Fabricated Moon

Cynthia. 27. Taurus. cancer survivor. LPN. 95lbs ⬇️

[fabricatedmoon]

Just received a letter in the mail from my new job that I was fired immediately. So that’s cool. 6 days into the new year, got any more shit you wanna throw at me?

[fabricatedmoon]

Took some progress photos this morning, very unhappy with where I am but it is what it is. I’m approx 10lbs up from my lowest weight, hoping to lose another 20lbs this year.

I did my first workout of 2020, took my time, stretched for about 20 minutes prior. My lower back/pelvis pain has been throbbing since last night, it’s never been that bad. I don’t know if that’s sciatic pain or needing a realignment but it’s been bad.

Struggling with a lot of anxiety and dark thoughts today again. On my way to my in laws to workout, I started having a hard time breathing, my thoughts spiralling to convince me that they’re tired of me being around and that I’m no longer welcomed there. The power these thoughts have on me is fucked.

So far, no stomach pains today. Doing my best to stay away from dairy and gluten to see if those are the cause.

[riverwindphotography]

[fabricatedmoon]

I ate something yesterday and now my stomach is all out of sorts. It’s painfully bloated, hard, hurts no matter what position. The only difference I can think of is I had to use regular bread because the store was out of O’doughs, so maybe it actually is a gluten sensitivity.

[theadventurouslife4us]

Paddling over the crystal clear waters | 📸 Daniel Ernst

[cesaray]

[fabricatedmoon]

2020 goals

✨ lose 20lbs

✨ 3-4 workouts per week

✨ 100oz of water

✨ less screen time, more outdoors by snowboard and kayak

✨ get control of my failing mental health

[oliviafitmomof3]

[fabricatedmoon]

Got yelled at, told to “get the fuck out of my room” and that the only way I could intervene was when he went into diabetic coma. Then got yelled at and insulted for trying to take post fall vitals. Short staffed. Running out of dressing supplies because someone didn’t do it right. Not one single leg bag in the building as residents are tripping over their night bags. Had a panic attack in the office, hyperventilating, couldn’t stop crying. I should of picked a different profession.

[fabricatedmoon]

Started off my shift by having a breakdown in front of my friend and the night nurse because I cannot take this job anymore. I’m struggling really hard with wanting to stay alive right now. I feel pathetic that I’ve let a job/career ruin my mental health, but I don’t know how to get out.

Also such a hectic, infuriating shift that I didn’t get my charting done til an hour after my shift was done, and was too late to make an appointment with my doctor to get the help I need. I’m ball and chained to this hell.

[borderlinepdfeels]

[fabricatedmoon]

Just under a year later.

Not much has changed. Struggling with what feels like burnout but not sure how to ask for help. Why make an appointment with my doctor when I can make dark humour jokes and find my tumblr password 🙃

[fabricatedmoon]

Yesterday was my first workout in a very long time. I'm trying out a full body split and lemme tell you, dis girl has DOMS everywhere today

[fabricatedmoon]

Why does steam broccoli and cauliflower taste soo delicious but make my whole apartment smell like actual trash? Hard to keep the deck door open at -30 😓

I went to sobeys for groceries for the first time in probably a year and found they had all the flavours for dairy free Halo Top, came home with a pint of birthday cake 😍

[fabricatedmoon]

Completely obsessed with Scott Helman atm

[fabricatedmoon]

I've come to the conclusion that I more than likely had H1N1 or H3N2. All my symptoms line up and there's high rate of cases all across Canada this year. I was taking NyQuil all week, which contains acetaminophen and would of masked any fever or headaches, but the last two days I haven't taken any and have had awful, borderline migraine type of headaches. I had the cough, stuffy nose, body and joint aches, diarrhea, nausea/vomiting and fatigue. The god damn fatigue is what's killing me right now, and some lingering nausea. Apparently the fatigue ligers for weeks after so can't wait for that 🙄

[fabricatedmoon]

Really wish the nausea would go away so that I could eat enough to get some strength to shower. Also really need to run some errands but don't want to leave the apartment when I haven't showered in like four days 😞