Another thing you can do with skittish cats is offer your *closed fist*.
A cat that is shy of an open hand that can grab may approach a closed hand that they don’t perceive as trying to grab them. (Needless to say, don’t actually grab them, please.)
They bonk against your hands (and your head, if they are at head level) the same way they bonk against one another’s heads. It’s a friendly greeting that often ends in friendly cats turning and licking each others shoulders, necks, and ears a few times.
They scent mark by rubbing their faces on things. Their cheek glands produce a pleasant-smelling (to them, we can’t smell it) pheromone that projects friendship and reassurance. When they scent mark you like this, it is a friendly gesture.
So with this in mind, try letting the cat bump your fist, then gently rub the fist past the side of their face as they rub their face against your fist. Think of your fist like a cat’s head, and you are scent marking them back. You are sharing a friendly gesture.
A worried cat may warm up after a few passes of this, and you may be able to pet the neck and back of the head. The under-chin/throat area can be a little dicey. They don’t casually kiss each other there.very often and it can make them feel vulnerable.
Rolling over to show the tummy does not always mean the same thing it means for dogs. Unless you know the cat, be very careful touching the tummy. It might not be an invitation. It might be a readiness posture.
Digression: cats don’t show submission by rolling. Rolling is a defensive maneuver that prepares them for possible combat with other cats by putting their most powerful weapons – their teeth and back claws – into play simultaneously. They fight other cats by hugging with the front legs, biting anything they can reach, and kicking with the incredibly strong hind legs. It is an advantageous position for fighting/play fighting, lets them see all around them AND above, where humans usually approach them from, and it keeps them from getting pinned on their bellies, unable to retaliate. If they need to, they can flip and run away easily because cats are FAST.
So yeah, some cats love tummy stuff. Some hate it and just want you to admire from afar. A gentle hand placed on their tummy should tell you whether they want actual pets there or not. If they stretch or open up their body language, that’s good. If they tense or “sit up” to look at your hand, that’s not good. Stop petting and go back to the head.
Obviously if they grab your hand and rabbit-kick and bite, then you should not pet them there.
Some cats have a hair trigger. Sorry about that.
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