Flower Let me store away from you All these tears you've bled- You've trudged through winter’s viciousness... And it's time to lift your head. No more room for hollow space And no more distant pain. I lay my love in front of you- And the dry clouds filled with rain. The sky is but a cleanser And not a sign of darker days- It washes you in purity And dries you as you play. So let me look upon you And really breathe you in- For every year, I'll be right here- And we'll do this yet again. Breeze It blows through the thinly veiled curtains, And makes its way through the old house. It rises and encircles the old pictures, and scarred furniture.... It whispers through the kitchen, making the pots and pans rattle and quiver. It moves down the hallway, past the old pictures of family, and past the rooms of grown children, once filled with every possible emotion. It at last lofts it way into the nose of the old man, making his eyes close, And his chest fills with air. "It's her....and I am home now". Translucent A whisper, a cut, a slit in the soul A vein, a channel, a path to God A hole that is never ending... A love that is overwhelming A faith that is powerful enough to heal me A desire to fight for what is earned A puppy licking my face A baby laughing out loud uncontrollably A flaccid weak soul A need to rock and roll A need to go fast A desire to skip across the clouds A talent of velocity An emotional ferocity A love misunderstood A doubt, a guess, a hope Spooning in God's hand And down on my knees Offering me to you, and spilling the ink And there it is And I rip a hole in the sky And scream at the stars for getting in the way. Light In a tunnel Black as black can be My dreams have truly abandoned me... I stand here weary With arms outstretched My pupils are huge and my vision is wretched Time to give in To give up the search And take my place on Heaven's perch But in the moment of hatred's win When the devil's eyes glanced back again A piercing light Cut the through the black And I felt the beat of my heart come back I felt a tug On my bloody soul And all at once I began to know The light of love was at my door I would walk this path alone no more She merely spoke And rang her bell And pulled me back from the gates of Hell With a voice so pure And a glow so bright Engulfed in her wings off into the night My angel has spoken And yielded her sword And thrust it clean through my hatred's words The light is right there Why can't you see? Because this one is mine, and meant just for me... Sleep Lying in a pool of sheets Hearing the buoy's bell- My mind is neither here nor there-... Asleep? Awake? Can't tell. Thoughts or dreams, I just don't know They've run together true- But in my lack of consciousness I know it's because of you. In my head and in my heart I think I hear you speak- All I know for sure right now Is that your voice just makes me weak I do not know of day or night Or hunger's angry call- I dare not move out of this bed For fear of the lengthy fall I wish that I could stay right here And in my dreams we'd play- But perhaps I am awake right now And I'm with you today It does matter where you are Or if my mind is true- All that really soaks my soul Are echoes of me with you. Not Yet Sitting in an empty house Trying to fill the silence with industrial wares Itching with anticipation-... Pacing the floor, back and forth, back and forth- Biting my lip and looking out of the window Imagining the embrace Sensing the air fill with perfume as you draw near Craving you as an addict does his poison Moments tick by so slowly and sound loudly as they do- Everything is amplified louder and louder What was that noise? Are you here? Feeling the warmth rise from my toes to my face And it's time I think, time for us, time to... It's not you. You're not here. Not yet. Train Pitch black two lane highway Deep in the countryside The faint sound of a horn... Getting closer and closer The wind pushes the branches and leaves aside And out of the night rips a mechanical leviathan Overwhelming me, overpowering me I stare humbly at one spot Afraid to move Afraid to breathe Afraid to reveal myself Until it is beyond me Back into the night And it's quiet again And the crickets are singing And I can feel the static on my skin As the remnants of that life Fall to the ground and rot And it's you, it's you You running through me, through my veins Like that train through the darkness. High Road The slashes come at random-... Some by those you have known, some by those you never wish to. Sometimes they move you to anger. Sometimes they amuse you and you laugh sarcastically in their face. Sometimes you ball up your fist, and adjust your stance. Sometimes you retreat in silence after you are alone, and weep. It can seem so cold, and you wonder why this is tolerated. You wonder how you deserve this, or if you do at all. You question yourself, your motives, and your character. And right when you feel the heat engulf you And the sweat forms on your brow And you are ready, physically, mentally, and emotionally To strike back, to land a blow, to fling an insult But you don't. You have evolved. You know love. You know him. You know, despite your intelligence and stature that you could. But you don't. You bite your lip and smirk. You swallow the well formulated response that you know would bring your enemy to the floor. You step back into that shadow, protected, satisfied. You watch your opponent squirm, awaiting your response. But you don't. That line in the sand? It's a trench. And you've already been there. So let them draw in the sand like children. And let God bounce them on his knee. Glow Bare feet on a dirt trail... Fireflies and evening mist Running in wet, open fields of grass Losing each other in the darkness And feeling the void constantly I belong to you, and always have Eternity matters no longer to me Because it flows freely, freely All around us, lifting and moving It's never enough, no way, not now That cord connects me to the earth and stars And to you, to you Who floats across the yard like an angel Who sung life into my heart And whispered in my ear to just listen, just listen Shhhh. Stop. Just look at me. The path is here for us to follow And you can follow me Because I know the way to the gates of us And I will swing them wide and yank you in behind me And protect you with my stupid, simple mind Look at the sun on the hill- Because it's looking at you. Right now. And it sees what I do. As it dries the mud on your feet And your tears forever. Hindsight Shrug off the scowls And the misty cold rain Nod my head politely In the direction of pain I may not talk ... But I make quite a sound To this unique sense of modesty That I think I have found This anthem to the Malicious So inexcusably vicious But at once I can see Your smugness suspicious You are lies, secrets, and rumors You are a joke, a coward, and a tumor It has taken many years To reach through this glass And it would not have happened Were it not for my past But now I stand grounded And my thoughts never truer The sun never brighter The sea never bluer So take your best shot And be careful your stance Because these days it's tougher To walk in and dance To all you mean spirits And people of malice Your ill thought insults And paper thin palace To you what I say Will be forever engrained When you look in the mirror And what looks back is pain. Double Standard They hide behind righteousness... And call themselves saints They point fingers at us While they are covered in paint They voice their opinion When it's truly a mimic Of a false prophesier And a self-loving cynic They look down their noses And cast all their stones And loft out their words Then watch us run home Laughing and smirking They hold their chin high Preaching modesty and virtue Wearing the best you can buy So feel what you feel And say what you mean And even if filthy You will always feel clean Listen or not To the advice of the sages But when it comes to your path It’s you turning the pages Open your heart And say what's inside And just watch As the mouthy naysayers collide Draw a hard line Let others not judge you Bear witness to God And his shield will protect you. Drift Drift and skim... And take no ground Plant no roots And make no sound Smile and laugh And cast a wide net Try not to remember And try hard to forget Healing is painful And pain brings healing A vicious circle Full of emotion and feeling A hard couple days But nary a motion Vast and vacant Like a nighttime of ocean But pay no attention Speak of what is not liked But as for me, the sun's setting And I'll go ride my damn bike. Violet She is the toughest flower I have ever met.... Though she has been wrapped in weeds And they have tried to strangle and choke her, She keeps on growing, and seems to sprout a new blossom every day. I am taken aback by how beautiful she is, and to see her is to renew my soul. Insects crawl on her and try to devour her leaves, But she welcomes them, and even takes care of them. Onlookers have tried to rip her from the ground To put on display- But her roots go deeper than any 1000 year old oak And they give up, and falter, and instead try to scar her. She is there. You just have to see her. You have to. Storm It's about to happen. The sky is swollen and aggravated, and the birds are all quiet. All around me is damp with anticipation. The first few drops come easily, casually, and roll down the creases of the big green leaves, and linger at the tips before falling. The air is thick with depression and desire, almost to the point of exhaustion.... Keep watching. Keep touching. The sky smells familiar like an old lover's perfume And I find myself wondering, wishing, and waiting. And then I'm deluged by a million tiny puddles and the pause is familiar. Traveling Hundreds of miles from either safe end Night erased where I started and where you begin Fields full of blackness quickly rush by The stars will connect and the pain will soon die But outside my window drifts a world unknown... Begging and surging to be planted and grown Don't look far away or turn a blind eye Lift your love up, and away it will fly Wings open wildly and kissing the sky I simply won't, no I won't, let my passion but die So say what you will or look down your nose I close my eyes softly as my faith ever grows Tomorrow's a promise, and unique to unfold But today is a planting, the prophets have told I'll pick my ground wiser, and be watchful the need For this is my story, my life, and my seed. Rocks Oh take my breath beautiful sunset Run, and run, and up the mountain we go Swirling and swirling Branch snaps underfoot and staring at everything in nature like a voyeur, a villain Grabbing and holding and keeping... That which does not belong to me And sticking it in my pocket, to hoard and keep on a shelf for display I take from you, you take from me Not as symbiotic as we dream it might be I take a rock, like you take a life I am but nothing, a babe in your arms, an insect in your forest Yet I feel you, and expect you to speak to me, and I listen, every day, I listen I want to serve, I try to serve, and I am humbly yours But you have given me this fire, this yearning, this life Time feels like happenstance, and I reach for my purpose like a child for embrace I search, I ask, I feel, I hurt, I love, I seek and I obey And I keep climbing this mountain, ever higher, expecting to find something Yet I am satisfied with the dissatisfaction, the absence of substance The quest is the purpose, the offering of time and conscience And while I know there is nothing at the peak, I will wander there, looking anyway And I will take more of your rocks, and you will watch me And we will continue this dance until I can dance no more, and you in turn put me in your pocket. Angel of Mercy Air thick with smoke and smog- The scent of extreme poverty, diesel fuel, free roaming skinny goats and miles upon miles of garbage Feeling dizzy, almost sick, in a fast car as we speed through the township, choked by dust and gagging on our own disdain... Passing hundreds of people, men, women, children, walking and walking and walking for miles Bone thin, but smiling... Sick, starving, forgotten, but smiling... Cast out, thrown away, swollen with the poison of generations of neglect, but smiling... Covered in filth, yet gleaming like a billion stars that were all around us- We were supposed to be the teachers, the learned, the guides- But it was they, they who brought us into their womb and nurtured our sick souls Took us in, fed us while they had nothing And as the dust rose from the floor and sparkled in the light of that stifling shack as the children danced hard A small, beautiful young African woman stepped out and said in a thick Sotho accent... "I am Mercy." And that moment, in that place, on that very hot day, God sat beside me in a bent plastic chair and held my heart in his hands. Boat I have never witnessed a sea so calm No waves, no wind, no gulls, no division between the vacant night and the depths below me There seems no ceiling to the sky, nor floor to the ocean No more scrambling to harness the wind Nor balance to to steady the boat... Vacuous, in a slow rock As the tides creep by knowing their purpose To become tide, or become water? Become wind or become sky? This journey's course from one shore to another has become minutiae in comparison So I will pull this old, tattered blanket around me until at last the rocking stops. Listen To hear when the storm is upon me. To sit silently upon this rock as the world swirls violently around me and tears at my skin To see things as new, when my eyes have been closed... To have hope, when there is no understanding To be silent when the rage is unbearable To have healing, when the wound is open and pulsing To be needed, when my love overflows both edges of the bank To awaken, when dreams are consuming Let the sun burn this cocoon from my soul and let my wings unfold Let peace wrap its warmth around me and let my questions cease So that I can just listen. And let go. Dream The wind howls outside of my window, singing the song of a cold mountain night and I clutch my quilt tightly around me and set sail. Drift off to anywhere but here, lose who I am, and fade into to a world of my mind's making as my feet remain cold as ice and my eyes see only my private thoughts. Thoughts of youthful country summers, the smell of chlorine and fresh cut grass, adults in plaid pants and girls in blue jean shorts, and what we all might become someday.... Thoughts of teenage love, rampant and care free, but real, very real and defining at times, with absolutely no pause for misrepresentation. Thoughts of sitting on a hot asphalt driveway, writing my initials with a rock, processing thoughts as quickly as they would come. I dream dreams of a youth gone, and it calls me back to those happy days, and in my thoughts it is always summer, and I simply could not wait to just be alive. Dreaming of finding a perfectly flat rock, and skipping it across the pond....one........two...three..four. Scratching a cow on the tuft of hair that sits between their ears, the huge eyes they look at you with, and the enormity of their form and gentleness, as if they were created for children. Dreaming of playing so hard, playing, that I would fall asleep right after dinner as I listened to the news downstairs and my brother's stereo in the next room. Dreaming of my grandfather showing me how to properly flatfoot to blue grass music, as he did so barefoot in the front yard in his bibs, and the hilarity of it all. And as quickly as I am taken to that world, I am brought back, and my feet are still cold, and the wind is still howling. Anger Anger now, for anger's sake Watch the shadows swell and the fingers quake Dare not challenge and look down at the ground... Don't shuffle your feet and make not a sound What once was content, but is nevermore Peek, if you must, at the beast at your door Watch him shake and clench and writhe in his skin But whatever you do, don't let him come in Slam down the lock; hold the knob with God's might Hear him plead, hear him rage, this thing in the night Feel the pulse in his head and his heart start to pound Feel his toes curl inward and dig in to the ground Feel the house shake loose under his mighty stance And then, there's a moment when you share just a glance And the beast can grow calmer and the tide will go down And the ice starts to melt and fall into the ground And where once there was fury, and breakage and pain There can grow a new flower, and the tears serve as rain. Night Night lays on me like a blanket, an old friend. It's welcoming and beautiful, and winks at me with her stars. She is always there, and always comes back, and sends me off to rest my soul and calm my storm. Sometimes she blows cold at my window and sometimes she whispers her warm summer breath into my ear. She is Night, and Night is clean, and unpretentious, and drowns out the day, every single time. She knows I'm alone, and watches over me as I fumble around in a vault of sheets, and hear nothing but the songs she sings to me as I slumber oafishly through her lullaby. Come Night. Crash on me with your waves of clean air and dark denim hues and the whispers of a brand new day. Flamenco Alive. Awake. Hungry. Long jet black hair, eyes as dark as a demon's soul, loud high heels stinging the old wooden floor, amplifying the passion of her every movement with each exaggerated step. To feel the fury of the flamenco, that beautiful temptress, to live the rest of my entire life with that the same passion she carries in her piercing stare, to carry the same unwavering intensity she offers while the bead of sweat rolls secretly down her spine, to seemingly control the ruffles of her dress like the waves of the ocean as she spins...man...makes me want to yell like a gypsy and stomp my feet and get evicted. Song of My Son We are miles apart, boy, yet I feel your very heart every day. I miss you like the earth misses the sun, like the moon it's sea, like the fire it's heat. Times will come, and they will go. But, they will definitely come, boy.... When you feel your brow furl, and your hands clench, and you stand with every muscle in your body drawn tight as a bow. When you feel your world close around you, and your vision is small. When you feel the tightness in your stomach, and the urge to lurch forward. When you feel like the opposition of anything, the enemy of the world, the viper in the garden, the seething bastard, this my boy, is anger. When you feel alone, and isolated. When the darkness of your world is engulfing, when the life of your soul has left you, and you feel hopeless. When she simply does not love you. When you reach for something to stand on with your bare toes, and it feels like nothing is there, and you fall. When you hunger for something, anything to satiate you, and cannot find it, this my boy, is sadness. When you can feel every heartbeat, and your blood pound through your veins. When you dare not move, dare not speak, dare not breathe, and the blackness of the evil in the world is around you. The dragon of it all, the leviathan, the dagger in the dark, the monster under the bed, the man in the closet, the doll on the shelf, the clown at the zoo, the old lady in the corner. This, boy, is fear. But, for every black emotion, there is this... When you feel your heart sing, and you cannot contain yourself. When you want to laugh at the top of your lungs, and you do. When every scent, every taste, every breath is filled with radiance. When the very sun rising in the morning is a symbol of the new day to be filled with warmth, this my boy, is love. And it cannot be killed by even the most vicious fireball that this life will throw at you. When you see the giant before you, and you look him in the eye. When the outcome of the fight is fleeting, and you do it anyway. When you step up beside of your friend, with a stick, when he too is facing his giant. When you act honorably in the face of deception. This my boy, is courage. And you are filled with it. It pours and pulsates at your very seams, and all you have to do is pop it with a pin. When the day starts anew, when your lungs are filled with air, when your heart beats this day, when your eyes open yet again, when you give love to another. When you are the light, when you are the beacon, when you are the protector, when you can see the outcome and others cannot, this my boy, is hope. And you are mine. Give 'em hell, son. Miss you, boy. Burn There are those. These are them. Those moments that make your brow bead with sweat and those tiny bumps emerge from your skin like a million witnesses to what you are feeling. The moments that seem to last so much longer than the moments when you aren't feeling this way. I live in these moments, and I live to give them away, and everything else to me is simply filler. They must come naturally, and cannot be sought out. The ones that will give you that quiver in your leg ...as you walk barefoot across a cold floor, and step on to the warm rug. The ones that will bring wine to your dry lips and shade to your burning skin. All seems ignorant in converse outside of these moments to me, but in them I am the raging storm that soaks every dry field and splits the seed. I am steeped ferociously in these moments. Passion speaks loudly to me, and I understand it's temperment. Burn, baby, burn. Beam There's a split in the sky. And for a second, a beam of brilliant light shoots all the way through to the ground. You can see it, you can feel it, but you cannot capture it, or hold it, or keep it for yourself. You don't dare put it in a jar, or on a shelf, or in a box. It's there for you to see, to love, to feel, and to hope. And for a moment, a fleeting moment, you realize that it's perfect. Just like that. It brings laughter, and love, and lightness to your heart. But if you try to possess it, or keep it for yourself, it's gone. You can cup your hands around it, and feel it on your skin, and let it shine all over you. Don't take it for granted. It's there, and just for you. And that's it. That's all you need. It's the embodiment of love, man...cherish it. Melt Purple night sky and cold spring air And she smelled so good, like bubblegum to a child Run, God, just run, through decades of time Memories of warmth and freedom, and love Laughing, all the time, laughing... Sweetness so thick it's angelic, inhuman And I wonder what has become of me What has become of me? I've traveled down that road and back so many times I'm covered in a mist of life I'm scarred, and broken, and lived in like faded jeans But my heart beats wildly through my chest as I reach for my soul My soul that smiles back at me and says "Not yet, it's coming, hang in, hang on" And I believe, I believe My heart is on fire, always has been, always will be It's undeniable lust for seeking, searching, questioning constantly And it's there, I know it, it's there Down that dirt path Across that next mountain Beyond the grove of pines, and down where the peepers are singing Through that field of flowers that rolls like the ocean At the top of the next hill Just keep going, keep going, keep going Until I collapse and my heart melts in your hands like an overused candle. Spring It is undeniably that time of year. That time of year when the air is thick and reeks of rebirth. The flowers have lay buried all winter, shivering and squirming, and writhing with desire to push through the earth into the warm sunlight. The spiders are coming out of their hibernations and stretching their legs one by one, until they unfurl completely and start building their sticky web, and offer passers by a wink, and a nod. The fish are swimming faster in the current, chasing each other to exhaustion. The fall born deer are now gazing at each other with a new look, and a new intention. The whole earth is sprinkled with a powdery green aphrodisiac that drives nature wild with it's tincture, as we all slip into this euphoric season of spring time. The ice cubes let out a symphony of strangely satisfying cracks and pops, as I pour my tea, and let out a long sigh, and peer out into this beautiful morning. And on a side note, I would like to personally thank the person that invented knee high boots for women.
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