions. I was raped recently, and if I were pregnant I wouldn't have been able to get rid of it. The current political climate of America is shit, it's taking away life-saving surgeries, solutions to dysphoria that no one should ever have to deal with.

Everything hurts. I wish that this had never happened.

[ezra-alex]

It's difficult having to pretend to be a woman

[fart-poop-daily]

she/her not in the way straight man says a boat is she/her but in the way flamboyant gay men will say anything is she/her

[thepersonalwords]

““You can run, run, run away from a lot of things in life, but you can’t run away from yourself. And the key to happiness is to understand and accept who you are.” Dale Archer”

—

[guooey]

favorite genre of images. cat you just know had a pasta

[konoko]

[randomreasonstolive]

Reason to Live #7943

  For the people who love you, if nothing else. – Guest Submission

(Please don’t add negative comments to these posts.)

[slfcare]

sending love and warmth to everyone feeling uncomfortable, upset, fatigued, lonely, ignored, hurt or lost today. whatever it is, it has no choice but to pass. in the meantime, it’s okay to not be the strong one for once.