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oozey mess
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Love Begins
Cosimo Galluzzi

JVL

if i look back, i am lost
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occasionally subtle

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Not today Justin
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Sweet Seals For You, Always

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@fadetouchedmind
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Fragmento de Para los locos [digital / tradicional] por Lee M.S.
What Runs Through My Veins?
They named us after tragedies, generational traumas still felt through our veins, partially told stories that we will not pronounce again.
Nos nombraron tras tragedias, traumas generacionales que aun sentimos en nuestras venas, historias parcialmente narradas que jamás pronunciaremos otra vez.
We were always meant to drown
From my book: Para los locos [E-book / Paperback]
Yalilé I have no words to share they are holding onto my tongue and my throat is willing to swallow them whole Yalilé can I call you by your name? I don’t think I’ve ever said it out loud and yet you expect me to pour my guts out on your overly used carpeted floor
would you recoil from the stench of my insides? because I would Yalilé.
I’m embarrassed at the thought ashamed of letting you see the inside of me to help you help me rearrange it and remove the bits and pieces that I don’t need anymore
would you think I am ugly with my guts out on your floor? because I would Yalilé and all you would do is watch from afar as I slowly unravel before you hoping I won’t taint you with the reek of me
breathe be present be mindful but all I am aware of is the world closing in on me and I have to outrun it I have to fight it I have to I have to I have to survive it
what happens when I can’t anymore Yalilé? have you ever lost one of us to our own vulnerabilities or have you watched us all escape our own minds?
Yalilé I have seen death from afar too and it reeked of despair I know the sunken feeling on your chest when I casually mention it is my acquaintance the wince of your eyes the pity for me
Yalilé death has grasped my family by a chain and has surely pulled each generation closer to its grasp Yalilé would you also recoil when I tell you I think it is beautiful poetic even because this is the first time I wouldn’t wince at something I have said or thought or thought of saying but not quite saying it because I can’t bring myself to do so Yalilé
Death is our heirloom and it has picked us apart through the years
lost limbs and off to the grave pull the leash
restrain shotgun to your mouth pull the leash
the fogs of the mind and the sweet promise of drowning in the depths pull and remember to pull and remember to pull and we drown once again
alcohol down your throat pull again and again and again and again and it seems we were born to drown one way or another
blood down your ears and I don’t even know your name
blood on the pavement and I can see why your mother loved that red on her lips
pull pull pull no resistance just pull there is no use just pull
those who die of old age know already of its touch and expected it and I hope to be prepared too to not let it catch me by surprise Yalilé because the fear of not knowing is greater than any other fear I have dared to utter to you when we close the door to your safety
Yalilé why can’t I mention this all? why can’t I take me seriously? Yalilé I too am drowning in words and thoughts and scenarios that rush through my head and I fear I will drown in this vomit that never quite makes it outside to your carpets outside to my walls outside of my head
Yalilé you won’t harm me but these words will
Para Los Locos (https://tinyurl.com/para-los-locos)
Ausente por buenas razones, he publicado un libro. Consideren apoyarme por Kindle.
El libro viene en mis dos lenguas, inglés y español, ambos escritos y traducidos por mi. El libro contiene al readedor de 8 años de escritos de mi transición de adolescente a adulto y el proceso de encontrar mi identidad como persona queer, creciendo en dos culturas y aprendiendo a vivir con mis problemas de salud mental.
Se siente bien por fin abrir mis puertas y ventanas para ventilar el aire dentro de mi cabeza.
Portada por Jane Valeur (Portafolio, Instagram, Facebook).
El libro en formato electrónico esta gratis por Amazon, la promoción es global.
Consideren apoyar a un escritor que solo quiere sus escritos sean leídos.
01. Sonnie’s Edge
I made a monstrous wife :’3c Her name is Eila and she’s the offspring of a nordic witch and a creature known in my country as Skogsrå/Huldra.
I kicked a boy on the face because he wouldn't let me use the swings telling me it was for boys. I didn't think of him screaming and leaving me alone after, but once recess was over I found out I had broken his nose 😂
Hot take: Every single one of the Hargreeves siblings deserve compassion, love, and protection
ABCs of your OCs
a list of oc questions in alphabetical categories - i made each category based on the first word I could think of in alphabetical order, so enjoy!
A: Aptitude 1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young? 2. what activities have they participated in? 3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for? 4. what things are they bad at? 5. what is their most impressive talent?
B: Basics 1. what is their hair color? 2. what is their eye color? 3. how tall are they? 4. how old are they? 5. how much do they weigh?
C: Comfort 1. how do they sit in a chair? 2. in what position do they sleep? 3. what is their ideal comfort day? 4. what is their major comfort food? why? 5. who is the best at comforting them when down?
D: Decoration 1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name? 2. how would they decorate their child’s room? 3. how do they decorate their own room? 4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear? 5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?
E: External Personality 1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality? 2. do they do things that conform to the norm? 3. do they follow trends or do their own thing? 4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads? 5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own?
F: Fun 1. what do they do for fun? 2. what is their ideal party? 3. who would they have the most fun with? 4. can they have fun while conforming to rules? 5. do they go out a lot?
G: Gorgeous 1. what is their most attractive external feature? 2. what is the most attractive part of their personality? 3. what benefits come with being their friend? 4. what parts of them do they like and dislike? 5. what parts of others do they envy?
H: Heat 1. do they rather a hot or cold room? 2. do they prefer summer or winter? 3. do they like the snow? 4. do they have a favorite summer activity? 5. do they have a favorite winter activity?
I: In-the-closet 1. what is their sexuality? 2. have they ever questioned their sexuality? 3. have they ever questioned their gender? 4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT? 5. how long would/did it take for them to come out?
J: Joy 1. what makes them happy? 2. who makes them happy? 3. are there any songs that bring them joy? 4. are they happy often? 5. what brings them the most joy in the world?
K: Kill 1. have they ever thought about suicide? 2. have they ever thought about homicide? 3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who? 4. who would miss them if they died? 5. who would be happy they died, anyone?
L: Lemons 1. what is their favorite fruit? 2. what is their least favorite fruit? 3. are there any foods they hate? 4. do they have any food intolerances? 5. what is their favorite food?
M: Maternal 1. would they want a daughter or a son? 2. how many children do they want? 3. would they be a good parent? 4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter? 5. would they adopt?
N: Never Have I Ever 1. what would they never do? 2. what have they never done that they want to do? 3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do? 4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done? 5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?
O: Optimism 1. are they optimistic or pessimistic? 2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others? 3. are they good at giving advice? 4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them? 5. were they always optimistic?
P: Personality 1. what is their best personality trait? 2. what is their worst personality trait? 3. what of their personality do others love? 4. what of their personality do others envy? 5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?
Q: Questions 1. do they ask for help? 2. do they ask questions in class? 3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable? 4. do they ask weird questions? 5. are they curious?
R: Rules 1. do they follow rules? 2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent? 3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule? 4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking? 5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?
S: Streets 1. are they street-smart? 2. would they give money to someone on the streets? 3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets? 4. has anything happened to them on the streets? 5. are they cautious when out?
T: Truth 1. are they honest? 2. can they tell if someone is lying? 3. is it obvious when they’re lying? 4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about? 5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?
U: Underdog 1. have they been bullied? 2. have they bullied anyone? 3. have they been physically attacked by a bully? 4. have they ever been doubted? 5. have they surprised people with being good at something?
V: Vomit 1. do they vomit often? 2. do they get lots of stomach aches? 3. are they good at comforting someone ill? 4. what do they like as far as comfort goes? 5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting?
W: Water 1. do they drink enough water? 2. have they learned to swim? 3. do they like to swim? 4. can they dive? 5. can they swim without holding their nose?
X: Xylophone 1. what is their favorite genre of music? 2. do they have a favorite song? 3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer? 4. can they sing well? 5. can they rap?
Y: You 1. how old were you when you created them? 2. what inspired you to create them? 3. were they different when they were first created? 4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters? 5. what’s your favorite thing about them?
Z: Zebra 1. what’s their favorite animal? 2. do they like animals? 3. cats or dogs? 4. what’s their dream pet? 5. do they have any pets at the moment?
please guys??
SURE WHY NOT
Henry Javier Cruz Moreno was a law abiding, tax paying Honduran man living in Aurora, CO. He built a food pantry for the poor in his community, and stocked it regularly. He cared for, loved, and supported his chronically ill wife, whom he had been with for 20 years. He loved his step-daughter and her two daughters, helping to raise them. They were as close as you could imagine. He was an upstanding member of his community; he was a beloved and involved father. He ran a carpet cleaning business. He was a kind, peaceful member of society. Until he was taken.
Every morning for 20 years, Henry would walk his wife Priscilla out to her car and kiss her goodbye. ICE watched this morning routine for two weeks. When they picked him up in 2018 on the 12th of September, moments after his wife departed for work, they mocked him for it. There was a reason he was so dedicated to kissing her goodbye every day: 20 years ago, Henry and Priscilla had an argument that got out of hand. The police were called, and although the subsequent charge given to Henry was minor, according to Priscilla, they immediately knew they could not allow their relationship to remain the way it was. They felt it was rock bottom, but they did not want to give up. They joined a church, stopped drinking, and vowed to never go to bed angry. They put hard work into their marriage and they came out on the other side of this event as new people; Priscilla often says she cannot even remember the people they were back then. In the 19 years following that heated argument, Henry and Priscilla found a love for each other that is enviable. They built a beautiful life and helped their community together. All of that is being invalidated nineteen years later, simply on the basis that the current administration wants any and every illegal immigrant detained (as opposed to the previous administration’s approach of starting with recent, violent offenders). All of the hard work Henry and Priscilla put into their marriage and their lives has been ignored for the sake of an agenda. This is not a dangerous man, and to punish him as one after he has spent nearly two decades reforming himself and the community around him would be unjust.
Priscilla Cruz Moreno is about to turn 62 years old. She planned to retire after this birthday, due to chronic illness and stress. She has since begun liquidating her very small retirement to fight for her husband’s return. She currently can not afford a uterine biopsy to check for cancer, and she has lost her soulmate, her partner, her best friend, without knowing when she will see him again. She suffers daily from panic attacks- they all must. Farah, their daughter, has a brain tumor. She cannot afford to operate. She is close to having to sell her own home to help her mother stay above the water. She tells me, in the beginning, she fought the hardest. She was sure they would bring him home. Now, she struggles to open emails, expecting bad news. Farah’s two daughters are suffering from a deep depression after a loss they can’t comprehend. Priscilla and Farah have stressed that Henry had been an incredible emotional support to his 16 year old granddaughter who already struggled with depression and suicide. After a suicide attempt that resulted in hospitalization, Farah tells me her daughter didn’t sleep for 72 hours. That is, until Henry, her “Dappy”, rushed in. They slept together on the couch in the hospital room that night. He told her he loved her the whole time. They were a normal, loving family of five with a family business and a close knit community. Now they are struggling to make it through each day.
This is a letter written by Farah’s 16 year old, submitted to help substatiate the claim that Henry’s deportation would cause irreparable mental damage to his granddaughters.
This letter was ignored.
Henry’s conditions are deplorable. There are worms in his food, he has been mocked and taunted, and he is being denied his prescription medication and even simple over the counter products like Vick’s vapor rub, because “it is all in his head”. I didn’t have room to post the screenshots of Farah’s message to me, detailing Thanksgiving 2018, so I will quote her below instead.
“We visited Henry on Thanksgiving. They turn the phone off at the centers at 11pm on Thursday nights so people can’t call their families if they suspect they may deport in the middle of the night. We had been given a deportation order in 10/30 but were appealing it.
They don’t turn phones back on, on Fridays until all planes land because they don’t want anybody calling each others families to let them know they’re being deported. It kills my mom because Henry calls her like 5 times a day.
On Black Friday Henry finally called her at 4pm, his voice strained. He told her they woke him up at 2am and threw his clothes on his face. He was taken on 9/12/18 so he was wearing khaki shorts and a polo. It’s been 20 degrees and less in Colorado at night. We didn’t bring him other clothes because he wasn’t supposed to be deported.
He told them it was a mistake but they still forced him to gather what he had (pictures we sent him, letters from my girls and his commissary food). They shackled his feet and handcuffed him and kept him outside in a weird shed. He refused to sign the paperwork insisting our attorneys filed paperwork. They threatened saying he would be in trouble if he didn’t sign. He said “I’m not signing we are appealing.”
They left him out in the freezing cold, shackled and handcuffed for 8 hours while they “researched” where the appeal was. Not offering a jacket or blanket or anything.
Once they found it they said “oh oops. Ok..” then gave him back some scrubs and sent him to his cell.
He was sick for 2 weeks after.
It’s evil. They are evil people.”
This innocent family is in dire straits. Starting today, Friday, February 8th, 2019, Henry could be deported at any time. Their appeal was denied this week. They’ve filed an emergency stay of deportation appeal, but they don’t know what they will hear back.
Priscilla has provided me with the phone numbers and names of their state representatives and the Governor. Her lawyers have given her the green light to start making calls requesting Henry be granted a pardon. Making a brief phone call to government officials (whose numbers I will post at the bottom) and telling them that Henry Cruz Moreno, held at the Aurora ICE/GEO Detention Center in Colorodo, should be returned to live with his US citizen family who have applied for him to be pardoned, could make the difference these poor, lovely people need to bring home Henry. Calling representatives will only make a difference if enough voices are heard. Pardoning Henry for this case from 20 years ago is their Hail Mary. Without legislative support for his pardon, he could very well be sent to Honduras. If you don’t like making phone calls, please. Pass this on to someone who could call. Other ways to get involved? You could donate money, supplies, or care packages to the Cruz Moreno family. You could get in touch with me here, or Priscilla on twitter for information on how to write letters to Henry while he’s in holding.
These people are far from the only ones being affected right now by ICE’s cruelty. Priscilla often says she feels that they are here to showcase the inhumanity so many are enduring. Farah intends to write a book full of stories they’ve been told by others since Henry’s detainment. It is easy to feel like there is nothing you can do for people like Henry. It is easy to feel powerless when you do not know where to start with activism. But it is as simple as this: do good when you can. If you have time today to call on behalf of the Cruz Moreno family, if you have the spare cash right now to help them buy groceries, if you have the desire to offer words of encouragement to a man who has spent over 140 days away from his family.. please do that. They need help. They have been fighting an uphill battle for a long time, and they don’t know how much longer they have.
Donation link
Priscilla’s Twitter
Farah’s Twitter
Petition To Bring Henry Home **ONLY NEEDS 20 SIGNATURES**
Governor Jared Polis
303-866-2471
State Rep. Julie Gonzalez
303-866-4863
State Rep. Daniel Kagan
303-866-4846
if you don’t know what to say when you call the numbers above, here is a pastebin with a message you can use as a guideline or tweak to make your own. too long? you could call and just say “Henry Cruz Moreno, held in the Aurora ICE processing center, should be pardoned.” (though of course it would sound better to offer some reasons why- his service to his community, his family’s need for him, the length of time since the case he was brought in for)
Emphasize that his only mistake was two decades ago and that this punishment does not fit the crime. Urge them to listen to the people.
Please get involved. Please call. Please bring Henry Javier Cruz Moreno home safely.
Once you view the things Cayde did through the lense of “he was a terrified man that was most terrified of himself”, everything makes sense.
And I think the biggest, most integral part to that is Andal. There’s a large distinction in the grimoire made about the before and the after; before they made the Dare, and after Andal became Vanguard. The “good old days” Cayde waxes about were all when he fucked around with Andal and Co across human space, pulling heists and raids of Fallen camps. And they still did all of those things after Andal became Vanguard, but I think the moment he did was also the moment Cayde was doomed. They hint at, it’s below the surface, but Andal being “the mastermind” of their fireteam, of being the kind and serious person Cayde always talked so fondly of, was probably the only thing saving Cayde from himself.
I don’t think Cayde can handle being sincere, at least not in front of most people. He strikes me as a deeply vulnerable and insecure person who believes that people do not and cannot actually like him. But he’s funny (sometimes, if he’s lucky), so he adopts this mildly offputting, in-your-face jokester persona, because if people don’t like that, it’s fine because it’s not the real him. He sets the bar low, he fucks up on purpose (even as a Vanguard), because he thinks deep down that Ikora and Zavala and everybody else either dislikes him or is disappointed by him. So he doesn’t actually try, because if he did and failed and people were angry, he’d know for sure that was true. I mean, the guy didn’t even know if Ikora actually liked him or not, and Ikora confides in you that he was her closest friend. Even the people he cares about, the people he genuinely wants to impress, he can’t help but not be himself around them. It’s too scary otherwise.
But Andal! Andal loved him, and he made it known. Cayde calls him kind, he calls him serious, he laments that the man cannot tell a joke. Andal is too honest, and his honesty is the only thing that lets Cayde be Cayde, because he knows his friend is impressed and does like him for who he is. He gets to goof off, but he gets to do it as himself, because Andal tells him it’s okay.
And then Andal becomes the Vanguard, and that kindness and honesty are stuck in an Ivory Tower surrounded by people Cayde is convinced hates him. Cayde says in his grimoire that he resented Andal for losing their Dare, and I think the reason he resents him is because he no longer had permission to be himself. Andal was now his boss, someone who could reprimand him for wrongdoings, and do so publicly. Even if he never did, that was still there on the table. And finally Andal dies, and Cayde is now alone with all those people in the Ivory Tower, taking over for the man who loved him and who did a better job than he ever could.
So him running off when the Red Legion invades makes a lot of sense. There’s tremendous pressure on the Vanguard to respond, to keep people safe, but the Tower is falling and they have to face the reality that they didn’t anticipate the attack (with the amount of jokes Cayde makes about fucking up the transmat network and other jobs Zavala gives him, I wonder if he wonders if it’s partially his fault). So instead of leading people, being responsible for their wellbeing, having to answer to them if he makes the wrong decision, or even the thought of fucking up in front of other people, he flies off alone on some nonsense plan to specifically and individually kill Ghaul. If he fucks up and dies, no one will see, and if he wins, then everyone will, and maybe they’ll like him then.
So I wonder, then, if Andal hadn’t died, what would’ve went down in the Prison. If Cayde wouldn’t have been using it as another excuse to run away from the person inside his own head, to regain some lost sense of freedom that died the day Andal did.
The dread wolf rises
I still tremble at his voice. If Solas corrupted by the red lyrium… no, I better not thinking about it
deviantart | twitter | ko-fi
mesmer problems: when your friends/party start following a clone thinking it’s you
If I get the shrine guardian outfit for my Charr, would that make me a furry with a cat fursona with a fox fursona wearing a fursuit?
LONG SWORD GLOCK BAT TASER
I had to do it
Quarterstaff
male norn be like