i want the romanticized version of an ed not whatever the fuck this shit is

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@fadingawaygay
i want the romanticized version of an ed not whatever the fuck this shit is
Control is addictive.
Saying NO is addictive. Having your brainpower over your hunger & body desires is addictive.
Let the world spiral & unravel. But MY body stays under MY control.
This is the first winter I've actually tried to fight off a relapse a bit. I can't get top surgery until my blood work is normal and I can't afford the heating being on high and I didn't want to deal with being cold all the time.
But the fact I'm starting to slip is a bit reassuring, like I know it's actually a disorder and not just a choice, because it's happening even when I don't want it to.
It is comforting though, slipping back into the dissociative fuzz where nothing quite matters and I don't have to think about making my body function
I could be better but I'm considering becoming worse
If neurotypicals are so good at picking up hints, why do they never seem to notice you leaning away when they try to touch you?
its so embarassing to have anorexia, like oh im scared of food, but oh well watch me fucking binge
please never stop talking passionately about the things you love
Went to the doctor's, they measured me and apparently I'm shorter than I thought 🥲meaning im literally just below a healthy weight.
I don't know what I feel right now but it isn't anything good
Friendly reminder that this blog is pro-choice and if you don’t think everyone should have full control of their own body, then kindly unfollow me right now and go to hell
yes im always a little sick to my stomach with anger and rage. why do u ask?
Now officially the lightest I've been since I was 12 (almost 10 years ago) I should be worried but honestly I feel better than I've felt in a long time
At least I won't get as hot this summer 🤷
Ugw: skinny alt boyfriend
17 year old scared transboy me would be so proud to look like I do now. Time to make him prouder.
What caused your Ed?
I’ll go first, my grandma laughed at me in front of the doctor for being 180 pounds
(I see all your reblogs I’m mad I can’t reply to them but I’m so sorry that happened to you guys really!!!)
My mom who would tell me weekly that I need to lose weight or that when I wanted something from the store it would be “oh we should go in the plus area” “oh that would look unflattering on you” for years.
being the "skinny girl/friend" my entire life until getting pregnant and gaining and keeping on 50 pounds and then gaining even more over the years resulting in having a horrible identity crisis 🙃
Feeling cheated out of my childhood. I was never skinny. I never have been. The thoughts and urges to starve myself have been there for so, so long. I feel like the only way to make up for the loss is to be unhealthily skinny. Or I need to be at least skinny enough to be pretty.
being a tranny
mixture of my mother body shaming me and making me diet with her for not being as malnourished as i was as a little child under her care, gender dysphoria and finding out not eating can "stop puberty" and a hunger strike after traumatic experience gone wrong
Always being skinny due to undiagnosed arfid as a kid and freaking out when I became a teenager and gained even slightly.
Wanting control when everything felt out of my control in college
im sorry im so difficult, i just wanna be taken care of too sometimes